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Exploring Cemetery Options for Cremation

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 10 Sep 2025 15:00:00 GMT

Cremation has become an increasingly popular choice for handling a loved one's remains. Its flexibility, lower cost, and eco-friendly nature appeal to many people. However, deciding on cremation is only the first step. A common question that follows is, "What are the cemetery options for cremated remains?" Whether you're planning ahead for yourself or making arrangements for a loved one, it’s essential to understand the various options available. Here’s a guide to help you explore the different cemetery options for cremation:

Columbarium Niches
A columbarium is a structure designed to hold urns containing cremated remains. It is often located within cemeteries or churches. These structures typically have designated niches where urns are stored. Families can choose from a variety of niche options, including single, companion (for two urns), or family-sized niches.

Why choose this option?

Allows family members to visit a specific place.
Niches can be personalized with plaques or engravings.
A good option for those seeking a permanent, above-ground resting place.

Cremation Gardens
Many cemeteries now offer dedicated cremation gardens, beautifully landscaped areas where cremated remains can be interred. These gardens often have various options such as individual plots, communal scattering areas, or urn vaults.

Why choose this option?

These gardens provide a serene and natural setting.
Aesthetic appeal for those who prefer being surrounded by nature.
Multiple memorialization options available (plaques, markers, etc.).

Urn Burial (In-Ground Burial
For families who prefer a more traditional approach, cremated remains can be buried in the ground, similar to casket burials. Urn burials usually take place in designated cremation sections of a cemetery, and many cemeteries offer urn vaults to protect the urn.

Why choose this option?

Allows for a traditional cemetery plot and grave marker.
Offers the permanence and tradition of an in-ground burial with a smaller environmental footprint.
Family members can easily visit and tend to the gravesite.

Scattering Ceremony
If your loved one requested their remains be scattered in a specific location, you always have the option to host a scattering ceremony with your loved ones.

Why choose this option?

Can be of importance to the deceased and become a location you and your family can visit.
Very personal experience.
Lowest cost option.

Cremation offers a wide range of cemetery options that allow families to memorialize their loved ones in a way that feels personal and meaningful. Whether it’s a columbarium niche, a peaceful cremation garden, or an eco-friendly green burial, there are options for every preference and budget. When making this decision, consider what feels most meaningful to you and your family, keeping in mind the lasting tribute you want to leave for future generations.

What to Wear to a Funeral Service

Thu, 24 Jul 2025 15:00:35 GMT

Attending a funeral or memorial service can stir up many emotions, and for some, one of the first questions that comes to mind is: What should I wear?

While traditions around funeral attire have evolved, dressing appropriately remains a way to show respect—for the person who has passed and for their loved ones. Whether the service is formal, casual, religious, or a celebration of life, here are a few thoughtful guidelines to help you choose what to wear.

1. Stick to Neutral, Conservative Colors

Black is the traditional color of mourning in many cultures, but it's not your only option.

Other respectful colors include navy, gray, deep green, brown, and muted tones.

Avoid bright colors, loud patterns, or anything that draws unnecessary attention unless the family has requested otherwise.

Tip: Some services may invite guests to wear the deceased’s favorite color or dress casually—check the obituary or invitation for guidance.

2. Dress Modestly and Neatly

Funeral services are somber occasions, so choose clothing that is clean, pressed, and conservative:

For women, options include a modest dress, blouse with slacks, or a skirt paired with a cardigan or blazer.

For men, a dress shirt with slacks, a suit, or a sport coat with a tie is appropriate.

3. Footwear Matters, Too

Choose closed-toe shoes that are comfortable, especially if you'll be standing or walking at a graveside service.

Simple dress shoes, loafers, or flats work well.

Avoid athletic sneakers or flip-flops unless the service is explicitly casual or outdoors.

4. Consider the Location and Weather

The setting of the service can influence your outfit:

For outdoor or graveside services, wear weather-appropriate clothing and shoes that can handle grass or gravel.

Bring an umbrella or coat if needed. Dark outerwear is always a safe choice.

In a place of worship, modest attire is often expected regardless of the season.

5. Keep Accessories Simple

This is not the time for flashy jewelry or bold accessories. Choose understated items that won’t distract from the purpose of the gathering.

6. What About Children?

Children should also be dressed neatly and conservatively. Simple outfits in neutral colors are best. If unsure, dress them as if attending a formal family event or church service.

7. When in Doubt, Dress Up a Bit

It’s always better to be slightly overdressed than too casual at a funeral. If you’re unsure about the dress code, err on the side of formality. A respectful appearance helps convey sympathy and support.

What you wear to a funeral doesn’t need to be fancy or expensive—but it should reflect care, humility, and consideration. Remember: your presence is what matters most

Why Vacations Can Help with Loss

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 16 Jun 2025 17:14:58 GMT

“We travel, initially, to lose ourselves; and we travel, next to find ourselves.” – Pico Iyer

Traveling can provide an insightful perspective into your life, but when you're grieving, that perspective often widens into something much more.

Grief can be isolating and lonely. Traveling can serve as a reminder to yourself that there is a whole world out there outside of the walls of your home and familiar places that may remind you of your loss.

A vacation may be the last thing on your mind. However, it can aid in your grieving journey by not forgetting that you are grieving but making it easier to remember good times with your loved one. We’ve come up with four ideal vacations to consider to enrich your heart and soul, melt away stress and have a deeply rejuvenating and meaningful adventure.

The Cruise Vacation

Being away at sea can be healing for grieving on both an emotional and health level. Nothing says adventure like booking a voyage and being whisked away on a ship to forget about real life for a week or so. On a cruise, you’ll be waited on hand and foot and have access to food around the clock, on board entertainment and an environment of elegance and fun.

Plenty of sunshine gives your body a Vitamin D dose, which boosts the immune system and offers natural anti-depressants from positive endorphins. Fresh ocean water also produces positive mental function and respiratory health.

As a big plus, there are cruise packages for every budget. You can book anything from a quick 3-day cruise to Mexico or the Caribbean, to a 14-day Alaskan or Mediterranean voyage.

The Therapeutic Vacation

While there is a time for adventure, for some the grieving journey calls for complete relaxation. In this case, an all-inclusive resort package in a tropical location may work wonders. Perhaps a more budget-friendly option is a getaway to a cabin or bed and breakfast?

Many people choose to book stays specializing in therapeutic relaxation and spa treatments. All of these are awesome options if you want to lower the cortisol levels in your body and enjoy the soothing relaxation of treating yourself.

In the United States, locations like Colorado Springs, Colorado, and Asheville, North Carolina can offer plenty of rest and relaxation. If you’re thinking of adding stamps to your passport, the Icelandic or Irish countryside can rejuvenate you.

The Physical Activity Vacation

Many people choose to grieve by engulfing themselves into rigorous physical activity. This is a great way to de-stress while improving your health and adding years to your life.

Some people might choose vacations with world-class fitness centers or challenges, while others prefer to embark on natural physical challenges including climbs, hikes, and trails. Climbing Japan’s Mt. Fuji not only to physically exert yourself but also to boost your emotional health through confronting and conquering a challenge. You’ll have stories for life when you decide to explore natural rainforests or go kayaking through British Columbia or New Zealand.

The Sight-Seeing Vacation

Taking in breathtaking monuments, structures or natural wonders do a lot to expand your horizons and touch your emotions. These vacations work to put life and the world into perspective, which is essential in any grief journey.

There are countless sights and landmarks to see. A trip to check out the Grand Canyon, Eiffel Tower, New York Skyscrapers, Swiss Alps, Great Wall of China, Pyramids of Africa and the list goes on. You can’t go wrong with any of these vacations. Comb through them to see which touch your heart and fill needs that will help your mental, physical and spiritual health.

How to Avoid Emotional Overspending

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 12 Jun 2025 14:30:00 GMT

Have you ever been caught up in the moment and paid more for something than you planned? We’ve all been there. Maybe it was the new car after you got that promotion, the newly-released cell phone, or the upgraded cable/internet package that they talked you into when you called to cancel your service.

When a death occurs, there is often so much to think about and so many decisions to be made, that it can be hard to be sure you are making the right choices. Sometimes this can lead to spending more than you normally would.

Planning ahead lets you to calmly and carefully consider all of your choices, selecting only the products and services that you desire. Our experienced staff of preplanning professionals can explain all of your options, so you can make the choices that are right for you and your family.

During the preplanning process, you will design the funeral service that you want, and arrange all the details, such as location, minister or celebrant, songs to be played, people to be recognized in your obituary, etc. This will take the burden of decision-making off of your loved ones, and give them peace of mind knowing that the service was exactly what you wanted.

We will provide you with a clear, itemized list of services and merchandise, which will serve as a road map for your survivors to follow. You can set aside funds to pay for the arrangements in advance through the purchase of a funeral insurance policy. Life insurance policy funds can also be allocated to pay for funeral expenses, at the discretion of your beneficiary. Planning ahead allows you to fully consider all your choices, and avoid emotional overspending, so if you'd like to learn more, please give us a call.

Honoring the Fallen: A Memorial Day Reflection

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 28 Apr 2025 16:03:00 GMT

As we approach Memorial Day, we’re reminded that this day is more than just a long weekend or the unofficial start of summer. It's a solemn occasion—a time to pause, remember, and reflect on the extraordinary sacrifice of the brave men and women who laid down their lives in service to our country. Memorial Day is about honoring those who never came home. It's a day to recognize the weight of freedom—the cost of which has been paid in lives lost on battlefields near and far. From the beaches of Normandy to the deserts of the Middle East, these heroes fought not for recognition, but for a cause greater than themselves: the preservation of liberty and the protection of the values we hold dear.
But our reflection doesn’t stop there. While Memorial Day specifically honors the fallen, it's also an opportunity to acknowledge the living veterans and active service members who carry the burden of memory and continue to serve with courage and dedication. Their stories, resilience, and sense of duty remind us what it truly means to serve.
This Memorial Day, let’s remember with gratitude, honor with intention, and live in a way that reflects the depth of their gift.
To all who have served—and to those we have lost—we remember you. We honor you. We thank you.

How to Talk to Someone Who Is Grieving: A Guide to Compassionate Communication

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 28 Apr 2025 15:59:00 GMT

Grief is one of the most universal yet deeply personal experiences we go through as human beings. Whether someone is mourning the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a job, or even a long-held dream, the pain can feel isolating and overwhelming. If you’re reading this, chances are you care about someone who is grieving and want to know how to support them in a way that is loving, respectful, and helpful. That’s a beautiful first step.
Here’s a guide to approaching these delicate conversations with empathy and grace.
1. Be Present More Than Perfect You don’t need the perfect words. In fact, there aren’t any. Trying to "fix" their grief or offer silver linings can unintentionally minimize their pain. Instead, focus on showing up. Your presence—physically, emotionally, or through a simple message—speaks volumes. Sometimes, "I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you" is exactly what they need to hear.
2. Avoid Clichés and Platitudes While phrases like "They’re in a better place" or "Everything happens for a reason" may be well-intentioned, they often feel dismissive to someone who is in deep pain. These kinds of statements can imply that they shouldn’t feel as bad as they do, which can create guilt or frustration on top of their grief. Instead, try:
“This must be incredibly hard.” “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” “I’m here with you, no matter what you’re feeling.”
3. Follow Their Lead Grief doesn’t follow a timeline or a template. Some people want to talk about their loved one. Others might not be ready. Some may want a distraction, while others may want to sit in silence. Let them set the pace and the tone. Ask open-ended questions like:
“Do you feel like talking about it today?” “Would it help to share some stories, or would you rather sit quietly together?”
Respect their boundaries without pulling away.
4. Be Comfortable With Silence Silence can feel awkward, especially when we want to offer comfort. But for someone grieving, the space to simply be—without needing to explain or perform—is a gift. Just sitting with them, holding their hand, or being a quiet presence can provide deep comfort.
5. Offer Specific Help Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try to offer something concrete. Grieving people often don’t have the energy or mental clarity to make requests. Try:
“Can I bring you dinner on Tuesday?” “Would it help if I took care of [a specific task] for you this week?” “I’m going to the grocery store—what can I pick up for you?”
Even small acts of service can be a huge relief.
6. Don’t Rush Their Grief Grief has no deadline. Just because time has passed doesn’t mean the pain is gone. Continue checking in—on anniversaries, holidays, or random days. A quick “Thinking of you today” message can mean the world. Let them feel what they feel, when they feel it. Your steady presence can be a grounding force in a time when everything else feels uncertain.
Supporting someone who is grieving isn’t about having the right answers—it’s about showing up with your heart open. Be gentle. Be kind. Be patient. Grief is messy and unpredictable, but knowing they’re not alone makes all the difference. The best thing you can offer isn’t advice—it’s love.

4 Steps to Preplanning Your Celebration of Life

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 21 Apr 2025 19:27:00 GMT

Throughout our lives, we plan for significant events. We plan for retirement to ensure financial security in our later years. We meticulously plan weddings to celebrate love and commitment. We save for education expenses, investing in our children’s futures. And of course, we plan vacations to create lasting memories with those we care about. These plans allow us to live life fully, knowing we’ve prepared for what’s ahead.
While preplanning for end-of-life decisions may not be a joyous conversation to have, it is just as important. Planning is a crucial part of life, something we do regularly, whether we’re preparing for a big event or safeguarding against unforeseen circumstances. Preplanning your funeral ensures you receive the service you want and takes the bulk of responsibility off your loved ones while they grieve. It’s the gift of peace of mind and one of the most gracious acts of love you can leave to your loved ones.
These four steps will help guide you through the process to ensure all of your wishes are met, creating a comprehensive plan that provides a roadmap for you and your loved ones.
Step 1: Reflect Take time to consider what’s important to you—your values, beliefs, and how you wish to be remembered. Do you envision a traditional funeral service, or perhaps a celebration of life? Reflecting on these aspects allows you to create a plan that truly honors who you are.
Step 2: Record Documenting your preferences ensures that everything is clear and leaves no room for uncertainty. This might include the type of service, the location, music selections, and any other personal touches you’d like to include. Having this information recorded will be invaluable to your loved ones.
Step 3: Select You’ll make decisions on specific details such as the type of casket or urn, and any memorial options. Other considerations include paying in advance or at the time of need. Paying ahead of time can help you lock in today’s prices, protecting loved ones from inflation in later years. You also have the option to select away-from-home protection, in the event you may pass away while on vacation or visiting family and need to be transported home. For all these services, we offer payment plans, in most cases, making it easier to manage costs.
Step 4: Share It’s important to communicate your plans with your loved ones so they are aware of your wishes. Provide copies of your recorded plans to key individuals, such as family members or a trusted friend. Make sure the plan is kept in a safe place, but one that is easily accessible when the time comes.
It’s Easy to Start Today We’re here to help guide you with preplanning your service. Our team is known for helping people save hundreds, even thousands of dollars when preplanning their services with us, as compared to other area funeral homes.
Click here to request a helpful planning guide.

Frequently Asked Funeral Questions: A Guide to Navigating the Process

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 04 Apr 2025 13:13:00 GMT

Losing a loved one is an emotional and challenging time, and navigating the funeral process can feel overwhelming. Whether it’s your first time making funeral arrangements or you’re unsure about certain aspects of the process, it’s natural to have many questions. Understanding the typical procedures and options available can help ease the burden during this difficult time. Here are some of the most frequently asked funeral questions and their answers to guide you through the process.
1. What is the difference between a funeral and a memorial service?
A funeral typically involves a ceremony held with the body of the deceased present, either before or during burial or cremation. It often includes a viewing or wake, where family and friends can pay their respects. A memorial service , on the other hand, takes place after the body has been buried or cremated and does not involve the presence of the body. Memorial services may be held in various settings, such as homes, churches, or other venues, and can be personalized to reflect the life of the deceased.
2. What is embalming, and is it required?
Embalming is a process that involves preserving the body to delay decomposition, usually for viewing purposes. It is not legally required in most places but may be necessary if the body is to be displayed at a public service or transported over long distances. In cases where there will be no viewing, embalming is typically not needed. However, certain states or countries may have regulations about embalming or the timing of burial. It’s important to check with the funeral home to determine what’s required in your area.
3. How much does a funeral cost?
The cost of a funeral can vary greatly depending on factors like location, the type of service, and the funeral home you choose. There are options to help manage funeral expenses, such as cremation (which can be less expensive than burial), choosing a less elaborate service, or purchasing a funeral plan in advance.
4. What is cremation, and how does it differ from burial?
Cremation involves the process of reducing the body to ashes. Many people choose cremation for its simplicity, lower cost, and flexibility in how the ashes can be kept, scattered, or interred. Some people opt for a cremation memorial service, where the ashes are present but there is no body.
Burial , on the other hand, involves placing the body in a casket and then burying it in a cemetery. This option may include the purchase of a grave plot, headstone, and other related services. The choice between cremation and burial depends on personal, cultural, and religious preferences.
5. What are the steps in planning a funeral?
Planning a funeral typically involves the following steps:

Notify family and friends : Reach out to close family and friends and inform them of the passing.
Choose a funeral home : Select a funeral home to help with arrangements, including embalming (if applicable), obtaining necessary permits, and coordinating transportation.
Select the type of service : Decide on whether you want a funeral, memorial, or graveside service. You’ll also need to choose the location and any religious or cultural elements to incorporate.
Choose a casket or urn : Select a casket for burial or an urn for cremation. There are many styles and price ranges to choose from.
Plan the ceremony : Work with the funeral director to plan the service, including music, readings, eulogies, and floral arrangements.
Arrange for transportation : The funeral home will coordinate the transportation of the body to the service and burial or cremation site.

6. Should I pre-plan a funeral?
Pre-planning a funeral is a personal choice. Many people choose to pre-plan to relieve their loved ones of the burden of making arrangements during a time of grief. Pre-planning allows you to specify your wishes for the service, casket, burial, and other aspects of the funeral, ensuring your desires are respected. Additionally, pre-paying for a funeral can help protect your family from rising costs in the future.
However, it’s important to carefully consider pre-planning options, as funeral costs can vary, and you’ll want to ensure that the plan is flexible and fully understood by the family members who will carry out your wishes.
7. What are the options for scattering ashes?
If you choose cremation, there are many options for what to do with the ashes:

Scattering : Many people choose to scatter the ashes in a location that had significance to the deceased, such as a favorite park, beach, or nature spot.
Keepsake urns : Some families choose to keep a portion of the ashes in a special urn or piece of jewelry.
Interment : Ashes can be interred in a family plot or at a cemetery, either in a niche or within a memorial garden.
Other creative options : There are many creative options for commemorating the deceased, including turning ashes into diamonds or using them to create a memorial reef.

8. What is a death certificate, and why is it important?
A death certificate is an official document issued by a governmental authority that confirms the death of a person. It is essential for handling legal and financial matters, such as settling the deceased’s estate, claiming life insurance, and closing accounts. The funeral home typically assists in obtaining several copies of the death certificate.
9. Can I personalize a funeral service?
Absolutely! Many families choose to personalize the funeral service to reflect the deceased's personality, passions, or hobbies. You can incorporate meaningful music, photos, special readings, or even display personal items that were important to the deceased. The funeral director can help guide you through creative options for personalization.
10. What should I do if I can’t attend the funeral?
If you’re unable to attend the funeral in person, consider sending flowers, a sympathy card, or making a charitable donation in the deceased’s honor. If the family holds a memorial service, they may also offer the option to participate virtually, such as through a livestream. It’s always thoughtful to express your condolences in any way possible. Funeral planning can be complex, but understanding the answers to these frequently asked questions can help make the process easier to navigate. Whether you are arranging a funeral for a loved one or pre-planning your own, it’s important to take the time to make informed decisions. By doing so, you can create a meaningful, respectful ceremony that honors the life and memory of the deceased, while providing comfort to those who are grieving.

Floral Arrangements and Their Symbolism: Choosing the Right Flowers for a Funeral

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 24 Mar 2025 14:30:00 GMT

Funerals are an emotionally challenging time, and floral arrangements play a crucial role in expressing condolences, offering comfort, and honoring the memory of the deceased. Whether you are planning a tribute or selecting flowers to send, the arrangement you choose can convey sentiments of sympathy, remembrance, and love. Here’s a guide to help you navigate the selection process thoughtfully and respectfully.
Understand the Purpose of Funeral Flowers
Funeral flowers have long been associated with expressing sympathy, love, and reverence for the deceased. They provide a visual representation of the support and empathy being extended to grieving families. Floral arrangements can also enhance the atmosphere, offering a sense of peace, comfort, and beauty amidst sorrow. When selecting funeral flowers, think about the emotions you wish to convey. A well-chosen arrangement can serve as a tribute to the life of the deceased and a source of solace for those mourning.
Types of Funeral Floral Arrangements
There are various floral arrangements, each serving a distinct purpose. Here’s a breakdown of the most common options:

Casket Sprays: Typically placed directly on the casket, these large, elegant arrangements are often the most prominent floral tribute. They can be designed in various colors and styles, including traditional or more contemporary themes.
Standing Sprays: These arrangements are often displayed at the front of the ceremony or in a prominent location and are typically mounted on an easel.
Wreaths: Circular in shape, wreaths symbolize eternity and the circle of life. They can be placed near the casket or at the memorial site. Wreaths are particularly popular for religious ceremonies.
Sympathy Bouquets and Basket Arrangements: These smaller arrangements are often sent directly to the family’s home after the funeral.
Funeral Crosses: These floral arrangements take the shape of a cross, providing a religious and solemn tribute.

Selecting Flowers for the Arrangement
The type of flowers chosen for a funeral arrangement can add another layer of meaning. Some flowers have traditional associations with funerals and carry symbolic meanings that make them particularly appropriate for these occasions.

Lilies: Often regarded as a symbol of the restored innocence of the soul of the deceased, lilies are a popular choice for funerals. They convey purity and peace.
Roses: Different colors of roses convey different meanings. Red roses symbolize love and respect, while white roses represent purity, innocence, and reverence. Yellow roses can symbolize friendship, making them a thoughtful choice for someone who was a dear friend.
Chrysanthemums: Particularly popular in many cultures, chrysanthemums symbolize death and are often associated with the honor and remembrance of the deceased.
Carnations: Known for their long-lasting qualities, carnations are often used in funeral arrangements to symbolize love and remembrance. Red carnations are associated with admiration, while white carnations represent a love that is eternal.
Orchids: An elegant choice, orchids are often associated with beauty, strength, and love. They are a fitting tribute to someone whose beauty or strength left a lasting impression.
Daisies: Known for their simplicity and purity, daisies symbolize innocence and are often chosen for someone who led a kind and pure life.

Color Choices
The color of the flowers can convey different sentiments. Generally, soft pastel tones such as white, pale pink, lavender, and soft yellow are seen as respectful and peaceful. Darker hues like deep reds, purples, or burgundy can symbolize deeper emotions of mourning and respect. Consider the emotional tone you wish to set when selecting the color scheme.

White and Light Colors: These colors are symbolic of purity, innocence, and peace. They are ideal for creating a calming, reflective atmosphere.
Rich Colors: Darker flowers like deep reds and purples are more somber and convey respect, admiration, and heartfelt mourning.
Mixed Colors: A mix of colors can be used to celebrate the life and personality of the deceased, particularly if they enjoy vibrant colors.

Selecting funeral flowers is a meaningful way to show respect and offer comfort during a time of loss. When choosing an arrangement, think about the message you want to convey and the emotions you wish to express. From elegant lilies and roses to more personalized arrangements, flowers provide a beautiful tribute to the deceased and a heartfelt gesture for grieving families. Whether you opt for traditional arrangements like casket sprays and wreaths or choose simpler options like sympathy bouquets, your selection can help honor a life lived and provide solace to those mourning the loss. Thoughtfully chosen funeral flowers will offer comfort during one of life’s most challenging moments.

Marking the first anniversary of a loved one's death

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 24 Feb 2025 15:23:00 GMT

You did it. You have survived a whole year since your loved one passed – a year of holidays, birthdays, and special events without them. Now, the anniversary of their passing is approaching. You may be feeling a flood of different emotions, from lingering grief to an appreciation of the time you did get to spend with them. There is no right or wrong way to feel. If you think you are emotionally ready, doing something special, big or small, on the anniversary of their death can commemorate their life.
A lot can happen in a year, and there’s bound to be things you wish you could tell the person you’ve lost. Writing them a letter updating them on your life can feel like you are really communicating with them, even if it’s just for a moment. If you haven’t done anything at all in the year without them, that is more than okay, too. Jot down what you think and feel in a note to them. You can either hold on to what you write, send it off to a friend or family member, or even tear it up – whatever feels right.
To reflect on the moments that you did get to share with the person you have lost, look through old photos and videos of them, either on your own or with people who were also close to them. Looking back on the good times might make you miss them even more, but it is important to keep their memory alive.
Preparing their favorite meal or eating at their favorite restaurant is another great reason to get together with friends and family to celebrate your loved one’s life. Cooking alongside friends and family can strengthen your bond, and gathering at a restaurant is a special treat after a hard year.
While this day is about the person who has passed, taking care of yourself should be a priority as well. Treating yourself to a spa day, a cupcake, a day off work, or anything you wouldn’t normally do can help brighten your day on what is otherwise a rather difficult one. Whoever you are missing would want you to have the most enjoyable day possible, so doing something nice for yourself is a great way to celebrate both the life of that person, as well as your endurance throughout the past year. You knew your loved one the best, so you can make these ideas unique to you, or come up with something completely different to memorialize them. What matters is that you have been strong for the past year, so doing something special on the anniversary

Finding Comfort in Words: Popular Quotes About Grief

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 03 Feb 2025 16:00:00 GMT

Grief is a universal experience, yet it affects each of us in deeply personal ways. Whether mourning the loss of a loved one, a cherished relationship, or a life chapter that has passed, words can provide comfort and understanding during difficult times. Throughout history, writers, poets, and thinkers have captured the essence of grief, offering wisdom and solace through their words. Here are some of the most poignant quotes about grief and what they teach us about love, loss, and healing.
1. "Grief is the price we pay for love." — Queen Elizabeth II
This simple yet profound quote reminds us that grief is a natural consequence of deep love. The pain of loss reflects the depth of our connections, serving as a testament to the significance of those we mourn.
2. "What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us." — Helen Keller
Helen Keller’s words offer reassurance that love transcends physical presence. The memories and impact of those we've lost remain embedded in our hearts and minds.
3. "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear." — C.S. Lewis
In his book A Grief Observed , Lewis articulates the raw and unpredictable nature of grief. The uncertainty, anxiety, and vulnerability that accompany loss can feel overwhelming, much like fear itself.
4. "There is no grief like the grief that does not speak." — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
This quote highlights the importance of expressing grief. Suppressing sorrow can deepen our pain, while sharing our feelings can foster healing and connection with others who understand.
5. "The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered." — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Kübler-Ross, a renowned psychiatrist who studied the grieving process, reminds us that grief never truly disappears. Instead, we integrate our losses into our lives, growing around them as we move forward.
6. "Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart." — José N. Harris
Grief often brings tears, and this quote reassures us that crying is not a weakness but a reflection of the love and compassion we carry within us.
7. "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." — A.A. Milne
Attributed to the beloved Winnie the Pooh author, this quote shifts our perspective on grief, reminding us to be grateful for the meaningful relationships that make parting so difficult.
8. "Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest." — Jamie Anderson
Anderson’s words beautifully frame grief as a continuation of love. Even in sorrow, love remains—unexpressed, yet deeply felt.
Finding Meaning Through Grief
While grief is painful, these words of wisdom remind us that it is also a profound expression of love. Though loss can feel insurmountable, we can find comfort in the knowledge that love never truly leaves us—it transforms, lingers, and shapes the way we continue to live.
If you’re grieving, take solace in these words and know that you are not alone. In time, healing will come, and your love for those lost will continue in new and beautiful ways.

The Importance of Will and Estate Planning

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 27 Jan 2025 15:00:00 GMT

The Importance of Will and Estate Planning: Securing Your Legacy
Planning for the future is an essential yet often overlooked aspect of life. While topics like budgeting, saving for retirement, and investing may dominate financial discussions, will and estate planning are equally, if not more, critical. These plans ensure your assets are distributed according to your wishes and provide peace of mind for your loved ones during emotionally challenging times. Here, we explore the importance of will and estate planning and why everyone, regardless of age or wealth, should prioritize it.
What Is Will and Estate Planning?
Will planning involves creating a legal document that outlines how your assets should be distributed after your death. It allows you to name beneficiaries, designate guardians for minor children, and appoint an executor to manage your estate.
Estate planning goes a step further, encompassing a broader range of strategies to manage your assets during your lifetime and after your death. This includes trusts, healthcare directives, powers of attorney, and strategies to minimize taxes and other expenses.
Key Reasons to Prioritize Will and Estate Planning
1. Protecting Your Loved Ones Without a will, your estate may be subject to state laws, which might not align with your wishes. This can create unnecessary stress and conflict among family members. A clear estate plan ensures your loved ones are cared for and reduces the likelihood of disputes.
2. Avoiding Probate Delays 2. Probate is the legal process of distributing a deceased person’s assets. Without a proper plan, this process can be lengthy and costly. An estate plan can streamline or bypass probate, ensuring a quicker and smoother transfer of assets.
3. Minimizing Taxes and Expenses Estate planning allows you to implement strategies to reduce estate taxes, legal fees, and other expenses. This ensures more of your wealth goes to your beneficiaries rather than being eroded by unnecessary costs.
4. Ensuring Healthcare and Financial Decisions Through documents like a healthcare proxy or durable power of attorney, estate planning allows you to designate trusted individuals to make medical and financial decisions on your behalf if you become incapacitated.
5. Safeguarding Minor Children For parents, a will is crucial for naming guardians for minor children. This ensures they are cared for by someone you trust, rather than leaving the decision to the courts.
Common Misconceptions About Estate Planning
Many people delay estate planning due to misconceptions, such as:

“I’m too young.” Tragedies can occur at any age. Planning ahead ensures you’re prepared for the unexpected.
“I don’t have enough assets.” Estate planning isn’t just for the wealthy. It’s about protecting whatever you have, no matter the size.
“My family will figure it out.” Without clear instructions, families may face unnecessary legal hurdles and emotional stress.

Steps to Get Started

Assess Your Assets and Liabilities: Compile a comprehensive list of your assets, debts, and beneficiaries.
Consult Professionals: Work with estate planning attorneys and financial advisors to create a plan tailored to your needs.
Document Your Wishes: Draft a will, establish trusts if necessary, and complete healthcare and financial directives.
Communicate with Your Family: Discuss your plans with your loved ones to avoid surprises and ensure they understand your wishes.
Review and Update Regularly: Life changes, such as marriage, divorce, the birth of a child, or significant financial shifts, may require updates to your plan.

Will and estate planning may seem daunting, but it’s one of the most responsible and caring actions you can take for yourself and your loved ones. By planning ahead, you can secure your legacy, minimize stress for your family, and ensure your wishes are respected. Take the first step today and consult with a professional to create a plan that aligns with your goals and values. Your future self and your loved ones will thank you.

How to Write a Eulogy

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 13 Jan 2025 16:42:00 GMT

How to Write a Eulogy: A Guide to Honoring a Loved One
Writing a eulogy can be one of the most meaningful yet challenging tasks you may ever undertake. It’s an opportunity to honor and celebrate the life of someone you loved while offering comfort to those who are grieving. If you’ve been asked to deliver a eulogy, here’s a step-by-step guide to help you craft a heartfelt tribute.
Understand the Purpose
A eulogy serves multiple purposes:

To celebrate a life: Highlight the unique qualities, achievements, and memories of the deceased.
To offer comfort: Provide a sense of connection and shared grief to those in attendance.
To create a lasting tribute: Leave the audience with a positive and loving memory of the person.

Keep these goals in mind as you structure your speech.
Gather Memories and Stories
Start by reflecting on your own memories and reaching out to others who knew the deceased. Ask friends, family, and colleagues for stories or anecdotes that capture their essence. Consider:

Their passions, hobbies, or interests.
Memorable traits, like their kindness, humor, or resilience.
Milestones or significant accomplishments.

Organize these notes into themes or categories that highlight the person’s character and life.
Choose a Structure
A clear structure will help you stay organized and focused. Here’s a simple framework to follow:

Introduction: Begin by introducing yourself and explaining your connection to the deceased. Share a brief overview of their life.
Body: Share 2-4 stories or themes that illustrate their personality, values, and impact on others. Include a mix of lighthearted moments and heartfelt reflections.
Conclusion: End with a message of gratitude, a closing thought, or a meaningful quote or poem. Offer comfort and hope to those grieving.

Write with Authenticity
A eulogy doesn’t need to be perfect; it needs to be genuine. Write as if you’re speaking directly to the audience. Use your own voice and avoid trying to sound overly formal or poetic if that’s not your natural style. If the deceased had a sense of humor, feel free to include light, appropriate humor—laughter can be healing. At the same time, maintain a tone of respect and sensitivity.
Keep It Concise
A eulogy typically lasts 5-10 minutes. Aim for about 750-1,000 words. Brevity ensures that your message is impactful and keeps the audience engaged.
Practice and Prepare
Once you’ve written your eulogy, practice reading it aloud. This will help you:

Become comfortable with the flow of your words.
Identify areas that might need adjustment for clarity or timing.
Manage your emotions during delivery.

Consider printing your speech or using note cards to stay on track.
Deliver with Poise
On the day of the funeral or memorial service:

Take your time: Pause to breathe and compose yourself if emotions arise.
Speak clearly: Project your voice so everyone can hear you.
Connect with the audience: Make eye contact and share your emotions honestly.

Remember, your audience is there to honor the deceased with you—they will appreciate your effort and sincerity.

Navigating the Holidays After Losing a Loved One

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 09 Dec 2024 15:45:00 GMT

The holiday season, with its sparkling lights, festive music, and endless gatherings, can feel overwhelming when you're grieving the loss of a loved one. While others may be celebrating, you might find yourself wrestling with emotions that make the season feel less joyful and more like a reminder of your loss. It’s okay to feel this way. Grief doesn’t have a timetable, and the holidays can amplify the ache of absence. However, with intentionality and self-compassion, you can navigate this time of year in a way that honors your feelings and your loved one’s memory.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
Grief doesn’t follow a straight path. Some days might feel manageable, while others bring tears when you least expect it. Give yourself permission to feel whatever arises—sadness, anger, guilt, or even moments of joy. Suppressing emotions to meet holiday expectations only adds to the weight of your loss. A simple step like journaling your thoughts or confiding in a trusted friend can help you process these emotions.
Set Boundaries
The holiday calendar can quickly fill up with parties, family gatherings, and other events. It’s okay to say no. If an invitation feels overwhelming, let others know you need time for yourself. Your emotional well-being comes first, and true friends and family will understand your need for space.
Honor Your Loved One’s Memory
Creating a tradition that keeps your loved one’s spirit alive can bring comfort and connection. This could be lighting a candle in their honor, cooking their favorite dish, or making a donation in their name. Sharing memories with family and friends can transform grief into a sense of togetherness and love.
Simplify the Holidays
If the thought of decorating, shopping, or hosting feels like too much, simplify. Focus on the aspects of the holiday that bring you peace. Maybe that means watching a favorite movie, enjoying a quiet evening with loved ones, or skipping the usual traditions altogether. Redefining the season on your own terms can help alleviate pressure.
Lean on Your Support System
You don’t have to navigate this season alone. Reach out to those who care about you, whether it’s friends, family, or a grief support group. Even a simple phone call or coffee date can provide a sense of connection and remind you that you’re not alone in this journey.
Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself. Grief is hard work, and the holiday season can magnify its challenges. Allow yourself moments of rest and reflection. If you find joy creeping in—whether it’s a shared laugh or a heartfelt memory—embrace it without guilt. Your loved one wouldn’t want you to carry the burden of sadness alone.
Seek Professional Help if Needed
Sometimes grief can feel too heavy to carry on your own. There’s no shame in seeking help from a counselor or therapist, especially during emotionally charged times like the holidays. They can offer coping strategies and a safe space to express your feelings. Getting through the holidays after losing a loved one is no easy task, but it is possible. By honoring your emotions, setting boundaries, and embracing the memory of your loved one, you can find a way to navigate the season. This time of year may look different than it once did, but it can still hold moments of meaning and comfort. You are not alone, and it’s okay to create a holiday season that works for you. Take it one day at a time, and know that the love you shared with your loved one remains with you, always.

Navigating Thanksgiving After Loss: Finding Peace in Gratitude Through Grief

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 18 Nov 2024 15:00:00 GMT

Thanksgiving can be challenging when you’re grieving. A holiday centered on gratitude, family gatherings, and celebration can seem daunting when someone close to you is no longer there. The traditions that used to bring warmth might now feel empty, and feelings of sadness, anger, or confusion may overshadow gratitude. But in times of loss, Thanksgiving can also offer a unique opportunity to remember, honor, and slowly begin healing. Here are some gentle ways to approach Thanksgiving after losing a loved one, allowing space for both grief and gratitude.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
It’s okay if you’re not feeling grateful or festive this Thanksgiving. Loss can bring waves of complex emotions, and it’s essential to honor these feelings without judgment. Grief isn’t linear; it shows up in unexpected ways and doesn’t always align with holiday expectations. Allow yourself to feel however you need to, whether it’s sadness, anger, or even numbness. Give yourself permission to experience Thanksgiving differently this year.
2. Create Space for Remembrance
Thanksgiving can be a beautiful opportunity to honor your loved one’s memory. Consider setting a place at the table for them, lighting a candle, or making their favorite dish. Invite others to share stories about your loved one, reflecting on the joy they brought to your lives. By creating space for their memory, you’re not only honoring them but also integrating their presence into your traditions.
3. Embrace New Traditions
After a loss, it can be painful to follow the same rituals and traditions. Instead, try exploring new traditions that feel right for you. Maybe this Thanksgiving, you decide to spend time in nature, volunteer at a shelter, or have a smaller, quieter meal with close friends or family. New traditions don’t erase the old ones—they’re ways to adapt to your current emotional landscape and honor your needs during this time.
4. Connect with Others Who Understand
Grieving can often feel isolating, especially during a holiday centered around togetherness. If you have friends or family who are also experiencing loss, reach out and connect with them. If that’s not possible, consider looking into local support groups or online communities where people share similar experiences. Knowing you’re not alone in your grief can be comforting, and the shared understanding can bring a sense of community that’s especially healing during the holidays.
5. Focus on Small Moments of Gratitude
Gratitude may feel difficult or even impossible to access when grieving, but it doesn’t have to be about grand gestures or feelings. Instead, focus on small, quiet moments that offer peace or comfort, such as a beautiful sunset, the warmth of a cozy blanket, or a kind word from a friend. These small things can provide a gentle reminder that joy can still coexist with sorrow.
6. Give Yourself Permission to Skip or Scale Back the Celebration You might feel pressured to put on a brave face or participate fully in Thanksgiving traditions, but it’s okay if that’s not where you’re at this year. Give yourself permission to set boundaries and skip or scale back on what feels overwhelming. Grief doesn’t follow a holiday schedule, and it’s okay to take a step back to care for yourself. Loved ones will understand if you need a little more space or choose to spend the holiday differently.
If Thanksgiving feels especially hard this year, remember you’re not alone. Grief is a testament to love, and by finding ways to celebrate, you’re honoring the love that still lives on within you. May this Thanksgiving bring you moments of comfort, the warmth of cherished memories, and the quiet understanding that healing is a journey you don’t have to walk alone.

Exploring Different Types of Grief Support and Finding Local Resources

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 04 Nov 2024 22:08:00 GMT

Grief is a universal experience, yet each person’s journey through it is unique. Whether we’re grieving the loss of a loved one, a significant life change, or even the end of a cherished relationship, the support we receive can make a crucial difference in how we heal and move forward. Various types of grief support offer different benefits and understanding what’s available is the first step to finding what works best for you. Here’s an overview of different types of grief support and tips on finding local resources.
Individual Therapy What It Is: Individual therapy, usually with a licensed therapist or counselor, is a one-on-one experience tailored to your personal grief journey. Therapists help you process feelings, manage symptoms of depression or anxiety, and develop coping strategies for day-to-day life. Benefits: This support is highly personalized and can adapt over time to meet your evolving needs. Many therapists specialize in grief counseling and can offer specialized techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which helps reframe negative thoughts, or grief-specific techniques to process loss. How to Find It Locally: Search online directories like Psychology Today or TherapyDen, which allow you to filter by specialty and location. Your primary care doctor or local hospital may also provide referrals to grief therapists nearby.
Support Groups
What They Are: Grief support groups are gatherings of people who are all dealing with loss. They’re typically led by a counselor or trained facilitator and offer a safe space to share experiences, give and receive support, and learn coping strategies. Benefits: These groups help to reduce feelings of isolation and allow for mutual support among participants. Many find comfort in being able to relate to others who truly understand their loss, creating a strong sense of community. How to Find It Locally: Local community centers, hospitals, or religious organizations often host grief support groups. You can also find directories through organizations like GriefShare, which lists groups worldwide, or through the National Alliance for Grieving Children if you’re seeking support for younger family members.
Online Grief Support Communities
What They Are: Online support communities provide 24/7 access to support networks through forums, chat rooms, and video groups. These platforms can range from general grief support forums to specialized groups focusing on specific types of loss (e.g., losing a spouse, child, or dealing with prolonged illness). Benefits: Online support is ideal for those who may not have access to local resources, have difficulty with transportation, or prefer anonymity. You can also access support anytime, making it a flexible option. How to Find It Locally: Even if your group is online, joining a local group can be helpful for occasional in-person meetups. Websites like Grief In Common or The Compassionate Friends offer both online and local chapters, making it easy to connect with people nearby.
Books and Self-Help Resources
What They Are: Books, workbooks, and online courses can provide self-directed support for those who prefer to work through their grief independently. Many of these resources provide exercises, coping strategies, and stories from others who have navigated grief. Benefits: Self-help resources offer flexibility and privacy. They can be particularly useful for people who are beginning to explore grief or want supplementary support alongside other therapies or group work. How to Find It Locally: Libraries, bookstores, and online platforms like Audible or Kindle Unlimited offer a range of grief-related materials. Many therapists or grief organizations provide recommendations, or you can check popular titles like On Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross for trusted insights.
The journey through grief doesn’t have to be walked alone. Finding the right type of support and connecting with resources can provide essential comfort, perspective, and healing. Whether you seek the company of others, prefer a one-on-one approach, or are drawn to creative expression, there is support out there to help you through. Don’t hesitate to reach out—healing is within reach.

First Steps to Take After a Loved One Has Passed Away

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 08 Oct 2024 14:46:00 GMT

Losing a loved one is one of the most challenging experiences a person can face. The grieving process is personal and unique, often accompanied by feelings of shock, confusion, and overwhelming sadness. However, amidst these emotions, certain practical steps must be taken in the immediate aftermath to ensure that legal and personal matters are handled appropriately. Here is a guide to help you navigate the first steps after a loved one passes away.
Take Time to Process the Loss
The first and most crucial step is to allow yourself a moment to process the loss. Experiencing a range of emotions is entirely normal, and you may need to reach out for support from family, friends, or even professionals.
Notify Close Family and Friends
Begin by informing immediate family members and close friends about the passing.
Contact the Appropriate Authorities
If your loved one passed away at home, you will need to contact the appropriate authorities to confirm the death. A medical professional will need to declare the death and provide a formal pronouncement, which is necessary for obtaining a death certificate.
Arrange for Transportation of the Body
After the death is confirmed, you will need to arrange for the body to be transported to a funeral home or crematory. If your loved one had pre-arranged plans for their final arrangements, follow those instructions. If not, you will need to choose a funeral home yourself. The funeral home staff can guide you through the initial steps, including the transportation of your loved one.
Obtain the Death Certificate
A death certificate is a legal document that officially confirms the death of your loved one. You will need multiple copies of the death certificate for various purposes, such as settling the estate, closing accounts, and accessing benefits. The funeral home often assists in obtaining this document, but you can also request it from your local vital records office.
Review Existing Wishes or Pre-Arrangements
If your loved one left behind a will, living trust, or other pre-arrangements, it’s important to locate these documents early in the process. They may contain instructions for funeral or memorial arrangements, as well as information about the handling of the estate. The existence of these plans can provide guidance during a difficult time and help prevent disagreements among family members.
Notify Key Parties and Institutions
Begin notifying key parties about the death. Here are some of the individuals and institutions you may need to inform:

Employer : Notify your loved one’s employer if they were still working. They may need to process final payments, pensions, or other employment-related matters.
Insurance Companies : Contact life insurance companies to begin the claim process.
Social Security Office : Notify the Social Security Administration if your loved one was receiving benefits.
Banks and Financial Institutions : Inform banks, investment firms, and any other financial institutions about the death to freeze accounts and prevent fraudulent activity.
Utilities and Subscription Services : Gradually contact utilities, credit card companies, and other subscription services to close accounts or change billing information.

Plan the Funeral or Memorial Service
The funeral or memorial service is a meaningful opportunity to honor your loved one’s life. You may choose a traditional funeral, a private memorial, or another type of gathering that reflects their wishes and personality. Collaborate with other family members to determine how you would like to proceed and reach out to a funeral home to help coordinate the arrangements. If your loved one expressed specific desires for their service, do your best to respect those wishes.
Begin Settling the Estate
The process of settling your loved one’s estate can be complicated, depending on the size and complexity of their assets. If there is a will, it typically designates an executor who is responsible for managing the estate. The executor will need to:

Locate Assets and Debts : Identify all assets, debts, and accounts in your loved one’s name.
File the Will : File the will with the local probate court if required.
Work with an Attorney : You may want to hire an estate attorney to assist with probate and legal matters, especially if the estate is large or contains unique assets.
Pay Debts and Taxes : Use estate funds to pay off debts, taxes, and other obligations.

The passing of a loved one is a extremely difficult experience that requires both emotional and practical steps. By notifying family, making appropriate arrangements, securing necessary documents, and seeking support, you can take care of the most immediate responsibilities while giving yourself space to grieve. Remember that you do not need to navigate this journey alone; lean on those who care about you, and seek help when needed. This process is not easy, but step by step, you can honor your loved one’s memory while finding a way forward.

Personalizing a Funeral Service: Adding Special Touches to Make It Unique

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 16 Sep 2024 21:21:00 GMT

A funeral is a deeply personal and emotional event, a time to honor and celebrate a loved one’s life. While traditional ceremonies often provide comfort, adding personal touches can create a unique and meaningful experience that reflects the individuality of the person being remembered. In this blog, we’ll explore ways to personalize a funeral service, ensuring it feels like a true celebration of life while providing solace to friends and family.

1. Incorporate Personal Stories and MemoriesOne of the simplest yet most meaningful ways to personalize a funeral service is by sharing stories and memories. Invite family members, friends, and colleagues to speak about the deceased. These anecdotes not only highlight their personality, values, and life experiences but also provide comfort to those attending, reminding everyone of the positive impact the person had on others.Consider creating a memory jar or book where guests can write down their favorite memories or messages. These can be kept as a lasting tribute for the family.

2. Create a Visual TributePhotos and videos are powerful reminders of a person’s journey through life. A slideshow or video montage can be played during the service, featuring moments from childhood, family gatherings, significant achievements, and cherished adventures. Music that was meaningful to the person can play in the background to evoke deeper emotional connections.You could also set up photo displays or memory boards throughout the venue, allowing guests to view and reflect on different aspects of the deceased’s life.

3. Curate a Personalized PlaylistMusic plays a significant role in setting the tone for a funeral service. Instead of sticking to traditional hymns or classical pieces, create a playlist that reflects the musical tastes and favorite songs of your loved one. Whether it’s a favorite genre, an artist they loved, or songs that marked key moments in their life, these selections can add a deeply personal layer to the ceremony.

4. Display Personal MementosDisplaying personal items that were important to your loved one is a great way to add a personal touch to the service. These could include:

Hobbies and interests: Display items related to their hobbies, such as sports memorabilia, instruments, books, or art supplies.
Clothing or accessories: A favorite jacket, hat, or scarf can be displayed or even worn by close family members as a tribute.
Awards and achievements: If they were passionate about their career, community work, or a special cause, displaying awards or recognitions can highlight their accomplishments and the impact they had on others.

5. Encourage ParticipationEncouraging guests to participate in the service can make the experience more interactive and heartfelt. Invite attendees to contribute readings, poems, or songs that remind them of the deceased. This collaborative approach brings together diverse perspectives and personal connections, creating a sense of unity in honoring the individual.

6. Virtual Memorial for Distant GuestsIn today’s digital age, a virtual memorial allows people who are unable to attend in person to be part of the service. You can live-stream the funeral or hold a separate online gathering where friends and family can share memories and pay their respects from afar. This ensures that everyone who cared for the deceased can participate, regardless of location.

Personalizing a funeral service is about honoring the unique qualities of the person who has passed and creating a meaningful, reflective space for friends and family to grieve, celebrate, and remember. Whether through music, mementos, or shared stories, these special touches can transform a standard service into a lasting tribute that reflects the spirit of the loved one. By focusing on what made your loved one truly special, you can create a service that not only commemorates their life but also brings comfort to those who are grieving, allowing everyone to come together in a meaningful celebration of life.

Grief in the Classroom: How Educators Can Support Grieving Students

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 17:26:00 GMT

Grief in the Classroom: How Educators Can Support Grieving Students
Grief is a complex and deeply personal experience that can affect anyone, including students. When a student is grieving, the impact can be far-reaching, influencing not only their emotional well-being but also their academic performance, social interactions, and overall sense of security. As educators, it is crucial to recognize the signs of grief and to provide a supportive environment where students can navigate their emotions in a healthy way.
Understanding Grief in Students Grief can stem from various sources—loss of a family member, friend, pet, or even the upheaval of a major life change like divorce or relocation. Each student will process grief differently based on their age, personality, and the nature of the loss. Common emotional reactions include sadness, anger, confusion, anxiety, and even guilt. Physically, students might experience fatigue, headaches, or changes in appetite. Academically, grief can lead to difficulty concentrating, a decline in grades, or a lack of interest in school activities. Grieving students might also exhibit behavioral changes such as withdrawal from social interactions, irritability, or increased dependency on adults. Understanding these varied responses is the first step in providing the appropriate support.
Creating a Supportive Classroom Environment
Foster Open Communication Encourage students to express their feelings by creating a safe, non-judgmental environment. Let them know it's okay to feel sad or confused and that they can talk to you or another trusted adult whenever they need to. Use age-appropriate language to discuss grief and loss openly, which can help normalize these experiences.
Offer Flexibility Grieving students may need time to process their emotions, which can make it challenging to meet deadlines or stay focused on assignments. Provide flexibility with homework, tests, and participation. Offer extensions or alternative assignments that are less demanding. This flexibility can ease the pressure on the student while allowing them to stay engaged in their education at their own pace.
Incorporate Grief Resources Introduce grief-related books, activities, or discussions in the classroom that are appropriate for the age group. This can help students who are grieving feel understood and supported. It can also educate their peers about empathy and the impact of loss, fostering a more compassionate classroom community.
Be Mindful of Triggers Certain activities, holidays, or topics may act as triggers for grieving students. Be sensitive to these potential triggers and offer alternatives or modifications when necessary. For example, if a class project involves creating a family tree, provide an option that allows the student to participate without causing distress.
Encourage Peer Support Encourage students to support their grieving peers in positive ways. This could involve creating a buddy system, where a classmate checks in with the grieving student, or facilitating group activities that promote teamwork and empathy. Peer support can be incredibly powerful in helping students feel less alone in their grief.
Maintain Routine with Compassion While it's important to be flexible, maintaining a routine can provide grieving students with a sense of normalcy and stability during a turbulent time. However, this should be balanced with compassion—understanding that the student may need to step away or take breaks when emotions become overwhelming.
Grief is a challenging journey for anyone, but it can be particularly difficult for students who are still developing emotionally and cognitively. As educators, you play a pivotal role in supporting grieving students by creating a compassionate and flexible environment that acknowledges their pain while encouraging their continued growth. By fostering open communication, offering flexibility, and collaborating with school counselors, you can help grieving students navigate their emotions and find a sense of normalcy in the classroom. Your support can make a significant difference in their ability to cope with loss and continue their educational journey.

Why vacations can help with grief

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 19 Aug 2024 14:28:00 GMT

“We travel, initially, to lose ourselves; and we travel, next to find ourselves.” – Pico Iyer
Traveling can provide an insightful perspective into your life, but when you're grieving, that perspective often widens into something much more.
Grief can be isolating and lonely. Traveling can serve as a reminder to yourself that there is a whole world out there outside of the walls of your home and familiar places that may remind you of your loss. A vacation may be the last thing on your mind. However, it can aid in your grieving journey by not forgetting that you are grieving but making it easier to remember good times with your loved one. We’ve come up with four ideal vacations to consider to enrich your heart and soul, melt away stress and have a deeply rejuvenating and meaningful adventure.
The Cruise Vacation
Being away at sea can be healing for grieving on both an emotional and health level. Nothing says adventure like booking a voyage and being whisked away on a ship to forget about real life for a week or so. On a cruise, you’ll be waited on hand and foot and have access to food around the clock, on board entertainment and an environment of elegance and fun. Plenty of sunshine gives your body a Vitamin D dose, which boosts the immune system and offers natural anti-depressants from positive endorphins. Fresh ocean water also produces positive mental function and respiratory health. As a big plus, there are cruise packages for every budget. You can book anything from a quick 3-day cruise to Mexico or the Caribbean, to a 14-day Alaskan or Mediterranean voyage.
The Therapeutic Vacation
While there is a time for adventure, for some the grieving journey calls for complete relaxation. In this case, an all-inclusive resort package in a tropical location may work wonders. Perhaps a more budget-friendly option is a getaway to a cabin or bed and breakfast?
Many people choose to book stays specializing in therapeutic relaxation and spa treatments. All of these are awesome options if you want to lower the cortisol levels in your body and enjoy the soothing relaxation of treating yourself. In the United States, locations like Colorado Springs, Colorado, and Asheville, North Carolina can offer plenty of rest and relaxation. If you’re thinking of adding stamps to your passport, the Icelandic or Irish countryside can rejuvenate you.
The Physical Activity Vacation
Many people choose to grieve by engulfing themselves into rigorous physical activity. This is a great way to de-stress while improving your health and adding years to your life. Some people might choose vacations with world-class fitness centers or challenges, while others prefer to embark on natural physical challenges including climbs, hikes, and trails. Climbing Japan’s Mt. Fuji not only to physically exert yourself but also to boost your emotional health through confronting and conquering a challenge. You’ll have stories for life when you decide to explore natural rainforests or go kayaking through British Columbia or New Zealand.
The Sight-Seeing Vacation
Taking in breathtaking monuments, structures or natural wonders do a lot to expand your horizons and touch your emotions. These vacations work to put life and the world into perspective, which is essential in any grief journey.
There are countless sights and landmarks to see. A trip to check out the Grand Canyon, Eiffel Tower, New York Skyscrapers, Swiss Alps, Great Wall of China, Pyramids of Africa and the list goes on. You can’t go wrong with any of these vacations. Comb through them to see which touch your heart and fill needs that will help your mental, physical and spiritual health.

Frequently Asked Questions About Preplanning a Funeral

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 30 Jul 2024 21:18:00 GMT

When it comes to planning a funeral, many people have questions about what it entails and how to go about it. Preplanning a funeral can bring peace of mind to you and your loved ones, ensuring that your wishes are respected and making the process easier for your family during a difficult time. Here are some frequently asked questions about preplanning a funeral:
What is funeral preplanning?
Funeral preplanning involves making arrangements for your own funeral in advance. This includes deciding on various elements such as the type of service, burial or cremation preferences, and other specific details. Preplanning ensures that your wishes are documented and followed, and it can also alleviate some of the emotional and financial burden on your loved ones.
Why should I preplan my funeral?
Preplanning offers several benefits:

Control and personalization: You can ensure that your funeral reflects your personal preferences and values.
Financial relief: Preplanning can help lock in today's prices for future services, potentially saving money.
Peace of mind: Knowing that your arrangements are in place can bring comfort to you and your family.
Reducing stress for loved ones: Your family won’t have to make difficult decisions during a time of grief.

What details should I consider when preplanning a funeral?
When preplanning, consider the following aspects:

Type of service: Decide on what kind of service you want to have.
Burial or cremation: Choose whether you want to be buried or cremated and select a cemetery plot or urn if applicable.
Funeral home: Select a funeral home and discuss your plans with them.
Service specifics: Plan details such as readings, music, and who will officiate.
Personal touches: Include any personal preferences like flower arrangements, special mementos, or attire.
Financial arrangements: Set aside funds or take out a funeral insurance policy to cover costs.
Can I change my plans later? : Yes, preplanning is flexible. You can update your plans as your preferences or circumstances change. It’s important to keep your plans updated and communicate any changes to your family and the funeral home.

How do I ensure my family knows about my preplanning?
After preplanning, inform your family about your decisions and where the documents are stored. This can be in the form of a written document, a pre-need contract with a funeral home, or even a discussion with your loved ones. Keeping them informed will ensure they can easily access and follow your wishes when the time comes.
How do I start the preplanning process?
To start preplanning your funeral you can sign up to receive one of our free helpful planning guides and reach out to our chapel to schedule a consultation.

Funeral Etiquette: A Guide to Paying Respects

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 08 Jul 2024 14:30:00 GMT

Funerals are deeply emotional events, offering a chance for friends and family to mourn their loss and celebrate the life of a loved one. Understanding funeral etiquette can help you navigate these occasions with grace and respect. Here’s a comprehensive guide to help you understand the do's and don’ts of funeral etiquette. Dress Appropriately · Traditional Attire: Funerals typically call for somber, conservative clothing. Black is the traditional color, but dark, muted tones like navy, gray, and dark green are also appropriate. · Cultural Sensitivity: Be mindful of cultural and religious traditions that may dictate specific dress codes. For instance, some cultures prefer white attire at funerals. Punctuality Matters · Arrive Early: Aim to arrive at least 10-15 minutes before the scheduled start time. This shows respect and allows you to settle in before the service begins. · Late Arrival: If you must arrive late, enter quietly and find a seat near the back to minimize disruption. Offering Condolences · Keep it Simple: Express your sympathy with simple, heartfelt words like “I’m sorry for your loss” or “My thoughts are with you.” · Respect Personal Space: Some grieving individuals may not be ready for physical contact like hugs. Gauge their comfort level before initiating any physical gestures.
Participation in the Service · Follow the Lead: Whether it’s standing, sitting, or singing, follow the actions of the immediate family or the officiant. · Stay Until the End: Unless it’s necessary, remain for the entire service to show your full respect and support.

Electronic Devices · Silence Phones: Ensure your phone is turned off or set to silent mode to avoid interruptions. · No Photos or Videos: Taking pictures or recording videos during the service is generally considered disrespectful unless explicitly allowed by the family.
Respecting Cultural Differences · Educate Yourself: If you are attending a funeral from a culture different from your own, take the time to learn about their customs and traditions. · Be Open-Minded: Show respect and openness to different practices, even if they are unfamiliar to you.
Funeral etiquette is rooted in respect, empathy, and support. By following these guidelines, you can honor the memory of the deceased and offer genuine comfort to the grieving family. Remember, the most important aspect is your presence and the compassion you bring during a difficult time

Honoring a loved one on their death anniversary

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 24 Jun 2024 17:49:00 GMT

Performing acts of kindness in your loved one's name is a beautiful way to honor their memory. Whether it's volunteering, donating to a charity they cared about, or simply helping someone in need, these acts can create a positive impact in their honor.
Visit a Place of Significance Spending time at a location that held significance for your loved one can be a profound way to feel close to them. This could be a park they loved, a beach they frequented, or any place that brings back cherished memories.
Create a Memory Box or Scrapbook Collecting photos, letters, and mementos into a memory box or scrapbook can be a therapeutic way to keep their memory alive. This personal collection can be revisited each year, allowing you to reflect on the good times and keep their spirit close.
Plant a Tree or Garden Planting a tree or dedicating a garden in their memory creates a living tribute that grows and thrives over time. This act not only commemorates their life but also contributes to the environment, symbolizing life and growth.
Host a Memorial Event or Fundraiser Organizing an event or fundraiser in their name can both honor their memory and support a cause they were passionate about. This could be a walk, run, or a simple gathering where donations are collected for a chosen charity.
Write a Letter Writing a letter to your loved one can be a powerful way to express your feelings and maintain a sense of connection. Share your thoughts, updates about your life, and reflections on their impact. This can be kept in a special place or read aloud at a memorial gathering.
Engage in a Hobby or Activity They Loved Participating in an activity that your loved one enjoyed can be a meaningful way to feel close to them. Whether it’s cooking their favorite recipe, listening to their favorite music, or continuing a hobby they were passionate about, these actions help keep their spirit alive in your daily life.
Use Social Media to Share Memories Social media platforms can be a modern way to share memories and connect with others who are also remembering your loved one. Posting photos, stories, or a simple tribute can create a virtual space for and celebration.
Remembering a loved one on the anniversary of their death is a deeply personal and meaningful act. Whether through quiet reflection, collective remembrance, or acts of kindness, each gesture honors their legacy and keeps their memory alive. The most important thing is to choose what feels right for you, allowing yourself the space to grieve and celebrate in a way that brings comfort and peace.

Honoring a Lost Loved One at Your Wedding

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 24 Jun 2024 17:48:00 GMT

A wedding is a joyous celebration of love and union, but it can also be bittersweet when a beloved family member or friend is no longer with us to share in the moment. Honoring a deceased loved one at your wedding is a beautiful way to keep their memory alive and include them in your special day. Here are some heartfelt ideas to consider.
Reserved Seat Set a seat at the ceremony reserved in their honor. Decorate it with a flower, a framed photo, or a personal item that belonged to them. This gesture creates a tangible presence and acknowledges their importance in your life.
Incorporate Their Favorite Flowers Include their favorite flowers in your bouquet, boutonnieres, or centerpieces. This subtle yet meaningful detail can bring a sense of connection and remind you of their love and personality.
Memory Table Create a memory table featuring photos, keepsakes, and mementos of your loved one. This dedicated space allows guests to remember and celebrate their life. You can also include a guest book for attendees to share their memories and thoughts.
Light a Candle Light a candle in their memory during the ceremony or reception. This simple act symbolizes their spirit and the light they brought into your life. You might also ask close family members to join in lighting the candle, making it a communal moment of remembrance.
Play Their Favorite Song Incorporate their favorite song into the ceremony or reception playlist. Whether it’s a song they loved or one that reminds you of them, this musical tribute can evoke cherished memories and bring a sense of closeness.
Wear Something of Theirs Wear a piece of jewelry, a handkerchief, or another personal item that belonged to them. This intimate way of honoring their memory keeps them close to you throughout your special day.
Share a Special Reading or Poem During the ceremony, have a family member or friend read a poem, scripture, or passage that was significant to your loved one. This can be a poignant way to include their voice and values in your wedding.
Personal Vows or Toast In your vows or during a toast, share a personal story or mention how your loved one influenced your life and relationship. This heartfelt acknowledgment can be a powerful tribute to their lasting impact.
Memory Charms or Tokens Attach memory charms or tokens to your bouquet, boutonniere, or clothing. These small, discreet items can carry a profound sense of connection and remembrance.
Honoring a deceased loved one at your wedding is a deeply personal and meaningful way to include their memory in your celebration. Whether through a reserved seat, a memory table, or a simple candle lighting, these gestures can help you feel their presence and share their spirit with your guests. Remember, it’s the love and memories you hold that truly make these moments special.

Common Songs in Funeral Services

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 28 May 2024 19:28:00 GMT

In moments of grief and loss, music has a unique ability to comfort and console, offering solace when words fail. Funeral services often harness the power of music to evoke memories, express emotions, and honor the life of the departed. Across cultures and traditions, certain songs have become emblematic choices for these solemn occasions. Let's explore some of the most common songs that resonate deeply within funeral services.
"Amazing Grace" Dating back to the 18th century, "Amazing Grace" has transcended its origins as a Christian hymn to become a universal anthem of solace and redemption. It’s simple yet profound lyrics, coupled with a hauntingly beautiful melody, make it a timeless choice for funerals, offering a message of hope and divine mercy in the face of mortality.
"Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen Leonard Cohen's masterpiece, "Hallelujah," is a poignant meditation on love, loss, and the human condition. This song has found resonance in funeral services worldwide, its verses reflecting the complexity of emotions experienced in times of mourning and remembrance.
"Over the Rainbow" by Israel Kamakawiwo?ole Israel Kamakawiwo?ole's soulful rendition of "Over the Rainbow" has become synonymous with peace and tranquility, making it a popular choice for funerals. Its gentle ukulele accompaniment and soothing vocals offer a sense of comfort and nostalgia, inviting listeners to envision a world beyond earthly sorrows.
"My Way" by Frank Sinatra Frank Sinatra's iconic anthem, "My Way," embodies the spirit of individuality and self-determination. Often chosen to commemorate a life lived on one's own terms, this song celebrates personal triumphs and reflects on the journey of a loved one who embraced life with courage and conviction.
"Time to Say Goodbye" by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman With its soaring operatic vocals and sweeping orchestration, "Time to Say Goodbye" captures the bittersweet essence of parting. Originally performed as a duet by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman, this poignant ballad resonates deeply in funeral services, offering a poignant farewell to cherished loved ones.
"Ave Maria" by Franz Schubert Franz Schubert's "Ave Maria" is a timeless invocation of divine grace and comfort. Its serene melody and sacred lyrics have made it a staple of funeral services, offering solace and spiritual reassurance to those grieving the loss of a loved one.
"Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler Bette Midler's heartfelt tribute, "Wind Beneath My Wings," celebrates the profound impact of a loved one's support and guidance. Often chosen to honor the memory of parents, mentors, or friends, this song acknowledges the selfless acts of love that uplift and inspire us.
In the tapestry of funeral services, these songs serve as poignant reminders of love, loss, and the enduring power of music to heal and uplift the human spirit. Whether through hymns of faith, soul-stirring ballads, or heartfelt tributes, these melodies offer solace and comfort to those bidding farewell to cherished loved ones, their echoes lingering long after the final notes have faded away.

Memorial Day Flowers and Their Meaning

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 16 May 2024 14:20:00 GMT

Memorial Day, a day of remembrance and gratitude, is a time when we pay tribute to those who have made the ultimate sacrifice in service to their country. While the day is often marked by ceremonies, parades, and visits to cemeteries, one tradition that stands out for its symbolic significance is the use of flowers. Flowers have a profound way of expressing our emotions, from love and appreciation to sympathy and remembrance. On Memorial Day, flowers play a crucial role in honoring the memory of fallen heroes, bringing comfort to grieving families, and reminding us of the sacrifices made for our freedom. The Poppy: A Symbol of Remembrance
In many countries, the red poppy has become synonymous with Memorial Day and honoring fallen soldiers. This tradition has its roots in the famous poem "In Flanders Fields" by Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, a Canadian physician who served in World War I. The poem describes how poppies grew amidst the graves of soldiers in Flanders, Belgium, where some of the fiercest battles of the war took place. Inspired by this imagery, the poppy has since been used as a symbol of remembrance for those who died in war. Placing Flags and Flowers
On Memorial Day, cemeteries across the United States are adorned with American flags and colorful flowers. Families and volunteers gather to place flags at the graves of veterans, while floral arrangements are carefully arranged to honor their memory. The act of placing flowers is a tangible expression of respect and gratitude, a way to ensure that the sacrifices of these individuals are never forgotten. Memorial Day Floral Traditions Different regions and communities have their own unique traditions when it comes to Memorial Day flowers. In some areas, volunteers create "Flag Gardens," where thousands of small American flags are placed to create a striking visual tribute. In others, communities come together to create elaborate floral displays or host flower-laying ceremonies at memorials and monuments. Memorial Day flowers serve as a poignant reminder of the sacrifices made by our military service members. From the iconic red poppy to the countless floral arrangements adorning gravesides, each bloom carries with it a message of remembrance, gratitude, and hope. As we pause to honor the fallen this Memorial Day, let us also take a moment to appreciate the beauty and significance of the flowers that help us remember and honor their legacy.

Burial vs. Cremation: Exploring the Pros and Cons of End-of-Life Choices

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 16 May 2024 14:19:00 GMT

Making decisions about end-of-life arrangements can be a deeply personal and emotional process. Among the most significant decisions individuals and families face is whether to opt for burial or cremation. Each option carries its own set of advantages and considerations, and understanding the pros and cons can help individuals make informed choices that align with their beliefs, preferences, and cultural traditions.
Burial:
Pros:

Traditional and Cultural Significance: Burial has been a common practice across many cultures and religions for centuries, offering a sense of tradition, continuity, and reverence for the deceased.
Physical Memorialization: Burial provides a tangible gravesite where loved ones can visit, pay respects, and find solace. For many, having a designated place for remembrance serves as a comforting and meaningful connection to the departed.
Environmental Considerations: While conventional burial practices may involve embalming and non-biodegradable materials, eco-friendly burial options such as natural or green burials are gaining popularity. These practices prioritize environmental sustainability by using biodegradable materials and minimizing the ecological footprint.

Cons:

Cost Considerations: Traditional burial can be more expensive than cremation due to expenses such as casket, burial plot, headstone, and maintenance fees for the gravesite.
Limited Flexibility: Once a burial takes place, the gravesite becomes a permanent memorial, offering limited options for relocation or modification.
Space Constraints: In densely populated areas or urban settings, finding available cemetery space for burial may be challenging, leading to increased costs or limited choices.

Cremation:
Pros:

Cost-Effectiveness: Cremation is generally more affordable than traditional burial, as it eliminates expenses associated with caskets, burial plots, and cemetery maintenance.
Flexibility and Portability: Cremated remains, or cremains, offer flexibility in memorialization options. Families can choose to scatter the ashes in a meaningful location, keep them in an urn at home, or inter them in a variety of locations, including cemeteries, memorial gardens, or columbariums.
Space Conservation: Cremation addresses the issue of limited cemetery space, making it a practical choice in regions where burial space is scarce.

Cons:

Religious and Cultural Considerations: Some religions and cultures have specific beliefs and traditions regarding burial and cremation, and individuals may face challenges in reconciling these practices with their personal preferences.
Emotional Considerations: For some individuals, the thought of cremation may evoke feelings of discomfort or unease, particularly if they have strong emotional or cultural ties to burial traditions.
Lack of Physical Memorialization: While cremation offers flexibility in memorialization options, some individuals may find comfort in having a physical gravesite for remembrance, which cremation may not provide to the same extent.

In conclusion, the choice between burial and cremation is deeply personal and influenced by a variety of factors, including cultural beliefs, financial considerations, and emotional preferences. By weighing the pros and cons of each option, individuals can make informed decisions that honor their loved ones' memory and provide comfort and closure for themselves and their families. Ultimately, regardless of the chosen method, the most important aspect is creating a meaningful and dignified tribute that celebrates the life and legacy of the departed.

Embracing tradition in a digital age: The role of technology in funerals

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 16 May 2024 14:14:00 GMT

In an era defined by technological innovation, it's no surprise that even the most traditional aspects of life, such as funerals, are undergoing a digital transformation. While the core essence of honoring and remembering loved ones remains unchanged, technology is reshaping the way we approach funeral services, offering new avenues for connection, commemoration, and healing.
Live-Streaming Services: One of the most significant impacts of technology on funerals is the ability to live-stream services. With live-streaming, friends and family members who are unable to attend in person due to distance, illness, or other reasons can still participate in the ceremony remotely. Whether it's a funeral service or memorial gathering, live-streaming allows loved ones to be present virtually, offering comfort and closure during difficult times.
Virtual Memorials and Online Tributes: Beyond live-streaming, technology enables the creation of virtual memorials and online tributes. These digital platforms serve as spaces where friends and family members can share memories, photos, and stories of the deceased. From social media memorial pages to dedicated websites and digital guest books, these online tributes provide a lasting legacy that can be accessed and revisited by loved ones for years to come.
Digital Keepsakes and Memorabilia: Technology also offers innovative ways to preserve and cherish memories of the departed. From digital photo albums and video montages to personalized memorial websites and tribute videos, these digital keepsakes allow families to celebrate the life of their loved one in a meaningful and creative way. Additionally, advancements in 3D printing technology even enable the creation of custom urns and memorial jewelry, providing unique and personalized mementos that honor the memory of the deceased.
Enhanced Communication and Support: In times of grief, communication and support are crucial. Technology facilitates communication among grieving family members and friends, enabling them to stay connected and provide mutual support throughout the grieving process. Whether it's through group chats, video calls, or online support forums, technology offers avenues for sharing emotions, offering condolences, and seeking comfort from others who understand their loss.
Digital Funeral Planning and Arrangements: In the realm of funeral planning and arrangements, technology streamlines processes and enhances convenience for both funeral homes and families. Online platforms and mobile apps allow individuals to pre-plan their funerals, make arrangements, and even purchase funeral merchandise from the comfort of their homes. These digital tools simplify the logistics of funeral planning while empowering individuals to make informed decisions about their end-of-life wishes.
While the rituals and traditions surrounding funerals remain deeply rooted in our cultural fabric, technology has undeniably become an integral part of the funeral experience. From live-streaming services to virtual memorials and digital keepsakes, technology offers innovative ways to honor, remember, and celebrate the lives of our loved ones. By embracing these technological advancements, we can enhance the funeral experience, foster connections, and provide comfort and support to those who are grieving.

Embracing life by embracing death: understanding the death positive movement

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 16 May 2024 14:13:00 GMT

Death, despite being the one certainty in life, remains one of the most taboo topics in many societies. However, a growing movement known as "death positivity" seeks to change this narrative by encouraging open discussions and acceptance of mortality. But what exactly does it mean to be "death positive"?
At its core, being death positive means embracing death as a natural and inevitable part of life, rather than something to be feared or avoided. It involves confronting our own mortality and acknowledging the reality of death, not with dread, but with acceptance and even celebration. This movement encourages conversations about death, dying, and grief, aiming to destigmatize these topics and promote a healthier relationship with the end of life.
One of the key principles of the death positive movement is the belief that death is a normal part of the human experience and should be acknowledged and respected as such. By embracing death, individuals can gain a deeper appreciation for life, recognizing its fragility and impermanence. This perspective encourages people to live more fully, to cherish their loved ones, and to pursue their passions and dreams without the shadow of fear hanging over them.
Another important aspect of death positivity is advocating for more open and transparent discussions about end-of-life care and planning. This includes conversations about advance directives, funeral arrangements, and other practical matters related to death. By addressing these topics openly and honestly, individuals can ensure that their wishes are known and respected, relieving the burden on their loved ones during times of grief and decision-making.
It’s important to note that being death positive does not mean being indifferent to death or denying the pain of loss. Grief and mourning are natural responses to death, and the death positive movement recognizes the importance of allowing individuals the space and support to process their emotions in their own way. However, by embracing death as a natural part of life, this movement seeks to empower individuals to confront their fears and anxieties surrounding death, ultimately fostering a greater sense of peace and acceptance.
In a society that often shies away from discussions about death, the death positive movement offers a refreshing and much-needed perspective. By encouraging open conversations, advocating for end-of-life planning, and challenging cultural taboos, this movement invites us to embrace our mortality and live more fully in the present. In doing so, we can find comfort, meaning, and even beauty in the cycle of life and death, enriching our lives and relationships in the process.

What to do with a loved one's belongings when they're gone

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 25 Mar 2024 18:41:00 GMT

When someone we love passes away, it feels like a piece of them stays behind in the things they used every day. Figuring out what to do with those belongings might seem tough, but it's okay to take it one step at a time. Here's a simple guide to help you navigate this emotional journey.
Take a Breath: First, take a breath. You don't have to rush into anything. Grieving takes time, and it's alright to give yourself the space you need to grieve, and cope.
Ask for Help: You don't have to do this alone. Ask close friends or family members for help. Sometimes, having others around can make the process a little easier.
Hold on to Special Items: Keep a few things that hold special memories close to your heart. It could be a piece of jewelry, a favorite book, or a photo that makes you smile. These little things can be comforting.
Donate with Love: Giving away their clothes, blankets, or everyday items to those in need can be a beautiful way to honor their memory.
Create Memory Boxes: Make memory boxes filled with things that remind you of them. It could be love letters, old cards, or little notes. These boxes become a treasure chest of moments that you can revisit whenever you’re missing them.
Take Your Time: Sorting through belongings can bring a wave of emotions. Take your time, and don't feel pressured to make quick decisions. Each item might hold a story, and it's okay to let those stories unfold at their own pace.
Consider Keepsakes: Some items might be turned into keepsakes—a piece of their clothing transformed into a quilt, or a favorite mug repurposed into a plant pot. It's like giving these items a new life. Remember, it's okay to feel a mix of emotions. Each step you take is a step towards honoring their memory.

Do pets grieve?

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Sun, 17 Mar 2024 15:51:00 GMT

Pets have an extraordinary ability to form deep emotional connections with their human companions. When a person or pet passes away, everyone in the household is affected. Just like humans, pets too experience grief and mourning, displaying a range of behaviors that reflect their emotional turmoil. In this blog, we'll delve into the intricate world of pets grieving, exploring the signs of grief, ways to support them through this difficult time, and how understanding their grief can help us provide better care.
Signs of Pet Grief Pets have their own unique ways of expressing grief, which can vary based on factors like species, personality, and the depth of the bond they shared with the deceased companion. Some common signs of pet grief include:
Changes in Behavior: Pets may exhibit sudden changes in behavior, such as becoming withdrawn, lethargic, or excessively clingy. They might lose interest in activities they once enjoyed.
Appetite Changes: Just like humans, grieving pets might experience appetite changes – either eating less or losing interest in food altogether.
Vocalization: Some pets become more vocal when they're grieving. Dogs might whine, howl, or bark excessively, while cats may meow more frequently than usual.
Searching Behavior: Dogs might search for their departed companion, sometimes waiting in their usual spots or looking around the house for them. Cats might search and call out as well.
Aggression or Anxiety: In some cases, pets might exhibit aggressive behavior or heightened anxiety due to the stress of loss.
If your pet is expressing any of these characteristics of grief, here are some ways to help support them. Maintain Routine: Pets find comfort in routine, so try to stick to their usual schedule as much as possible. This can help provide a sense of stability during a turbulent time.
Provide Comfort and Attention: Spend quality time with your grieving pet. Offer them physical affection, comforting words, and gentle attention to reassure them.
Create a Safe Space: Designate a quiet, comfortable space where your pet can retreat to when feeling overwhelmed. Fill it with their familiar belongings.
Avoid Punishment: If your pet's grieving behavior includes accidents or minor disruptions, avoid punishment. Gently reinforce positive behaviors instead.
Engage in Play: Encourage your pet to engage in light play or activities they enjoy. Gradually reintroducing playtime can help lift their spirits.
Recognizing that pets experience grief and empathizing with their emotions can strengthen the bond between humans and their animal companions. Just like humans, pets need time to heal, and with patience, love, and support, they can eventually find their way through the grieving process. By offering a safe and understanding environment, we can help them navigate this challenging time and honor the memories of the companions they've lost.

What to do with a loved one's Facebook account after they've passed away

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 04 Mar 2024 18:25:00 GMT

Managing the Facebook account after someone has passed can be a bit overwhelming. It's like facing a part of their life that's frozen in time. Here's a guide on what you can do with a loved one's Facebook account when they're no longer with us.
Memorialize the Account: Facebook has a feature called "memorialization," which puts a gentle pause on the account. It keeps their profile up but freezes it where it left off. You can reach out to Facebook support to get this done. It's a way to let others revisit and remember without any major changes to the page.
Create a Tribute: Once the account is memorialized, friends and family can post memories and messages on their timeline. It opens the opportunity to become a digital space for sharing photos and memories.
Don't Rush to Delete: It might feel like the right thing to do, but deleting the account right away might lead to regret later on. Take your time to decide. The memories stored there can become a comforting place to visit later down the road.
Inform Friends and Family: It's a good idea to let close friends and family know what you plan to do with the account. Some might want to keep connected through it, while others might find it easier to step away. Communication helps everyone find their way to cope.
Update the Cover Photo and Profile Picture: You can change their cover photo and profile picture to something that represents them well. It's a small way to keep the page feeling cared for and not forgotten.
Check Privacy Settings: Make sure the privacy settings are adjusted the way you want them. It helps in keeping things respectful and ensures that only those you want can access the memories shared on their timeline.
Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all way to handle this. Do what feels right for you and the memory of your loved one. In the digital world, their Facebook page can become a memorial, a place to celebrate their life, share stories, and find comfort in the connections that were made. It's all about honoring their legacy in a way that feels meaningful to you and those who cared about them.

Talking to Your Child About Death

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 29 Feb 2024 05:00:00 GMT

Children's minds and imaginations are so pure and honest. They see the world for what they can understand and comprehend and tend to not absorb the parts that may seem dark and scary. As parents, it’s our job to protect these pure thoughts and keep our children happy and optimistic about the world. However, there will come a time when we must discuss the harsh realities of the world with our children. One of those topics is death. Whether it’s the loss of a family pet, a grandparent, parent or other relative, the idea that a person is gone forever is a tough reality to grasp at a young age. It’s key to talk to your child about death in an honest and sincere way. Here are some of our dos and don’ts when talking to your child about death.

Do: Be honest and clear

Children need complex concepts described clearly. Adding too much “fluff” to your wording will only confuse them and lead to more questions. It is important to be honest and straight to the point regarding death, saying things such as “Grandma died today. When someone dies their heart stops, and their body stops working. This means they don’t eat; they don’t breathe anymore, and we no longer get to see them.” While this may seem harsh, it is verbiage a child can grasp without adding fear and confusion.

Don’t: Use complex terms.

While saying things such as “Grandma went to sleep forever”, or “Aunt Sue passed away”, may sound less intense, they aren’t statements a child can easily understand. If Grandma can sleep forever, what if I do too? Using the term “sleep” when talking about death will only open a space of anxiety for your child, and potentially make them fearful of sleep.

Do: Take things slow.

Be prepared to take lots of pauses when talking to your children about death. It’s important not to overwhelm them with information all at once. Give them moments of silence to think through and understand what is being said to them and be willing to answer lots of questions. Prior to discussing death with your child, think about the questions your child may ask, and be prepared to answer them as effectively as possible.

Don't: Hide your emotions.

Parents, it is okay to cry when discussing these topics with your child. Never feel that you need to hide your emotions, as that will only make your child believe that’s how you react to situations such as death. It is critical to have raw, genuine emotions so your child can understand how this affects you and learn how to provide comfort. Given that death is inevitable, and the grieving process is not simple, your child will likely see you break down again. Being open about how you feel will benefit both you and your child.

Do: Inform them what to expect during a funeral.

Before a funeral service, ensure that your child understands what a funeral is. Make sure they know this is your final goodbye to the one you lost. People here will likely be sad, and it's okay to cry. If you have an open casket, be sure your child is prepared for that. Never pressure them to go up for a final viewing, as that may be uncomfortable for a young child.

Don’t: Force them to do anything.

If this is a child’s first exposure to losing a relative, they may experience emotions they have never felt before. Be patient with them throughout the funeral and remember that they are children who have just been exposed to a very real, and heartbreaking part of life. If your family is involved in the funeral ceremony, be sure that the child is only participating in what they are comfortable with. You should never force your child to participate in anything they do not want to. This is already a lot for them to grasp at once. While funerals are sad, you should try and make your child’s experience as positive as possible. This is so they are less likely to fear death and funerals down the road.

While this will be a tough conversation to have with your child, know you aren’t alone. All parents will have to discuss death with their child at some point. Being prepared and practicing what you will say to your child will make the experience easier for the both of you.

Jobs Around the Funeral Home

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 27 Feb 2024 19:21:00 GMT

Our funeral home staff is compassionate and professional, and exemplify our Core Values of Excellence, Trust, Care and Growth. Our associates play various roles throughout funeral home to ensure that the families we serve are cared for and satisfied with the services for their loved one. In fact, over 98% of the families we serve would recommend us to a friend or family member in their time of need. It takes a dedicated team to reach this exemplary level of satisfaction. Below are some of the roles filled by our team.
Funeral Directors – Our funeral directors help families create beautiful, memorable tributes that honor their loved ones. They guide families through all the details involved in planning services and gatherings, and coordinate with clergy, celebrants, fraternal or military organizations, cemetery personnel and other parties to ensure that each person is honored and celebrated in a unique and meaningful way.
Administration – There are many, many details to manage when planning each family’s services. Our administrative staff members manage the necessary forms and documents associated with a death, assist in scheduling and accounting work, and ensure that our funeral home is always ready to receive guests. They also create memorial materials such as video tributes and guest registers and provide administrative support to the rest of our team.
Funeral Home Support Staff – Our support staff greet families and guests, assist with funeral services, and escort families to cemetery services. They also assist with administrative responsibilities and keep our funeral home looking beautiful and ready to host services. These positions are generally part-time and a great opportunity for a second career or anyone looking to play a meaningful role in our community.
Care Team – Our team of licensed embalmers and support personnel take the utmost care in preparing your loved one for burial or cremation. We treat each person who comes into our care as if they were our own family member, with dignity and respect.
Family Service Associates – These team members meet with families before services are needed and help them create personalized funeral or cremation plans, and assist families in designing cemetery markers. Having these arrangements made in advance brings peace of mind and is a comfort to loved ones when a death occurs.
We are always looking for talented people to join our team. To browse our open positions, please visit our jobs page.

Helping children through death & loss

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 19:42:00 GMT

When talking about death, there are no easy answers, especially for children. Most people are unsure of what and how to tell their children, and are concerned about the child’s reaction and behavior.
Children experience loss quite frequently. Through experiences such as divorcing parents, friends moving away and the death of a pet, they learn to grieve. The following information will help you help a child deal with the death of someone they love, or any life loss.
Death is still somewhat of a taboo subject in our society and there is a tendency to not talk about it. We want to protect our children from the pain and sadness, and sometimes don’t even want to tell them about a death. But, a death disrupts the family’s emotional life and everyone, even the young ones are affected. Children can sense that something is wrong and they will experience grief one way or another. So, it is important that we communicate with them.
How we talk with a child about death depends on many things--their age, personality, and relationship with the person who has died. It is essential that we provide them with simple and direct information and be open to their questions. We must give them answers to build on later, not ones that will have to be unlearned. Children will find their own fantasy explanations for unanswered questions, which can often be more frightening than the reality. Children take what we say literally, so avoid euphemisms such as passed away, passed on, went to sleep, etc.
When explaining death, keep the information at a level they can understand. Young children can take in only small amounts of information at a time, so keep it brief and simple. The older the child, the more information they can understand and accept.
Most children are curious about the physical aspects of death, and describing the death concretely lessens the confusion. For example, talk about the absence of familiar bodily functions--when someone dies their heart doesn’t beat, they don’t breathe, talk, eat or feel. Up until about nine years of age, it is difficult for them to grasp the finality of death. They may repeatedly ask you the same questions before the answers become reality to them.
Talking with children is hard because we don’t have all of the answers, and that’s okay. There isn’t always an answer for every question. But, if we can be as open, honest and comfortable with our feelings as possible, we make it easier for children to talk about death and ask questions. This is important because it lets us know what they need and how we can help.

How grief affects us - common physical & emotional symptoms

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 18:02:00 GMT

Whether the loss of a loved one is expected or sudden, we often experience emotional reactions that can be tough to grapple with. When coping with grief after a death, it is important to understand what to expect as well as where to turn for information, help and comfort. We hope the following information will be helpful this pursuit.

What is grief?

Grief can be defined as deep, sometimes prolonged sadness following a loss. We may experience grief as the result of any number of life experiences, ranging from the loss of a job to the death of someone we hold dear.

Common symptoms of grief

As unique individuals, it’s important for each of us to understand that there is no “normal” way to experience grief. Every person reacts to a loss in his or her own way, and the emotional fallout of a loss can be quite complicated, especially for those left with the important responsibility of making funeral arrangements. Here are some of the more common physical and emotional symptoms of grief:

Physical symptoms of grief:

Lack of desire to eat or desire to overeat
Inability to sleep
Headaches or stomach/intestinal disorders
Tightness in the throat or in the muscles
Heaviness or pressure in the chest
Visual or auditory hallucinations of the lost loved one
Lack of energy
Periods of nervousness or even panic

Physical symptoms of grief:

Being overwhelmed with emotions
Sadness and/or depression
Mood swings
Crying easily and/or unexpectedly
Forgetfulness
Inability to concentrate
Difficulty making decisions
Guilt or anger about things that happened or didn't happen in the relationship with the deceased
Unexpected anger toward others, God, or the deceased
Desire to run away, or become very busy in order to avoid the pain
Feeling uncomfortable around other people
Not wanting to be alone
Feelings of emptiness, or having been cheated
Doubts or questions concerning why the death occurred
Fear of what will happen next

For help coping with these symptoms, please turn to our article on helping yourself heal from grief and loss .

The Military Funeral Honors Ceremony

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 16:47:00 GMT

Every eligible veteran of the United States Armed Forces is entitled to a military funeral honors ceremony at their funeral or memorial service. The ceremony serves as a final thank-you from a grateful nation for their military service and is an extremely moving tribute. The military funeral honors ceremony is conducted by two or more uniformed military persons, with at least one member of the veteran’s branch of service. The service includes folding and presenting the United States burial flag to a surviving family member and the playing of Taps. Our funeral directors will assist you with arranging this special ceremony through a local veterans’ organization. Learn more here .

Applying for Veterans benefits

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 16:43:00 GMT

You and your loved one may be eligible for certain benefits from the Veterans Administration. To honor their service and dedication to our country, burial and cemetery benefits are available for each eligible veteran, their spouses and dependents.
These benefits include a military funeral honors ceremony at a funeral or memorial service, a burial flag, burial at a national veterans' cemetery and a veterans' cemetery marker. Some veterans are eligible for a monetary benefit towards burial at a private cemetery.
Our staff will work with the Veterans Administration to assist you in obtaining these benefits. More information can be found at the links below.

General Information
How to get a copy of discharge papers required to apply for benefits
List of National Veterans Cemeteries
List of State Veterans Cemeteries

Obtaining a United States burial flag

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 16:40:00 GMT

All honorably discharged veterans are eligible for a United States burial flag provided at no cost for their funeral or cremation services. The flag honors their military service to our country.
The flag will drape the casket or accompany the cremation urn and be presented to the next of kin at the conclusion of the funeral service as a keepsake. Please note that this flag is not designed to be flown outside, because it is made of cotton and would be damaged by the weather.
Our funeral directors will obtain the flag for your family.

What size of marker do I need?

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 16:23:00 GMT

Cemetery markers and monuments come in many different sizes. When choosing a size, you will want to consider how it will fit at the cemetery plot. You don’t want a marker that is too small or too large for the space. The illustrations show three sizes of markers set at one grave space for an individual or two grave spaces for companions.
Your cemetery will have certain rules that determine the sizes of markers and monuments allowed. We can work with you and your cemetery to ensure that your marker fits within their regulations.
Please call us for more information, or to design a marker or monument online, please visit our marker design tool.

Creating a custom photo collage for your marker

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 16:21:00 GMT

Bronze cemetery markers can be personalized with beautiful photo collages which display meaningful moments from a person’s life.
A special process allows artisans to work with molten bronze and create perfect representations of cherished family photos.
This is a process that you truly have to see to believe. Take a look at this video about the process.

Types of cemetery markers

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 16:19:00 GMT

A cemetery marker is a permanent memorial to your loved one that honors their life and marks their final resting place. It also provides a place for future generations to gather and remember. Cemetery markers can be crafted from granite or bronze. Granite is a beautiful, natural material that comes in many different colors, depending on where in the world it was formed. Bronze is a metal alloy, composed of copper and tin. It has been used since ancient times in sculptures and memorials.
Markers generally come in two types; upright markers which rise above the ground, and flat markers, which are set flush with the earth. Each cemetery has their own rules that determine which types of markers are allowed. These markers and monuments are created for individuals, companions and sometimes entire families. Bronze or granite vases can be attached to most types of marker so you can add flowers and decorations throughout the year.
You may be interested in a larger monument such as a bench or family mausoleum. We work directly with a quarry and can assist you in the entire process of designing a custom marker or monument. Call us today to get started.

Personalization options for the casket

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 16:16:00 GMT

Caskets are available in many types of materials and designs. After you select a casket, your funeral director can share with you the many personalization options available to you.
Some caskets come with panels inside the lid that you can slip photographs or memorabilia into, or are embroidered to illustrate favorite pastimes, interests and special relationships. Other caskets allow decorative medallions to be attached to the lid. These medallions are also available in pocket-sized engraved keepsakes.
Special designs may be added to the corner of the casket to express the interests of your loved one. These corners come in many designs and celebrate relationships, spirituality, affiliations, professions, hobbies and interests. Later, you can add the decorative corner to a keepsake plaque with a photo holder and engravable plate.
Other caskets include a special shelf that pulls out of the casket lid, allowing you to display keepsakes and photographs during the visitation and viewing.
Please ask your funeral director for more information about any of these options.

Metal Caskets

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 16:14:00 GMT

A casket serves as the final resting place for your loved one during the funeral and after burial. Caskets are available in many types of materials, including precious metals such as bronze and copper, steel, and fine-quality woods such as mahogany, cherry and oak.
Metal caskets appeal to many people because of the wide variety of styles, designs and colors available.
Bronze, a semi-precious material alloy, is the strongest and longest-lasting of any casket construction material. Bronze is resistant to corrosive elements, and makes an elegant, exquisite remembrance.
Copper, a precious metal, is known for its longevity, beauty and resistance to corrosion. Copper is one-third stronger than stainless steel, and its combination of strength and beauty helps memorialize a remarkable life.
Stainless steel, an alloy of carbon steel and chromium, provides strength and resistance to corrosion at an economical price.
Steel, known for its affordability and long-lasting performance, is one of the most popular of casket materials. From the highest quality 16-gauge to a minimum quality 20-gauge, thickness determines the general quality and price.
Your funeral director will show you all of the options available, including ways that you can make your loved one’s casket even more unique with personalized decorations and keepsakes.

Why do I need a vault?

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 16:13:00 GMT

Many families ask us about the need for a burial vault, wondering why it is necessary. It works like this. The casket encloses the body, and the outer burial container (known as a vault) encloses the casket, sustaining the weight of the earth and protecting it from the elements. Most cemeteries require an outer burial container of some kind to protect the grave space from the settling earth and heavy machinery.
Lined burial vaults provide the most protection to the casket. This example shows the impact of settling and machinery on a grave space with no vault, an unlined outer burial container, and a lined burial vault.
Vaults are available in precious metals such as bronze and copper, stainless steel and concrete.
To see a selection of vaults as well as our other services and merchandise, please talk to your funeral director.

Wood caskets

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 13 Feb 2024 21:31:00 GMT

A casket serves as the final resting place for your loved one during the funeral and after burial. Caskets are available in many types of materials, including precious metals such as bronze and copper, steel, and fine-quality woods such as mahogany, cherry and oak.
Wooden caskets appeal to many people, including carpenters, wood workers, anyone who loves fine furniture or prefers natural materials. Wooden caskets are often hand-sculpted and polished to a fine finish. Just as every tree is unique, no two wooden caskets are identical. Each has a unique warmth and beauty of its own.
Wooden veneer caskets provide a less-expensive and sustainable alternative to premium hardwoods. With these caskets, real wood veneers are applied to engineered wood. Engineered wood is made from the remains of the tree after it has been milled into lumber. The fibers are cleaned and mixed with adhesive resins to provide strength and durability. This engineered wood allows more than 95% of the tree to be used, reducing the number of trees harvested.
Your funeral director will show you all of the options available, including ways that you can make your loved one’s casket even more unique with personalized decorations and keepsakes.

Honoring Pets After Loss

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 29 Jan 2024 05:00:00 GMT

Our pets become cherished members of our families, providing unconditional love, companionship, and joy to our lives. When they pass away, the grief we feel is genuine and profound. While our furry friends are only here for a short time, the impact they have on our lives is monumental. Here are some ways you can honor your beloved furry friend, after they’ve pass.

Create a memory box.

Putting together a box of items that remind you of a beloved pet can help you cope with their loss. Include items such as their collar, favorite toy, paw imprint, fur lock, and anything else that meant a lot to them. Keeping these items can bring comfort and closure after they have passed.

Spread their ashes somewhere meaningful.

If you choose to have your pet cremated, you can spread the ashes somewhere meaningful for your pet. You can even use the ashes to plant a tree in memory of them.

Donate to shelters in their memory

Animal shelters need donations, whether monetary donations or item donations. Donating to shelters in your beloved pet's name not only preserves your pet's memory, but also helps the animals in the shelter find their forever home.

Foster animals

Fostering is a great option if you aren't ready to get another pet but want to share the love you had for your pet with those in need. Because shelters fill up quickly, animals need foster homes. Fostering allows you to heal at your own pace, while sharing love with a pet in need.

Our pets become part of our family. During their time here on earth we share so many special moments with them, that when they are gone the emptiness left behind is unfathomable. It’s important to take proper care of yourself during this time of grief and figure out ways to keep your pet’s memory alive.

Grief and Guilt

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 15 Jan 2024 05:00:00 GMT

Grief is an inevitable and deeply personal journey that we all experience at some point in our lives. It's a natural response to loss, whether it's the passing of a loved one, the end of a cherished relationship, or any significant life change. During this trying time, we find ourselves in a whirlwind of emotions, ranging from sadness and anger to loneliness and confusion. Amidst this, there is one emotion that often creeps in unexpectedly: guilt.

Guilt is a complicated emotion that can arise during times of grieving for a variety of reasons. Survivors may feel guilty for not doing more for their loved one, for unresolved conflicts, or for having mixed emotions surrounding the loss. It's important to remember that these feelings are normal and don't diminish the love and care we have for the departed.

One common aspect of grief-related guilt is the subconscious "what ifs" and regrets that plague our minds. We may endlessly analyze past interactions or decisions, wondering if we could have done things differently to prevent the loss. It's essential to recognize that we are human, and it's not realistic to hold ourselves accountable for every outcome.

Feeling guilty while grieving can also be tied to the idea of moving on with life. There might be a sense of betrayal or disloyalty towards the departed for finding moments of joy or happiness after loss. Understanding that it's okay to find happiness again and that it doesn't mean we don’t miss the ones we’ve lost, is a critical component of the healing process.

If you are experiencing grief-related guilt for any of the reasons listed above, it’s important to confide in someone who will help you navigate through your thoughts. No one should process their grief alone, especially when feelings of guilt are attached. Talking to someone will ease the burden you may be carrying and help you understand the meaning behind your thoughts.

Guilt is a significant and challenging aspect of grief, but it's important to remember that it's a natural response to loss. Be patient with yourself and acknowledge that healing takes time. Seek support from loved ones and don't hesitate to consult a grief counselor if needed. Remember, it's okay to grieve and still find moments of happiness amidst sorrow.

Post-Holiday blues

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 03 Jan 2024 05:00:00 GMT

The holiday season, traditionally associated with joy, warmth, and togetherness, can also cast a shadow over some of us. For many, the "holiday blues" are a real and challenging aspect of this time of year. Whether triggered by loneliness, loss, stress, or financial strain, these emotions can dampen the festive spirit.

According to the National Alliance of Mental Illness, the Holiday Blues affect 64% of the population. This means that over half of the world’s population feels everything but comfort and joy during the holiday season. Here are some tips for combating the holiday blues and coping during this time.

Learn to say “no”.

November and December are two of the busiest months of the year. It’s crucial to learn how to say “no” and be okay with not attending everything. Overbooking your schedule will only add to your pre-existing stress and anxiety.

Be open to new traditions.

Sometimes repetition can be boring, and traditions can hold you to unnecessary expectations. Try doing something different this year to add excitement to the season. Each holiday doesn’t need to be an exact replica of years past or match societal norms.

Pace yourself.

Take the season in stride. You don’t have to buy all Christmas gifts or mail out all Christmas cards in one day. Take breaks when you need to, and don’t feel ashamed about not getting all your tasks completed.

Don’t compare your family to others.

We all received those holiday cards where families send a long letter about their yearly accomplishments. While it’s nice to know what our friends have been up to, it can be demoralizing to compare your past year to theirs, especially if you are struggling with difficult circumstances. Everyone has bad years and good years, so it’s important not to try to compare your year to someone else’s.

Limit your alcohol intake.

With all the holiday parties, it’s easy to go for a glass of wine, or a beer. We are more likely to drink during the holiday season due to increased stress levels and social activity. Too much alcohol can be harmful to your mental health, so it’s wise to limit yourself, or avoid it entirely and grab a hot cocoa.

Surround yourself with the right people.

The Holiday season is all about the gift of family and friends. Surround yourself this season with the ones who bring joy into your life. Talk with these people through your highest and lowest moments and reach out to them when you are in need.

Don’t let the Holiday Blues consume you this year. Remember to take time for yourself, spend time with the ones you love, and create new memories that will last a lifetime.

Starting a New Year after a loss

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 19 Dec 2023 05:00:00 GMT

As the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve, millions of people around the world welcome the promise of a fresh start. However, for those who have lost a loved one, the arrival of the new year can evoke a whirlwind of emotions. Grieving during this time can feel particularly challenging, as it symbolizes bidding farewell to the past while embracing an uncertain future without someone dear to you. While everyone experiences grief differently, here are some tips to help get you into the new year.

Acknowledge and Honor Your Grief:

An Important step in healing after the loss of a loved one is acknowledging your grief. Allow yourself to feel the pain, sorrow, and emptiness that comes with their absence. Grieving is a natural and necessary process, and it's okay to experience a mix of emotions during the holiday season.

Embrace Support and Connection:

During difficult times, surrounding yourself with supportive friends, family, or support groups can make a significant difference. Share memories and stories about your loved one with those who can understand and empathize with your feelings.

Set Realistic Expectations:

Ditch the New Years Resolutions and be gentle with yourself during this time of transition. Understand that healing takes time, and it's okay to have moments of sadness even amidst the celebrations. Set realistic expectations for yourself and avoid unnecessary pressures to conform to the expectations of others.

Celebrating the new year after losing a loved one is undeniably difficult. But amidst the pain, grief, and heartache, there lies an opportunity for healing and growth. By acknowledging your emotions, seeking support, and honoring your loved one's memory, you can navigate through this challenging time with strength and resilience. Remember that the journey of healing is unique for everyone, and there is no "right" way to grieve. As you step into the new year, embrace the hope that a new chapter of your life awaits.

Why it’s a great idea to interview your loved ones this holiday season

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 07 Dec 2023 05:00:00 GMT

The holiday season can be a joyous time that brings families together. Why not take the opportunity to get to know your relatives a little better? Who knows, it might even prevent the annual argument about politics!

Here are a few topic ideas to get the discussion started.

Consider recording or filming the answers or the stories your loved ones have to tell (with their permission of course). This way you will always have a special recording or video of them to cherish forever. On behalf of our funeral home, we wish your family a safe and happy holiday season.

Recognizing National Hospice Month

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 02 Nov 2023 04:00:00 GMT

November is National Hospice Month, and we want to take a moment to thank the dedicated hospice professionals in our community who provide end-of-life care. Hospice and in-home hospice services provide pain management, symptom control and other support to patients and their families when a cure is not possible.

It truly takes a special individual to provide this kind of care when individuals and families need it the most, and we salute them for their good work.

Many of us may be faced with the eventual need of hospice services for a loved one or ourselves. We’d like to share a helpful website that can help get the conversation started, and take some of the uncertainty out of the process.

CaringInfo is a program of the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization, and shares information about planning for care, finding providers and support resources. We hope you find it helpful.

Planning ahead of time for funeral or cremation needs can also ease the burden of decision-making on your family when the time comes. Simply give us a call to get started.

October 30 is National Plan a Funeral Day

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 19 Oct 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Did you know that October 30 is National Plan a Funeral Day? Aside for the fact that there seems to be a holiday for everything nowadays, the rather intimidating reality is that if you or someone you love died tomorrow, the surviving family would be faced with at least 88 decisions to make in a very short amount of time. These range from notifications to authorities, family and friends, collection of information for the necessary paperwork, decisions about funeral or memorial services, payment arrangements, estate matters and much more.

The good news is that nearly 50 of these matters can be handled ahead of time through the preplanning process. If you like, you can start the process online to get an idea of service options and costs, and then meet with our staff to discuss all the details and file a plan of your wishes. We can also share with you some ways to set aside funds to cover these costs, including taking out a funeral insurance policy, assigning an existing life insurance policy, or participating in a state funeral trust. Any arrangements that you make ahead of time will lessen the burden on your surviving family members, and will be a blessing to them during what will be a very difficult time.

When you complete the process, you will have a plan in place for your loved ones to follow, so they can have the confidence that everything is being handled the way you wanted.

We understand that this process may feel daunting, and it can be hard to get started. But our preplanning associates are always here to help, with no pressure or obligation. Please give us a call today if you or a loved one needs to take this first step towards peace of mind.

Accepting help and support in planning a funeral

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Many details go into a funeral service to honor your loved one. Our staff will be here for you to make all of the arrangements. Sometimes, family and friends offer to help as well. Here are a few roles and tasks that can be accomplished by family, friends or professionals:Officiating the service - a pastor, religious official or celebrant preside over the service Readers and musiciansEulogistPallbearersGuestbook attendantEscort for elderly guestsHost for out-of-town guestsClean-up crew for the receptionAll of these tasks require different skill sets and talents, and more may arise as you continue the planning process. After talking with family and friends, you can decide who has the best skills for each job. Remember, you are providing them with an opportunity to support you through a difficult time, and perhaps find a measure of healing themselves. Here are some tasks that our staff will assist you with:Creating a slideshow of family photos to play before and after the service and during the visitationCreating a memorial program to hand out to guests at the serviceArranging flowers sent by friends and familyWriting the obituary and newspaper noticePlanning a funeral can be overwhelming, but relying on our team of professionals and friends and family can ease the stress.

9 Funeral Flowers and Their Meaning

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 19 Jul 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Picking out an arrangement for a family member or friend who has passed can be overwhelming. With the many options of colors and types of flowers, it's important to know you're picking the right ones to honor your loved one. Here is a list of our most popular funeral flowers and the meaning behind their beauty.

Lilies

The most traditional funeral flowers center around the lily. The lily can be a powerful symbol of the spirit of a loved one that offers hope and encouragement to a grieving family. White is a good color to send for a faith-based or religious service.

Carnations

Carnations are a very popular choice for sympathy flowers. They are fragrant and long-lasting flowers, making them ideal for services that last for several days. A white carnation represents purity and innocence. Pink carnations send thoughts of remembrance.

Chrysanthemums

The chrysanthemum, or mum, makes a wonderful choice when mourning with a family that has ties to Europe or Asia. China, Korea and Japan use white chrysanthemums to symbolize grief.

Gladioli

When mourning someone who displayed strength and character in life, the gladioli is an excellent choice to send to the family. As a sympathy flower, its message is one of upliftment during a time of loss.

Roses

Roses have a universal meaning that makes them ideal as a funeral flower. Red roses express love and respect. Pink roses are a sign of appreciation and grace. If you're celebrating the life of a close friend, yellow roses are suitable. Like the lily, white roses tend to represent purity and innocence.

Orchids

If you wish to say “I will always love you,” send an orchid. Express your sympathy with a pink, purple or white orchid plant.

Hydrangeas

Not all funeral flowers are cut flowers. Sending a potted hydrangea plant is a good option when you want the family to have continued support. Potted hydrangeas can be planted outdoors when the family is ready, and they will bloom for years afterward.

Daffodils and Tulips

Daffodils and tulips send a message of renewal, especially bright yellow varieties. Both flowers bring encouragement and hope to a grieving family.

Forget-Me-Nots

The meaning of this flower shouldn’t be too difficult to decipher. The forget-me-not communicates a simple but essential message to a family: your loved one lives on in our hearts and memories.

Create a family time capsule

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 13 Jul 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Time capsules are a wonderful way of preserving and keeping family traditions alive. They hold memories that have the ability to come back to life when opened, and on top of all that they teach us about our history and how lucky we are to have our family. Time capsules can be simple to start/update and are not necessarily always buried away only to be opened 100 years later. However, depending on your family, maybe a time capsule that cannot be opened until 100 years later may be best.

Today, family time capsules can be kept entirely online, or simply in a shoebox or closet. Families that hold their time capsules online have an advantage because they are able to share and update their capsule at any time and at any location allowing all family member ability to contribute and learn. Additionally, with online capsules, you do not have the advantage of seeing or holding items, but you can take pictures, and scan documents

As far as content that goes into a time capsule, anything that’s important to you and your family can be added. Maybe, it’s love letters sent between your great grandma and grandpa, or maybe it’s the last text message or transcribed voice message received from a family member. Really, anything that has ever had any significance to your family should be included.

Here's a list of-of items that you can include in your family time capsule:

Feel free to adjust the list as it suits your family be creative and think of the future generations of your family. Finally, have fun when putting these together! These capsules are there to bring families closer together.

8 Listening Do’s and Don’ts When Someone is Grieving

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 22 Jun 2023 04:00:00 GMT

When someone is grieving, it can be hard to know what to do. How to console them, how to let them know that you understand their pain, and most of all how to be there for them during daily life. Here are some of the Do’s and Don’ts when it comes to being there for someone in your life when they lose someone important to them:

1) Reach out: Acknowledge the loss for your friend and reach out to them to let them know you’re there. After a loss, they will be blindsided. Take the initiative and let them know you’re sorry for their loss and how you’re there for them. Whether it’s in person, a phone call, or an e-mail/letter. Just reach out in any way possible.

2) Listen more, talk less: We understand, this is a tough one. You want to keep telling your friend that “I’m here for you”, “What can I do to help you?”, etc. The best thing you can do is just listen. Your friend has experienced a loss, so let them get their words out and just be there for them. If there is a dark side to the passing, don’t be afraid to listen to it. Listen intently and with genuine curiosity, and don’t be afraid to ask questions, but understand that there may be things your friend may not want to get into right away, and that is just okay. Know your friend may start crying and you might too. That’s fine, because sometimes actions like tears may speak more than words do.

3) Reminisce: If you knew the deceased, share memories or photos of them with the grieving. If you didn’t know them, then ask to hear a story about them. It’ll show your friend that while their loved one may be gone, the memories of them are still there and deserved to be shared with others.

4) Check in later: Grief has no timetable and people still may be dealing with its effects even months later. Make sure to check in later and see how they’re doing, maybe invite them out to lunch or a cup of coffee and see how they’re coping with the loss.

5) Don’t ignore them: Rejection makes us all scared, but don’t let that fear stop you from reaching out. You can be worried about saying the wrong thing, but willfully ignoring them is worse. You don’t have to be there 24/7 for them — we all have our own lives too — but a simple reaching out and offering condolences is better than ghosting them.

6) Don’t compare: Every loss hurts. Whether it’s a father, a child, or a pet. Every grief is different and there is no reason to compare. Just work on being there for them and allowing them to work through their grief.

7) Don’t rush: Grief is different for everyone. Whether it was a father who lived to the ripe age of 90, or the loss of a child. Each loss is an intense experience, and an individual never gets over a loss — they only learn to manage it.

8) Don’t let fear stop you: It’s understandable to be worried how to reach out to someone. Maybe they want to be left alone, maybe they’ll want to vent and you don’t know how to help them in their time of need; these are all valid reasons, but don’t let that stop you from reaching out. What your friend needs to know more than anything is that they have a network of friends and family who are there for them, even in the smallest ways possible.

Four things everyone should know about planning a cremation or funeral

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 08 Jun 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Planning a cremation or funeral after a loved one has passed requires decision-making, financial arrangements and organization in the midst of grief and sadness. Arranging for these services in advance can remove the burden of making such hard decisions during a very emotional time. Here are four things to know:

1. Prearranging allows you and your loved ones to learn about all of your options, including services, merchandise, and memorial keepsakes, and make the choices that are right for you. No two families are alike, and we will help you with the arrangements that are meaningful to you.

2. Prearranging allows you to fully document your wishes, eliminating confusion and removing the burden of decision-making from your loved ones after your passing. They will not need to wonder what you would have wanted, or worry that they might be acting against your wishes.

3. When you prearrange, you can set aside funds to pay for cremation or funeral arrangements, easing the financial burden on your loved ones. While we are committed to keeping our prices low and very affordable, cremation or funeral costs can still be an unexpected expense that might come at a difficult time for your family.

4. Arrangements do not have to be a long, formal process. We offer several ways to preplan. You can make an appointment with our staff to arrange in person, arrange online through our website, or make arrangements via email or over the phone.

Please contact us for more information about preplanning.

10 ways to observe Memorial Day

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 25 May 2023 04:00:00 GMT

This Memorial Day, we honor the memory of those who gave their lives in service to our country. Before firing up the grill, shopping great deals on appliances and enjoying the day off from work, consider these ideas of simple things you can do to make a difference on Memorial Day.

1. Serve those who have served

Set aside a day or even just a couple of hours to volunteer and serve your community out of appreciation for those who’ve served our nation. You can discover opportunities locally at http://www.milserve.org . VA Hospitals also need volunteers. You can find information about volunteering at your nearby VA Hospital on their website .

2. Attend a parade or memorial service

Get into the Memorial Day spirit by getting out and supporting local Memorial Day events. Attending these events is a great way to honor veterans with your presence. Parades are also a great way to engage children by helping them understand the significance of the holiday.

3. Raise your flag

Fly the American flag using proper mourning etiquette. On Memorial Day, the American flag should be displayed at half-staff from morning to noon, and at full-staff from noon to sunset. Half-staff is the position located in the middle of the flagpole, and full-staff is the position at the very top of the flagpole. You can find more information on flag etiquette here .

4. Honor the National Moment of Remembrance.

In 2000, Congress created the National Moment to make sure our troops are honored on Memorial Day. At 3 p.m. on Memorial Day, every American is asked to pause for just one minute to honor the fallen.

5. Watch/Listen to the National Memorial Day Concert.

The concert is broadcasted on PBS and NPR and takes place on the west lawn of the United States Capitol. The concert includes music but also tributes to the men and women who gave their lives for their country. Listen to it here !

6. Share a photo of your beloved fallen soldier on Social Media.

Memorial Day is a day about remembering, after all. Here’s a list of popular #MemorialDay hashtags for added visibility:

1 #Veterans

2 #Military

3 #USA

4 #ThankaVet

5 #HonorOurVets

6 #MemorialDayEeekend

7 #USmilitary

7. Visit a historical military landmark or memorial site.

Many of the proceeds earned from military museums, parks and similar memorials are donated to veterans or to the families of late soldiers. Visit Military.com to view a full list of military-themed monuments, memorials and museums to visit around the country.

8. Keep your family’s personal military history alive

Often times, veteran’s stories are left untold. This Memorial Day, make an effort to share stories of family members who served in the military. If you have someone willing to reminiscence, turn on a recorder or write down notes. This is part of your family history.

Tell their stories before it’s too late. The Library of Congress is also collecting the tales of veterans of every war with the Veteran’s History Project. Learn more about how you can get involved.

9. If you are a Veteran, please, take a moment to write your own history.

We understand that you may not want to share some experiences. However, your family, our nation and future generations can certainly learn a lot from your stories. Consider scanning letters written during your time of service and creating a display for storing medals, ribbons and badtes, certificates and military memorabilia.

10. Write a thank-you letter

A simple letter of thanks can mean so much to a veteran or current member of the armed forces whether it’s your grandfather or someone you’ve never met. A Million Thanks makes it easy to send a letter to men and women in the military, and making a card is a fun, hands-on activity for kids of all ages. Check out how you can do this here .

3 Things Veterans Need to Know About End-of-Life Arrangements

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 11 May 2023 04:00:00 GMT

A long-standing tradition in our country is special benefits earned by those who have served in the armed forces. The Department of Veteran Affairs takes special care to pay lasting tribute to the memory of Veterans who served and sacrificed. Veterans in every branch of the armed forces and their families are entitled to burial and funeral benefits.

One of the biggest misunderstandings when it comes to veteran burial and funeral expenses are that the benefits are not all-inclusive.

“It's very important for veterans to understand their benefits and options,” said David Campanella, a funeral director at Newcomer. "For all that veterans have done for us and our country – they deserve to take advantage of these benefits."

To ensure your final arrangements can be handled smoothly for your family, start by learning exactly what veteran services you are entitled.

#1: Understand what benefits the VA provides and which they don’t

If you’re surprised that the government doesn’t cover the expenses for every veteran’s funeral, you’re not alone. Many veterans make the mistake of fully relying on their VA benefits at the time of their death.

The VA pays for a burial space for you, your spouse and dependents at a National Veterans Cemetery. You’re also entitled to a burial flag, a Presidential certificate and other honors.

The VA does not cover some very important funeral arrangements including the cost of a casket and any burials that are not held at national cemeteries. Also, the free funeral benefit that many veterans are anticipating only applies to veterans that die during active duty assignments. This means retired veterans don’t have their funeral costs paid.

Knowing the benefits that you are eligible for will inform your process as you plan your final services.

#2: Consider military cemetery vs. private cemetery

One of the major decisions you’ll need to make is whether to take advantage of national or state cemetery benefits or to choose burial at a private cemetery. Regardless of which you decide on –you are entitled to full military funeral honors, as outlined under Public Law 106-65.

The burial space provided in your benefits can be reserved in a national cemetery, of which there are currently 135 throughout the United States and Puerto Rico. You may also be eligible for burial in a state Veteran’s Cemetery, depending on your residence.

#3: Contact us for your pre-planning services

Now that you have a better idea of what’s covered in your veteran’s funeral, we can help you plan the details of your ceremony. Allow your family to have peace of mind that these details are already taken care of so they may grieve and not be stressed with having to make so many decisions in a such a short amount of time.

Also, pre-planning your funeral makes your wishes clear to your entire family, so they don’t deal with emotional overspending. You’ll have the time to make your ceremony special and beautiful to detail your life and career.

We’re happy and available to answer any questions you have regarding your veteran benefits or funeral pre-planning.

Presidential Memorial Certificates

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 10 May 2023 16:50:00 GMT

The family of an honorably discharged veteran may receive special Presidential Memorial Certificates in grateful recognition of their loved one’s service. This program began in 1962 by President John F. Kennedy and continues to this day.
The engraved certificate is signed by the current President to honor the service and memory of the veteran.
A certificate can be ordered for each family member if they would each like a keepsake. Our funeral directors will work with the Department of Veterans Affairs to obtain the certificates.

Grief and Gratitude

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 01 May 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Can we grieve loss while still feeling gratitude for the goodness in our lives?

After we experience a loss, we tend to focus on what we no longer have. As a result, we focus on what is missing in our life, rather than all the wonderful things we still have. Finding gratitude in our everyday lives can help us see our situations in ways that can lessen anxiety and help us cope with grief.

Here are some ways you can practice gratitude:

Keep a gratitude journal - Start by giving thanks for one thing each day. Nothing is too big or too small. If it comes to your mind, it is worth writing down. It is amazing when you look back to see how much can change over time.

Give at least one compliment daily - It can be to a person, or it can be asking someone to share your appreciation of something else, like asking “Isn’t it a beautiful day?” Don’t forget that you can always compliment yourself. Self-love is the first step into loving others and the world around you.

Practice mindfulness to appreciate each moment - Focus on the present moment and what’s all around you. Use all of your senses: What do you see, feel, hear, smell, or taste? This practice helps ground you in the present and can loosen the grip of darker emotions for a time.

It may be hard at first especially when you do not feel grateful for anything. Start small, maybe you can be grateful for your morning coffee, a warm meal, or a good song. It is noticing the small things that we take for granted and being aware of the world around us that can help shift our focus from grief. Grief isn’t something to get over. Without the deep love and connection we’ve had with those we’ve lost, we wouldn’t be grieving. Gratitude has the power to help those in mourning rise above a loss providing hope and moments of grace.

Grief and Gratitude

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 28 Apr 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Can we grieve loss while still feeling gratitude for the goodness in our lives?

Here are some ways you can practice gratitude:

4 Steps to Organizing End-of-Life Documents

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 27 Apr 2023 04:00:00 GMT

Organizing your end-of-life documents in a thorough manner allows your final wishes to be handled in a way that suits you, without creating a burden for your family.

Following these four steps will help you with logistical issues that may come with funeral planning, passing on wealth and honoring laws and regulations.

Keep Your Will Updated and Accessible

The creation of your will is a very important part of handling your final wishes, and it is also important that it remains updated through any life or wealth changes. You can update your will as often as you would like. The most recently filed draft is the one that will be honored at the time of your passing.

Be sure that your estate lawyer has the most recent copy of your will. Name an executor that can be trusted to set the process in motion, and make sure that they know how to get in touch with your attorney. The executor will also need to get a copy of your death certificate, to settle matters with the bank and to receive your life insurance payouts.

Preplan Your Funeral Arrangements

Funeral costs can be a burden to your family when you do not plan ahead. Rather than simply set aside a lump sum of money to handle your funeral arrangements, work with our funeral home to preplan.

With funeral preplanning, you’ll not only decide how much money will be spent; you’ll make provisions for how it is spent. This takes the guesswork out of whether you would like cremation or burial, what type of service, the casket or urn you would prefer, the music you want to be played at the service and many more critical decisions. Having to work through these in a time of grief will only add stress to your loved ones.

Suzette Yost, who helps families prearrange their services, explains that “On our website, we have a place to request “A Helpful Guide for My Loved Ones.” This document helps to keep vital funeral planning information all in one place.”

“The guide gives families a place to start,” Yost said. “After a funeral has taken place people understand how important preplanning is, whether they did or did not preplan.”

Take it a step further by visiting our funeral home to explore your options to help you make decisions on memorial service type, caskets, etc. If funeral costs are allocated in your life insurance policy, you can bring the policy to the funeral home to have on file when arrangements need to be made.

Make Your Financial Matters Plain

When organizing documents, be sure that all of your banking and investment information is clearly laid out. Set aside paperwork dealing with bank accounts, 401k’s, RIA’s, stock market investments, pensions and other matters that may be passed along.

If you have not done so already, contact each financial institution and set up a benefactor. This way, they won’t have to wait for the execution of the will to have funds or custody of the account transferred. Clearly outlining such matters also keeps peace in the family during a difficult time.

Set Aside Important Documents For Safe Keeping

There are countless loose ends to tie up when a person passes that a will and life insurance might not cover. Setting aside key documents and instructions will guide your loved ones on how to proceed.

Open a safe deposit box and store important documents inside. Things like car titles, investment paperwork and property deeds can be stored in this box, to be retrieved by a family member. You can also digitize these documents and include them on a flash drive or in the cloud.

In addition to maintaining a safe deposit box that your loved ones can access, forward copies of these documents to your attorney whenever possible. The easier you make the roadmap for your loved ones to follow, the easier they’ll be able to execute your affairs.

Following these four steps will lessen your family’s burden of decision-making and help them handle matters as smoothly as possible, during what will be a difficult time.

What to say to a grieving person: a simple guide

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 13 Apr 2023 04:00:00 GMT

When somebody we care about is dealing with a loss, we often find ourselves at a loss for words. We want to be comforting. We want to make them feel better somehow. At the very least, we don’t want to say anything that makes them feel worse.

It’s easy to resort to clichés – the same types of things that we’ve heard others say in the past. Sometimes that’s OK, and sometimes those very clichés are actually a little bit destructive.

We’ve put together a quick guide for you of some good things to say to a grieving friend and some others you might want to avoid.

Five things to say to a grieving person

“I’m sorry for your loss.” To-the-point and honest, this is one of those clichés that stands the test of time.

“Let me help you with _______.” Rather than asking your grieving friend what she’d like help with, simply make a suggestion. “Let me take care of mowing your lawn for the next few weeks.” “I’m running to the store, how about I grab you some groceries?” It can be difficult for a griever to ask for help or to specify what she needs. If you see opportunities to help, just offer.

“Would you like to talk about it?” Your friend may not be ready to discuss how he’s feeling just yet, but if he is, lending an ear can be a major benefit to his recovery. Offer to listen. If he says he’s not ready, accept that answer. If he is ready, really listen, and try not to interject with “you should”s.

“Can I tell you my favorite memory with your loved one?” This is an easy, genuine way to help your friend celebrate the life of the one they lost.

“I’m here for you if you need me for anything.” Loss can make the griever feel lonely. Just letting them know that they have a friend willing to pick up the phone at any time can be enormously soothing.

Five things not to say to a grieving person

“It was her time.” Any statement insinuating that your friend’s loss was necessary or intentional should be avoided. You would never tell a sick friend that it was “just her time” to get sick, would you? Along those same lines…

“This was a part of God’s plan.” This one, like “It was her time,” assumes that your friend’s loss was purposeful. It also assumes that you know something about the loss that she doesn’t. Sometimes hard things happen, and we don’t know why. That’s OK to recognize.

“You need to stay strong.” Your friend is allowed to feel however he feels. If he wants to cry, he should be allowed to. If he shuts down emotionally, that’s his right, too. Stay by his side if you can, but don’t force a griever to grieve in any particular way.

“He is in a better place.” No matter what your beliefs, in the eyes of the one grieving, the very best place for their lost loved one to be would be here on Earth, alive.

"I know how you feel.” Everybody’s situation is different. Although you’ve probably experienced something similar to what your friend is going through, you don’t know exactly how they feel, and saying that you do diminishes their experience. Better would be to say, “I don’t know how you’re feeling, but I’m here for you.”

How journaling can help your grief process

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 22 Mar 2023 04:00:00 GMT

After you've experienced a loss, journaling is a healthy way to release emotions that you may be keeping inside, and to help you move forward in your healing journey. Grief Counselor Joy Bishop, a clinically licensed social worker and a certified counselor in death and grief by Dr. Alan Wolfelt's Center for Loss and Life Transition, gives advice on the grieving process and importance of grieving in your own way, at your own pace. Joy encourages those going through their grief journey to keep a journal. Here she gives a few tips for journaling to help you get started.

Keep writing when you start. Don't go back and re-read or edit what you wrote. Just keep writing without thinking about it too hard. The natural flow of your emotions will likely come pouring out and will feel therapeutic.

Write as if no one is judging you. Keep your journal private to you and write like no one will read it. Treat your journal like it is exclusively yours to release emotions and don’t hold back on what you write, this will help to get everything you’re feeling off your chest.

Forget logic and grammar when writing. Don’t think about how you’re writing, just let it flow naturally. Throw logic and grammar out the window when writing and just write for your own emotional health.

Use a prompt to get you started. If you are stuck on how to begin journaling, here are some prompts to get you going:

Reflections on the loss of a grandparent

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 08 Mar 2023 05:00:00 GMT

For many of us, the death of a grandparent is the first time we experience the loss of someone close to us. If your grandparent died when you were very young, you might not have clear memories of the time beyond a general sense that your routine was upset and the adults around you were sad. If you were older, you may experience the loss more deeply and personally.

The death of your grandparent affects your entire family, often in different ways. Your parents, aunts and uncles lost a parent, and their loss is different than yours. Perhaps they are facing the new challenge of being the oldest remaining generation of your family. Your siblings and cousins will have had their own unique relationship with your grandparent, and they will grieve differently than you as well. It’s important to try to be sensitive to where other family members are at during this hard time, while you are working through all of it yourself.

Sometimes when an older person dies, well-meaning friends or family might tell us that they “lived a full life” or it was “their time.” While this might make sense from a statistical perspective, logic doesn’t necessarily matter to the heart. Most of the time, we are never ready to lose a loved one. If possible, try to take these comments in the caring spirit in which they were probably meant.

One of the aspects of losing a loved one is coming to terms with the future without them being physically present with you, or a phone call or email away. Special occasions and milestones in your life will now happen without them, but in time, you may create ways to include and honor their memory. This might take the form of a memory table at special event with photographs of your grandparent and others in the family who are no longer physically present. Perhaps you will remember them at the holidays by hanging a favorite ornament on a tree, baking their famous recipe or lighting a candle in their memory.

Eventually, it can be more healing than hurtful to talk about your grandparent. Purposefully sharing memories with other family members at special occasions can be hard at first, while the grief is still sharp. But as time passes, you may find this easier, and shared memories can help bind the remaining generations of a family together.

The 88 decisions that must be made when someone dies

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 22 Feb 2023 05:00:00 GMT

When someone dies, there are at least 88 decisions and action steps that need to be handled by survivors. Many of the decisions can be made in advance, which is why making prearranged funeral or cremation plans can be so helpful.

Gathering Information The first set of tasks involves gathering basic information known as vital statistics. This information is needed for burial and cremation permits, and filing the death certificate with the State. A death certificate must be issued before matters of an estate can be handled. This information needs to be carefully verified and provided to the funeral home, who will submit the information to the State and secure the death certificates for you.

Notifications You will want to notify a number of people as soon as possible when a loved one dies, including relatives, doctors, the funeral home and cemetery, your loved one’s friends, employer, and professionals like their insurance agent, attorney and accountant or executor of the estate. Additionally, it is good to notify any organizations they belonged to, and if you can access their social media accounts, you may put out a message there as well. Having these individuals and organization written down in one place ahead of time makes this project much easier.

Funeral Arrangements After you select a funeral home, there will be many decisions to make concerning services and memorials. This includes the location and time of the visitation and ceremony, and the order and components of the service, including those who will speak or perform, special music or readings, flowers, military funeral honors, etc. You will also select merchandise such as a casket, urn or vault. The funeral director will help you write an obituary about your loved one’s life for the newspaper and/or sharing online. Additionally, you can select a charitable organization to receive memorial donations in your loved one’s memory. Cemetery arrangements will also need to be made concerning burial or inurnment.

Hospitality If you have family members and friends traveling in for the services, there will be a number of things to coordinate with them, including lodging, transportation, meals and childcare. You will no doubt receive many phone calls, cards and social media messages of support, so you will want to keep track of these and respond when you are able.

On the day of the visitation and services, you will meet with the funeral home staff to ensure that everything is ready and then receive your guests. After services conclude, you may have additional hospitality activities related to family and friends who have gathered.

Financial Matters There will be financial matters to settle with the funeral home, cemetery (if applicable) and others who assist with the services, including officiants, musicians, florists and caterers. In addition, your loved one may have mortgage payments, auto loans, phone and utility bills, healthcare expenses and other financial matters to settle, which can take some time. You will need to collect additional documents, noted below, to establish your right to make decisions related to property and benefits.

If this all sounds overwhelming, it definitely can be. That is why we recommend planning out as much in advance as possible. You don’t have to wait until you are elderly or ill to make these plans – it is really never too early to get started. Once you get the basics established, it is simple to update your information when life circumstances or your preferences change.

Below is the full list of the 88 Decisions that must be made when someone dies. As we mentioned, many of these matters can be handled in advance, and you will find these noted with an asterisk. Please give us a call today to see how we can help you create an advance funeral or cremation plan. Funding options are available, or you can simply make a written record of your wishes. We are always here to help.

I. Secure Vital Statistics (Required for burial permit)

*1. ____Name, home address and telephone number *2. ____How long in state *3. ____Name of business, address and telephone number *4. ____Occupation and title *5. ____Social Security number *6. ____War Veterans Serial number *7. ____Date of Birth *8. ____Place of Birth *9. ____Citizenship *10. ____Father’s name *11. ____Father’s birthplace *12. ____Mother’s maiden name *13. ____Mother’s birthplace *14. ____Religious name (if any)
II. Pay Some or All of the Following *15. ____Family burial estate *16. ____Memorials *17. ____Funeral home *18. ____Interment service 19. ____Clergy 20. ____Florist 21. ____Clothing 22. ____Transportation 23. ____Telephone bill 24. ____Food 25. ____Doctors’ bills 26. ____Home healthcare bills 27. ____Hospital and ambulance bills 28. ____Medicine and drug bills 29. ____Other current and urgent bills (mortgage or rent, taxes, installment payments)
III. Collect Documents (Required to establish rights for insurance, pensions, social security, ownership, relationship, etc.) *30. ____Will *31. ____Legal proof of age or birth certificate *32. ____Social Security card or number *33. ____Marriage license *34. ____Citizenship papers *35. ____Insurance policies (life, health and accident, property) *36. ____Bank books *37. ____Deeds to property *38. ____Bill of sale of car *39. ____Income tax returns, receipts or canceled checks *40. ____Veterans discharge certificate *41. ____Disability claims *42. ____Cemetery Certificate of Ownership
IV. Decisions and Arrangements *43. ____Select funeral home *44. ____Choose funeral service and burial/cremation options *45. ____Select burial estate location and which space to open *46. ____Choose memorial type and inscription *47. ____Select casket and/or urn type *48. ____Select clothing for deceased *49. ____Choose vault or sectional crypt *50. ____Select type of service (religious, military, fraternal) *51. ____Choose special selection from scriptures 52. ____Select clergy to officiate *53. ____Select place where service is to be held 54. ____Select time for funeral service *55. ____Decide charitable organization to which donations are suggested in memory of deceased 56. ____Provide information for eulogy *57. ____Select pallbearers 58. ____Select flowers *59. ____Select music 60. ____Choose clothing for family 61. ____Prepare at home, including food for family and guests 62. ____Obtain extra chairs 63. ____Arrange transportation for family and guests, including planning funeral car list 64. ____Check and sign necessary papers for burial permit *65. ____Provide vital statistics about deceased to funeral home *66. ____Provide addresses and telephone numbers for relatives and friends 67. ____Answer innumerable sympathetic phone calls, messages, cards and letters 68. ____Meet and talk with funeral director, cemetery representative and clergy 69. ____Greet all friends and relatives who call 70. ____Arrange for meeting relatives who arrive from out-of-town at airport 71. ____Provide lodging for out-of-town relatives and friends 72. ____Make list of callers and floral tributes sent for mailing cards of thanks *73. ____Arrange for special religious services *74. ____Check will regarding special wishes 75. ____Order death certificate 76. ____Look after children
V. Notify As Soon As Possible 77. ____Doctor or doctors 78. ____Funeral home 79. ____Cemetery 80. ____All relatives 81. ____All friends 82. ____Employer of deceased 83. ____Employers of family members missing work 84. ____Pallbearers 85. ____Insurance agents (life, health and accident) 86. ____Religious, fraternal, civic, veterans organizations, unions and deceased’s social media accounts 87. ____Newspapers regarding notices 88. ____Attorney, accountant or executor of estate

How to avoid emotional overspending

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 24 Jan 2023 05:00:00 GMT

Planning ahead allows you to fully consider all your choices, and avoid emotional overspending, so if you'd like to learn more, please give us a call.

Learn about the Newcomer family tradition

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Sun, 15 Jan 2023 17:09:00 GMT

Our funeral home benefits from a long and rich tradition going back to 1893, when my great-grandfather opened a funeral home. Followed by my grandfather, father, myself - and now my children Maggie and John - the tradition of providing quality funeral service at a fair price has guided our family for generations.
Simply put, these principles are the cornerstone of our funeral home. We believe you deserve personal service, merchandise of the highest quality, and a price that is fair to you. In today's world of large corporations and ever-increasing prices, we are proud to be able to serve you with the highest caliber of personal service at a price that is far below what other funeral homes charge.
You have our word that we will continue to work faithfully to uphold the family heritage that has served our families so well for generations.

Learn more about a career with our funeral home or our scholarship for aspiring funeral directors.

Expressing appreciation for those who helped in a time of loss

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 10 Jan 2023 05:00:00 GMT

When you lose a loved one, you may be surprised at the kindness and compassion shown to you by friends, co-workers and family members, some of whom you may not have seen or heard from in years. Many people will reach out to see what they can do to help you during your time of grief.

While it may be hard to find the time or energy to write a thank you card after the death of a loved one, this is a nice way of acknowledging the love and kindness that others have shown you and your family during this time. There is no set deadline when it comes to sending out thank you cards, though getting them out within two or three weeks after the service is ideal.

There is no need to send a formal thank you note to everyone who came to the memorial service, or sent you a sympathy card. However, it is common to write to people who:

• Sent or brought flowers
• Donated to charity in your loved one’s name
• Brought food, watched children or ran errands
• Musicians, readers or clergy who played a role in a memorial service
• Someone who went out of their way to share a memory or story about your loved one that was especially meaningful

Even if it takes some time for you to feel ready to tackle the task of writing thank you notes, it is never too late to send them out. The notes do not need to be long; they simply need to express your gratitude and appreciation.

DIY Memorial Ornaments

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 19 Dec 2022 05:00:00 GMT

DIY memorial ornaments can be simple, yet powerful additions to your holiday décor - a small way to hold your loved one close this Christmas season and in years to come. We’ve listed several simple ornaments that anyone can make.

Our Benefits

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 08 Dec 2022 05:00:00 GMT

Our Core Values of Excellence, Trust, Care and Growth drive our high standards for our benefits program. We believe in taking good care of our associates, so they can take care of the needs of our families.

Healthcare - We offer a choice of two health insurance plans to meet your personal needs with the company paying a large portion of the premium. We offer dental and vision plans for you and your family. Our plan also includes company-paid life insurance, voluntary benefit options and a Flexible Spending Account. Part-time associates who meet certain eligibility requirements can also receive 401(k), dental and vision benefits.

Financial - Our company offers profit sharing, 401k and Roth retirement with a 4% company match to all full-time and eligible part-time associates.

Career Path - Our associates are encouraged to develop their skills within the company. Professional development is supported by training resources and tuition reimbursement. Additionally, we offer a student loan repayment assistance program to help associates pay off their student loans faster. Last year, this program helped associates make an impact of over $750,000 on their student loan debt!

Community – We work and live here, but we also give here. All team members are encouraged to participate in civic organizations and give back to our community. We are proud to support our community through charitable giving, and team members are encouraged to participate in selecting worthy organizations to support.

If this sounds like a place for you to share and grow your talent, we would love to hear from you. Apply today !

How to deliver a great eulogy

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 06 Dec 2022 05:00:00 GMT

Writing and delivering a eulogy is hard. You’ve lost someone close to you and you’re dealing with the stages of grief while trying to deal with the pressures of everyday life — because the world doesn’t stop even if you feel like it has. So what do you do when you’re tasked with remembering a loved one’s life after they’re gone? Here are a few tips that may help you:

1. Start early if you can: While death is generally unexpected, if you have a loved one who is getting older and/or happens to be hospitalized, beginning to think about their life and legacy ahead of time makes sense. Most funerals are planned in a few short days, so you’ll need to make the most of your time.

2. Collaborate with others: Ask friends and family for their favorite stories involving your loved one. You may hear some stories you’ve never heard before, and this can give you fresh insight and stir your own memories. Consider recording your discussions so nothing is lost.

3. Write everything down: Write or record your thoughts or things you want to make sure that nothing is forgotten. Keep a notepad handy so you can jot down thoughts as they come to you.

4. Keep it personal: The eulogy is about the person and who they were during their time with the living, and a great eulogy helps the listener learn more about their life and what made them unique. Biographical details like where they went to school, where they spent their career, and awards and recognition are important to share, but a great eulogy goes beyond those details and shares the things that were important to them, what values they passed on to their family, the impact they made on others. Try to focus on the person they were, not just what they did.

5. Make it as positive as you can: Funerals are a sad experience to begin with, so try to keep the overall tone positive. Focus on the light and unique perspective that they brought to our world.

6. Rehearse: If you are delivering the eulogy as well as writing it, you need to practice. You’ll be talking about some very emotionally draining things. While rehearsing you’re probably going to cry, and that’s okay. You’ll have to practice pushing through these pangs of grief, to continue delivering a memorable eulogy.

7. Connect with your audience: Everyone at the funeral has some connection to the deceased, so make sure to address them while giving your speech. Don’t be afraid to make eye contact or point out those who may have shared in a particular experience when going through a particular funny or enjoyable memory.

Finally, if you know that standing up to deliver the eulogy is beyond you, don't be afraid to ask the person officiating the service, or a good friend, to read it for you. We are not all comfortable speaking in front of groups, and a time of grief is not always the best time to step outside your comfort zone.

Even with these tips, eulogy writing is no easy task. You’re working through your own grief while trying to honor your loved one’s memory. Hopefully this can give you a roadmap that’ll allow you to craft a wonderful tribute to your loved one.

Resources for talking to parents about death

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 29 Nov 2022 05:00:00 GMT

What is the most uncomfortable conversation you’ve ever had with your parents? Was it the first time you broke curfew or got into a fender-bender? Or maybe it came after you brought home a date who refused to eat your mom’s cooking.

Many of us avoid talking to our parents about what will happen when they die, because it is uncomfortable, and we don’t want to think about it anyway. But if the worst were to happen, and they were to pass away suddenly, you would be faced with making lots of decisions on their behalf during a very stressful time, without really knowing what they would have wanted.

Talking to your parents about end-of-life issues such as medical directives, funeral plans and wills can be a really healthy conversation to have, and give both of you the peace of mind that comes from having it all out in the open.

So how do you start the conversation? First, pick a time when you and your parents are relaxed and able to have a discussion. You can start by simply asking them what to do if anything ever happened to them. Where their important papers are located, who to notify, etc. They don’t have to share all of the details with you, but you do need to know where to find information when you need it.

The conversation may naturally lead into their thoughts on funeral or cremation arrangements. Or it might not. Let the discussion flow, and perhaps revisit it another time if you don’t get all of the information you need.

A good time to have this conversation is before they take a trip or a planned vacation. They will probably already give you emergency contact information and an itinerary, so it can be a natural fit.

Another idea is to make your own arrangements, and sit down and discuss them with your parents so they will know your personal wishes. Then you can ask them if they have given any thought to their own plans. You can formalize arrangements with a cremation or funeral provider, or simply make some notes on what you do or do not want.

At our funeral home, we make the advance planning process very simple, and we're always here if you have questions.

When you can't make it to a service

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 21 Nov 2022 16:55:00 GMT

While you’d like to be able to attend a funeral in person, this is not always possible due to cost or schedule conflicts. However, there are many other ways to pay your respects to the deceased, even if you are not able to be there for the funeral service itself. If you’re looking for an alternative way to honor the memory of a person who has died, consider these tips:
It’s never too late to send flowers. Sending flowers is a traditional and beautiful way to express your sympathy to the family of the deceased. You can send flowers or a lasting plant to the funeral home, to the house of worship where the service will take place or to the family’s home. Including a thoughtful note on the card is a warm gesture that the family will appreciate.
Sign the online guestbook. As people, we have become very accustomed to email and other electronic means for sending messages. Online condolences are often saved and read multiple times by loved ones and friends of the deceased, as it’s comforting to reread sympathy messages. Even short sentiments reminding the bereaved that their loved ones are remembered and that they’re not alone in their grief can be helpful.
Pay a visit to the family’s home. If you’re close to the family of the deceased but cannot attend the funeral, consider paying a visit to them at their home. It is often helpful to bring them food, as they will likely be drained and not up for cooking. You can also offer to watch any young children who live in the home so that the older relatives can run errands and attend to funeral-related tasks.
If you’re visiting the family’s home just to pay your respects, make it a point to keep your stay short. In some cases, the family of the deceased may feel pressure to entertain you while you’re visiting them, which can become a burden during this period of time. Stay just long enough to offer your sympathies, and then leave the family to spend some time together.
Offer kind words in a card. If you don’t feel close enough to the family to visit them at their home, there are plenty of other ways to express your sympathy. Consider writing a card that offers your condolences and that gives insight about what made the person who died an important part of your life. Families delight in hearing stories about how their loved one helped or inspired others, so these words will be much appreciated during this challenging and grief-filled time.
Make a charitable contribution. If the person who has died was passionate about a particular charity, consider making a donation to this organization in the person’s name. This is an effective way to keep the person’s memory alive, while improving the lives of those in need.
If you are unable to attend the funeral, try to be present at the visitation if possible. A visitation takes place prior to the service and is typically held in the evening. Even if you cannot attend the funeral itself, supporting the family at the visitation is an important gesture of respect. If you are not extremely close with the family, be sure to introduce yourself, thus preventing them from having to figure out who you are.
Regardless of whether or not you can attend the funeral service, there are plenty of ways to honor the memory of a person who has died while also providing their family with the support they need during the grieving process.

Three things your funeral director wishes you knew about funeral planning

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 08 Nov 2022 05:00:00 GMT

How much do you know about planning a funeral? If you’ve never done it before, your answer could be “not much.” There’s comfort and empowerment in knowing what to expect from these big life events, though, and a little bit of knowledge can go a long way toward easing any fears or concerns you might have.

We asked our team to tell us what they wish their future customers already knew. Here are their three top answers:

1. Planning and thinking ahead is critical

Any preparations you can make now will be a big source of relief for your family at a future time of need. Completing a full plan is, of course, ideal. You can get started on our website, and complete the arrangements with our staff. To create a plan on our website, click Plan Ahead at the top. The information will be sent to you and our staff, and we can help you with the details. With a plan in place, your loved ones will have less to arrange during what will already be a tough time in their lives. You can even set aside finances to ease that potential burden for your family.

Even if you don’t put together a full plan ahead of time, simply having conversations about your wishes with your loved ones is a good idea. If you’re not yet sure what type of arrangements you’d like, there’s no better time than now to start approaching the topic.

2. Personalization is possible

Many people who have attended traditional funerals in the past assume that all ceremonies are very much the same. However, our staff is more than willing to help you personalize as many of your arrangements as possible. When arranging or prearranging a funeral with us, you’ll have the opportunity to tell us about the unique qualities of yourself or your loved one. If you’d like to display hand-crafted quilts, play a certain song, or do something a little off-the-wall, chances are we’ll be able to figure out a way to make your ceremony unique and special. Never be afraid to ask.

3. Make an appointment, and be prepared to spend some time

Figuring out all of the details of a cremation and funeral service doesn’t happen in an instant. A complete arrangement meeting can last a couple of hours. We’ll want to give you all the care you need, and that involves discussing the smaller details, too: obituaries, death certificates, readings and music at the service, and even guest books and thank you cards. In order to allow us to attend to everything, making an appointment and planning to spend a while with us is best.

How to write an obituary for a loved one

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 27 Oct 2022 04:00:00 GMT

An obituary is a record of your loved one’s life’s experiences and a traditional way to share the news of their passing with the community. Our staff can help you write the obituary, or you can write it and share it with us.

An obituary can be printed in the newspaper for a fee per line or word. The free placement on our website allows you the freedom of writing as much as you desire, without having to worry about costs. Sharing the obituary through social media like Facebook allows your wider social circle to learn about your loss, and provide support.

Most obituaries begin by describing their life events, including place and date of birth, family members, schooling, career, marriage and children, later life events, and finally, the date of death. Family members who have passed on before, and those who survive are listed.

But an obituary does not have to be just a dry recitation of facts. Above all, you want to give the reader a sense of who your loved one was as a person – what made them uniquely “them.”

This is your chance to share their life’s passions, favorite activities, and accomplishments. What made them laugh, and how they made you laugh. You may also name their close friends and organizations or causes that were important to them, tell memorable stories, and share their beliefs or life lessons that they shared with others.

Before you sit down to write, look through photos to stir your memories. Think about their proudest moments, and their saddest. Share disappointments and triumphs, and lessons learned along the way. Describe their favorite activities, hobbies, and how they spent their time. Remind family members and friends of how much they were loved.

Share their life philosophy or spiritual beliefs, and discuss the legacy that they left behind. You may also list a charitable organization or two for anyone who wants to make memorial contributions.

Publishing an obituary is a good way to make sure that everyone in the community knows that your loved one has passed away, so they also can mourn and pay respects. Please talk to our staff about placing an obituary for free on our website, and viewing messages of condolence from family and friends.

Practical tips for scattering cremated remains

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 12 Oct 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Scattering cremated remains can be a special time of farewell, but it is best to be prepared for certain practical aspects of the process, and to help other family members learn what to expect.

Take some time to review this information ahead of time with everyone who will be in attendance. Each person’s comfort level may vary. Some may want to participate, while others may prefer to wait at a distance.

1. Select an urn made specifically for scattering. Typically these have a small opening that allows for the remains to be scattered in a slow, controlled manner. Some scattering urns can be engraved with your loved one’s name and special design to serve as a keepsake. Your funeral director will fill the urn with the cremated remains.

2. Be sure to ask permission ahead of time. There are restrictions on scattering on private or commercial property, and while it is permissible to scatter remains in the ocean when certain regulations are followed, other waterways do not allow this. Many national parks allow scattering with a permit and permission from the park administration. It is best to get permission first, rather than risk an embarrassing encounter.

3. If you need to travel to the scattering spot, you can carry the cremated remains onto an airplane in a carry-on bag or in checked luggage. You may need to bring along a copy of the death certificate or other paperwork. Please check with your airline for their policy. If you choose to ship the remains to the scattering site, you must use the Priority Mail Express service of the U.S. Postal Service. UPS and FedEx will not transport cremated remains.

4. Find a sheltered area away from the wind, hold the urn low to the ground and pour out a small amount at a time. Cremated remains are very lightweight and will blow freely in even the slightest breeze. It is best to do this low to the ground so they do not blow back onto you or other onlookers.

5. The cremated remains will be a light gray powder, and include some larger fragments. Typically, there will be 3-5 pounds of remains, which will be plenty for several family members or friends to take turns scattering, if they wish.

6. Loose flowers laid at the site of the scattering can be a lovely touch.

7. Bring wet wipes to clean your hands and shoes afterwards. There will be some residue left behind.

8. Since scattering is truly a final goodbye, consider asking a family member to speak a few words, or lead a prayer before or after the scattering takes place.

We hope that this information helps you understand what to expect from a scattering ceremony. Please call us if you have any questions; we are here to help.

Scattering ceremonies

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 11 Oct 2022 16:47:00 GMT

When planning a scattering ceremony, consider that in some ways, scattering cremated remains is like lowering a casket into the ground at a cemetery, in that you are laying your loved one to rest. One difference is that you most likely won’t have a minister or officiant there to guide you through the process. It is a unique moment for your family that you will want to spend some time planning.
It is also best to be prepared for certain practical aspects of the process, and to help other family members learn what to expect. Take a look at our article on what to expect while scattering .
Before the scattering, consider asking a family member to speak a few words, or lead a prayer. You might have everyone share a story, a memory or a goodbye wish. Music is very appropriate to the occasion, and you could play music on a portable device or have a musician play or sing live.
When it is time to scatter the remains, find a sheltered area away from the wind, hold the urn low to the ground and pour out a small amount at a time. Cremated remains are very lightweight and will blow freely in even the slightest breeze. It is best to do this low to the ground so they do not blow back onto you or other onlookers. Typically, there will be plenty for several family members or friends to take turns scattering, if they wish.
Realize that not everyone in your family may be completely comfortable with the concept of scattering. Some may want to participate, while others may prefer to wait at a distance.
Afterwards, each guest could lay a flower at the site of the scattering. This is a beautiful way to mark the spot. Consider adjourning to a local restaurant for an extended time of reminiscing and supporting each other.
We hope that this information gives you some ideas for planning a scattering ceremony. Please call us if you have any questions; we are here to help.

Our Top 5 Tips for Finding Love After Loss

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 12 Aug 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Losing a loved one is never easy. It can be hard to imagine moving on and finding love again after such a devastating loss. Love can be received and given in many different forms. Through relationships, friendships, experiences and enlightenment it is possible to bring love back into your life. Here are our top five tips for finding love after loss:

Don't put too much pressure on yourself.

It's important to allow yourself time to grieve and mourn the loss of your loved one. Don't try to force yourself to move on too quickly. Moving forward after losing your loved one is essential but don’t put too much pressure on yourself to do it right away; give yourself time to heal and recover; and above all else remember that this is a big adjustment and will take time.

Focus on yourself and your happiness first.

If you don't believe you deserve love and happiness, you'll never find it. Believe that you're worthy of finding it and you will. Happiness is something we create for ourselves. It doesn't come from the things you have, but the ways you think. That's why in order to be happy you need to focus on yourself and your happiness first.

Enjoy your life.

Enjoy the time that is left to you. It's too easy to get caught up in a situation where we feel like we are always waiting for something out of our lives, but what happens when you don't enjoy the present? Take a moment to reflect on the things that bring you joy and focus your time and energy there.

Be open-minded.

Don't be afraid to open up to something new. After a loss, it can be difficult to trust new things, people or experiences. But try to keep an open mind and give yourself a chance to find happiness.

Seek out opportunities for connection.

Get out there and socialize! Go to meetups, join clubs or groups, or volunteer. When you’re feeling lonely, it’s easy to feel stuck in that moment and think you’ll always feel that way. But the truth is, loneliness is a neutral state that everyone experiences from time to time. Loneliness can be a positive force in your life if you use it as an opportunity to seek out connections — with other people, your passions, or yourself. It’s not about trying to avoid being alone; it’s about making conscious choices to spend time on things that make you happy and fulfilled.

Finding love after loss is possible. Just remember to keep your heart open and let it find its way back to you.

Funeral Etiquette for a Livestreamed Service

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 15 Jul 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Funeral etiquette is something that many people don't think about until they are faced with a situation where they need to know what to do. There has been an increase in the number of people who want to participate in funeral services via livestreaming. It has been found that this type of participation can offer comfort and support for those who are grieving. With more people opting for an online viewing of a loved one's funeral service, there are some things that you need to keep in mind.

Know the date, time and livestreaming link.

It is important to know the date, time and livestreaming link of the service. It is also important to know when your loved ones' obituaries will be published so that you can plan ahead and attend on time. Our funeral home's website provides a complete overview of the services and events that will be held during the visitation and funeral. Visitors can also find the date, time and livestreaming link on our website.

Where to watch a live-streamed funeral.

It’s up to you but be sure to pick an environment where you’ll feel comfortable – with a reliable internet connection. Some people might want to watch the service at home, while others would prefer to watch the service in a place that was meaningful to the person who died.

Do I have to watch a live-streamed funeral by myself?

In short, no. Attending the funeral of a loved one can be hard – and many of us would welcome the warmth and understanding of a close friend.

What to wear to a live-stream funeral.

Online, most people wouldn’t think twice about catching up with friends, shopping, or even working from home in their pajamas – after all, no one can see you. That is perhaps a reason why some people have concerns that livestreaming may cross the line of funeral etiquette.

While there is no dress-code for people bearing witness at a livestreamed funeral, dressing up for the occasion may certainly help you to feel like you’re a part of the service. Ultimately, the decision is down to what feels appropriate to you.

How to participate in a livestreamed funeral.

A funeral is a time for family and friends to come together to honor the life of someone who has passed away. If you are unable to attend there are still ways for you to participate, from attending the livestream service and sending flowers, to making a donation in your loved one’s name.

Be extra careful about your comments online.

It's even more important to go the extra mile to let the family know you care when you're attending virtually, but it's sometimes harder for your voice and tone to be understood. Avoid any jokes or sarcasm that might come across fine in person, but not online.

A simple "I'm here with you," or, "Our thoughts and prayers are with you." in the comments on social media posts about the livestream will go a long way to lending comfort to those who are attending in person. Don't forget to mention the names of anyone watching with you. Even though it can be hard to know what to say, it's better to say a little something than nothing at all.

Be prepared for technical difficulties.

Talking about final wishes: how to start a tricky conversation

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 27 Jun 2022 04:00:00 GMT

The idea of losing a loved one can be difficult and cause us anxiety. But the thought of planning someone’s funeral without knowing their wishes can be another challenge altogether. It’s important to have a discussion with your loved one about their final wishes.

Death is inevitable and there are many choices to be made when it comes to a burial and funeral. It can be difficult to determine what someone may have wanted if you haven’t had a discussion with them.

Fortunately, having an open and upfront conversation can relieve some of this stress. You can open up this conversation with a loved one by asking if they have thought about their final wishes.

This conversation may need to include several people. For instance, if you’re having this conversation with a parent, you may need to include your siblings or your other parent.

It’s ideal to have this conversation when the loved one when they are in good health. This makes the conversation easier and is less likely to upset your family. In this conversation, you want to assure your loved one that you are only trying to make the process easier when the time comes and ensure that their services are what they want.

When having this conversation, it’s important to have an open mind. What you want for your loved one and what they want for themselves could be different. It may be important that your loved one understands what you would like as well.

Ultimately, you want to ensure that your loved one is dignified in the service. You can ask a loved one if they have a specific scripture reading or poem they would like read at their service.

Finally, you may want to document your loved one’s wishes in a legal document. This will create less chances for disputes when it comes time to honor your loved one and will clearly outline what they wanted. You’ll want to ensure this document is easy to find.

Losing a loved one is already difficult enough, knowing what your loved one’s final wishes are will make things easier.

Top Inspiring Father’s Day Quotes

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 13 Jun 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Father’s Day falls on June 19th this year, but that shouldn’t stop you from showing love to good ol’ dad 365 days out of the year.

We all are the product of our parents’ influence.

It’s important to take a look at the ways father’s impact their children. The quotes below from thinkers, poets, pastors, athletes and other achievers exemplify just how crucial it is to have the influence of a positive male role model.

If you’re a father or father-to-be, let these quotes inspire and guide you to be the best man that you can be for your family. The love and protection of a father is foundational to the family structure, so resolve to put these quotes to use.

Otherwise, let these quotes provide food for thought, so that once Father’s Day rolls around, you’re ready to do something special for your dad.

“It is a wise father that knows his own child.”

-William Shakespeare

“I would say my greatest achievement in life right now - my greatest achievement period is - and I'm still trying to achieve it - is to be a wonderful father to my kids.”

-Bo Jackson

“To be as good as our fathers we must be better, imitation is not discipleship.”

-Wendell Phillips

“I imagine God to be like my father. My father was always the voice of certainty in my life. Certainty in the wisdom, certainty in the path, certainty always in God. For me God is certainty in everything. Certainty that everything is good and everything is God.”

-Yehuda Berg

“I've said it before, but it's absolutely true: My mother gave me my drive, but my father gave me my dreams. Thanks to him, I could see a future.”

-Liza Minnelli

“I mean, I look at my dad. He was twenty when he started having a family, and he was always the coolest dad. He did everything for his kids, and he never made us feel like he was pressured. I know that it must be a great feeling to be a guy like that.”

-Adam Sandler

"Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance."

-Ruth E. Renkel

"Dads are most ordinary men turned by love into heroes, adventurers, story-tellers, and singers of song."

-Pam Brown

"I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection."

-Sigmund Freud

How to Plan a Star Wars-Themed Funeral

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 04 May 2022 04:00:00 GMT

There are more ways than ever to make a funeral unique and personal. Now sci-fi fans are taking note by planning Star Wars-themed services in homage to their favorite films. What Star Wars fan wouldn’t want to travel to a galaxy far, far away after their passing? With Star Wars having millions of devoted fans around the world, it’s no wonder it’s become a popular funeral theme. A themed funeral serves as a unique way to honor someone’s life, interests, and favorite things. While themed funerals certainly aren’t for everyone, if your loved one was Luke Skywalker’s number one fan, you might want to give them a send-off worthy of a Jedi master.

There are so many unique ways to honor someone’s love for Star Wars with the funeral or memorial service itself. These ideas might take a bit of planning or creativity, but for Star Wars fans, there’s no better way to say goodbye than with the Force.

Star Wars Quotes

Star Wars features many themes related to life, death, and legacy. For a more subtle tribute to this series, including Star Wars quotes in the service is a great idea.

“The Force will be with you. Always.” - Obi-Wan Kenobi

“No one's ever really gone.” - Luke Skywalker

“Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not.” - Yoda

“You can’t stop the change, any more than you can stop the suns from setting.” - Shmi Skywalker

Florals

The Lightsaber is one of the best representations of the Jedi. These can be spruced up with funeral flowers in any color of your choice to create a beautiful symbol of life and legacy. You can also incorporate any of your loved one’s collection of memorabilia to add a special touch.

Star Wars Dress Code

For the ultimate Star Wars fan, it might be a welcome idea for all guests to dress up in Star Wars-themed clothes. From Leia’s hair buns to the infamous Storm Trouper suit, this will surely make for the most fashionable funeral in the galaxy.

Star Wars Themed Funeral Songs

The music of Star Wars, written by celebrated composer John Williams, is iconic and a special way to pay homage to your loved one's interests.

DIY Memorial Wind Chime

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 15 Apr 2022 04:00:00 GMT

When someone you love and care about is experiencing a loss and processing their grief, it can be difficult to find the right words to express your sympathy. If you consider yourself crafty, wind chimes make excellent DIY memorial gifts. They can be made with items from around the house that remind you of their loved one or things that were once theirs. When a soft breeze comes and moves the chimes, it can act as a gentle reminder, and ideally, bring a sense of comfort.

Wind chimes come in all different shapes and sizes, but the main parts of a wind chime include the hanger, the suspension cord, the top plate, wind chime tubes, a striker/clapper, and a wind chime sail. Each part of the wind chime plays a different role in making the wind chime’s musical tones.

The Hanger

The hanger for the wind chime (usually made up of a metal O-ring) is the part of the wind chime that is used to hang the wind chime up. This part of the wind chime needs to be sturdy. This is where all other parts will hang from and needs to be able to support the weight of the wind chime.

Suspension Cord

The suspension cord connects the hanger to the top plate and then hangs down from the center to hold the striker/clappers. The types of materials used for suspension cords also needs to be able to support the weight of the wind chime, these can include metal chains or heavy fishing lines.

Wind Chimes Tubes

The wind chime tubes are the part of the wind chime that hangs vertically and are blown into the striker by the wind’s movement. This movement is the action that creates the music of the wind chimes.

Striker/Clappers

The striker is the central part of the wind chime that hangs down between the wind chime tubes by the suspension cord. When the wind chime tubes knock against the striker, it creates a musical tone. The striker is sometimes also known as the clapper.

Sail

The sail is the part of the wind chime that hangs down at the bottom of the suspension cord and catches the wind to drag the striker into the wind chime tubes.

When choosing the items to make your memorial wind chime, look around your kitchen, garage, tool shed, or even your backyard for items you can upcycle. To find the perfect pieces, choose items that make a pleasing sound when they hit each other. Note that heavy items don’t make a lot of sound without heavy winds to move them, and delicate items made of glass or china could shatter with heavy winds. With simple items that can be found around your home you can create a memorial keepsake that can provide a comforting reminder of a lost loved one every time a breeze blows.

Cemetery markers and monuments for veterans

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 21 Mar 2022 16:52:00 GMT

The Department of Veterans Affairs provides a government headstone or marker for any eligible veteran at no cost. If the burial takes place in a national cemetery, the marker will be set into place at no charge. A fee may be required by a state veterans’ cemetery. If burial takes place in a private cemetery, there will be a fee for setting the marker.
Flat bronze, marble and granite markers are available, along with granite or marble upright monuments and bronze plaques to mark the inurnment of cremated remains. Cemeteries have their own rules and regulations about what kinds of markers they will accept, so the style of marker selected must be approved by your cemetery. Our staff will assist you with ordering the marker and placing it in the cemetery.
If you purchase a cemetery marker privately, the Department of Veterans Affairs will provide a bronze medallion that can be attached to the marker signifying the veteran’s status. There is a medallion available for each branch of the service.

Tricky Grammar Mistakes to Avoid When Writing an Obituary

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 11 Mar 2022 05:00:00 GMT

Spelling errors, grammar mistakes, punctuation misuse, and dependency on technology have all resulted in some pretty serious proofreading blunders. From the “executive bored room” to having “no regerts” - there's no shortage of spelling errors around us. We’ve collected two obituaries that slipped through a spell check to serve as a friendly reminder to always review your text before posting.

Now, see if you can find all the errors in the obituaries below.

Deborah “Debbie” Lynn Peterson was a carving wife, mother, grandmother, sister, and friend. She left this world suddenly on July 6, 2021, at age 56.
She was born to Craig and Donna Sanders on June 23, 1964. After graduating from high school, Debbie chased her dreams to one day open a bakery and studied abroad for culinary school. That’s where she met her hairband, John Peterson. Together, they had 3 children: Brenda, Chad, and Emmy. Debbie loved cooking her family and her pets. Neighborhood children would gather around the kitchen table for after-school cookies and loved listening to Debbie’s stories about her travels. Most weekends were spent as a volunteer at the local soup kitchen where she severed many community members over the years. Her famous lemon poopy rolls and chicken diapers will be missed by all.
A funeral service is scheduled for 11 am on July 9, 2021, at the church on the corner of State Street and Broadway. In luau of flowers, please donate to the downtown soup kitchen on her behalf.

___________________________________________________________

Richard “Rick” Lopez passed away on July 6, 2021 at the age of 74, in his hometown of Miami, Florida. His battle with cancer in recent years showed his courage in excepting life challenges with a smile. Despite the pain, Rick came out a hero and stayed strong until the end.
As a child, Rick proclaimed that his goal was to become a “beach bum” when he grew up. This dream was fulfilled when he opened his scuba diva rental shop. Rick also loved exorcising and spending time outdoors with his dog, Ted. You would often find the two of them kicked back on the beach, Rick with a can of Spite in his hand.
Rick will be honored in a bench-side celebration of life on July 15, 2021. Visiting hours are from 6 – 9 pm, with a short ash scampering ceremony at sunset.
The moral of this post: Remember to take the extra time to proofread your loved one’s obituary to make sure you are able to capture the best parts of their life story.

What should I wear to a funeral or visitation?

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 01 Mar 2022 05:00:00 GMT

Attending a funeral service or visitation allows you to pay your respects to the deceased and support the loved ones mourning their passing. You do this through your behavior, but also through your attire. While funerals are often unexpected, it is easy to plan an outfit that is both simple and tasteful. Here are a few guidelines on what to wear to a funeral or visitation.

Color

We recommend wearing dark or neutral colors, because darker colors reflect the mourning atmosphere of the service or visitation. Clothing can be formal (think suits and dresses) or casual (pants or nice jeans and shirts). Standards of dress for funerals have greatly relaxed in the past decade or so, but if in doubt, it is always better to dress a little more formally, such as what you might wear to a job interview.

Simplicity

Keep things simple. A funeral service is an event designed for loved ones and the community to say goodbye to the deceased and to reflect on their life. You won’t want to wear flashy or elaborate clothing, jewelry or other accessories. Some services today are filmed and live-streamed online with a certain portion of the guests in view of the camera. Brightly colored clothing will be a distraction for viewers. Also, consider avoiding perfume and cologne, because many have respiratory sensitivities that may be affected already by scented floral arrangements.

Weather

Considering that many funeral services are followed by outdoor burials at a cemetery gravesite, it is also essential to plan an outfit that is comfortable and appropriate for seasonal weather.

However…

There are exceptions to the recommendations above. For the funeral of a veteran, it is perfectly acceptable for service members to dress in a military uniform. Or if your religion or the religion of the deceased calls for a specific style of dress, you should certainly follow those rules.

Many people consider funerals a celebration of life rather than a sad occasion. If the family asks attendees to dress in a more upbeat manner (such as in the colors of their loved one’s favorite sports team, for example), you should feel free to follow their request.

10 Rose Colors and Their Meanings to Help You Pick the Perfect Bloom

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 14 Feb 2022 05:00:00 GMT

Roses come in many different colors, both naturally and with the help of dye. So, which should you choose? The first step is to understand what each hue signifies, the meaning behind a rose color can range from love and admiration to friendship and even mourning. Here are ten colors of roses and their meanings to help you pick the perfect bloom for your special someone.

Red roses: Love and admiration A red rose is timeless and elegant. Its vibrant red color stands for passion, desire, and romance. The red rose remains one of the best flowers to express the ultimate form of gratitude and adoration.

Yellow roses : Yellow roses are the perfect flowers to give when you're looking to convey pure joy, happiness, and appreciation toward another person. These flowers are great because they represent all positive feelings without the romance.

Lavender roses: Lavender's soft hue represents love at first sight or even delight. People that are in love or adore their partners and family members will find a lavender rose to be the perfect symbol to show their true feelings.

Deep pink roses: Gratitude A dark pink bouquet of roses symbolizes appreciation and gratitude. It's a traditional way to say thank you.

Black roses: Sometimes used at funerals, black roses are symbolic of death and mourning. While they have a sad meaning, there is also a positive message; they can stand for new beginnings and big changes and inspire confidence because of their ability to bring hope and courage.

Light pink roses: By the very nature of their color, these roses can stand for femininity, elegance, and sweetness. Because of this, a light pink rose bouquet is one of the best floral choices you can give to show someone you're happy for them and admire them.

White roses: White roses, along with red roses, are some of the most popular on the planet. The white rose indicates purity, so it's perfect for a wedding bouquet. White roses represent unity and show the innocence of new love. The color white also associates this flower with honor, which makes it an appropriate flower for a funeral or saying goodbye to a loved one

Purple roses: An enchanting purple rose is also known as the "mystical rose." This rose gives off special meanings like royalty and majesty. A deep purple rose is perfect when you want to show someone you look up to them, or value their opinions.

Orange roses: Orange is certainly a vibrant color, so this color of rose represents the happiness someone puts in your life and how much they mean to you. An orange bouquet of roses takes the pure love represented by a red rose, and the gratitude for friendship that yellow symbolizes. Orange roses are a great way to tell someone you're proud of them.

Salmon roses : Salmon roses have a pinker hue than orange roses do and convey a message of excitement and enthusiasm. A salmon rose will show appreciation and admiration in an innocent way. If you're looking to tell someone how you truly feel and how much better they've made you become, salmon roses are the way to go.

Inspiring quotes to guide you through your grieving journey

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 04 Feb 2022 05:00:00 GMT

Grief can be the most complex time in a person’s life. It may often be difficult to find the peace and strength to move forward during such a dark time, and we may find ourselves feeling lost in our own emotions. However, it is important to remember that we are never alone in our sorrow. A quote can help us put our thoughts into perspective and help us to find a sense of commonality when we discover our feelings and experiences match someone else’s.

Here we have compiled our top quotes about grief, coping and life after loss to help guide you through your grieving process.

1. To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” –Thomas Campbell

2. “At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer, we remember them.” –Sylvan Kamens & Rabbi Jack Reimer

3. “Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?” -Terry Pratchett

4. “All the fine art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.” –Havelock Ellis

5. “I’ll be seeing you in all the old familiar places that this heart of mine embraces all day through.” –Billie Holiday

6. “You gave me a forever within the numbered days…” –John Green

7. “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” –C.S. Lewis

8. “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.” –Khalil Gibran

9. “Well, every one can master a grief but he that has it.” –William Shakespeare

10. “As a doctor, grieving is a natural part of medicine.” –Siddhartha Mukherjee

11. “Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.” –José N. Harris

12. “Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.” – Leo Tolstoy

13. “Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place.” – Sarah Dessen

14. “It takes strength to make your way through grief, to grab hold life and let it pull you forward.” –Patti Davis

15. “Sometimes it’s ok if the only thing you did today was breathe.” –Yumi Sakugawa

16. “To have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever.” –J.K. Rowling

17. “Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.” –Megan Devine

18. “Grief is just love with no place to go.” –Jamie Anderson

19. “How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” –A.A. Milne

20. “May love be what you remember most.” –Darcie Sims

Make your own family recipe book

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 01 Feb 2022 05:00:00 GMT

What does it mean to leave a legacy? When people we love pass away, they leave us with memories, but they often leave us with tangible gifts, too. Those may come in the form of family photo albums, letters, or journals. If we’re lucky, they leave behind important traditions that stick with our families for generations.

Food has a way of bringing people together … during times of great happiness, celebration, or even sadness. On the landmark days in our lives – the ones that stick strongly in our memories – we can often recall the meals we shared and who we shared them with. And many of us can remember the special dishes our parents or grandparents prepared for us. In my family, it was Grandma’s bread rolls that signified togetherness and warmth. We could smell them baking on Christmas morning, and we’d slather them with butter and strawberry jam before opening presents. My first memory in the kitchen was standing on a stool at Grandma’s side, watching as she pulled perfectly uniform balls of dough through her fingers, and attempting to copy her technique with my own untrained hands. Still, today, long since my grandmother has passed away, baking bread is my small way of filling my home with comfort and love. I look to her techniques as I learn new recipes and try to perfect old ones. Always, when I bake bread, I think about her, and I imagine myself as a child, standing on a stool and breathing in the importance of that moment.

The history of recipes in my family contributes to occasions big and small. When we make the same oatmeal cookie recipe we’ve been making forever, we talk about how I prefer them with only chocolate chips, Mom and Dad prefer them with chocolate chips and raisins, and my aunt prefers only raisins. (She once told us she doesn’t like that she can’t tell, by sight, the difference between the raisins and the chocolate chips.) When we make spaghetti sauce (an old “recipe” which includes almost no exact measurements), we talk about how different members of our family have adapted the sugar content over the years. New traditions have formed over time, as well – traditions that I’ll pass down to my children someday. Our favorite gingerbread cookie recipe is reserved for the day after Thanksgiving. Our meatless barbecue sandwich recipe is best served on football game days. And individual homemade pizzas are the perfect activity for bringing a new boyfriend or girlfriend home for the first time.

The importance of recording and remembering these recipes can be enormous in creating a lasting legacy for the people we love. Now, at the beginning of a time of year when food is at the center of practically all we do, we recommend starting to collect and share your family’s most important food memories. This can be an easy or difficult task, depending upon the records that already exist within your family. In mine, we were lucky that most of our favorite recipes had already been recorded. Some of them, like the spaghetti sauce, were rather vague, and we’ve worked together to determine measurements on our own. All we needed to do was make a detailed list, organize the recipes, and compile them. My mom made my siblings and me the most incredible Christmas gift when she pulled all of our family recipes into a single-bound book with space for future additions. In other families, the best chefs among you may not keep detailed notes about the dishes they make. In these cases, your interviewing skills will become most useful. Ask your family member if he or she would be willing to attempt to record a detailed recipe for you, or even watch the next time they make the dish and record the recipe yourself. It might take some work, but chances are the results will be worth the effort for you and your family.

If you’re collecting recipes into a book as my mom did, you can find resources for getting started at the following links. These make wonderful gifts that will be treasured for years to come.

We recommend also saving a digital version of your collection in case the hard copies are lost or destroyed. (Any regular cook has spilled sauce on or burned the pages of at least one recipe book in the past.) My mom turned each recipe into a file that was uploaded to an online sharing space. Now everybody in my family can access all of our recipes even when we're not at home.

Finally, while there’s certainly something to be said for updating old recipes to make them novice-friendly, there’s also something to be said for paying homage to the originals: the old stained notecards on which Grandma’s beautiful penmanship lists all ingredients in “pinches” and “scoops.” Scanning and digitizing these mementos in the same way you would old photos and printing or saving them will ensure that the character that accompanied the recipe isn’t lost forever.

Expressing sympathy when a friend has lost a loved one

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 20 Jan 2022 05:00:00 GMT

It is hard to know what to say or do when a friend or co-worker has lost a loved one. Your relationship with them, the circumstances of the death, and other issues can make us feel awkward and unsure. Fortunately, there are many great resources out there to help you convey your feelings in a meaningful way.

One of the most important things to do is show you care, and to be supportive. If you knew the deceased personally, sharing stories of the time you spent with them is a great idea, as is talking about the positive impact they had on your life. Those glimpses into their life and the legacy they left can be very special for grieving family members. If you're trying to follow proper etiquette, it's best to send a note, gift or flowers within two weeks of the funeral. However, you can do it later, as long as you feel it is appropriate.

Sometimes, a simple offer of help is the best gift. Immediately following a death, there's often plenty of help. But after that initial rush of activity fades away, people in mourning still need support. Reach out to your friend to offer a helping hand, whether that means bringing a meal, running an errand, an offer of a listening ear, or other means of assistance.

The important thing is to make a gesture that lets the family know you’re thinking of them and share their sorrow. Whether you want to leave a condolence message in an online guest book, send a sympathy card or flower arrangement, or show you care in another way, the experts at Hallmark share practical tips of what to say and how to help in the links below.

What to write in a sympathy card

Ways to help immediately after a loss

How to help in the weeks, months and years following their loss

A Guide to Prepaid Funerals: Plans, Costs, And How to Get Started

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 14 Jan 2022 05:00:00 GMT

Setting aside money to take care of any expected major expense is a smart thing to do, and a funeral is no different. The key is to understand the options available to you.

What is a Prepaid Funeral?

A prepaid funeral service is a set of cremation or burial arrangements made with our funeral home, as detailed as you desire, that have been paid before their time of need. There are different ways to do this, depending on your preferences and financial concerns.

More and more people are preplanning their funerals to spare their loved ones from having to make decisions and experience financial stress while grieving. And when you make your own arrangements, it can also save you money because you can specify the type of service you want.

What Expenses Does a Prepaid Funeral Typically Cover?

A prepaid cremation or burial plan is customized to include the services and goods you want for your funeral. For instance, you can include the funeral services, casket, flowers, merchandise, transportation and anything else you require.

Talk to Your Family About Your Funeral Plan.

Loved ones may put a lot of time into planning and prepaying their cremation or funeral but fail to complete the most important step: informing their family members. Sometimes they include the details in their will, but family members don’t typically read the will until after the service.

Either circumstance means that, despite your best attempt to help your loved ones get through a tough time, they will make arrangements and pay for them without knowing you’ve already taken care of the details. Regardless of how you choose to prepay for a cremation or burial, be sure your family members know about the arrangements and have copies of all the important papers.

How Newcomer Can Help.

Newcomer’s Advance Cremation and Burial Plan includes affordable payment options and access to family support with our team of professionals and aftercare resources. With your completed Helpful Guide for My Loved Ones, our Family Service Associate will ensure the funeral director – as well as a family member or friend – receives your burial or cremation plan when the time comes.

Still have questions? Our Family Service Associates can walk you through the process. You’ll be amazed at how easy it is to organize important documents and final requests, giving your family a clear plan to follow.

Finding Joy in the New Year

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 04 Jan 2022 05:00:00 GMT

Many of us are looking forward to the fresh start the new year brings. That also means many of us are hoping to move into the new year with big plans - things we couldn’t or just didn’t get done in the last 12 months. Before trying to answer the usual flurry of questions - “What are your New Year’s resolutions? What do you want to achieve? What new habits do you want?” - take time to reflect on the past year and how you can make the coming one better. It's easy to get overwhelmed and making huge resolutions can be stressful, so we’ve gathered 12 questions to help you think about how to bring joy into your new year.

1. What advice would you give yourself as you begin the new year?

2. What is your favorite thing to do and how can you make more time to do it?

3. Who are three people you would like to have more fun with?

4. What gift would you like to give yourself this year?

5. How can you add 15 minutes of joy to each day?

6. What’s one thing that you could do to give yourself more peace financially?

7. What do you want to learn more of?

8. What time waster are you willing to let go of?

9. If you had one more hour during the day, what would you do with it?

10. What have you been procrastinating that you would like to complete?

11. How can you restructure your mornings to begin your days better?

12. How can you restructure your evenings to bring more rest to your nights?

Whether yo u are looking to make changes in the coming year or want to keep up the resolutions you’ve already made, remember that each step - big or small - is a step towards a better you.

The Memory Tree

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 10 Dec 2021 05:00:00 GMT

It's always a treat to see the beautiful trees each year during the holiday season. Some trees are decorated with lovely ornaments, all matching in style, with perfectly placed ribbon cascading down and around the branches. But to most, the favorite tree is the one filled with memories. This is the tree that everyone gathers around on Christmas morning and the ornaments tell your family story.

Here are seven ideas for adding to your own memory tree for this and many more holiday seasons.

1. Christmas Ornaments for New Parents

There are so many firsts as a new parent including a baby’s first Christmas. By getting a special ornament to commemorate the occasion, both parents and children will have something to cherish for years to come.

2. Character Christmas Ornaments

Growing up we all had a special character that we loved. From the magic of Disney to the laughter of Bugs Bunny. A character ornament will delight children and adults alike.

3. Vacation Memory Ornaments

While on vacation, buy an ornament from the gift shop to help remember your travels.

4. Childhood Ornaments

Ornaments that hold sentimental value can be passed down through generations. We often treasure ornaments that were on our tree when we were young.

5. Ornaments that are Gifts

Stumped on what to gift your loved ones this holiday season. Give them a special ornament that reminds you of them.

6. Homemade Grandparent Ornaments

Special grandparent ornaments can be homemade and from the heart. Give a memorable gift by cutting a piece of ribbon as long as your child is tall. Roll it up and place it in a clear ornament. Over the years you can pull out the ribbon to see how much they’ve grown.

7. Hobbies

Showcase your family's interests and hobbies with ornaments that reflect everyone’s individual talents. Make a game out of letting visitors guess who's ornament is whose.

Start a new family tradition with your own memory tree this year. Each December, when you begin to decorate the tree and unwrap your special ornaments, gather your family and take a moment to reminisce about the memories they hold.

Care Packages For Those Who Are Grieving

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 04 Nov 2021 04:00:00 GMT

If someone you know and love has lost someone close to them, all you want to do is help. When words are not enough, we can show our support with a care package that may help ease their pain.

In a person’s time of grief, cooking and eating may be the last things on their mind. To help them out, give them some of their favorite snacks, like chips, cookies, or ice cream – things that require no preparation. If you would rather make something from scratch, preparing a meal that they can heat in the oven or microwave at their own convenience is a great way to help out. Should you be too far away to hand-deliver any food, ordering take-out to be delivered to their home is just as thoughtful.

The person in mourning may be spending a lot more time at home if they have taken days off from work or school, or if they simply cannot bear to go anywhere following a loss. Their emotional exhaustion from their grief can affect them physically, so they’ll need time to just relax on the couch or in bed. Giving them something cozy, like a blanket, slippers, or a plush robe will provide them comfort when they need it. If they also have a child who is in grief, or who may not even understand what has happened, a new stuffed animal to hold on to can be a great gift.

When someone is experiencing grief, they are more likely to neglect taking care of themselves. To inspire them to do something for their own well-being, giving them an assortment of self-care products might help. Soaps, lotions, candles, and bubble baths in soothing scents, such as lavender and sage, will bring them peace and tranquility. Calming teas, like mint and chamomile, paired with a new mug will be sure to help someone out when they are feeling down, too.

Grief can be a difficult thing to navigate, especially if one has never experienced a significant loss before. Thankfully, there are endless books on the topic that can help people get through it. The Strategist compiled a list of 16 books about grief, with subjects ranging from the loss of a sibling to dealing with a sudden, unexpected death. Gifting your grieving friend or relative with a book specific to their situation can give them tools and insight on how to deal with their distressing situation.

While a care package cannot entirely take away the pain of someone who is grieving, it will let them know there is someone who cares and is there for them. Any combination of these things can make their difficult time even just a little bit easier.

Marking the first anniversary of a loved one's death

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 06 Oct 2021 04:00:00 GMT

A lot can happen in a year, and there’s bound to be things you wish you could tell the person you’ve lost. Writing them a letter updating them on your life can feel like you are really communicating with them, even if it’s just for a moment. If you haven’t done anything at all in the year without them, that is more than okay, too. Jot down what you think and feel in a note to them. You can either hold on to what you write, send it off to a friend or family member, or even tear it up – whatever feels right.

To reflect on the moments that you did get to share with the person you have lost, look through old photos and videos of them, either on your own or with people who were also close to them. Looking back on the good times might make you miss them even more, but it is important to keep their memory alive.

Preparing their favorite meal or eating at their favorite restaurant is another great reason to get together with friends and family to celebrate your loved one’s life. Cooking alongside friends and family can strengthen your bond, and gathering at a restaurant is a special treat after a hard year.

While this day is about the person who has passed, taking care of yourself should be a priority as well. Treating yourself to a spa day, a cupcake, a day off work, or anything you wouldn’t normally do can help brighten your day on what is otherwise a rather difficult one. Whoever you are missing would want you to have the most enjoyable day possible, so doing something nice for yourself is a great way to celebrate both the life of that person, as well as your endurance throughout the past year.

You knew your loved one the best, so you can make these ideas unique to you, or come up with something completely different to memorialize them. What matters is that you have been strong for the past year, so doing something special on the anniversary

How to handle your feelings after a loss

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 13 Sep 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Allow yourself to feel your feelings

Losing a loved one can be a painful and heartbreaking experience. It's no surprise that many people bury their emotions and ignore their feelings. Studies have shown that when you avoid going through the grieving process, you are more prone to suffer from some form of depression or health issues. Allowing yourself to feel your grief, most often through tears or other forms of expression, can provide genuine relief. This can honestly be very uncomfortable, and just like you want to be very careful with a bruise or wound on your body, you need to be careful with this wound on your emotions. Consider setting a timer for just a few minutes at a time to sit still, breathe, and feel. When the timer rings, get up and move around a bit and go on about your day. Repeat this process, and in time you may find yourself growing more comfortable with the practice.

Tell everyone how you feel - you're allowed to express your grief.

In today's world, we're expected to dust ourselves off and get back to life as soon as possible. But grief is a natural response to loss, and the more significant the loss, the more intense your grief will be. You should be open about needing time to feel better and be patient with yourself to allow the process to naturally unfold. Others around you may need a reminder that you are going through a difficult time, especially as time passes. The more honest you are about your grief, the more you allow other people to be there and respect your needs.

Turn to people who care about you most.

After a loss, you may experience difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt and profound sadness. You may need some time alone to reflect on how to process these emotions, and it's perfectly acceptable to do so for a time. However, you should ultimately allow people back into your life, especially if it will help you move on. A friend, family member or a spiritual leader can all assist you in your grief process. Allow the people who care about you most to simply be there for you.

Don't let anyone tell you how to feel.

However great your loss, it’s personal to you. Don’t feel ashamed about how you feel or believe that it’s somehow only appropriate to grieve in a certain way. Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to “move on” or “get over it.” Let yourself feel whatever you need to feel without embarrassment or judgment. It’s okay to let go when you’re ready.

Take care of yourself.

We often think of grief as a strictly emotional process, but grief often involves physical symptoms, including fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains or insomnia. It can be easy to let things like "food" and "sleep" slip your mind when you’re in a state of grief. Make sure you eat, get plenty of rest and do things that are soothing and comforting. Figure out what you need to do to feel healthy, and make sure you do it.

Time doesn't heal all, and that's ok.

Time is necessary, but it is not a cure. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried—and there is no "normal" timetable for grieving. Time might lessen the intensity of that immediate pain of loss, as well as your grief, but your sense of loss and emptiness may never go away. Finding healthy ways to cope with the pain can ease your sadness and help you come to terms with your loss and find new meaning, keeping the memory of your loved one as an important part of you.

How To Make a Funeral Unique

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 09 Aug 2021 04:00:00 GMT

When you think about a funeral, you probably picture something traditional. However, there are many ways to make a funeral feel more unique. If you want more of a celebration of life than a conventional funeral, here are some ways to make the event true to you or your loved one. You can use these ideas when planning your loved one’s funeral, or even make note that you want to use them when preplanning your own service.

Ditch the black

Requesting guests do not wear black to you or your loved one’s funeral can make it feel less formal. Instead, have guests dress to a different theme. For example, if the person who has passed was known for always wearing Hawaiian shirts, tell people to wear their own Hawaiian shirts. Or, if they had a favorite sports team, have guests wear jerseys, team merchandise, or anything in the team’s colors. The possibilities are endless when choosing a theme!

Set out a memory book

This activity is perfect for all ages. At the reception before or after the service, set out a book where people can write down favorite memories they have of their loved one. Family and friends will enjoy reminiscing, and small children can even get involved by drawing a picture of something they remember. If you really want to personalize the book, ask guests to bring their own photos to add, too. It will be a keepsake you and your family can cherish forever.

Personalize a playlist

While preplanning your own funeral, you can make a playlist of your favorite songs to play at the reception. If you are planning a funeral for someone who has already passed, asking family and friends for songs that remind them of this person is a good place to start when putting together a collection of songs. The playlist you create will be played when people gather before and after the service. Because music and memory are strongly connected, guests hearing a certain song might take them back to a special moment they shared with the person who passed.

End with a fun send-off

To end the memorial service, gather guests outside and give them bubbles, sparklers, or bird seed. This is an excellent way to make the event feel like a real celebration of life.

Goodbyes are never easy, but a unique celebration can add a little more of a personal touch and can help family and friends cherish your loved one’s memory.

Mourning in the digital age

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 21 Jul 2021 04:00:00 GMT

The digital age has changed the ways we mourn. What was once an obituary just in the newspaper can now be found on a funeral home website or Facebook, too. There are online communities that can provide a safe space for people in their time of need. Friends and family on the other side of the world can be in (virtual) attendance of a funeral or memorial ceremony as it happens. These ways of collectively mourning from afar were exemplified in 2020 with the COVID-19 pandemic when travel and gathering restrictions were in place for most of the year. While we may be tired of Zoom calls and gathering virtually after the year we’ve had, it is nice to have that option if all else fails.

One way we can conveniently get together to celebrate the life of a loved one who has passed is by live streaming funeral and memorial services. It could be distance, health problems, time conflicts, or financial constraints keeping someone from attending a ceremony, but they can still feel as though they are part of the event if they can tune in on their own device at home. With our advanced technology, someone could even deliver a eulogy to a group that has gathered in a chapel from their computer at home. This luxury was difficult to fathom just two decades ago, but now it is widely used and available.

We can also celebrate someone’s life online via online obituaries and social media. On these platforms, which could be Facebook, the funeral home website, or something else, friends and family can share photos and favorite memories of their loved one with dozens, even hundreds of others who also knew them. Sparking these conversations and threads of stories and photos can help everyone remember the life of someone they have lost, which can, in turn, help with the grieving process.

There is also a plethora of online communities that deal with loss, mourning, and grief. Whether it be a Facebook group or an online blog, there are spaces online in which people can connect over their shared experiences. Grief Healing Blog is a website where you can find resources and articles about the grieving process, ranging from coping with a terminal diagnosis to dealing with the loss of a beloved pet. Marty Tousley, the woman who runs the blog, was a bereavement counselor for nearly two decades, has experienced several losses herself, and has lots of experience with the topic of grief. The wide variety of information found on her website can assist you after a loss, no matter what kind of loss it was.

The Facebook group called Grief Speaks Out was created by Jan Warner after her husband died and has grown to a network of 2.4 million people. The people in this group share quotes, memories of their loved ones, and inspirational content with other people who have lost someone close to them. The community is full of supportive people who want to help one another. We are more connected than ever before, and the connectedness we enjoy is thanks to the digital age. The technology we get to use today can help us feel less alone and more supported after experiencing a loss.

Three Ingredient Comfort Foods

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 08 Jul 2021 04:00:00 GMT

When you have just experienced a loss, the last thing you want to do prepare a lot of ingredients and spend time making a meal. However, in the period of grieving, many of us want a nice big plate of comfort food. Here are some recipes that are just three ingredients that will satisfy you without taking too much time or effort.

Cheesy Tortellini Bake

Nothing says comfort food quite like a cheesy, melty dish. All you need for this meal is a jar of marinara sauce, cheese filled tortellini, and shredded cheese. Boil the tortellini until it is cooked through, add it to a baking dish, and mix in enough marinara to cover the tortellini. Top it all off with shredded cheese and pop it in the oven at 400 degrees for 15 minutes, or until the cheese is melty and starting to brown. Let it cool for five to ten minutes, then enjoy!

BBQ Pulled Chicken

In a Crock Pot, combine a bottle of your favorite BBQ sauce and four chicken breasts, ensuring that the chicken is covered with sauce. Turn the Crock Pot on low for 6 hours or high for 3 hours. Once the chicken is done cooking, pull it apart with two forks and serve it up on a bun. This recipe took little effort but is something the entire family can enjoy.

Potato Soup

This semi-homemade dish is sure to warm you up and provide comfort when you need it. All you need is a bag of frozen potatoes O’Brien, a packet of country gravy mix, and 32 oz of chicken or vegetable broth. Stir all the ingredients together in a pot over medium heat, bring it to a simmer until it thickens, and then you are ready to eat!

Peanut Butter Cookies

Sometimes we crave something sweet when we want comfort food. These peanut butter cookies are easy and sweet as can be. And even better – they only require three ingredients: 1 cup of sugar, 1 cup of creamy peanut butter, and 1 egg. Combine all those ingredients, roll into balls, and place in a 350° oven. In 12-14 minutes, your sweet treats will be ready.

When grief is eating away at you, sometimes a good hearty meal can help bring you comfort.

Scrapbooking to remember a loved one

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 25 Jun 2021 04:00:00 GMT

We can store thousands of photos on our electronic devices, but there is something special about having a physical copy of these moments that were captured on camera. Scrapbooking is a perfect way to save photos and commemorate the life of a loved one who has passed away. Here are some tips to create a beautiful scrapbook that can be passed down for generations.

Gather Your Materials

First, you need to select which photos to print for your scrapbook. Scrolling through photos on your computer or cell phone is also a great time to relive moments shared with your loved one. Choose photos of them that bring back fond memories. Create a folder of these photos, and then send them out to be printed. You will also need a book and pieces of scrapbook paper, which can be found at any craft store.

Set Up Your Creation Station

Scrapbooking can take up a lot of space, so set aside an area in your home, such as a vacant desk or a spare bedroom, to do your work. Scrapbooking should be a relaxing pastime; you can create a comfortable and calming atmosphere with candles and a cozy blanket. Putting on your favorite music can also help you get in the zone to start creating.

Assemble Each Page

Organizing your photos in chronological order is an excellent way to arrange a scrapbook that celebrates someone’s life. Each scrapbook page can display about four to five photos. Placing pictures from the same event, place, or period of time will give each page its own theme. Once you have the photos arranged, you can decorate with stickers, gel pens and markers, or add any other embellishments you want. Writing captions for photos describing who is in the picture and what is happening will help you remember each moment, as well as tell future generations about the images.

Share With Friends and Family

One of the most rewarding things about making a scrapbook is being able to admire your hard work with friends and family. People who knew your loved one, as well as those who did not get the chance to meet them, will be happy to reminisce with you while flipping through the beautiful pages you’ve created.

Ideas For Creating a Summer-Themed Memorial

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 15 Jun 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Now that it is starting to feel more like summer, the warm weather and seasonal activities provide meaningful ways you can honor and remember your loved ones with a summer-themed memorial service. From releasing ceremonies to creative décor, here are some ways to plan the perfect summer-themed memorial.

Have a Picnic

Gather your family and friends to have a memorial picnic at their memorial, gravesite, or ash scattering location. During the picnic, everyone can share stories and memories of your loved one.

Refreshments

Cookouts are another popular way to gather family and friends to honor your loved one. Everyone can even make one of your loved one’s favorite dishes to pass around or one of their own famous recipes.

Here are a few side dish ideas that will complete the summertime feel of the memorial service:
- Pasta salads - Fruit salad with watermelon, cantaloupe, and other fruits - Fresh salsa with tortilla chips - Strawberry shortcake - Ice cream

D ecorations

If the heat of summer is just too much for an outdoor memorial, there are ways to bring it inside with décor:
- Incorporate summer colors such as blue, red, orange, yellow, coral, and green. - Display flowers such as gladiolus, daisies, and sunflowers. - Create a collage of your loved one's favorite vacations with photos, ticket stubs, and other travel mementos.

If you are going for a beach theme, here are a few beach-inspired ideas:
- Have family and friends write a message on a piece of paper and put it inside a bottle. - Create unique photo displays by placing photos among sand and seashells. - Decorate with your loved one's go-to summer items such as their sunglasses, towel, beach bag, and flip-flops.

Releasing Ceremonies

Summer is the perfect time of year to have an environmentally friendly releasing ceremony in honor of a loved one. Whether their ashes are scattered or if the deceased is buried, releasing ceremonies allow families to say a final goodbye.
Here are a few releasing ceremony ideas to honor and remember your loved one:
- Capture lightning bugs in a jar and release them at night. - Release butterflies to symbolize the change from one existence to another. - Have a firework memorial display for a loved one. - Scatter wildflower seeds along with their ashes.
A summer-inspired memorial service doesn’t have to just be for memorials scheduled in the summertime. If your loved one’s birthday was during the summertime or if summer was their favorite season, you can still create a beautiful summer-inspired memorial year-round. If you are struggling to come up with ideas, have family and friends help make a list. You can start by listing your loved one’s favorite summer activities and see what ideas spark from them.
You are celebrating the life of someone that was loved dearly and cherished by many. There is no better way to honor them than with their most cherished memories and some of the things that they loved most.

Roses and muscle cream: how scent carries memory

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 21 May 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Visiting my grandparents for a week in the summertime was a tradition of my childhood. Each day my sister and I escaped the “seen and not heard” policy in the house to run free in the yard and at the school playground across the gravel road. Since we were rarely allowed in the front room (kept for company, of course), we always used the back door. This required a harrowing trip through the bees that swarmed the rosebushes my Grandmother had planted along the house. To this day, the scent of a sun-warmed tea rose takes me back to those days.

Scent is one of the strongest senses tied to memory. The reason behind this seems to be related to the anatomy of our brain, according to Venkatesh Murthy, chair of Harvard’s Department of Molecular and Cellular Biology. He shares that scents “are handled by the olfactory bulb, the structure in the front of the brain that sends information to the other areas of the body’s central command for further processing. Odors take a direct route to the regions [of the brain]…related to emotion and memory.” See full article .

This was illustrated for me recently when I came across a tube of Aspercreme in the grocery store. After a quick look around me, I opened the cap and inhaled the eye-watering aroma, instantly transported to a sofa in my mother’s basement. There I sat every day after high school swim practice, talking to my boyfriend on the phone while rubbing that muscle cream on my aching legs and arms. The boyfriend is long gone, but the memory is still sharp and crisp in my mind.

We all have scent memories of times past and of people who are no longer with us. Maybe it is the aroma of cookies baking, or a favorite recipe being prepared that takes you back. Or perhaps it is the leather of a well-worn baseball glove, a can of shaving cream, or the breeze coming off the ocean.

When someone we love dies, re-creating these scent memories tied to our time with them can stir warm feelings and bring us back to the times we shared. Sometimes these memories can take us by surprise, and are unwelcome, but many can bring comfort. So, buy that muscle cream, make that recipe, head to the beach, or stop and smell those roses. Your loved one will be with you there.

Honoring Memorial Day with a Veteran

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 12 May 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Memorial Day is a very important day for many Americans. It is a day to honor the men and women in the military who gave their lives while serving our country. This day is often especially important to your senior loved ones. Because of this, they likely want to do something that helps them to honor this day and show their appreciation.

The U.S. Census Bureau reports that approximately one in four seniors is a veteran of the armed services, and as such, they are likely to know individuals who died in combat. For them, Memorial Day can be a time that fills them with many mixed emotions, and it is important to be sensitive to their needs.

Whether your senior loved one lives on their own, with you, or in an assisted living facility, you can aid them in flying the American flag. This is an excellent way for them to show their patriotism and do something personally that shows how much they honor Memorial Day. The size or location of the flag does not matter, just as long as they are involved in the flag flying process.

If your senior loved one knows any veterans who have passed away, they can take flowers or a flag to their gravesite. This is a meaningful way for them to pay their respects to those who have served and passed on.

Remembering those who have gone before us helps future generations feel connected to their heritage and strengthens families. Gather your family for a picnic and ask your senior loved one to tell stories about their comrades at the cemetery. Some cemeteries are designed to be beautiful park-like settings. They have rolling green lawns, ponds, forested areas, and even trails for walking or biking. These can be great places for a picnic and to feel close to your ancestors as you enjoy the peaceful setting with your living family members.

But, Memorial Day can be a painful time for some family members who are still grieving, so if there are others at the cemetery please be mindful of them.

Decorating gravestones is the most common way that families honor their ancestors and loved ones. Some families adorn graves with flowers, others with flags. Still, others leave pebbles or coins. It is also common to leave small tokens of remembrances at the graveside. Make sure to check the cemetery’s guidelines on grave decorations.

Finally, the most important thing is supporting your loved ones by honoring the holiday in a way that is special to them. Take time to really listen to their needs and respect their requests.

“Veterans are a symbol of what makes our nation great, and we must never forget all they have done to ensure our freedom.”- Rodney Frelinghuysen

Planning a memorial service for a loved one who died during pandemic restrictions

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 29 Apr 2021 04:00:00 GMT

If you were one of the nearly 20% of Americans who lost a relative or friend to COVID-19 (according to one source ), or for any reason during the pandemic, gathering restrictions and precautions may have prevented you from holding the kind of funeral that you wanted for them. Many families that we have worked with over the past year or so expressed the desire to hold a larger memorial service for their loved one once the pandemic eased.

As time passes, it may feel less urgent or necessary to hold a memorial service. But there is tremendous value in gathering to mark the passing from life to death of someone we love. Time spent reflecting on their life, honoring them and what they meant to you and others is an important part of your grief journey.

If you are thinking about holding a memorial service for someone who died during the pandemic restrictions, we’ve prepared some advice and ideas that may help. Please know that we are always available to assist you in making your plans.

1. Scheduling – Many families are choosing to schedule services on a special day like their loved one’s birthday or an anniversary. It might seem logical to hold it on a holiday when people may be off work, but that could conflict with other plans that people have made. If you are thinking about scheduling it on a holiday, consider publicizing service details well in advance.

2. Location – Depending on virus levels in the community, you might consider an outdoor location. Our funeral home continues to follow protocols for social distancing and cleaning for your safety, and if you would like to use our funeral home, please just give us a call to schedule.

3. Publicizing service details – While a service immediately following a death can be naturally publicized through the obituary, a newspaper listing, or word of mouth, it can be a little harder to get the word out for a service scheduled later. We suggest utilizing Facebook, email and text messaging to share details. You could certainly place a short newspaper notice, though there will be a charge from the newspaper for that. If you call us for assistance with planning the service, we’d be happy to help with this.

4. Sharing time - A time of sharing can be a wonderfully meaningful part of the memorial service. Sometimes right after a loss, it can be painful to hear even the sound of your loved one’s name, and hard to listen to others reminisce. But as time goes by, you may find yourself longing to hear someone say their name or share stories about them.

It can be a little hard to get this started, because most of us do not enjoy speaking up in crowds. One way to open up a sharing time is to ask the guests to raise their hands if they were a friend, co-worker, family member, club member, etc. of your loved one, or if they are there to support a surviving family member. This can help break the ice a bit and generate warmth in the room. You might also pull a more outgoing friend or family member aside before the service and ask them to go first. You can also ask those who cannot attend to send you their stories to read aloud during this time.

5. Technology – No matter when you have the service, chances are good that there will still be scheduling conflicts and guests who do not feel comfortable traveling or gathering. Consider asking a guest to livestream the service on Facebook or another platform. If you hold the service at our funeral home, we can help you with this.

Holding a memorial service is an important way to honor the life of your loved one. And, as some time has passed since your loved one's death, you may even find that the time spent planning the service can bring a measure of healing. If we can be of assistance, please give us a call.

Now Hiring: Family Service Associate

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 01 Apr 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Job Description

Position Name: Family Service Associate

Title of Immediate Supervisor: Sales Manager

Job Summary

The position will assist families in the pre-planning and funding of funerals through the purchase of a life insurance policy or utilizing other funding methods available through the company. They may also assist families in purchasing memorial property and merchandise. All of this is done before the need arises. This individual is responsible for providing prompt, courteous and knowledgeable service to our client families.

Essential Job Duties and Responsibilities

1. Demonstrate Core Values of Excellence, Trust, Care and Growth in performing all aspects of position.

2. Maintain a positive work environment by behaving and communicating in a manner so that you get along with families, co-workers and management.

3. Remain up-to-date on Paycom reading as assigned.

4. Responsible for the sales and services either in a client family’s home, or in the funeral home or cemetery office.

5. Responsible for developing and following up on leads, either self-generated or received from other reliable, company-approved sources.

6. Organize and conduct public seminars in concert with delivery of aftercare services. Also, convert generated leads from these programs to preneed sales.

7. Assist in the development of after-care and seminar resources for funeral home and community.

8. Must meet minimum monthly sales targets.

9. While the main emphasis of this position is the selling of pre-need products and services, you must be available during specified office hours to handle walk-in and immediate need clients.

10. Must remain well informed and educated on the benefits of pre-arrangement and possess the ability to pass this information on to client families.

11. Must be able to utilize tools given to generate sales, procure leads to increase sales, and close a sale.

12. Must develop positive relationships with all funeral home and cemetery managers and associates.

13. Must develop positive relationships with local churches, nursing homes, hospitals and hospice providers.

14. Must possess the necessary licensure or other certification to meet local or state legal requirements and must be licensed with the insurance company used by our company to underwrite our policies.

15. Must possess knowledge of the funeral rites, ceremonies and customs associated with various religions, always confirming the information with the clergy at the time the service is pre-arranged.

16. Must be very knowledgeable of general price lists, casket price lists and merchandise price lists for funeral homes and cemeteries and be able to answer all questions concerning prices and merchandise within the requirements of the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) rules.

17. Light housekeeping to keep the facilities and grounds in perfect order. This includes keeping work areas tidy, picking up litter off the grounds and general straightening up.

The above duties are neither intended to be an all-inclusive list of duties and responsibilities for this position, nor are they intended to be a listing of prerequisite skills and abilities. The purpose is to describe the general nature of the position.

Educational, Licensure and Skill Requirements

• High school diploma or equivalency, prefer associates degree in related field.

• Minimum of one year of similar or related experience.

• Basic office skills including computer skills and knowledge

• Good people skills with ability to relate to a wide range of people

• Attention to detail with effective written and verbal communication skills

• Ability to manage time effectively in order to organize and prioritize work load.

• Ability to work under time constraints and conform with established schedules and deadlines.

• Must be a licensed insurance agent or have the ability to acquire license by the state as well as licensed agent for the insurance company used by the company.

• Licensed Funeral Director in states that require such.

• Possess a valid Drivers’ License and meet the driving performance standards as determined by management. MVR’s may be reviewed annually for compliance.

Essential Physical Responsibilities

• Ability to travel by standard methods of transportation.

• Must be able to bend, stoop and lift laptop computers, projectors, displays and printed materials.

• Must be free from judgment-impairing conditions, disease or addictions, or those, which impair ability to interact with employees, management or the public.

Creating a memorial garden that lasts for generations

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 31 Mar 2021 04:00:00 GMT

My Grandmother had a very special knack for gardening. At her funeral, our family shared her passion for turning any old patch of dirt into a beautiful garden. In the photo collages you saw the plants growing over the years alongside family members. Where there was once a toddler standing next to a small plant in one photo there is now a grown man standing next to large leaves and branches of that same plant in the next. Now as we think back over our memories and look on to our own garden, we feel a bond to her and share the same passion for nature.

Every spring my heart swells as I see the tips of green start to sprout at the edge of my yard where I transplanted irises from my grandmother’s garden. These same irises once laid in her mother’s garden as well. It is a connection I have with them that I cherish and look forward to. After the loss of a loved one there can seem like a void is present in your life. Having a way to feel bonded with them can help ease some of that grief.

When I began transplanting flowers from my grandmother’s garden to my own, I started to create a place that I could go to be close to her. I learned a lot about moving plants (mostly through trial and error) and I’m sharing my best tips to help you in your journey of creating a memorial garden that will carry on through generations.

Transplanting bulbs:

The best time to transplant spring bulbs (like tulips, daffodils and irises) is in summer or fall, once the foliage has sufficiently died back. If it is not possible to wait until the bulb is dormant before transplanting, you need to take extreme care to protect the growing parts of the bulb. If the bulbs are clumped together, you will need to transplant the entire clump together. The roots of the bulbs will be entwined; trying to separate them will damage the roots and kill the bulbs.

Transplanting bushes and shrubs:

Give the plant a good trim by cutting off about 1/3 of the plant foliage. This way your transplanted bush or tree can focus on re-growing the root system. It is very important to dig deep and wide. The more roots you get, the more successful the transplant, with less transplant shock. Deeply water regularly. Keep the soil moist, not wet for 3-4 weeks. This helps roots to re-establish themselves.

Transplanting perennial flowers:

The rule of thumb for deciding which perennials (plants that come back year after year) to transplant or divide is based on bloom time. Late summer and fall bloomers are suited for moving in the spring while spring and early summer flowering perennials can be transplanted in fall.

Gardening has helped me in my grieving in several ways. I found peace of mind putting my hands in the soil, I was burying my worries and sadness as I shoveled. In tending to the plants, I was tending to my grief.

“To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow” – Aubrey Hepburn

What you need to know about the FEMA COVID-19 reimbursement

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 19 Mar 2021 04:00:00 GMT

*Updated April 13, 2021

The federal government recently announced a funeral reimbursement for families whose loved one died of COVID-19. Eligibility details and application instructions can be found on this flyer .

FEMA suggests that families collect documentation of their funeral expenses and ensure that they have a copy of the death certificate before they call the phone number on the flyer. In order to be eligible, your loved one’s death certificate must state that their death was caused either directly or indirectly by COVID-19. If you need a copy of your loved one's death certificate, and you used our funeral home for services, we can help you obtain an additional copy. You can also request one directly from the office of vital records.

If your loved one's death certificate does NOT state that COVID-19 was the direct or indirect cause of death, we are not able to change that for you. You will need to contact the doctor who signed the death certificate if you believe that your loved one's death certificate was prepared in error.

You will also need documentation of the funeral bill and how it was paid. Documentation will need to include the name of the person applying for the benefit indicating that they were the responsible party for the expenses, the deceased person's name, and the amount and date(s) of funeral expenses incurred. If multiple people contributed towards funeral expenses, they must all register with FEMA under one registration as an applicant and co-applicant(s). Otherwise, only the first person to apply will receive the assistance.

Please give us a call if you need an additional copy of your invoice. We also suggest gathering documentation of any cemetery expenses before you apply. These can be obtained from the cemetery or monument dealer who assisted your family.

Additional guidance can be found on FEMA's FAQ page .

One final note: there are already scams going around about this program. FEMA will not reach out to you until after you have contacted them or applied for assistance. If you have not yet applied and receive a call or an email from someone claiming to be from FEMA and asking for information, you can assume it is a scammer.

Delightful facts to brighten a gloomy winter day

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 24 Feb 2021 05:00:00 GMT

As winter lingers, we went in search of some delightful facts to brighten your day. Answers are at the end of the article!

1. The largest sand castle in the world measured how many feet high?

a. 29

b. 54

c. 114

2. The voices of these animated characters got married in real life

a. Mickey & Minnie Mouse

b. Tom & Jerry

c. Snow White & Goofy

3. Americans eat how much pizza every day?

a. 100 yards

b. 100 acres

c. 100 miles

4. Writer Dr. Seuss’s editor bet him that he couldn’t write a book in 50 words or less. The classic “Green Eggs & Ham” contains how many words?

a. 32

b. 50

c. 76

5. A baby puffin is called a…

a. Pullet

b. Puggle

c. Puffling

6. How big is the summit of Mount Everest?

a. The size of two basketball courts

b. The size of two football fields

c. The size of two Ping-Pong tables

7. Manufacturer Samsung, known today primarily for electronics, opened for business in 1938 selling what products?

a. Shoes and clothing

b. Vegetables and fish

c. Medicine and sodas

8. Which legendary figure from the Wild West moved to Hollywood and consulted on silent cowboy movies?

a. Wyatt Earp

b. Wild Bill Hickock

c. Doc Holliday

9. The official phone number for Canada is 1-800-O-Canada

True

False

10. Before the migration habits of birds were fully understood in the 1800’s, a popular theory about where they went in the winter stated that birds:

a. Hibernated in burrows

b. Flew to the moon

c. Lived at the bottom of the ocean

Answers: 1) b; 2) c; 3) a; 4) ; 5) b; 6) c; 7) b; 8) a; 9) true; 10) b and c

How did you do? We hope you enjoyed these delightful facts!

8 Ways to Remember a Loved One on Valentine’s Day

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 09 Feb 2021 05:00:00 GMT

While Valentine’s Day is supposed to be a time to celebrate love, it can be difficult to celebrate after the loss of someone close to you. Focusing your attention on a meaningful way to honor and memorialize your loved one can help channel your thoughts and feelings in a positive way during the holiday. Valentine’s Day can be a beautiful opportunity to celebrate your relationship, reflect on the love you shared and find comfort in their memory. Here are 8 Valentine's Day crafts to help you to honor your loved one; all you need are basic crafting supplies and a little love to pull these off.

No-Sew Heart Pillows

It’s easy to create a simple heart pillow with a loved one’s clothing or favorite blanket, giving you something to hold tight in moments of grief. This would also be a thoughtful gift of remembrance to make for someone who has lost a family member. This no-sew method would be an easy craft to do with friends, family or by yourself. See the full tutorial here: Heart Pillows

Personalized Pillowcase

Take an old letter or card that has a special message from a loved one and trace it onto a pillowcase. When you lay your head down at night you will see that special message in their writing to remember them. See the full tutorial here: Personalized Pillowcase

Shadowbox

When a loved one passes away we often look for ways to honor that person’s life and to keep their memory alive. A shadowbox is one way to preserve and display precious memories. Items such as medals, dried flowers, cards, name tags, pictures, scribbled notes, wallets, jewelry, etc. fit nicely in a shadowbox. Poems and excerpts from books can also be added to your display.

Glass Photo Magnets

Use clear glass gems from a craft store to turn vintage photos into magnets. In less than ten minutes and just a few supplies, you can create wonderful gifts to give to family or for yourself. Use photos of your loved one to remind you of their memory and the good times you shared. See the full tutorial here: Glass Magnets

Heart Hand Warmer

Warm hearts = warm hands! Keep your fingers toasty warm with a few soft and cozy DIY hand warmers in your pockets. You can whip these up in no time at all with a couple of small pieces of fabric (flannel or wool recommended) and a little plain rice. Make these extra special by using your loved one’s clothing. See the full tutorial here: Heart Hand Warmer

Hanging Heart Suncatcher

Use a loved one’s costume jewelry or visit a craft store to find personalized beads to create a heartwarming suncatcher. As the sun passes through, their memory will light up your house. See the full tutorial here: Glass Bead Suncatcher

Family Photo Wreath

If you have any unused small photo frames laying around the house, a photo wreath is a great way to display family memories. By attaching the frames to a wreath, you can hang it in a place you walk past regularly to remind you of your loved ones.

Writings on the Wall

It’s not every day that you decorate with something that has a personal connection to you. Give your wall décor a little meaning and purpose by framing a handwritten note or recipe from your loved one. See the full tutorial here: DIY Framed Recipe Cards

This Valentine’s Day allow space for the joy of your loved one’s memories to share space with the pain of them not being with you. Facing Valentine’s Day is never easy after a loss, and depending on how you are coping you might not be ready to bring up old memories. But ultimately, it’s OK to do what you feel is right for you. We hope these simple crafts allow you to cherish the love you once had and serve as a reminder that their love carries on within you.

New Year and A Better You

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 29 Jan 2021 05:00:00 GMT

Whether you believe in keeping a New Year's resolution or not, each new year brings new beginnings. 365 days of opportunity for growth, new adventures, habits, relationships and memories. To help you have a fresh start in 2021 (especially after the year we've all had), we’ve come up with a few tips to help you get up and get moving throughout the coming year.

Out with the old.

Taking on clutter is a safe way to gain some control in your life and can go a long way for your comfort level and improved well-being. Being organized reduces stress, boosts your self-confidence and can help you become more productive. Popular Netflix series like “The Home Edit” and “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo” share ideas on how to get your home in tip-top shape. A great place to start is with paperwork, organizing important documents like a will or preplanning information and storing them in a place that is easily accessible will make things easier when the time comes that those documents are needed.

Try it – you might like it.

Sushi, mushrooms, pineapple on pizza – What’s the one meal you have never tried but always wanted to? Cooking a meal or trying a new restaurant with family or friends is a great way to connect with others. As you try new foods and find ones that you enjoy, you will have more options to choose from. This can help you mix up your menu if you find yourself cooking the same meals or eating at the same restaurants repeatedly.

Plan it, book it and GO!

When you travel, you meet new people, cultures, experience new things and embark on all sorts of adventures. Because you are learning and gaining information from new places and people, travel can also shape you into a better, more well-rounded person. Traveling lets you disconnect from your daily life, try amazing foods, and create lifetime memories - memories that you can share with family and friends to inspire them to travel. Here’s hoping that 2021 can bring more opportunities for us all to get out there!

Turn up the tunes!

If you want to firm up your body, head to the gym. If you want to exercise your brain, listen to music. Music wields a powerful influence on human beings; research has shown that listening to music can reduce anxiety, blood pressure and pain as well as improve sleep quality, mood, mental alertness and memory.

A penny saved.

It's always nice to have a little cash tucked away for everything from emergencies to vacations, to holiday shopping. But saving money is HARD. Yearly money-saving challenges are very popular right now. With advice from people like Dave Ramsey and the trendy “ money envelope ” challenge which can help you save over $5,000 in one year, paying off debt or saving up to treat yourself has become a focus for many.

Feeling good and looking good.

Set a wellness routine that makes you feel great inside and out. Improve your mental and physical wellness by incorporating items and habits that boost your self-care routine. Start by creating a morning ritual. This can consist of meditation, breakfast, journaling, and stretching – it is important to create a routine that works for you. End your day with a bedtime ritual - take this time to unwind from the day by doing things like enjoying a cup of tea, taking care of your skin, reading, and making sure to get those Zzz's.

The most important thing in any lifestyle change is to give yourself a little grace. Simply having a goal to change habits to improve your health or lifestyle is a great first step. You deserve to make 2021 your best year yet. Think about what you want to do, take a deep breath, and go do it. At your pace, on your terms.

Important message regarding COVID-19

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 15 Jan 2021 05:00:00 GMT

As our community continues to feel the impact of the coronavirus, we want to share with you what we are doing to keep our guests and associates healthy and safe. Please be assured that we have protocols in place and are continually monitoring ongoing developments with the virus.

We remain committed to helping families honor the lives of their loved ones through meaningful services and gatherings, while respecting the unique challenges brought by the coronavirus.

At our funeral home, we have chosen to protect our communities, families and associates. All services and gatherings must comply with official guidelines restricting the number of people that can gather at one time and place. We will work with families to schedule gatherings within the allowable guidelines or we can arrange for services at a later date.

As part of our protocols, we have put into place enhanced cleaning procedures for our funeral home and are paying special attention to high-touch surfaces such as doors, countertops and restrooms.

We have advised associates to practice social distancing and avoid physical contact such as handshakes with families and guests.

If you have concerns about attending a visitation or a funeral, please consider leaving a supportive message for the family in their loved one’s online memorial on our website.

We encourage everyone to follow the CDC recommendations regarding hygiene to help prevent the spread of illness:

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to give us a call. Thank you for your patience as we all navigate these challenging times.

Printable activity worksheet for grieving children

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 04 Jan 2021 05:00:00 GMT

Losing a loved one is hard on all of us, and can be especially difficult for children, who may not really understand what is going on or what death really means.

Sometimes, an activity that children already enjoy can be a good way to connect with them about a difficult topic. To help, we’ve created a printable activity sheet that you can download here from our website to help stir positive memories and conversations about the loved one who is now gone. The sheet includes simple questions that your child can answer about the person who has died, as well as a figure and shapes to color. You can color a worksheet yourself and have a conversation with your child during the process.

You may find that your child wants to revisit this activity several times with you as they process more memories and aspects of their loss. Saving the activity sheets in a folder, notebook or photo album can allow them to revisit the memories when they are older.

Please know that some children may need additional, professional assistance in processing through a difficult loss. Indications that this might be the case include sadness that is always present and does not subside over time, continual feelings of hopelessness, pulling away from family and friends, an ongoing fixation on the loss, and the inability to accept the loss and embark upon a normal life. If your child experiences these symptoms of depression and/or complicated grief, experts highly recommend seeking professional help for your child immediately.

Traditional funeral ceremonies

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 21 Dec 2020 17:00:00 GMT

A traditional funeral ceremony tends to be a structured, formal event, held at the funeral home, church or other facility that can accommodate the number of guests expected. The body of the deceased is typically present in a casket. A funeral is traditionally held soon after the passing of an individual, sometimes days after one has passed away.
Often, guests are asked to sign a guestbook as they arrive. This can be an important record for the family to look at later because sometimes it is not possible to personally speak with each guest. Memorial donations are usually collected for a charity in memory of the deceased.
The service is typically led by a member of the clergy or other important community figure, who leads the guests through a series of prayers, hymns, or other rituals. They may also ask loved ones to come speak about why they loved the person who has passed. Depending on the type of funeral that takes place, a series of important religious rituals may follow. Once the service is complete, the body is buried at a cemetery. There may be a brief ceremony at the gravesite for family and those closest to the deceased.
These familiar elements and rituals can bring comfort during a time of loss. If you prefer a more informal type of gathering, please take a look at our articles on creative funeral ideas.

3 Common Mistakes of Funeral Planning

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 21 Dec 2020 05:00:00 GMT

Planning a funeral or memorial service is never easy, but after the loss of a loved one it is unavoidable. We’ve come up with our three common funeral planning mistakes you should avoid making, whether you're preplanning a service for yourself or after the loss of a loved one.

Mistake 1: Not Exploring Funeral Providers

According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA)'s latest survey, the four primary reasons respondents selected a particular funeral home include previous experience at the funeral home; they already knew the funeral director; the location; and its reputation.

Taking the time to compare funeral providers in your area might save you money and help you locate "the best" funeral home, crematory or cemetery for your needs. The costs involved with burial and cremation services can vary quite a bit depending on where you go, and often you will receive the same products/services.

Mistake 2: Not Asking Questions

After the loss of a loved one it’s hard to focus on anything other than your grief. Unfortunately, many people must plan the funeral or cremation service, which can involve making a lot of decisions. Being in a state of grief can cause you to make quick decisions without exploring all the options available to you. Whether you are planning a funeral in advance or after a loss, you should ask every question you have about the service.

Our funeral homes provide a wide range of resources to walk you through each step of planning a service for you or your loved one. We are here to answer all your questions and never make you feel rushed as you make your arrangements, or steer you toward anything that you don't want. We take the time to understand the type of service you desire and explain the various product and service options available to help you arrange a meaningful, personalized service.

If you are making arrangements after the loss of a loved one, it's perfectly normal to ask someone you trust to attend the funeral arrangement conference with you if you think you're not up to it alone or want another opinion before you commit to something.

Mistake 3: Not Telling Anyone

According to the NFDA, 62.5% of consumers feel that it is important to share funeral wishes with family members, but only 21.4% did so in 2017. Maybe you've thought about your funeral in detail, right down to what you'd like to wear and which songs you'd like played. But if you don't document and share your wishes, who will know?

Some people may just choose burial or cremation or casually mention their desires and think that's all that's needed. Grieving family members may not remember what you said you wanted or disagree about what they think you wanted. By documenting your plans with a funeral home—and letting your family know—you eliminate the confusion and take the burden off your family.

By keeping these very common mistakes in mind, you can avoid undue stress while planning arrangements for yourself or a loved one. There are lots of options to choose from, so do a bit of research and find the best option for you and your family. Learn more about beginning the planning stages of a funeral service by contacting us or requesting our free “Advanced Planning Guide”.

The Empty Chair

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 19 Nov 2020 05:00:00 GMT

Your chair may be empty this year

But you are not far from our thoughts.

This first Thanksgiving without you

Finds us looking for the sweet in the bitter.

We will make your favorite dish anyway.

The one no one else really likes.

Maybe this year we will taste it again,

And discover what you enjoyed.

Or maybe we will still all think

That you were crazy for eating it.

Dear one, we miss you today.

Time will not change that,

Though it may shrink the hole you left.

Thank you for loving us well.

For being human, wrong at times,

More right than we wanted to admit.

Now that life with you

Has turned into life remembering you,

We will fight to be thankful for the time we had

And take breaks from the pain of missing you.

To keep loving each other well.

Your chair is empty today.

In time another may take your seat.

Because the love you gave us,

Did not end but still grows within,

And reaches out in welcome.

Using Empathy to Support Your Grieving Loved Ones

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 23 Oct 2020 04:00:00 GMT

When someone we love has experienced a loss, we may struggle with what to say. Statements such as, “I didn’t know what to say to help,” or “I had such a hard time finding the right words” are common statements. When we extend expressions of empathy to someone who is grieving, it is best to speak honestly and from the heart. Here are a few tips based on the teachings of Sara Murphy, PhD, CT, on expressing empathy to a grieving loved one:

Instead of ... using many “I” statements, such as “I am so sorry,” “I was shocked to learn of his death,” “I couldn’t believe it”

Consider ... employing “you” statements and questions, such as “Do you want to talk about how you’re feeling?” or “You were so important to her.”

Instead of ... making assumptions about the loss and its impact on a survivor by saying “you must be feeling so…” or “normally, people feel…”

Consider ... asking specific questions about how the survivor is feeling and what this loss has meant to them

Instead of ... imposing personal attitudes, values or beliefs, or assuming that you understand those held by the griever

Consider ... asking about and being receptive to the griever’s communicated attitudes, values and beliefs surrounding the loss, which may be altered due to grief

Instead of ... providing unsolicited advice or trying to guide someone through their grief

Consider ... meeting the griever where they are in their own unique pathway of grief

Instead of ... identifying with the griever’s situation by sharing one of your own stories of loss

Consider ... keeping the griever’s loss at the center of the conversation in recognition that they have the right to own their unique story of loss

Instead of ... limiting the griever by saying, “I know how you feel”

Consider ... telling the griever that you would like to understand how they are feeling

Instead of ... shutting down the griever by saying, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through”

Consider ... expressing that you want to understand what they are going through and ask open-ended questions about how they are coping

Instead of ... communicating “silver lining” or “at least” statements such as “at least they didn’t suffer” or “well, she lived a long life”

Consider ... articulating that you understand that no matter the circumstances of death, the griever is experiencing a profound loss and has the right to grieve

In general, to express empathy consider:

We hope these tips can help you with communicating empathy to those who are grieving. Remember not to hold yourself to impossible standards because, like grief itself, practicing empathy is a unique process for each of us.

Tradition of Caring® Mortuary Science Scholarship

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 01 Oct 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Our funeral home is committed to excellence in funeral service education. We annually award $25,000 in scholarships to mortuary science students who demonstrate our core values of Excellence, Trust, Care and Growth.

This scholarship is open to:

Awards are for undergraduate study only and schools must be accredited with the American Board of Funeral Service Education (ABFSE).

Scholarships in the amounts of $3,500 and $500 are awarded annually and will be paid directly to the recipient’s school. Our scholarship is open to all students pursuing a degree in mortuary science who will be enrolled during the upcoming school year, as well as high school seniors who intend to enroll in a mortuary science course of study. All applications must be submitted prior to the deadline.

To apply, you must provide:

Families rely on us for experience, understanding and integrity in their time of need. Our Tradition of Caring® scholarship program is a demonstration of our continued commitment to our industry and the communities we serve.

To apply, please visit https://www.newcomer.com/scholarship/.

Learn about types of cremation services

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 22 Sep 2020 04:00:00 GMT

More families are choosing cremation these days, but we have found that there is a lot of confusion about how it works. Here we will share some basic information to help you better understand what options are available. When you meet with us, your funeral director or advance planning advisor will share even more information that is specific to your needs.

The first thing to understand is that cremation can take place before or after a service. If you would like to have your loved one’s body present for the service in a casket to allow guests to say goodbye, you would choose to hold a funeral service before the cremation. This will seem very similar to the funeral services you may have attended over the years. But, instead of the family proceeding to the cemetery for burial afterwards, they may choose to hold a reception or luncheon. Cremation then takes place.

You may also choose to have a small gathering of immediate family only to say a simple goodbye, instead of a service, with your loved one’s body present in a simple container. Both of these types of gatherings would need to be held in the days immediately following the death.

If you do not want to have your loved one’s body present at the service, cremation will take place first, and then the service would be held. This kind of service is called a memorial service and can be held at any point following the death. Some families find this a convenient choice when family members do not live nearby, because it allows more time for travel and arrangements to be made.

Other families choose to have cremation only with no service or gathering. Your funeral director will share all of these options with you so you can make the choices that are right for you and your family.

After cremation, you will receive your loved one’s remains back in an urn of your choosing. The urn can be buried or placed in a structure called a columbarium in a cemetery or displayed at home. You may also choose to scatter the remains in a special spot. If multiple family members wish to keep a portion of the cremated remains as a token of remembrance, smaller urns and keepsakes such as jewelry urns are also available.

Choosing cremation offers flexibility and options to help you honor and say goodbye to your loved one in a meaningful way. Arranging cremation services in advance is a great way to review the possibilities while you have the luxury of time and do not have the burden of grief. We can meet with you anytime for a discussion of your options and help you put a plan in place. There is never any obligation or pressure to pay. Please call us if you ever have any questions and we’d be happy to help.

The Power of Memory – Getting to Know Your Loved Ones

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 10 Sep 2020 04:00:00 GMT

When we encourage our loved ones to remember their past and talk about their memories and feelings, it allows us to share in their life’s experiences. It gives us the opportunity to learn more about their character and past, helping us better understand who we are and where we came from.

Here are 21 questions to help get the conversation started:

1. Who in your life has shown you the most kindness?

2. What was the hardest moment you had when I was growing up?

3. Who was your first boyfriend or girlfriend?

4. Who was the one that got away?

5. How much did candy cost when you were a kid?

6. What were your favorite foods?

7. What was the first thing you learned to cook?

8. Who was your best friend in grade school?

9. Who was your favorite teacher, and why?

10. What are your best memories of school? Worst memories?

11. Was there ever a time in school or at home where you got into big trouble?

12. What was your favorite song in high school? Do you have a favorite song today?

13. What was your first car?

14. What was the first movie you saw? What was your favorite movie? Did you have a favorite movie star?

15. Did you have a favorite pet growing up?

16. Where is your mom’s family from? Where is your dad’s family from? Where are your grandparents from?

17. What family traditions do you hope that we will carry on?

18. What have you done that makes you the proudest?

19. What is your biggest regret?

20. If you could do anything now, what would you do? Why?

21. If you won the lottery, what would you do?

By giving our loved ones the opportunity to tell their stories, reflect on their achievements and appreciate what they have done, they are able to link their past to the present. The laughter, understanding and sometimes a good cry that can come from sharing in the memories of our loved ones can help strengthen family bonds from one generation to the next.

Insights into helping a loved one preplan

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 25 Aug 2020 04:00:00 GMT

From personal experience, we share some thoughts about accompanying a loved one through the process of making funeral or cremation arrangements ahead of time.

Through preplanning, your loved one will make decisions about the types of service they want you to hold in their honor after they are gone, and create a written record of their choices. This will serve as a plan for you to follow when the time comes. Preplanning brings great peace of mind when it is completed, but can be intimidating to start. Here’s what we learned when accompanying a loved one through preplanning.

Expect all of the feelings. There’s no way around it; emotions are going to surface as you accompany a loved one who is preplanning. A desire to keep them with you forever and not think about the time when you will say a final goodbye to them is completely normal and natural. But the reality is, when that time comes, you will be incredibly grateful that it was all planned out ahead of time and you knew what to expect. There will be enough to manage at the time, emotionally, financially and relationally with your remaining family that you will be relieved to not have to make all these decisions as well. Give yourself and your loved one time and space to work through the emotions, and remember that while it is difficult, simply being there for them as they make their plans is a true gift – for you both.

It is a balance. Preplanning arrangements are a balance of what your loved one wants for themselves, and what they want for you. While they will not be present when their plans are carried out, and could be tempted to say “Well, I won’t be there to care”, most people will want to know that their services will be as easy as possible on their family members. They might also want your reassurance and support for their choices, so it’s okay to express your own opinions, as long as the final choices are your loved one’s.

There will be surprises. Your loved one will probably make decisions that surprise you. Whether it is the type of service they want, firm ideas about what they do NOT want, or the selection of things like music, an urn, or flowers, chances are very good that they will make choices that are different than the ones you would have made at the time of need. This is great because it means that they are doing what is uniquely right for them.

You will learn a lot. No matter how close you are to your loved one, you will learn more about them when you walk with them through preplanning. Whether it is the choices they make, the stories they share, or simply the experience of working through such a personal matter, you may feel even closer to them than before.

Sharing with others is an important step. Supporting your loved one as they share their plan and decisions with other family members is important. It may be hard for them to introduce the topic, because when is really a “good” time to talk about one’s death? They might want you to help them share the information with other family members. But once the discussions are had and everyone knows what to expect, it will be a true relief.

A few last thoughts. First, while a written plan is wonderful, having everything paid for is even better. The funeral home staff member that you meet with will be able to explain payment options so your loved one can decide how to handle the financial aspects. Second, after the appointment, you will both need a break from the heavy topic, so consider taking them out to lunch! And finally, and perhaps most importantly, by the end of the process, your dominant feeling, and your loved one’s, will almost certainly be relief and peace of mind.

We truly understand that this process is intimidating, and it can be hard to get started. But our preplanning associates are always here to help, with no pressure. Please give us a call today if you or a loved one need to take the first step towards peace of mind.

Expressing grief through art

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 19 Aug 2020 04:00:00 GMT

For thousands of years, artists of all kinds have used their work to express their sadness, anger, fear, love and hope. Of course, there is no painting or poem that can ever bring back our loved one, but the arts can help us process those feelings of grief.

When a loved one dies, your world can seem like it’s been turned upside down. Creative outlets can help bring back a sense of control by allowing yourself to make choices over art mediums, colors and the creative process. The ‘making’ activity helps to fill the void when you may feel lost and unable to do much. It also acts as a vessel in which to safely express thoughts and feelings that might otherwise be overwhelming. When creating art to help with the process of grief, you don’t need to worry about anyone else seeing it or whether it even looks like anything. Through artistic expression you are able to tell your personal stories of connection to your loved one.

Here is a list of some creative exercises to begin your artistic expression:

Poetry
Creating music
Dancing
Journaling
Writing letters
Drama/Theatre
Planting a garden
Drawing/Painting
Creative Writing
Scrapbooking

Remember, when making art, it’s not about making something that will impress others. It’s about the process and letting your thoughts and emotions run free.

How to Create a Memorial Display

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 04:00:00 GMT

A memorial display is an arrangement of photographs and memorabilia of your loved one that is set up for family and friends to view and interact with at the gathering time. It can also serve as a focal point during the service itself. We've seen many beautiful displays over the years and want to share some great ideas.

First, it will be important to find the time to gather materials. This can be a time-consuming process, and multiple family members may want to be involved, so coordination will be important. You will also need time to set up your display on the day of services, so plan to arrive early to avoid having to rush.

Photos are probably the most crucial element of any display. A large photo can serve as a focal point, drawing the eye. If you only have small photos, consider having a favorite one enlarged to an 8x10 and placed in a frame. This can be done quickly at many drugstores or camera shops. Other photos, whether framed, loose on the table or contained in albums for guests to flip through, will be a favorite part of the display for many guests. Since many of us keep all photos on our phones, it would be helpful to have everyone email or text their favorites to one family member or friend who can coordinate the printing of any that will be displayed.

Other items that can be displayed on a memorial table include awards, memorabilia from hobbies and interests, treasured possessions and really anything that helps tell the story of their life. While many of the guests to the service will have known your loved one, others will be attending to support you or other family members. A memorial display can give these guests insight into what made your loved one a uniquely special person.

If you have space, consider setting up one table for your loved one’s childhood, one for their early adulthood, and one for their later years. This is a beautiful way to tell the story of their life, and can help family and guests learn more about them.

If your loved one had a large collection of items, such as sports memorabilia, recipes, craft projects or more, consider adding some of the collection to your display. If your family does not want to keep the whole collection, you could set some items out on a table with a sign offering the items as keepsakes for guests. Extended family members especially may appreciate this.

Finally, even though you have many options for what to include in your displays, don’t forget that less can actually say more. Guests will be overwhelmed by hundreds of photos and mementos (yes, we’ve seen that), so take some time to select the elements that do the best job of showing various parts of your loved one’s life. Don’t forget to take a photo of your display to share with those who weren’t able to attend the service!

Comfort During “Ruff” Times

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 15 Jul 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Processing grief takes time and looks different for everyone. Things like counseling and support groups are there to help you understand the stages of grief and how to manage those feelings. Pets can be also be surprising ally in our grief process. Their companionship can provide comfort and support while you’re coping with a loss.

Pets not only provide comfort, they also help improve overall mental and physical health. Petting an animal increases serotonin and dopamine levels in our brain, which improves our mood by lowering stress, anxiety and depression. It also lowers blood pressure and helps with feelings of loneliness, which could be the case after you have lost a loved one. Pets can improve overall happiness just by offering a positive and consistent relationship.

Some people prefer solitude while coping with grief, while others find comfort in the company of others. Seeking face-to-face support can be a healthy step in coping with grief, but support offered by a pet that doesn’t require the same expectations that human interaction does can be helpful as well.

Dogs are not the only pets that excel as companion animals for support; many other types of animals offer the same type of feelings of reassurance. Cats can be especially helpful, due to their independent nature, when normal everyday responsibilities feel cumbersome and overwhelming. Studies show a cat’s purring can create a calming effect helping to ease the emotions brought on by grief. Dogs also make great companions, but in many cases, they require a lot more from you than a cat does. On one hand that can be a good thing: a dog can help push you to get up and about and dogs can give you sense of purpose knowing that you have someone depending on you.

Experiencing grief is something that is hard to understand until you have gone through it. Numerous people who have gone through the stages of grief have credited their animals with being a positive influence in their experience. There are many types of animals that can provide emotional support in different ways, but nothing is quite as impactful as the unconditional love they have for their owner.

10 Questions To Ask Dad

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 18 Jun 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Every day with your loved ones is a gift, so you shouldn’t take a single moment for granted. Think about how much life you’ve lived, and how much you don’t speak about until you get together with old friends and relatives and take a jog down memory lane. Now imagine how many stories your dad has to tell. Perhaps he served in the military during war, maybe he grew up in a different part of the country during an uncanny era, or maybe he’s just lived some life that you’d like to know more about.

If you’re thinking about getting to know your father more, start with a few questions that will create a connection and help you appreciate him more as a person.

1. When did you first fall in love?

This allows you to learn your dad’s thoughts on love in general, rather than just framing it through the lens of your mother. It will tell you a lot about his thought process and how he frames the world. You’ll likely hear his tale of crushes, mistakes and heartbreak, which will inform a lot about how he came to become a man.

2. What do you remember about movies and music growing up?

It’s one thing to Wikipedia classic movie release dates and another to talk to someone who lived through it. You’ll learn a lot about how a hit shook an era and how popular culture resonated when your dad grew up.

3. Where were you when you learned about world changing events?

Your dad lived through life changing events, such as the assassination of Martin Luther King and John F. Kennedy, and the first moon landing. Hearing a first person account will make you appreciate life as a whole and realize how much time flies.

4. What is your earliest memory?

It would surprise you how sharp a person’s memory remains over the years. Knowing your dad’s earliest memory humanizes him and helps you to imagine him as a young boy.

5. How did you feel when you knew mom was pregnant?

Learning that you’re about to become a father is life changing. Ask him about this to see how he framed it and how he prepared himself for this moment in his life. A lot of dads put on a good face for the family, when on the inside they’re dealing with their own fear, doubt and insecurity. Finding out how your dad processed this life change can show you a great deal of insight.

6. What are some of your biggest regrets?

We all have things we wish we could take back. It’s not about having regret, it’s how you move past them. Learning your father’s regrets and how he dealt with them can be an incredible way to gain perspective.

7. Have you ever gotten fired?

Losing a job is a time of adversity that truly tests your character. It’s also something that most people go through at least once.

8. What is your idea of a perfect day?

This is an excellent way to get a picture of the things your father finds the most important. Bonus points if you’re able to help him live out this day.

9. What made you want to get married?

Getting married is common, but learning why your father got married helps put you in his shoes as a young man. He’ll most likely have some great stories that you’d never find out unless you ask.

10. What is your biggest hope and wish for my life?

Finally, this question can give you some insight on your father’s greatest wishes for you.

It’s possible that you’ll come away with some life changing gems that put the true meaning of life into perspective. Take some time to contemplate these questions and have an honest sit-down with your father. Asking these questions will be impactful for both of you.

Advantages of Planning Your Funeral at Any Age

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 12 Jun 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Most people are not dying to talk about death. No pun intended! People often think that it is not necessary to start planning ahead for funerals, especially if they’re under 50.

Did you know after a death family members are faced with over 88 decisions they must make merely hours after a death occurs? That’s a lot of pressure for your loved ones to deal with on top of grief and shock. Simply put, preplanning brings peace of mind. By planning ahead, you can select a plan that fits your financial needs and spread out the payments accordingly based on your budget.

Planning your funeral in your 20’s and 30’s

In your 20’s and 30’s funeral planning is pretty much the last thing you’re thinking about. Your life has just begun, and you don’t know what your future holds. This is a good age to consider buying a cemetery plot. Plots are considered a part of real estate so they can be bought and sold like a house; you can look at it as an early investment to your funeral planning. You can also begin thinking about what legacy you want to leave behind - songs, recipes, advice, quotes or photos are examples of things that tell your life story and how you would want to be remembered.

Planning your funeral in your 40’s

Once you are into your 40’s, your main concern is probably your family and career. You may be making retirement plans but maybe not thinking so much about funeral planning. This is a good time to start researching and building a funeral package or burial insurance policy into your overall financial plan. This is also an excellent time to prepare essential end-of-life documents needed such as wills and life insurance.

Planning your funeral in your 50’s

People in their 50’s are the most likely to consider funeral planning. With children grown and out of the house, many are financially stable and are likely to begin dealing with their aging parents' deaths. Saying goodbye to your parents gives you insight into the funeral planning process and expenses, and opens the doors to conversations with other family members about your own wishes. This is a great time to sit down with one of our staff members and finalize your own arrangements.

Preplanning isn’t something many of us want to think about because it means we have to think about our own death. But, being prepared does not mean you will pass anytime soon. You are never too young to create a funeral plan. Don’t wait until illness strikes or until there is no time left; save your loved ones the burden and start preplanning today.

Plan ahead to give your family peace of mind

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Sat, 06 Jun 2020 04:00:00 GMT

You only leave once ^(R) . So let us help you arrange things the way YOU want. Today’s funeral and memorial services are very different than the traditional somber ceremonies of the past, and can be as unique as the life they are celebrating. If you ask people to describe what they see as the perfect funeral, you will get a wide variety of answers. But most people agree that what they don’t want is for their death to leave a financial burden on their surviving family.

Our services are affordably priced; no one is trying to take advantage of you at our funeral home. Give us a call or visit our offices and talk to our staff about making advance cremation or funeral arrangements. We will explain all of your options, and share cost and payment information. Our helpful guidance will take the guesswork and expense out of planning this important event in the life of your family.

We all only leave once, and want to leave a legacy of love and wisdom for our families and loved ones, not a financial burden.

7 Ways to Keep Your Mother’s Memory Alive

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 08 May 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Mother's Day can be a difficult holiday when your mother is no longer with you. We've gathered a few ideas to help you turn this Mother's Day into a celebration of honoring and remembering the woman who loves you eternally.

1. Find a gift proxy

While your mother will never be replaced, a nice gesture could be giving a gift to a woman who is influential in your life or a woman who is deserving of a little extra love.

2. Recreate her signature dish

Did your mother cook a special meal that always comforted your soul? Consider honoring her by cooking her signature dish on Mother’s Day weekend. Make it a dinner date and invite family or friends over. During dinner, share your favorite memories of your mother.

3. You're my shining star

"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down to let us know they are happy." - Unknown Author

For under $100, you can name a star after your mother and when you look up in the sky you will remember this beautiful tribute to her.

4. Shower her with flowers

White carnations are a common tradition to remember mothers who are no longer with us. Pick out a beautiful bouquet, place the flowers in a vase next to her photograph or a candle as a tribute to her. Make it a family affair and hold a family memorial at her gravesite. Bring flowers and read a favorite Bible verse or inspirational passage.

5. Do a good deed

Honor your mother by donating to a cause that was meaningful to her or volunteer for a few hours to your mother’s favorite charity organization. Giving back is always a great way to find joy in the small things of life. Instead of feeling sad on Mother’s Day, donate your time to make someone else’s day a little bit brighter. We are sure it will make your mom proud.

6. Flex your green thumb

Did your mother love to garden? If so, you could create a memorial garden with her favorite vegetables, herbs, fruits or flowers. This garden can serve as a special place to reflect.

Not so into gardening? A lower maintenance option is to plant a tree or bush in honor of your mother’s memory.

7. Go road tripping

Did your mom love the beach? Or going on walks? Hunting down treasures in thrift shops? Or exploring the farmer’s market? No matter near or far, gather your family and take a memorial road trip in honor of mom and the activities and places she loved.

Memorials: an outlet for grief

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 30 Apr 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Dealing with loss and grief is difficult for any person. Memorials allow families to show their respect to their loved one and pay tribute to a life well lived and a life worth remembering. While it is true that memorials represent a life lost, they also represent the importance of that individual to the living.

Memorials help share a legacy, however big or small, for friends and family to look back on. They serve as a focal point for a collection of memories, emotions, meanings and narratives. At a memorial, family and friends can come together to grieve, heal and celebrate their loved one.

Memorials have existed for thousands of years and are an important part of every culture. One of the most memorable in history is the Taj Mahal. It is a breathtaking white marble mausoleum that took 22 years and the labor of an estimated 20,000 workers and 1,000 elephants to build. More than just a memorial, the Taj Mahal was a declaration of lasting love from Emperor Shah Jahan to his departed soulmate Mumtaz Mahal, the “chosen one of the palace“.

Shah Jahan used the creation of the Taj Mahal as an outlet for his grief; others may take a less elaborate path. Today, a memorial might take the form of a cemetery gravesite or niche, a tree planted in a loved one’s memory or a plaque on a bench at their favorite park. It could also be the special place where cremated remains were scattered.

No two individuals will grieve the same way, and it is impossible to attach a timeline to how and when the healing will begin. But while grieving can cause sadness, anxiety, stress or anger, a memorial can help center those emotions allowing for a healthy grieving process.

Honoring a Loved One Who Has Passed While Social Distancing

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 17 Apr 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Funerals and memorial services allow us to remember those that we love, the relationship that we had with them and to support one another. Here are a few suggestions to help you navigate how to honor a loved one who has passed during this time of social distancing.

Video Conferencing

Many are using video conferencing to connect to others online. With the addition of video to audio, this method gives a much more personal feel when connecting with others. Family and friends can “gather” on a virtual meeting to share stories, laugh, cry and grieve together. Such platforms like Zoom Meetings, Skype and Google Hangouts offer free web conferencing.

Perform a Favorite Activity

Another great way to remember a loved one who has passed is to take part in an activity they enjoyed. This can be done individually or with only a few people present. This can include going on a bike ride or hike, trying their hobbies, baking their favorite meal or watching their favorite movie. Any special activity your loved one enjoyed that you can partake in will allow you to remember and honor them.

Visit Favorite Places

You may have a lot of memories of your loved one in different places. From the bench under the big oak tree in the park to that ice cream shop around the corner, they all mean something to you. At first it might be hard to revisit these places, but as time passes, reliving memories and making new ones is a great way to remember the good times you had with them.

Share Photos or Videos Online

A great way to remember and honor a loved one who passed in this time of social distancing, is to collect videos and photos and post them on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest or another social media site. On sites like Facebook, you can also create a private group where only family and friends are invited and can view what others have shared.

Donate

If your loved one had a cause or charitable organization that meant a lot to them, in lieu of flowers, you may ask family and friends to donate in their name.

Have the Funeral at a Later Date

If social distancing concerns provide too much of a challenge for you and your family to have a funeral at this time, you can always choose to have it at a later date. Family and friends will understand and appreciate that you’re considering their wellbeing during such a challenging time.

Planning a funeral takes an emotional toll under normal circumstances, and now with social distancing there are new obstacles to consider. Through all of these challenges our funeral home is here to help honor your loved one.

Do I need to plan a funeral service?

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 15 Apr 2020 04:00:00 GMT

When someone we love passes away, a funeral service is a way to celebrate and honor their life. A funeral service also allows us to feel the support of family, friends and the community in our time of loss.

There are many benefits to holding these types of ceremonies. A funeral service can help us find a sense of closure after the passing of somebody close to us. Typical services incorporate stories of a person’s life and often prayers or readings that allow us to reflect on the meaning of life and death. This process, while often somber, may give attendees an important chance to accept the finality of a loss.

Sharing stories about the lives of those who have passed can be an important step in grieving. A funeral service provides the opportunity for reflection about how grateful we are for having known somebody who was dear to us, and we can provide new layers of remembrance to other mourners.

Healthy grieving is a process that shouldn’t be overlooked. Funeral services may be an extremely beneficial part of this process, in that they help provide closure and community support. When we are surrounded by people who were also touched by the person whose loss we are grieving, we often feel less alone, and we can verbalize our feelings in an understanding venue.

Losing a loved one is difficult enough, but the thought of planning someone’s funeral without knowing their wishes can add additional stress and anxiety. We’ve created a “Helpful Guide for My Loved Ones” that will give your family the information they need when the time comes. Still have questions? One of our helpful preplanning associates can walk you through the process. You’ll be amazed at how easy it is to organize important documents and final requests, giving your family a clear plan to follow.

Self-care during your grief journey

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 08 Apr 2020 04:00:00 GMT

As you go through your grief journey, self-care can often take a back seat. However, this is an essential time to make your health a priority and take care of yourself the best you can.

Take time to pamper yourself - Whether it is running a bubble bath, getting a pedicure or treating yourself to a movie, take the time to do something that feels good to your soul.

Practice aromatherapy - Calming essential oils, such as lavender, chamomile and jasmine, are all soothing oils that can help to relax you. For more information on aromatherapy and different scents that can help you during your grief journey, visit https://aromaticstudies.com/aromatherapy-and-grieving/.

Take up a new hobby - Whether you’ve always wanted to learn to play guitar, take a yoga class or try your hand at making jewelry, trying out a new hobby will help you to focus on you and activities you enjoy doing.

Walk outside - Exercise releases endorphins, which help to improve your mood. Head outside and take a long walk in nature - this will help to clear your mind and relieve any stress you might be feeling.

Eat healthy - It can be easy to forget to eat when you’re grieving, but eating a balanced meal will help you to feel focused and nourished. Need inspiration? Take a look at online resources like Pinterest to find a few healthy recipes to try.

Write in a journal - Acknowledging and accepting your feelings during this time is crucial, and keeping a journal is a great outlet for when you’re feeling overwhelmed with emotions.

Make yourself a priority - Focus on your needs before worrying about others. Grieving can take a lot out of you emotionally, and it is important to put your own needs first to heal.

What to bring with you to the funeral home

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Sat, 21 Mar 2020 16:09:00 GMT

When you come to our funeral home to make arrangements, it will be helpful for you to bring a number of items with you.
First, please bring the clothing, undergarments, shoes, glasses, and jewelry that you want them to wear during the funeral service or cremation. Please also bring a photograph of your loved one that we can add to their online obituary on our website and in the newspaper if you so desire.
We will also need to record certain biographical information for the paperwork required by the state. This includes their Social Security number, date of birth, wedding date, parents’ full names and birthplaces, schools and employers, physician’s name, and details about their military service, if applicable. Bringing as much of this information with you as possible is a good idea.
Please bring copies of life insurance policies, cemetery paperwork, funeral prearrangement and military discharge papers (DD 214 form) if applicable.
If you like, you can download and fill out the Personal History Form ahead of time. This will allow our staff to enter your information quickly.
We would be happy to make a Life Story memorial video about your loved one’s life to play during the visitation and before and after the service. This is a picture slideshow set to music and comes on a keepsake DVD for you and your family to take home afterwards. Please collect 20-40 photos for the video and bring them to us as soon as possible. We will need at least 24 hours before the visitation to put the video together; more time is preferred. Photos need to be removed from frames. You can also email them to your funeral director if that is more convenient.
For the visitation and service, you may want to set up memory tables with framed photos, memorabilia, awards, crafts etc. for guests to view at the visitation or before or after the service. You can bring these items in with you the day of the event.
Here’s a handy checklist of what to bring with you when you visit us. If you have any questions, please feel free to give us a call.

Graveside services at a cemetery

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Sat, 21 Mar 2020 16:04:00 GMT

A graveside service at a cemetery can be held in addition to a funeral ceremony, or in place of one. Here are some things to know about holding a graveside service.
Prior to the service, cemetery staff will open the grave and set the vault in place. After the service, the casket will be lowered into the vault, and covered with earth. Sometimes this happens after the family leaves, and other times the family will want to observe the process and perhaps participate in shoveling dirt into the grave. The cemetery will typically set up a tent over the grave space or nearby, with chairs for family and a few guests.
If a graveside service is held after a funeral, it is normally only attended by family and close friends, rather than the community at large. You can ask your funeral officiant to let the guests know whether the graveside service will be public or private. Guests may travel in a procession of vehicles from the funeral, or simply meet at the cemetery. This depends largely on local laws, traditions and the preferences of the family. In large cities, it is safer to simply meet at the cemetery rather than try to follow in procession.
When guests and the hearse arrive, pallbearers will be asked to carry the casket from the hearse to the grave. Our funeral director or staff member will be on hand to assist in this process. The casket will not be open at the graveside.
Graveside services are typically brief, partially because they are outdoors and at the mercy of the weather, and also because most of the guests will need to stand. An officiant, such as a minister, celebrant, funeral director or family friend may read a poem or religious text, and share a brief eulogy.
Music can also be played, either from a recording or live performer. You might also have loose flowers on hand for guests to place on the casket before it is lowered into the grave or take as a keepsake.
After the service is concluded, the family can greet guests and receive condolences. Many families choose to hold a meal at a church or restaurant following services, as a chance to catch up and support each other through this time.

Creating a beautiful ceremony for your loved one

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Sat, 21 Mar 2020 16:02:00 GMT

A traditional funeral ceremony tends to be a structured, formal event. If you prefer a more informal type of gathering, there are many ways to make a funeral for your loved one unique and memorable, just like their life. Here are just a few ideas.

Hold the gathering at a place that was special to them or that they would have liked.
Print a large photo of your loved one to serve as a focal point during the gathering.
Set out a guest book for guests to read and sign. This can be a simple guest register, or something even more creative. If you like to scrapbook and have the time, create a memorial scrapbook and lay the pages out individually across a few tables. Guests can sign and write a memory next to a favorite photo. When you reassemble the pages later, you will have a beautiful memory book.
Create a memorial video with a slideshow of photos to play during the event. Time spent gathering photos and sharing memories can be a healing experience for you and your family. Our staff can put the video together for you.
Set up a memorial table with mementos such as cherished possessions, awards, photographs, artwork, other creations. If your loved one was an artist, hang their artwork or decorate the funeral chapel with art that illustrates their personality or interests. Was the deceased a quilter? Display some of their best work. Was she a particular fan of Picasso? Why not find some prints to display?
Set up a digital photo frame to show even more photos.
Select a customized casket or urn. These days, urns and caskets come in a variety of materials, and they can often be customized. When picking out a casket or urn, think of how you can choose one that reflects your loved one’s personality or interests. Caskets come in materials such as metal, standard steel and wood. Hardware on the casket, such as custom handles and corners, can reflect objects that the deceased admired. Some examples are flags, favorite sporting team, praying hands and flowers. With both caskets and urns, you can often choose custom engravings or other personalized elements, so don’t be afraid to discuss your options with our staff.
Ask guests to write memories on note cards as they arrive, or in the days before the service, to be read aloud.
Don’t be afraid to show and invoke emotion. A meaningful funeral will have both tears and laughter as you mourn, but also celebrate together.
If the obituary is not provided in written format, consider reading it during the gathering before a time of sharing.
Use readings, eulogies and music to paint a picture of what they saw and experienced throughout their lifetime, including historical, civic and personal events. Explain to younger guests what life was like for them growing up.
Tell their favorite stories or jokes. Have a storytelling contest among the guests for the best story about their life.
Play their favorite music in the background of the gathering, or arrange for local musicians to play covers of their favorite songs.
Collect memorial donations for their favorite charity or organization.
Make copies of favorite photos of your loved one, and paperclip them to helium-filled balloons. Guests can take a balloon, keep the photo as a memento, and release the balloons together outdoors.

A funeral or memorial gathering can be as unique as your loved one.

Life Choices to Put On Hold If You’re Grieving

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 11 Mar 2020 04:00:00 GMT

The loss of a loved one changes your life and the lives of those around you. The grief that can come with that loss creates great emotional stress. While trying to adapt to a new normal some may feel the urge to make big life choices that can be influenced by the emotions you are experiencing at that time. Down the road you’ll find the value of having a calm, clear mind to make those decisions and that it pays to wait. Here are a few life choices that you should consider putting on hold when grieving.

1. Relocation

Relocation is often on people’s minds shortly after a loved one passes. If a parent, sibling or other individual lived close to you or even with you, it can feel difficult to keep that residence because everywhere you go reminds you of them. This is even more true if you lose a spouse. They were a part of your daily routine and relocating would offer you a reprieve from those memories. However, relocating often comes with details and logistics that take time to sort through. Doing this while grieving can create added stress during an already emotional time. It is best to wait at least 6 to 8 months after the passing of a loved one before you should consider moving residences. In time, it may become easier to remain where you are, and if not, you’ll have the mental and emotional energy to sort everything out properly.

2. Employment

Returning to work after the death of a loved one has proven to be a difficult transition for those who are grieving. As a result, these individuals are more likely to make significant decisions regarding employment. They think about either leaving their current job or seeking new employment opportunities that they believe will be a better fit for them as they grieve. However, routine and normality often help people in grieving situations, and it’s best to keep this aspect of your life the same for at least 6 months after the death of a loved one.

3. Keepsakes and mementos

Everyone handles grief differently. Some individuals treasure keepsakes and mementos while others find that they’re a constant reminder of the person they lost. Although your keepsakes may trigger grief now, resist the urge to discard them. That is a permanent decision that can never be reversed. If you’re finding it difficult to have certain items around, put them in a box out of sight or in storage so that you can make the decision once you’re a bit more removed from your grief. You should allow at least 6 months to pass before you permanently discard any items to ensure it is the right decision for you.

4. Finances

Having a loved one pass can be complex from a financial perspective. Individuals are often tempted to consolidate accounts or change their own financial standings based on those of their loved ones. However, without proper guidance it can prove unwise to do this. If you’re going to change your finances within the first 6 months of your loved one’s passing, consult with a financial advisor and be sure that it is a reversible decision just in case anything changes.

Final thoughts

When a loved one passes, you may feel as though you’re faced with a lot of significant life choices to make while you also handle an immense amount of grief. Give yourself a little time to heal and wait at least 6 months before handling your finances, discarding keepsakes or mementos, altering your employment situation or considering relocation. Implementing this waiting period will allow you to enter into these decisions with a clear mind and your emotions in check.

Five Ways to Celebrate the Birthday of a Loved One Who Has Passed

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 02 Mar 2020 05:00:00 GMT

Birthdays – they can be hard to handle, especially in the beginning when the pain of the loss often covers our usual enjoyment of this special day. However, taking time to celebrate and honor how amazing our loved one was and what they meant to us can also be healing.

Remember that this time is specific to you; grief affects us all differently. Some like to visit and decorate graves, some throw parties, and for others, just a simple remembrance is perfect. If you feel like doing something, but just aren’t sure what, we’ve gathered a few ideas to help get you started.

1. Get together with close family and frie nds. Plan to do something fun like taking children fishing (or some other hobby) to teach them what their special person liked to do, or meet for dinner to honor them.

2. Plant something in their honor. Each year add new flowers to your garden or plant a new tree. Then every time you see that plant you can enjoy it and think of your loved one.

3. Donate your money or time. Another way to honor your loved one is to donate money or time to a charitable organization that they were inspired by or involved in. This can be a wonderful way to give back and to deal with grief on their birthday.

4. Visit their grave. This may sound like an obvious thing to do, but it is ok to take some quiet time for yourself to get away and honor the person you’ve lost at their gravesite.

5. Do nothing. The day will hit each of us differently, and you should do what’s best for you. For some people that means not changing their day or their routine, and that is perfectly fine, too. You have to be kind to yourself and let your heart heal in its own time.

Note that each of these ideas is very different from one another because there is no right or wrong way to go about this. We hope these ideas help you find a way that best honors your loved one and help you on your journey to healing after loss.

Handle with Care, Everyone is Grieving

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 14 Feb 2020 05:00:00 GMT

When we are dealing with grief, it feels difficult to function because nothing we do feels exactly right . We may even wish there was a sign around our neck that says “I’m grieving. Handle with care.” But the truth is, everyone around us may be grieving as well, and without a sign around their neck, sometimes grief doesn’t show on the surface.

With the understanding that you never know who is grieving around you, here are a few reminders about grief:

1. Grief is tricky. It’s often hidden, so be kind. Sometimes a smile or words of encouragement can go a long way in helping someone get through their day. Go out of your way to be thoughtful of others…because you just never know.

2. Grieving is lonely. Be the friend that reaches out. It’s hard to know what will be the right thing to say because we’re all afraid we might say the wrong thing. Yet, when you’re grieving, having that outlet in a friend can be healing. Odds are that you remember exactly who it was that reached out to you when you were in a similar situation. Who talked to you when you needed it most? Who sat with you and listened? Who did something without being asked?

3. Grief isn’t clear cut. You can feel sad at a distance . If someone you knew as an acquaintance passed away, you can still grieve. Many believe that it is only close friends or family members that “should” be grieving, but this mentality often undercuts the importance of the individual in all the lives they touched. Even if you knew them at a distance, you can still feel the pain of losing them in your life. And remember, you may be faced with the opposite situation as well. You may come into contact with individuals who were touched by the death of your close loved one. Even if they did not know them well, their grief is still valid. Recognize that they didn’t have to know the individual as well as you in order to feel pain for their loss.

Final thoughts

Grief doesn’t have a calling card. It doesn’t stand up and announce when it’s going to visit or indicate to others when it’s arrived. Use that wisdom today when you step out of your home. The person right next to you could have the weight of grief on them, and you just don’t know it. Be kind and handle with care.

Our Top Eternal Love Quotes

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 06 Feb 2020 05:00:00 GMT

Losing a loved one is difficult; the grief, pain, sadness and immeasurable amount of heartache that comes with it can be overpowering. Coping with a loss takes time and everyone’s journey is different.

Our grief is a reminder of how much we loved those that have passed on. Some people reflect on their grief with gratitude knowing that they were lucky to have had someone to love. Winnie the Pooh may had said it best, “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

After such a loss the pain will inevitably be there, comforting words can sometimes give us the strength we need to push on through the day. We’ve gathered a few inspirational love quotes to help uplift and inspire you in your healing journey. We hope these quotes will remind you of the wonderful love and memories you shared.

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” -Jack Lemmon

“What we have once enjoyed we can never lose; All that we love deeply, becomes a part of us.” -Helen Keller

“They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies.” -William Penn

“You never realize death until you realize love.” -Katharine Butler Hathaway

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, not touched. But are felt in the heart.” -Helen Keller

“I will keep on loving you until eternity comes to make me love you more.” -Munia Khan

“Love is like an eternal flame -- once it is lit, it will continue to burn for all time.” -Kamila

“Love is space and time measured by the heart.” -Marcel Proust

“When two hearts become one, it cannot be undone. A promise has been made and cannot be broken or swayed. For this love will last an eternity and will not fade.” -Charlene M. Martin

“Love is energy: it can neither be created nor destroyed. It just is and always will be, giving meaning to life and direction to goodness. Love will never die.” -Bryce Courtney

Why Do Famous People Have Funerals?

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 03 Feb 2020 05:00:00 GMT

Have you ever noticed that when someone famous (actor, celebrity, politician, athlete) dies, there is almost always a ceremony?

It may be public or private, large or small, grandiose or intimate, and the person may be buried or cremated—but in most cases there is some kind of ceremony or gathering.

The reason is simple, and has little to do with the cost of a ceremony. Famous people, and their families, understand that thousands if not millions of people will mourn their passing and will want to pay their respects-either in person, through an online obituary or via social media.

This was true in recent news of the death of Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna, along with seven other people in a tragic helicopter crash in Southern California on January 26. The outpour of memorials and support to the families spanned over every media channel. The impact of this loss was felt by millions and the families of the deceased recognized that they weren’t the only ones grieving. Public celebrations of life were organized to gather, to remember and to mourn.

For those of us who are not so famous, the same is true. Alan Wolfelt, the nation’s leading grief counselor, says that ceremonies and gatherings are “not for benefit of the deceased, they are for the benefit of the living. Through a ceremony or gathering family and friends confront the reality of a loved one’s death, mourn that death, and are therefore able to begin the healing process.”

While many of us do not want a fuss made over us after we die, a memorial service or gathering can help family and friends adjust to life after the loss of a loved one. It is a time of sharing memories, laughter, tears and for supporting each other. Our free “Helpful Planning Guide” provides you with the information that you or your family needs to create a memorial gathering that is meaningful to your loved ones.

Within the guide, you will find a checklist for planning a service, guidance on writing an obituary or eulogy, forms to organize important documents and a cost estimate worksheet.

Request a free “Helpful Planning Guide” - you will be amazed at how easy it is to organize your important documents and final wishes, giving your family a clear plan to follow, and peace of mind.

How Not to Add Headache to Heartache After You're Gone

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 03 Feb 2020 05:00:00 GMT

As funeral professionals, we’ve seen a lot of things go wrong for families when their loved one hasn’t planned out their wishes in advance. Here are just a few scenarios:

Advance planning can’t prevent every headache. But, when one of our helpful preplanning associates walks you through the process, you will be amazed at how easy it is to organize your important documents and final wishes, giving your family a clear plan to follow, and peace of mind.

New Year’s Resolutions: one you may not have thought about

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 13 Jan 2020 05:00:00 GMT

Most people try to start off the new year strong with resolutions that prompt self-improvement or growth. This year, make a resolution to protect your family by preplanning the inevitable. Although funeral preplanning is not a fun topic to think about, there are valuable reasons why you shouldn’t put it off until the next new year.

Here are the top 3 reasons why preplanning now will give both you and your family peace of mind.

Reason #1: It’s never fun to think about, but it’s always necessary

Preplanning your funeral may not be on your list of preferred activities but recognizing the power that having a plan in place has for your loved ones is essential. When there is a death in the family, not only is there a period of mourning, but there is a period of uncertainty and constant questioning. Is this what my loved one wanted? Am I selecting the right arrangements? How can I make these decisions in my current state and ensure that they’re also financially sound?

Death isn’t fun to think about or to plan for, but one day it will happen. It could come at the golden age of 100, and you’d still have the same questions to answer about funeral planning. So, as you grow older, preplanning becomes a gift to the family members and friends that you’ll leave behind. Sitting down and creating a detailed plan with your provider of choice is one of the best ways you can make it easier for your family when the time comes. Doing this will ensure that your loved ones have everything they need to know in one spot, and they’ll have confidence that your arrangements are being done according to your wishes.

Reason #2: It’s better to do it early

No one wants to think about aging, and everyone wants to believe that they have many more years to come. Yet, if there’s one thing that’s true about this type of planning it’s that it’s better to do it early and update it later if need be. Having a plan in place in case something happens suddenly or unexpectedly can provide that peace of mind to your loved ones if life gets complicated down the road.

It’s easy to keep putting off a project like this for next year or the year after if you still feel young and healthy, but by creating time for preplanning in 2020, you’ll take care of yourself and your family well into the future.

Reason #3: It allows you to collaborate

Too often family members pass without arrangements ever being discussed. Children don’t know what their parents wanted, spouses don’t know what their partner desired, and the next of kin is left to fill in the blanks. By preplanning, you start the discussion, which is important for a variety of reasons.

For one, it helps everyone to get on the same page, which can alleviate some of the stress that comes along with grieving. While they will undoubtedly feel great loss, they won’t have to plan a funeral, wake or any other arrangements during such an emotional time. They’ll know they’re celebrating you in a comfortable way and will get to focus solely on that celebration without feeling responsible for it. Preplanning also allows you to help alleviate some or all of the financial burden.

At the heart of collaborating and preplanning is ensuring that the right paperwork will be available when the time comes. If your loved ones cannot locate your plans, it’ll add to the stress of the grieving process. Be sure to not only include your loved ones in your planning but also discuss it openly. Everyone should agree upon a safe and accessible place so that no one is left wondering what should happen when you’re no longer around to answer questions.

Final thoughts

Preplanning for the future can be a daunting task but doing it now can alleviate a future burden on your loved ones. As you work towards this resolution in 2020, let us help you. Creating this plan in advance is a gift to those you love, and it allows everyone to feel comfortable with an uncomfortable topic.

Why building a bucket list is a great idea

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 30 Dec 2019 05:00:00 GMT

First thing’s first, what exactly is a ‘bucket list’?

Simply put, a bucket list is a collection of goals, dreams and things you wish to achieve before you die, or ‘kick the bucket’. What is on your list is totally unique to you, and so is the way you choose to store or present it!

You may want to write your bucket list down in your favorite notebook, or display it on a chalkboard or corkboard in your home. If you’re the creative type, you might even store your list’s items in a beautifully decorated jar, ready to get them out whenever you need a little inspiration. The magical thing about writing a bucket list is that it is a personal experience, therefore, there is no right or wrong way to go about it.

There are many reasons why creating a bucket list is a great idea. Above all else, writing down your heart’s desires somehow makes them feel more achievable, and may even make you more likely to go out and do the things you really want to.

What’s more, the act of writing your bucket list can be therapeutic in itself. It allows you to express your creativity without any constraints. With your bucket list, anything is possible, all you need to do is dream!

So, what should you actually put on your bucket list?

Well, that’s up to you! The limits really are endless, but many common bucket list items are related to travel or events, charity, physical endeavors or personally meaningful goals. You can go for the ‘classic’ bucket list ideas like skydiving or running a marathon, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be filled with wild adventures if that’s not what you’re into.

Many people choose to include things on their bucket list that are very meaningful to them on a personal level, despite being relatively ‘small’ things. For example, you may wish to travel to another part of the country to visit a family member, raise money for a charity that’s close to your heart, or maybe you want to do something as simple as creating a family tree or reconnecting with an old friend you’ve lost contact with.

And contrary to what you may think, retirement is the ideal time to write yourself a bucket list (and check things off!) Without the time and commitment barriers of work, you are free to devote your time to everything you’ve always wanted to do.

So, make a cup of tea, find your favorite notebook and pens and start dreaming – there’s no time like the present!

Reconnecting with yourself after grief

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 19 Dec 2019 05:00:00 GMT

There’s nothing easy about losing a loved one. You may feel a sense of loneliness, lose track of your typical routine, or simply not enjoy certain activities anymore. The idea of staying at home may seem so much easier than those plans you made with friends. It might seem like a better idea to shut out the world, but there’s a lack of healing in this lifestyle if it goes on too long. How can we continue to engage in things that fulfill us, even when we don’t feel like we can? How can we reconnect to life in steps that don’t tire us?

Here are a few things to consider:

Explore and identify the right options to slowly reconnect with your everyday life, looking for small ways to reengage. This could be calling a friend for a few minutes, grabbing a cup of coffee with someone for an hour, or going out to lunch or a movie. No feat is too small when it comes to healing; take it at your own pace.

Accept your feelings. Grief brings many turbulent emotions, especially the more negative ones that we normally try to avoid. Some days it will be all you can do to get out of bed because they are so heavy. Don’t beat yourself up for spending an afternoon in bed or just needing to take a break from life for a few hours. Know your limits, but also don’t be ashamed of them.

Don’t be afraid to reach out to others. Be honest with friends and family that you are grieving and may not be quite the same as you once were, but you still want their companionship and support. Don't be afraid to ask them to check on you periodically and keep inviting you even if you say no the first several times.

It’s important to understand that grief is a process, not an event. It changes us and the way we perceive and relate to the world and people around us. Grief also doesn't stop when we have to resume our normal activities and obligations, such as work, school and caring for our families. When getting back to your everyday routine, be sure to leave yourself room and time for the grief, as well as for some of the activities you enjoyed prior to your loss, which could help you feel a little bit more like yourself.

Reaching out to loved ones during grief

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 09 Dec 2019 05:00:00 GMT

One of the difficult parts of grieving is keeping in touch with those close to us. It’s hard to understand our emotions and sometimes it’s simply too difficult to consistently keep in touch with others. Weeks may turn to months, and you may soon find yourself disconnected from friends, family, or other relationships in your life. Secondary loss is a valid situation, but you can always find things to do that may help you reconnect with those you have lost touch with.

Make a list of those who you want to reconnect with.

While it sounds too simple, making a list can help you remember who you haven’t spoken to in a while or remind you of old friends you’ve lost contact with.

Use social media or technology to your advantage.

It can be as small as sending a Facebook message to a friend or creating an event and sending invites out online. Use social media as a way to update your friends and family, while also interacting with them.

Start a new tradition or revive an old one.

Plan a monthly or weekly event with friends such as getting lunch or coffee. Start that tradition of a family holiday every summer once again. By going out of your way to plan get togethers, it can give you a set time to spend time with loved ones.

Plan a memorial page for your loved one.

It’s okay to talk about your loved one you may have lost, but it’s better to do it with support around you from those who love you. Having close friends and family there to celebrate a life will help you talk about your emotions and receive support.

Push yourself and make the call.

In the recent loss of a loved one, sometimes it’s hard to make the first step in contacting friends and family. Make that phone call, send that e-mail or Facebook message, and take that first step in making an effort. One small message can mean a lot, it doesn’t have to be anything extravagant at first. Don’t be afraid and don’t forget your friends and family support you.

Tips for sorting a loved one's possessions after they've passed away

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 26 Nov 2019 05:00:00 GMT

Sorting through a loved one’s belongings after they have passed away can be an emotional process. Certain objects can evoke emotions you weren’t expecting. If you are faced with a deadline, you may have to move quicker than you want to, and coordinating with family can add another level of stress to the entire process.

Here are a few tips for working with your family while sorting through a loved one’s belongings:

Talking ahead of time - Before you begin sorting, discuss your expectations with your family. This includes any timelines you need to follow, the expectations you have for the process and even the feelings you’re currently experiencing. For some, seeing personal items is too, and for some, those items serve as reminders. Discussing how this process is making you feel will help your family to understand better what you will need at the moment.

Compromise - This process is already emotionally-charged, so it’s best to have a plan of action for compromise. Your family may want to sell things or throw them away. It’s important to respect each other’s wishes and find common ground.

Prioritize - Find a system that works best for your family and prioritize what needs to be accomplished first. If bills need to be paid, you may need to go through your loved one’s office or desk first. Or maybe it’s as simple as one person starts in one room, and you start in the other.

Give yourself time - Give yourself as much time as you can to go through these items. If you come across an item that brings back specific memories, it’s okay to stop and look at it. This process is emotional, and you may need to give yourself breaks. You can even create a “sort later” box where you put items to go through at a later time.

Sorting through a loved one’s items is no easy task. Using these tips, hopefully, you’ll be able to ease your pain while making the process run a little more smoothly.

4 Simple Steps to Preplanning

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 15 Nov 2019 05:00:00 GMT

We plan for important life events like weddings, college education and retirement. We insure ourselves against things that may happen, including vehicle accidents, personal injury and medical emergency but, what about planning for the inevitable?

When you die, your loved ones may be overwhelmed by grief and emotion. In most cases, they will be at a funeral home or cemetery mulling over paperwork, pondering questions they may not know the answers to and stressing over the details of your memorial – or wondering how they are going to pay for it all. Planning together avoids painful guesswork when a death occurs suddenly and everyone's minds are clouded with confusion and grief. Purchasing your funeral at today’s prices can also protect your family from inflation in the future. People prearrange to give themselves and the people they love peace of mind.

Now, doesn’t that make sense?

Getting started is simple. We’ve broken the process down into 4 steps – Reflect , Record , Select and Share .

Step 1: Reflect

The first step is to spend some time reflecting on what is important to you.

How do you want to be remembered? When your family and friends share their memories of you, what are some of the things that they’ll say? How might your cemetery memorialization reflect your hobbies and interests? What are your family traditions and customs, and how might they influence the type of service that you would like to have for yourself or your loved one? What type of meaningful memories can we capture to help tell your story for future generations?

Step 2: Record

After you’ve made some decisions about your service, the next step is to Record your information.

To help the families we serve, we have created a helpful Planning Guide that can help you record your wishes and make them known to your loved ones. There is a section in the Planning Guide where you list your preferences and instructions. Filling it out will ensure your family knows your precise wishes. Once you’ve completed this section, we encourage you to bring it back to us. We will make copies of information that pertains to your service and file it for safekeeping so that your family will have the information when they need it

Step 3: Select

You will need to select the services and merchandise you would like as well as determining the funding option that is right for you. We can work with you to provide options for covering the financial aspects of your arrangements. Like all expenses, funeral and cemetery costs continue to increase over time. Coming up with cash quickly when a loved one dies can place a burden on loved ones and add to the stress of loss.

By supporting your plan, you can potentially save your loved ones thousands of dollars. And planning doesn’t mean you have to spend a lot of money – or any money at all. Some choose to fund their entire arrangements through savings. Funding through specialized funeral insurance allows you to select an affordable monthly payment and receive coverage for the full amount of your plan, even if death takes place while you are still paying. There are many options to consider with the help of licensed and trained advisors. In the process, some consider their existing life insurance policies but keep in mind, the initial purpose of life insurance was likely to cover expenses left behind, as well as provide funds for the living. Life insurance proceeds also takes time to collect. Most funeral and cemetery providers require payment at the time that services are provided.

Step 4: Share

Talking to your loved ones about funeral and cemetery planning can be difficult, but it’s important to discuss the plans you’ve made. Keep copies of your prearrangement documents in a safe but accessible place. Make sure others who may have assisted you in your planning, like family members or religious, legal or healthcare advisors, know where your documents are filed.

Planning your final arrangements in advance is a gift to those you love. Don’t you owe it to them?

Thanksgiving activities for adults

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 12 Nov 2019 05:00:00 GMT

Thanksgiving is a time of being grateful for all that we have. But when a loved one has died, their absence leaves a void, especially the first Thanksgiving they are gone, but often for many years to come.

Honoring your loved one at your Thanksgiving gathering is an essential part of filling that void from their absence. One way to do this is through an activity we call "The Grateful Remembrance Jar." This activity is all about giving thanks for the time you shared with your loved one. This includes the lessons they’ve taught you, how they are still remembered on this earth, and so much more. By sharing these memories with your family and friends, you can remember and honor your loved one in a beautiful way.

Step 1: Find a jar, bowl or basket and gather some pens or markers.

Step 2: Cut slips of paper. You can use regular typing paper, decorative paper or card stock.

Step 3: Make a sign with instructions. This gives everyone that’s participating the opportunity to learn the goal of the activity and what they’ll be doing.

Step 4: Find the perfect spot to set up. This could be at the dining room table, in the living room, or even on the floor. Throughout the day, don’t forget to remind people to share a message of gratitude.

After everyone has had an opportunity to write their message, have a time of sharing. You might read the messages out loud to the group or simply set them out for everyone to read to themselves. Often this will lead to storytelling, laughter and sometimes, tears as you share memories and honor your loved one together.

Creative ways to preserve a loved one's handwriting

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 16 Oct 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Handwriting can be a wonderful reminder of a loved one who has passed on. Whether it’s a note, recipe or postcard, we can find comfort in an item with our loved one’s writing on it. There are many creative and unique ways to preserve a loved one’s handwriting forever. Here are a few ways:

Handwriting Sign: You can find many shops online where people are creating signs with handwriting. These signs allow you to customize a specific message with your loved one’s handwriting. This can be a great gift for someone else or a wonderful way to decorate your home with a loved one’s handwriting.

Handwriting Tattoos: For a more permanent approach, you can get your loved one’s handwriting tattooed on your body. There are many examples you can find on Pinterest . Some feel this is a way to always carry your loved one with you.

Shadow box: A shadow box is a great way to showcase more than just your loved one’s handwriting. In the box, you can include photos, small items and pieces with their writing on it. These are fairly simple to make and can help you remember so many aspects of your loved one. You can find an example here .

Handwriting jewelry: Jewelry is a great way to carry your loved one with you. There are many custom jewelry makers online that can include your loved one’s writing on necklaces, bracelets and more .

Framing notes: Instead of creating an entire shadow box, you can just frame a certain piece of writing. This is simple enough to do at home and can be a wonderful piece of decor. You can find frames for handwritten notes, postcards, recipes and more.

Handwriting keychains : Similar to jewelry, there are online shops that will create a keychain with your loved one’s handwriting on it. There are plenty of styles and shapes. You can take your loved one’s writing with you wherever you go.

How grief can affect your concentration

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 02 Oct 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Grief can come with many symptoms that may feel unfamiliar.

Your concentration can be affected when you are grieving the loss of a loved one. You may be forgetting to do things, gazing off at work or a number of other things. This is a normal part of the grieving process, and it’s important to recognize when you cannot concentrate. Recognition will help you to address the problem firsthand. Here are a few tips for improving your concentration during the grieving process:

Journaling - Whether it’s at the end of the day or somewhere in the middle, it can be helpful to clear your mind of your thoughts. Often during grief, our brain is just overcrowded with everything we’re trying to process. When you journal your thoughts or feelings, you can help to declutter your mind.

Not Overbooking Yourself - It can be tempting to keep yourself busy to try and maintain a “normal life,” but sometimes doing a little less is okay. It’s okay to say no every once and a while so you can rest and refuel.

Patience - It’s important to be patient with yourself when you’re dealing with grief. It’s okay to go through grief at your own pace. When you are more understanding and patient with yourself, you are more likely to feel less stressed. When you’re less stressed, your concentration will gradually start to improve.

Pushing Yourself - On the flip side of overbooking, it can also be helpful to push yourself to get started on things. It can be easy to say that you’re just not able to concentrate right now, but pushing through that can help relieve stress later. Getting started on a project or task is better than waiting until the last minute. You’ll find that your concentration can improve when you push through your emotions.

Grief comes with symptoms you may not expect. Lack of concentration can be a significant challenge that those grieving didn’t see coming. By using these tips, hopefully, you will find your concentration is improved.

How being grateful can make you happy

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Do you find it difficult to stop and think about the things you’re grateful for?

Many of us find it difficult in challenging times to remember why we are grateful, especially when it’s so easy to be overwhelmed by stress. Showing gratitude is a great way to increase positivity in your life and even improve your health. Gratitude isn’t about forgetting your challenges, but instead, finding the good in your current situation.

Here are a few simple tips for becoming more grateful in your everyday life:

Making a list - At the end of the day or week, write down a list of what you are thankful for. Whether life is going your way or not, this list can be a great reminder of what the positives are. When writing your list, remember to think of the smaller things in your life. It’s easy to remember what we are thankful for in the big moments, but there is so much to be grateful for in the small moments as well.

Showing generosity - Generosity is more than your time, talents and treasures. Just a simple “thank you” letting someone know they did something helpful is an easy way to show gratitude. Through the simple action of giving praise to others and saying “thank you”, you’ll become a more generous person.

Being grateful for challenges - Life can throw us curve balls in our personal lives and work lives. When we are thrown these challenges, it’s easy to complain instead of remembering why we are thankful. Our challenges teach us new skills that we can use in the future. By being grateful for the skills it’s teaching us, we can see our challenges with a new outlook.

Volunteering - While volunteering may seem like the obvious answer, we can still learn a lot about being grateful. Volunteering not only helps us to give back to others, but it reminds us what we are grateful for. Continual volunteering is a great way to increase our own happiness.

Intentional time with loved ones - Spending time with loved ones, whether that is family or friends, can strengthen our relationships. We grow closer to those most important to us and we can remember why we are grateful they are in our lives.

Through these simple tips, we can easily show more gratitude in our everyday lives. Studies have shown that expressing gratitude more often actually changes your brain and makes you happier. Expressing gratitude can also help to fight depression and anxiety. By just taking a little extra time to remember why you are grateful, you can be more resilient and live a better life.

Death rituals around the world

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 20 Aug 2019 04:00:00 GMT

In the United States, we are familiar with how life and death are mourned or celebrated. In other cultures and countries, there are many different approaches to memorializing the dead. Funeral practices are deeply ingrained in culture and around the globe, and varied traditions reflect a plethora of beliefs and values. Here, we look at a few of funeral traditions that are unique from around the world.

Mongolia

A common practice in Mongolia is what is known as a sky burial. This is when the bodies of the dead are put in coffins and left to hang off the side of a cliff, exposing them to the elements and wild animals. This kind of burial is based on the ideals of Vajrayana Buddhists, who find it needless to pay respects to the body after death. However, there are also those who do bury the deceased underground as common in Western culture. The casket is covered in red and black, the colors of mourning, milk, and rice are sprinkled on top if it.

Ecological Burials - Around the World

It has become more common for people in the modern day to think more eco-friendly about burials. This kind of burial emphasizes a quick decay. One known way to do this is by tree burials, which can vary, but generally, a biodegradable urn is planted with a seed before being buried into the ground.

Iran

Iran’s ritual is a longer process than many other cultures and is shaped by the Islamic faith. The body of the deceased must be buried within 24 hours of dying. The body is washed nine times, wrapped in a white cover, and then tied in it with cords. It is considered holy to help carry or touch the coffin, so there is usually a large procession surrounding the coffin. The body is then buried facing Mecca, the most sacred city, while mourners read passages of the Qu’ran. Starting on this day, mourners are required to wear black until the fortieth day. On the third day after the burial, there is a memorial service held that includes flower arrangements, halvah (treat made of sesame seeds and flour), and rose water sprinkled everywhere. On the seventh day after the burial, mourners visit the grave and give food to the poor. On the 40th day after the burial, a gravestone is put on the grave and mourners are allowed to wear regular clothes again. However, the wife of the deceased continues to wear black for one full year.

South Korea

Over the years South Korea has become limited to the amount of burial space they have. In 2000, a law was created, so the deceased had to be removed sixty years after being buried. Since then, many have resorted to cremation, but not like how it’s done here in the U.S. Once the body is cremated, it is pressed into beads of all colors. These aren’t worn, but they are put into urns or glass jars.

Ghana

In Ghana, the deceased are believed to be very powerful and play roles in the lives of the living. The families of the deceased go to great lengths to show their respect, and one way to do so is by “fantasy” coffins. These coffins are highly decorated and different shapes, ranging from cars to animals and everything in between. The coffins represent either a favorite hobby or the profession of the deceased. Those that use these kinds of caskets believe that the afterlife is similar to life on Earth, so the coffin itself serves as a vessel that allows the deceased to continue what they love after death.

Losing a grandparent

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 23 Jul 2019 04:00:00 GMT

The death of a grandparent can be a different grieving process and often times the loss of a grandparent is our first experience with losing a loved one. After you lose a grandparent, you’ll be surrounded by other family members who are also grieving. Our own parents, our siblings and even our cousins are also experiencing a major loss in their life. Emotions, different grieving styles and miscommunication can make it difficult for family to support one another and fulfill their own needs during their own grief journeys. If any of this is true for you, the key is to balance your needs with the needs of others.

Here are a few things you may experience after losing a grandparent:

Losing a grandparent is a challenging part of life. But please remember, your grief is a reflection of your unique relationship with your grandparent. Our grandparents are very special people in our lives the key is to cherish and honor the memories we have with them.

Staying connected after a loss

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 03 Jul 2019 04:00:00 GMT

After the loss of a loved one, there is so much to do and adjust to that it can be easy to lose touch with family and friends who are vital to us. We can get caught up in our grief and all the changes that are happening to us, and might find it hard to relate to the lives of our friends and those who haven't suffered our loss. Perhaps we feel like our friends and family should be reaching out to us instead of the other way around. However it happens, this distance can cause us to feel like we’ve lost most than just the person who died.

While many people may have reached out to you immediately following your loss, as time goes by it can be hard for them to know how to talk to you, or whether it is okay to share their own struggles while you are having such a hard time. This can make it them reluctant to reach out to you as they once did. They might also just be giving you space and time to heal.

In the first days, weeks and perhaps months following your loss, you may struggle to even want to be with other people. It can be hard to see others living "normal" lives when you are in so much pain. Be kind to yourself and don't push yourself back into the social sphere too soon. It might be best to start small, like a phone call to a close friend, or a quick meet-up for coffee or ice cream. Here are some other ideas for staying connected:

Utilizing technology - Social media has made it easier than ever to stay in touch. You can stay connected by sending a private message, updating your status or posting a few photos. You might feel energized for a few hours or minutes to reach out to others and then want to retreat for a while. Technology allows you to do this as well, simply by closing programs and turning off notifications. Calendar reminders are also great ways to help you remember to reach out to people.

Starting slow - Maybe you need to start slowly after losing a loved one. By planning a monthly event such as a dinner to see your friends or family, you can stay in touch without overcrowding anyone’s schedule or pushing yourself beyond your new limits.

Plan for important dates – Birthdays, anniversaries and holidays can be hard to celebrate after a loss. While you might feel pressure to keep up traditions, it is okay to take a break from these things, or mark the occasions in a simplified way. Be honest with family members or those you normally celebrate with that this year needs to be a little different for you. It is good to think through these important dates a bit ahead of time so you can communicate your wishes and plans with others.

Create lists - You may need to create a list of people to remember to stay in touch with. During the grieving process, it can be challenging to remember every person in your life. By making a list, you know who to check in with every once and awhile.

Ask for check-ins – If you are the kind of person who tends to retreat inside yourself in times of pain or stress, maybe you need someone to check in with you periodically. Ask a trusted friend or family member to reach out to you once a week or so if they haven’t heard from you. It’s okay to ask for help with this.

While it can be an effort to stay connected to others while you are working through the loss of a loved one, it can have many benefits. Staying connected allows you to receive support and care from others that you need in this hard time. It can also help you step out of your grief for a few moments and catch up on the lives of those you care about.

Give yourself a pat on the back! You're dealing with grief.

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 20 Jun 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Dealing with grief doesn’t feel like much of an accomplishment. You feel out of balance and unlike yourself. The routine you’re used to has been changed and you’re just trying to survive every day. However, working through all of this is an accomplishment!

Every day that you wake up and work through everything you’re dealing with is an accomplishment. Surviving grief is no easy task. It requires taking things one step at a time.

Often times, we compare ourselves to other people and even ourselves before the tragedy hit us. When we compare ourselves in any capacity, we feel unaccomplished. This makes dealing with grief even harder when we put too many expectations on ourselves.

After we’ve lost someone, we expect to be okay and back to normal so soon afterwards. We expect to follow some made up “five-step process” and then be back to the person we were before.

Instead of being hard on ourselves, we need to remember to congratulate ourselves. Congratulate ourselves on surviving another day, another week and another month! We were willing to get through this and were willing to take another step. This is a major accomplishment.

Remember that comparison is the greatest thief of joy. So today, pat yourself on the back for surviving it all and continuing to push through. You have grown through this experience and it only can get easier from here!

Things no one tells you about losing a parent

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 03 Jun 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Grief is an unpredictable and challenging process, and the grief that comes with the death of a parent can hit especially hard. Despite the fact that we seem to share every detail of our lives on social media these days, the private pain of losing a parent isn't often so easily expressed. Here are a few things no one tells you about losing a parent:

People can forget you’re still grieving - After a few weeks or months, people will stop asking you how you’re feeling. It’s nothing personal, but some people have never been through what you’re going through. They may not understand how long the grieving process is and the pain you’re still feeling. This makes it especially sweet when someone does remember and checks in with you, and is a good reminder to check in with others that you care about when they experience their own losses.

It’s okay to not be okay - You might feel like you need to stay strong for those in your family who are also suffering. But it’s okay to not be okay. You may have a bad day years after the loss, and that’s okay. You may cry when you least expect it. The pain may never go away, but understanding that you can have a bad day and not a bad rest of your life can help bring you some comfort.

Guilt can be heavy - As the years pass, you may feel guilty if you slowly start to forget the small things, like the sound of their voice or details about specific events. Other times, you may feel guilty because you couldn’t take their phone call one time or you weren’t able to be there when you think you should have been. This guilt is normal and happens to many of us. It’s important to give yourself grace and remember that some things you cannot change. We must not forget our happy memories with our parent.

Milestones can be painful - It’s natural that when you lose a parent, they will miss out on certain milestones in your life. Your parent may miss a significant promotion, birthday, wedding, birth of your child or other important day. Remembering what important milestones they were there for is a way to ease the pain. You might even find a way to include them in your special days in the future, such as bringing their photograph or setting aside an empty chair with their name on it.

You will have negative and positive memories - You will probably remember unpleasant memories with your parent, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly normal to recognize the best and worst qualities of your parent. No one is perfect, and it’s okay, and probably healthier to remember someone for the way they were instead of trying to sugar-coat their life.

Jealousy can arise - You might feel jealous of others who still have both of their parents. This is a normal feeling when you have just lost someone so important to you. Remember that we are all on our own journey, and realize that someday they may need your support when their parents pass.

Unresolved conflict - Maybe you and your parent had some unresolved conflict, or things that you deliberately didn't talk about, and now don't have the chance. It can be easy to get "stuck" here and hard to let go of the fact that you weren't able to resolve things with your parent. Sometimes it can help to write letters to them or keep a journal where you express your thoughts and feelings.

Losing a parent is never easy and grief isn’t a predictable process. Remembering the lessons they taught you and the positive memories of life together can bring you some peace, and allow you to help others with this loss in the future.

Five questions to ask a funeral director about preplanning

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 16 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Preplanning your funeral is a true symbol of love to your family. If someone dies without a plan in place, their family can be overwhelmed by the decisions that need to be made.

We have found that many people don’t know that they can plan ahead of time for this kind of thing. When we start the conversation, several common questions tend to come up.

1. Why should I preplan? I’m going to be gone; I don’t care what you do.

While it is true that you won’t be around to worry about your arrangements, at the time of your death, your family members are going to be going through a lot. Shock, grief and confusion are very common at this time, even when a death is expected.

When you sit down with our staff ahead of time and make a written plan of your wishes, you can greatly reduce the amount of decisions that need to be made by your family members. You will work with our staff to design a personalized plan and tribute that reflect your interests and wishes about merchandise, types of services or gatherings, and any personal touches that you would like such as an officiant, music and flowers. Your plan will be ready for your family to carry out when the time comes.

2. Can I prepay for my services? Where does the money go?

Even though it is not required, you can choose to pay for your funeral ahead of time. This is very helpful to your surviving family members who will not have to worry about financial concerns related to your services at a time when they are handling many other financial matters.

Advance payment can take several forms. Some families assign a pre-existing life insurance policy to our funeral home. Any funds from the policy that are not spent on the funeral expenses would be returned to your survivors. Many choose to purchase a funeral insurance policy which can include a growth benefit over time. Other families also choose to set up a trust fund for these expenses. All funds are held within the financial instrument and not by our funeral home.

3. What if I have already arranged a funeral somewhere else?

You can always transfer your funeral plans from another funeral home to ours. We can help you with this process.

4. I have life insurance already, so why would I need to preplan?

The purpose of life insurance is to ease the financial burden to family members when someone passes away, and it is a wonderful gift to your family. However, it is still important to make advance funeral arrangements so all of the details are taken care of.

Pre-paid funeral plans are designated to pay for funeral expenses. By prepaying for your funeral, your family doesn’t have to worry about the financial responsibility. And they will still have life insurance policy to take care of your affairs.

5. What if I want to make changes to my plan later?

You may make changes to your preplanned funeral arrangements any time as the need arises. We will be in touch periodically to make sure that we have your current information, and whether you want to change service details like music selections or pallbearers, or go an entirely different direction with your arrangements, we will be here to help.

We take pride in taking care of every family that walks through our doors, and make sure to provide the highest quality of customer service. Give us a call today to get started on your plan.

5 things that my mother’s death has taught me

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 01 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Losing your mother isn’t something you can ever prepare for. She was a significant part of your life, and now you have adjust to her not being around. Sometimes it becomes hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel but with time, you will.

I have learned that grief isn’t something you can just get over, but I’ve also realized that grieving can make your life richer in unexpected ways. I want to share five things my mother’s death has taught me in hopes that it will help someone else going through losing their mother.

Be Kind to Yourself

When I lost my mother, I remember not taking care of myself or punishing myself for the way I was grieving. I became forgetful, and my mind was foggy. You have to remember that everyone grieves differently. You are grieving, and you can’t feel guilty for doing so. Be kind and take care of yourself; it’s one of the most important things you can do.

You’re the Source of Your Prosperity

While grieving, I learned everyone has their own coping mechanisms. But some of these mechanisms don’t always support self-care. The best thing you can do for yourself is to face grief directly, no matter how hard it may be. I chose to thrive through prioritizing self-care. Whether it is enjoying your favorite coffee drink or taking a long bath with your favorite bath bomb, prioritize yourself.

Do What Works for You

I found myself not to be super religious, but I still appreciated guidance from the campus chaplain at my college. I hadn’t danced since I was a kid, but I found stress relief and joy in taking a few dance classes. There is no specific method to get through grieving, so see what works for you and use it to get through those hard times.

No One Can Fill That Void in Your Life

The hole in my heart created when my mom left this earth, is a hole that no one else can fill. I used to wonder who would ever understand me, the way that my mother did? Or who will I call with problems that only mom can solve? I have amazing influences in my life who are there for me when I need them, but they will never replace my mom. Healing does not mean we have to substitute, but we must expand, despite the holes we carry.

Healing With Time

You’ll often hear that “time heals all wounds.” On the contrary, grieving doesn’t have a timeline. There will always be good and bad days, but once we make it through those bad days, we’ll find a greater appreciation for the little joys on the good days. By finding effective coping mechanisms, you’ll begin living in the present again. My mood does not have to be determined by the pain I endured in the past.

Losing a parent is just plain hard. I hope sharing my story in lessons I’ve learned helps someone else who is dealing with the pain of losing a parent.

Closing accounts after a loved one has died

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 25 Apr 2019 04:00:00 GMT

When a loved one passes, in the midst of grief many tasks need to be completed after the funeral. Many involve your loved one's financial affairs, such as closing bank accounts, investment accounts, credit cards, utilities, social media and email accounts, memberships and even prescriptions. We created a list to give a few tips on canceling some of these accounts after a loved one passes away.Credit Cards - When canceling a credit card, you must first pay the remaining balance. Then, call the credit card company and be sure to have your loved one's Social Security number handy. Cell phones - To cancel a cell phone plan, you’ll need to call the cell phone provider and give them the account holder’s name, their phone number and Social Security number. They may require you to provide a death certificate. Utilities - You can cancel a loved one’s utilities by calling the customer service line for each utility. Make sure to have a recent billing statement on hand and your loved one's Social Security number. Memberships - When you call to cancel a membership to a club, gym or other activity, make sure you have your loved one's account number or member ID number. Some organizations may require you to submit a copy of the death certificate.Social Media/Email - Some social media or email accounts will allow you to add someone to your account so they can deactivate it when the time comes.Google (including email) - Go to “My Account” then go to “Personal info & Privacy” and then find “Inactive Account Manager.” Then you can send a request for someone to be on the account.We hope these tips on canceling accounts can help ease the stress and make the grieving process a little easier.

Thinking about creating a will?

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Creating a will is something that many of us don’t think of until later in life. As funeral professionals, we have seen many families struggle when a loved one dies without a will, and in our experience, having one in place can be very helpful. (Please don't consider this information to be a substitute for legal advice and be sure to consult an attorney on all matters concerning your estate.)

A will allows you to specify how you want your estate distributed when you pass away. Changing marital status, having children and purchasing property such as a home or business are all other good reasons to prepare or update your will. Here are a few things to start thinking about:

1. An Executor. An executor is the person that you trust to be a representative of your will. The executor's role is make sure that everything you asked for is carried out and all property and assets are divided correctly.

2. Guardianship of Your Children. Naming a guardian, or several guardians in order of preference for children is very important. If you are a pet owner, you can also specify a guardian of your pet(s).

3. Funeral Arrangements. Funeral and cemetery plans can also be referenced in your will, including payment arrangements. Describing your wishes in this area will help your family understand your preferences as they make your final arrangements.

4. Beneficiaries for Property and Assets. Property and assets are things you own such as personal belongings, cash, land or real estate. It is good to be as specific as possible with your instructions on property and assets, so there isn't any confusion among your survivors.

These are just a few things to consider when the time comes to write your will. For guidance on formalizing your will, be sure to consult an attorney.

Finding optimism during hard times

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 25 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

When you are in the middle of a hard time, such as after the loss of a loved one, a health crisis, financial troubles, problems in relationships or other difficulties, it can be hard to find a reason for hope. The swirl of emotions that arise during these times can create physical symptoms of pain and discomfort, and sometimes it is a struggle to even get through the day.

When these times come, it’s easy to sink into the emotions and see the world in a darker light. But it is possible to retain a sense of optimism – even just a small one - in challenging circumstances. Here are a few ideas to help you find optimism during hard times.

Open yourself up to seeing the small points of light all around you. This is different for each of us. For some, it might be the early spring flowers – crocuses, daffodils and tulips that emerge after a long winter that gives you that small spark. For others, it could be the sight of the latest model of a favorite car tooling down the street. Maybe it is a funny meme or cat video. It is okay to find a moment of joy or happiness during your sadness. It will help you keep going through the next hard thing.

Challenge yourself to find one positive thing that happened in your day. If you can’t find one, call a friend or family member and ask them to tell you a funny story or something good that happened to them that week. Let them know that you are struggling and need to get your mind off what is going on.

Get out in nature. Fresh air can do wonders for our state of mind. Visit a park and sit on a bench or a swing, shoot some hoops or watch a community baseball game (whether you know the team or not). Take a short walk around your block, noticing changes to your neighborhood and signs of growth.

If you are a spiritual person, lean on your beliefs and spiritual practices. These can provide great comfort and purpose when life is difficult. Gathering with others who share your beliefs can be powerful too.

Think about other hard times that you have survived. Don’t spend too much time dwelling on specifics, just take note of them and remind yourself that you made it through that situation, and you will make it through this time as well. Make a list of these if you are a list-maker and save it to remind yourself of how far you’ve come.

Don’t try to get through it on your own. We all need support during life’s hard times. Even if you feel like keeping to yourself, try to reach out to friends and family. Spending time with others can take your mind off your circumstances and helps you get out of your own head. It is also okay to seek out a counselor for additional support. Since they are not personally involved, they can often give you a different perspective on your situation and help you process what is going on.

Turn off the news. Being informed about current events is a good thing, but the constant cycle of negativity, and sensationalism can fuel fears and spur more negativity. There will be time later to catch up on the important events.

Do something nice for someone else who is going through a hard time. Prepare a meal for them, send a card, help them fix something around the house, or just take them out for a beverage and conversation. You don’t need to have the answers to their situation; just your presence and thoughtfulness is enough. Or, pay it forward to a complete stranger, like the person behind you in the drive-through. Pay for your meal and theirs and you'll make their day and maybe the drive-through window attendant's as well!

Life can be hard and have devastating moments and seasons. But there is also joy and peace to be found. An optimistic outlook may not alter your circumstances, but it can help you cope with the emotions and physical symptoms that come during hard times, and help you through.

10 ideas for creating a beautiful funeral

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 18 Mar 2019 04:00:00 GMT

There are many decisions families need to make in planning their loved one’s final goodbye. We believe that each funeral service is unique, just as every person's life is unique. We are dedicated to making your loved one’s funeral service as special as they were. Here are some ideas to help make your loved one's funeral a wonderful tribute to their life.

We've seen many unique and beautiful services over the years and can help you design one that is right for your family.

A letter to those who mourn

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 06 Feb 2019 05:00:00 GMT

Grief and love go hand and hand. Many say there are five stages of grief and loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, there is no timeline to how long the grieving process may take for you. Some may reach the last stage in a few years, while others could take many years to reach acceptance of what they’ve experienced.

Grief is hard to conquer and even harder to understand. It is a painfully strong emotion that takes over the entire body. But grief has its roots in love. It’s easy to think that grief and love are worlds apart from each other, but in some ways they’re more similar than you might think. We all enjoy being loved; while grief hurts, love is welcomed and fills us with warmth. The death of a loved one brings the loss of that warmth in the way we are used to experiencing it. Their love for us becomes a memory rather than something we can experience in a tangible way. This creates an absence or void in our lives that can be bitter indeed.

So how can we say that grief and love are similar? Consider these words:

“Grief is the price we pay for love.” - Queen Elizabeth II

“What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” - Helen Keller

“The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief - But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love.” - Hilary Stanton Zunin

We do not grieve the loss of something we do not love. When someone you love dies, it can feel like the pain of losing them is all there is. You might feel like you want to crawl out of your own skin, or feel the sense of a hole that can never be filled. But the love you shared with your loved one doesn’t disappear because they are physically gone, it merely changes. It changes into memories of your life with them, into the way you share what they taught you with others, into the countless ways you remember them and include their memory in your life - on the special days and in the day-to-day.

Those we love deeply we will also grieve deeply, and we can take some comfort in this essential truth of the human experience.

Resources to Help A Child With the Loss of a Parent

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 22 Jan 2019 05:00:00 GMT

Children will experience loss, whether it be because they moved away from their friends, lost a pet, or the death of a family friend or a close relative. When it comes to losing a parent though, the loss and the grief they feel is different than anything they’ve experienced before.

It is important to remember that each child will react differently, and you need to explain the death to them in concrete ways that will help them understand precisely what has happened.

Below are some more ways to help children cope with their loss.

Allow them to say goodbye. This is an essential start to the grieving process. This can be done by holding a service, which allows them to see their loved one and shows them how much of an impact they made on everyone’s lives. It’s also important to let them decide if they want to attend the funeral. Give them all the information, including when it is, where it is, and what is going to happen. If they choose not to go, give them the option to create their own ritual or goodbye. Examples include having a candle-lighting ceremony or planting a flower or tree.

Children should still be able to feel connected to the deceased parent as well as the living one. To make this possible, try to provide them with these helpful things. They need easy to understand and adequate information on how their parent died, as well as reassurance that it wasn’t because of them or that they are not to blame. Make sure to listen to them and try to understand their fears and anxiety. Provide them with opportunities to remember their parent, which can include involvement and inclusion in anniversaries as well as letting them hold on to keepsakes. It’s also helpful to talk about the deceased and remember stories from when they were alive, making sure to bring up their name, so the child knows it is okay to talk about them.

Children need to know that they can talk to you if, and when, they’re ready. Let them explain how they feel without judging, explaining, or trying to fix it. Don’t use phrases such as “I know how you feel,” instead try open-ended questions such as “How does that make you feel?” or “What is that like for you?” Children are more likely to answer these questions if they don’t feel pressured to respond a certain way.

A few other ways to help support children through grief can include making a memory box of keepsakes, photos, or items that remind them of that parent, having pictures available for them to look at whenever they want to, and making a photo album and allowing them to choose the photos and how to decorate the album however they wish.

Below are a few resources that can further provide information and ways to help children:

A Barnes and Noble book list of books to help a child cope with loss.

The National Center for Grieving Children and Families website .

Sesame Street clips: Big Bird Learns About Death & When Families Grieve

How I Started Over in the New Year After Grief

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 05:00:00 GMT

Starting over is hard. Especially starting over after the loss of a loved one but what better time than the beginning of a new year to start fresh with a new positive outlook on life?

Here are a few ways I am taking advantage of the New Year to start fresh with a few resolutions focused of self-care.

Start A New Hobby

This may sound like a typical thing to have on your list, but it’s there for a reason. The idea of making all these resolutions to complete in one year can seem like a daunting task so starting small is a good way to ease into it. You can pick something you’ve always wanted to try but never did, so it becomes something you’re excited to do. Some hobby ideas can include yoga, DIY projects, baking, and reading.

Clean Your Living Space

Yes, usually cleaning is done on a regular basis. However, after a loved one has passed away, it could have been moved to the back burner with all the other things you were dealing with. Find a free day and block it off. That gives you the entire day to clean up any clutter, redecorate, and revamp your space. Doing this could result in an improvement of your mood and happiness.

Work On Getting More Sleep

How long and how well you sleep helps determine how your day goes. Without getting proper rest, you could be tired and irritable, making an unpleasant experience for you and the people around you. Try to get a good night time routine down, and sleep sooner. If it seems like you have too much to do all the time, try starting with thirty minutes to an hour of extra sleep. That small amount will help make a difference.

Do Something Nice Every Day

Can you think of a time someone went out of their way to be nice to you? It could have been as simple as opening the door for you or complimenting your sweater. It probably made you smile and helped brighten up your day. Do the same for people and help brighten their day now. If doing something nice every day is something you’ve already been doing, keep doing it. This is one of those resolutions that never goes out of style and benefits both the giver and receiver.

Spend More Time With Friends & Family

Spending time with friends and family is essential, especially when recovering from the death of a loved one. Having that support from them will make the day-to-day easier. You never know what life may bring one or two years down the road, so take the chance to be around them when possible. It can be something as simple as inviting them over for dinner or going to see a movie.

Enjoy Life

This comes off as a broad resolution, but that’s because there are endless possibilities. The main idea is to do what makes you happy. If you feel like you’ve just been going through the motions, then this is your chance to do something that makes you excited to start your day.

Five Questions to Ask Your Parents to Better Understand Them

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 03 Dec 2018 05:00:00 GMT

We all likely feel that we know our parents like the back of our hand. After all, most of us have spent our whole lives spending time with them. Have you ever considered there might be aspects of your parents’ lives you don’t know about? As we all know, life’s short, and now is the time to take the time to better understand your parents.

But what should you ask?

These five questions below can provide a depth of insight into your parents that you would most likely never find out otherwise.

Ask about past loves- Since you know your parents through their relationship with you and the other parent, it can be difficult to imagine that they were their own people before both of those relationships. To shake your parents out of this frame of perception that you see them through, find out what previous romantic relationships they had.

The answers and stories your parents share will provide a lot of insight into what they were attracted to, where they were at in their life at different stages and even how you could have turned out differently. Learning about past love and hurt, and how it shaped your parents, can go a long way toward humanizing them.

Ask what adventure they’ve always wanted to have- You’ll learn a lot about a person when you find out the fantasies they dream up. Asking your parent about a childhood dream or a bucket list adventure will shed some light into what makes them tick and what makes their heart sing.

You might find out that your parent who is a doctor once dreamt of being a fighter pilot. Or, you might learn that your quiet, reserved parent has always wanted to go skydiving. Learning such information might let you create some new adventures and memories together.

Ask which death affected them the most- Learning how your parent grieves can teach you an abundance about their biggest relationships or loves. By learning which person’s death affected your parent the most, you’ll understand what it is they value the most. This answer may also reveal interesting stories from their past that would have never come up in organic conversation.

Ask about the time period prior to your arrival- It can be such a gift to know who your parents were before you came along, how you changed them and what circumstances led to your upbringing. You may learn a lot about your parents’ relationship or how they improved themselves just to make a better life for you. Or, you may learn details about the pregnancy, how both parents felt when you were born and what stories marked each milestone.

Ask what golden piece of advice they would offer- It can be interesting to discover the major life lesson your parent has learned over the years, and can teach you about their philosophy on life. Finding out their major piece of life advice will help to give you a purpose in life and better understand your parent’s legacy they would like to leave behind when the time comes.

How to celebrate a life: Creative ideas you’ll love

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 05:00:00 GMT

Losing someone dear to us comes with a complex mix of emotions — we mourn the loss of their presence in our lives, but we celebrate the time we were able to spend with them. Often, focusing on the moments of joy within these memories can be helpful in the grieving process. Here are a few ideas of life celebrations to get you thinking, but you also can use your specific knowledge of your loved one to personalize a creative, new idea.

A “meme-orial”

Create a beautiful social media obituary to showcase what you appreciate most about your loved one. Whether it be funny posts that highlight their quick wit, invaluable family photos or a reminder of a favorite pastime, the website Love Lives On can help you create a fitting Meme-orial. In less than three minutes, you can create a tribute and post it to social media, generating memories and comments that will make you smile.

Carry them with you

Have a bracelet engraved with your loved one’s signature, or get a tattoo of their handwriting. Find an old note or greeting card and use that script to make sure you get it right. Businesses commonly offer this service, including many on Etsy. Local tattoo parlors can help you determine the next steps for a tattoo you’re considering.

Cuddle up with a quilt

Create a memorial quilt out of old photos or clothing using a tutorial like this one. T-shirts make great quilt squares, and you’ll love seeing their life and experiences splayed out as you cozy up and relish in the great memories.

Give back

Consider donating your loved one’s clothing or a few personal items to organizations assisting those in need, or make a donation in his or her name to their favorite charity. Another creative option is to donate a few of their favorite books to a school or public library with a beautiful certificate on the inside saying, “This book was donated in loving memory of …”

Read and remember

Framed photos are great memories, but what about framed words? Hang a quote of your loved one’s favorite quote or poem —or even something they used to always say — prominently in your home, ensuring you’ll think of them whenever you see it.

How to make it through the holidays after loss

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 31 Oct 2018 04:00:00 GMT

The holiday season can be tough to face for those who have lost loved ones. It is such a joyous season, but can often feel heavy due to the void one may be feeling when facing that empty seat at the dinner table. At our funeral home, we believe in honoring those who have passed, and expressing our love for them by celebrating them and what they used to enjoy. We have gathered ways you can honor your loved one during the holidays while also feeling the joy of the season.

Hang up their stocking- Put their stocking up on the mantle just as you’ve always done. This will serve as a way to honor them, and you can even fill it with things they used to enjoy.

Christmas ornament on the tree- Perhaps they loved to dance ballet, or were particularly fond of Diet Coke, putting an ornament on the tree in honor of what they used to love will make your Christmas tree that much more special.

Bake their favorite dessert- Honor their sweet tooth by baking the favorite dessert they used to enjoy, and serve to your loved ones.

Volunteer at their favorite cause- Maybe they were passionate about animals, or were great working with children. Volunteer at your local animal shelter to honor their legacy while also giving back to the community.

Decorate a wreath- Honor your loved one by decorating a wreath and including their favorite colors, photos of them, their favorite things, etc. and hang it up in your home or on your front door.

Display a memory table- Have a memory table at your holiday celebration where your family can bring special objects that remind them of your loved one.

Make a toast- Make a toast at the dinner table, and take turns going around the table sharing special memories of your loved one.

Make a donation in their name- Make a donation to a worthy cause in your loved one’s name. This is a sentimental way to keep their memory alive and benefit a good cause.

Take a trip to their favorite place- If you are able to, take a trip to your loved one’s favorite place and enjoy some holiday festivities. It can be therapeutic to feel their presence in their favorite place.

Donate their coats- If you haven’t already, now would be a good time to donate their coats to people who need them. Find a local shelter or you can donate online through One Warm Coat .

Why You Should Write Your Own Obituary

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 15 Oct 2018 04:00:00 GMT

If your obituary was written today, what would it say?

That’s actually something you have complete control over, since writing your own obituary is one of the best ways to celebrate life and leave one last message to the world.

Most people hire writers to tackle their obituary. While there’s nothing wrong with this, there’s something far more impactful about telling your story in your own voice. There are a few great reasons to take this on, and you’ll be glad that you did.

To get some more perspective on why writing your own obituary is the way to go, read on.

You can tell your loved ones exactly how you feel

Typically when a person passes away, their family helps the obituary writer by sharing important information about their deceased loved one’s life.

What if you could go the other route and tell your own story?

By writing your own obituary, you include any details about your own life that you see fit, in addition to sharing some heartfelt messages with your family. For instance, you can tell the story of how you met your spouse and let them know in your own words how sharing the journey of life with them was your greatest joy.

You can tell your kids how they lit up your life when they were born, in addition to imparting some gems for them to take with them in their own lives.

This is also an excellent opportunity to share your life philosophy and explain to the public how you chose to live and what thoughts you’d like to leave them.

Above all, writing your own obituary can take on any tone you’d like, and you can feel free to touch on anything your heart desires.

It Gives You The Chance To Put Life In Perspective

Writing your obituary can be therapeutic and provide some perspective on life as a whole.

Let’s face it -- most of us live day to day without giving the idea of our own death more than a passing thought.

We’re so caught up in day-to-day life, and often are too fearful to dwell on the subject for more than a moment. However, taking the time to write your own obituary provides a beautiful opportunity to make peace with death and recognize that it’s just a natural part of life.

As you spill out your thoughts and feelings into the obituary, it can relieve some of the anxiety around the subject. Ironically, making peace with death frees you to live your life to the fullest.

You’ll Have Greater Clarity Writing It Far In Advance

None of us have the foresight to know the exact day or moment that we’ll pass away. As a result, there’s no guarantee if you’ll be in a position to write your own obituary as well as you’d like due to health issues, old age or other circumstances.

By taking the opportunity to do it now, you can guarantee that you’re putting forth your best efforts and can make the obituary say exactly what you want it to.

Writing it yourself and in advance ensures that you’ll get all of the important details and express yourself with flair.

So go ahead and start working on a draft of your obituary. Doing so is a golden opportunity to make a lasting impression on your family, while sharing your story with the world.

6 Things to do for Someone Who Has Experienced a Loss

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 03 Oct 2018 04:00:00 GMT

When a friend or loved one suffers a loss in their life, we want to help in any way we can. While the “thoughts and prayers” are surely appreciated by people, it is the legitimate actions that truly help to make lives run more smoothly during such a difficult time. When going through a hard time in life, we most value those who went out of their way to help us or our families feel loved and cared for. These actions will make them feel they’re not facing this challenge alone. Here are ways to help those who’ve suffered a loss.

Cook them meals- This is likely the most common way to help someone out, and is always greatly appreciated. When people are going through hard obstacles, often the last thing they do is cook for themselves, and likely resort to take out of frozen meals as a result. Cooking them some homemade meals for a few days, or weeks, ahead will leave them with one less thing to worry about. Not into cooking? Purchase a gift card to a grocery store with a deli or a restaurant.

Entertain the kids- Take their children out to a movie for the day, or picking them up from school for the week, this will give the parents a much-needed break and take some time for themselves. Also, this will allow the kids the chance to take their mind off the added stress to their family.

Help around the house- Clean up the house for them, or mow their lawn. Taking the initiative to help with chores will take something off their plate and allow them to focus on taking care of themselves and grieving at their own pace without having to worry about the small tasks getting in the way.

Offer emotional support- Although there’s a chance your friend/loved one may be overwhelmed with support from others, offer to sit down and listen to them over a cup of coffee, providing a support system is crucial during this time, and will make them feel like they’re not alone in what they’re going through.

Send gift cards- Maybe you can’t physically be with them during this time, but sending over a couple gift cards will help them out and let them know you care. Most likely there are other people who want to take action to help out as well, gather money from a group of people and send over a couple gift cards for coffee, food, etc.

Acknowledge the tough times- The truth is, when someone experiences a loss the grief doesn’t just come to a halt. Grief comes in waves, and your friend or loved one will most likely experience tough days for years to come. Perhaps your friend lost her Dad, give her a call or shoot her a text on Father’s Day to let her know you’re thinking of her that day. Acknowledging the particularly difficult days will let them know they don’t have to face them alone.

North Dayton Chapel - newly remodeled to serve you better!

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 20 Sep 2018 04:00:00 GMT

If you drove by our funeral home this year, it was hard to miss the large construction project going on out front. We realized that with the number of families requesting our services, we had outgrown the size and layout of our funeral home, and a big change was needed. So, over the course of several months we completely remodeled the interior and even part of the exterior of our building.

The biggest change was expanding the front of the building out into the parking lot, and adding two gathering rooms just inside the front doors. These spaces allow families and their guests to gather and enjoy some refreshments before or after services. We also added a long, low ramp to bring even greater accessibility to our building. Other changes include new lobby furniture and decor, and a new conference room for families to make arrangements for their loved one's services.

If you visited us during the construction phase, we sincerely appreciate your patience with the process, and invite you to come back and take a look at the finished product. We know you will be as pleased as we are! If it isn't convenient to stop by, you can take a look at our virtual tour here !

How to react when Facebook memories resurface

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 19 Sep 2018 04:00:00 GMT

We all have memories that are sacred to us, and some memories we may not want to relive all that often. Our Facebook page is programmed to remind us of memories on the anniversary of their occurrence, and for some this can bring up happy, nostalgic feelings, but for others, this can serve as a reminder of loss and heartache. Since so many of us are active on Facebook, facing these memories is often inevitable. Perhaps Facebook has reminded you of the anniversary of your loved one’s death, and this has brought back up intense feelings of grief. We believe that these memories can serve as somewhat of a guideline to signify how far you’ve come in your grief journey, and can be used to celebrate your loved one and the fulfilled life they lived.

Remember the love you had- Say a memory of your loved one pops up where you two enjoyed an event together. Remember the fun time you two had at that concert, or ball game, and maybe try to attend that same event on the anniversary of it. Focusing on the happy times you two shared together, rather than on the void you may be feeling, can help you to heal and move forward on your grief journey.

Relive the memory- Perhaps you’ve been reminded about your loved one’s birthday- host a gathering to celebrate. It is still a milestone and is worthy of your celebration. If anything, it can be a special time to reunite with family and loved ones you may not have had a chance to see in a while.

Share the memory- When a memory pops up that reminds you of your loved one, share it with those who would appreciate it. It is okay to commemorate these milestones and spread the love that you feel for your loved one. You can even turn your loved one’s Facebook profile into a memorial page, rather than keeping it as a profile. This way you and family/friends can always have a place to share and honor your loved one.

You don’t have to be a celebrity to have an unforgettable end-of-life celebration

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 07 Sep 2018 04:00:00 GMT

Aretha Franklin is a musical inspiration and legendary artist that will live in everyone’s memory for all of eternity.

Such a momentous woman deserves nothing short of the best celebration of her

influential life. Aretha Franklin’s home-going commemoration consisted of a 4-day celebration with loved ones, fans, musical tributes and admiring memories of such a phenomenal woman.

A funeral consisting of various outfit changes for her open casket and a 1940’s Cadillac

hearse to carry her shining gold casket is nothing short of an unforgettable celebration of life.

But Aretha Franklin isn’t the only one that can have memorable funeral.

Much like Franklin’s funeral, the details in any funeral matters. When your preplan your funeral, you have the opportunity to choose those important details and avoid issues and disagreements among family later.

It was no coincidence that Franklin was carried in the same hearse as civil rights icon Rosa Park. It was due to preplanning her funeral that allowed those details to come into fruition.

Even the three-time heavyweight champion, Muhammad Ali began planning his funeral service years prior to his passing. Ali had specific wishes he wanted to be followed, like where his final resting place would be. When you preplan, you can specify details like if you want to be cremated or buried and where you want to be laid to rest.

Leaving your wishes unknown can bring about even more stress for your loved ones. By preplanning your own funeral, you can comfort your family during a difficult time. The details in any funeral matter to grieving loved ones. Please give us a call to learn more about how we can help you create a record of your wishes and gain peace of mind for you and your loved ones.

How to laugh when you feel like crying

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Sat, 01 Sep 2018 04:00:00 GMT

Crying while grieving is perfectly normal, and is often a healthy way to express yourself during such a difficult time. On the other hand, laughter is often the best medicine, and can be therapeutic to release some of the sadness that is built up inside. The idea of having a good laugh while you’re grieving may seem far-fetched now, but taking the time to meet up with friends and remember the funny memories can serve as a positive reminder that you can move forward in a positive way. Laughter can heal you and help ease the heavy burden that comes with a loss. Here we have gathered ways on how to laugh when you feel like crying.

Meet up with friends- Meet up with friends to reminisce about funny memories of your loved one. Recall the good times, and allow yourself to truly laugh about the light-hearted things you two used to do together and the memories you made.

Spend time with children- The tender heart of a child will warm your spirit. Allow yourself to play with them and immerse yourself into their little world and laugh freely. Children can often sense pain and sadness in others, and can give you a sweet outlook on the situation.

Look for the humor- Although death itself is not humorous, there is sometimes humor to be found in the situation afterwards. Allow yourself to laugh, as humor can serve as an important coping mechanism to deal with grief and help us to see the positive in our situation.

Watch your favorite comedy movie- Laugh at the funny jokes you enjoy, let loose and enjoy yourself. Remember, you don’t necessarily need to feel elated happiness to laugh and enjoy life. Laughter is the best medicine and will help to relieve the additional weight off your shoulders.

Listen to your favorite music- Sing and dance around freely to your favorite music. Music can be uplifting, and we can choose it based on how we’re feeling in the moment. Allow yourself to be in the moment and release all your stresses with your favorite song.

When grief is part of your back-to-school plan

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 04:00:00 GMT

There is never a good time to deal with grief, as it can affect us regardless of schedule or life circumstances. This can be particularly difficult for families preparing to send children back to school. Transitioning back to a routine can bring a mix of relief, anxiety, excitement and uncertainty. In the midst of grief, children may feel “different” from their peers who haven’t had these experiences. However, we’ve compiled a few tips to make the transition back to school as smooth as possible.

1) Talk to teachers, counselors and administrators in advance.

As a new school year begins, teachers may not be aware of your child’s typical behavior. Let them know not only about the recent death, but also things to keep an eye out for that may indicate abnormal behavior in your child. Also, make sure your child knows you’re having these discussions, if appropriate.

2) Make a “bad day” safety plan.

There may be days — or weeks — that are more difficult than others. Put a plan in place for these times so your child knows what to do when he or she feels overwhelmed. This may include a list of trusted adults with whom to speak, a nonverbal signal to indicate a need for help or other reassurances. It’s also helpful to have an everyday plan in place, especially in the beginning, including drop-off and pick-up routines and after-school rituals.

3) Keep counseling as an option.

If your child’s teacher, principal or counselor expresses any concern about how your child is adapting, it may be helpful to consider counseling. You may meet some early resistance from your child or even other family members, but it’s much better to be safe than sorry when it comes to children and grief.

4) Prepare for other kids.

Other children may ask questions about the death, so prepare your child for this possibility and let them know it is their choice what they share. If he or she does not want to discuss the death, practice handling various situations. It’s also possible your child may hear hurtful or ill-informed comments, even if unintentional, so discuss how to respond to these uncomfortable situations.

5) Give permission to have fun.

Above all else, kids want to feel “normal.” After a death, a child still may feel confused, sad or self-conscious about having fun and being happy. Remind your child that it’s okay to enjoy seeing old friends, recess and meeting a new teacher — it’s a big step in the healing process.

Grief & Pets: How pets can help you grieve

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 04:00:00 GMT

Pets provide us with companionship and emotional support. Many of us can’t imagine a life without our pets as they have helped us through the tough times and provided a source of comfort. With that being said, if you’ve recently experienced a loss, a pet may help to ease you through the emotional rollercoaster that is grief and help you through the pain you may be experiencing.

Pets provide us with companionship- Grieving can be lonely and isolating, and having a pet around to be by our side during the sadness that comes with a loss can be extremely therapeutic.

Pets make us happier- Studies have shown that pets decrease the production of Cortisol, the hormone that leads to stress, which is likely present in those who are grieving. Being around our pets makes us happier and keeps our mind off the loss we may be experiencing.

Pets love us unconditionally- Your pet is there for you when you get home, when you go to sleep and when you wake up. Their whole life is centered around you and your schedule. Our pets love us unconditionally when we need it the most and can be thought of as furry therapists.

Pets force us to be active- Considering pets need exercise, this forces us to exercise as well, which produces Serotonin. Serotonin affects our overall mood, sleep, social behavior, etc. and levels of it tend to decrease when people are grieving. Take your pet for a walk in the neighborhood to relieve some stress and improve your mood.

Pets help to comfort us- Grief can leave us feeling empty and lost, and pets provide a sense of reassurance and comfort to ease us through that void. More specifically, dogs are known to be extremely intuitive and are able to sense when their owners are feeling down.

Say ‘I do’ to planning a funeral

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 04 Jun 2018 04:00:00 GMT

It may seem counterintuitive, but planning a funeral has a lot of similarities to planning a wedding. Think about it — you wouldn’t have your wedding without planning ahead of time, right?

In both events, you’re commemorating a paramount life event, and having a plan in place frees your loved ones from the burden of trying to guess what you want. The National Funeral Directors Association recently found that more than 62 percent of people feel it’s important to inform their families of their funeral plans, but less than 22 percent actually follow through with a plan.

Need more convincing that planning your funeral is just as important as your wedding? Just remember:

1) Both commemorate key milestones.

A wedding celebrates a beginning, while, of course, a funeral acknowledges an ending and everything that happened in between.

2) They’re better when they’re more personal.

A great wedding includes details that tell the couple’s story. Similarly, a well-planned funeral is personal and connects those in attendance to one another and to the deceased.

3) Both can be expensive left unchecked .

If you plan ahead, you can avoid spending traps that can sneak up on you or your loved ones when making decisions at an emotional time.

4) There is a plethora of decisions.

Choices can be stressful, but they also mean you have plenty of flexibility. Your funeral can be whatever you want it to be — simple or elaborate, traditional or modern, the choice is yours.

5) Use the planning tools at your disposal.

Just like a wedding, today’s funerals can be easily planned with help from online planning resources. Check out our Preplanning Guide available on our website.

6) They are gathering places for the people you love.

Family and friends gather at both ceremonies to share memories and remembrances. Both can be emotional, but they also can be joyful, offering opportunities for your loved ones to support you.

7) Flowers, music and readings, oh my!

Both ceremonies traditionally contain music, readings, poems and/or scripture to honor the couple or individual. Regardless of faith or personal beliefs, there are numerous ways to incorporate rituals most meaningful to you.

How to Write and Send a Sympathy Card

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 18 May 2018 04:00:00 GMT

Deciding what to write in a sympathy card or bereavement card can be challenging. There are no magic words to heal heartbreak, and you won’t be expected to write them. The act of sending a thoughtful card is what will matter most. So, if you’re having a hard time choosing just the right words of sympathy for someone’s loss, here are some suggestions to get you started:

Timing

It makes sense to write and send a sympathy card as soon as you’ve heard the news of somebody’s passing. However, if you need time to process the loss or put your feelings into words, you should feel comfortable waiting a short while to get your thoughts figured out. Your kind words will be meaningful even a few weeks or months after a loss.

Choosing a sympathy card

Many greeting card retailers sell beautiful cards containing sentiments or quotations that may resonate with you. When you cannot find the right things to say sometimes the words contained within may express your feelings better than you know how to at the time. But even a blank card containing your own words can be a perfect gesture. If you’re on the search for a sympathy card, try these resources:

Hallmark sympathy cards

Handmade sympathy cards on Etsy

How to address a sympathy card

If you’re writing a card to a friend who’s experienced a loss, simply address your card to that person. However, if the deceased was a friend, and you do not know the deceased’s family well, your best bet is to address the card to his or her closest relative – their spouse, for example.

What to write in a sympathy card

It’s nice to start your card with a general expression of sympathy. Try something like, “I was deeply sorry to hear about the death of your friend.”

A good next step is to recall a fond memory or story of the deceased, if you have one. Remembering or learning about the wonderful life of a lost friend can be very healing for a grieving person.

If you feel so inclined, consider adding an additional personal touch, such as a photo or meaningful quotation. A simple search online can be a great place to start, and sites such as BrainyQuote do a good job of collecting beautiful words.

There are many approaches for expressing your feelings during a difficult time, one thing to remember is that if your message is from the heart and sincere, it will likely resonate with and be meaningful to your recipient.

Handwriting your message is generally considered most personal, so avoid typing if you can.

We hope this helps relieve some of the stress of finding the perfect words for your card. Remember, the thoughtfulness of your gesture will say a lot.

Elements of religious and non-religious funerals

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 16 May 2018 20:51:00 GMT

Just as different religions have distinct traditions for worship and weddings, funeral traditions among religions tend to vary quite widely. The importance of one’s final moments in a spiritual context is evident in these traditions, from the preparation of the body to the funeral service itself. Following is a short list of religions and the end-of-life practices attached to them.
Christian funerals End-of-life traditions within Christianity vary but most Christian funerals, focus on the concept of eternal life through the acceptance of Jesus Christ.
At Christian funerals, historically, the body is laid in a casket, which is then placed at the front of the church during the funeral ceremony. The ceremony is officiated by a member of the clergy, who will lead attendees through a program of prayers, hymns, and scripture readings. Catholic funerals may also incorporate the Eucharist, Mass, or Holy Communion.
While Christian funerals are traditionally somber events culminating in a burial, many churches have made allowances for more modern traditions such as cremation and celebrations of life.
Buddhist funerals Buddhists believe in a concept called samsara, through which a person will be reborn after death several times before reaching eternal enlightenment. End-of-life traditions within the Buddhist faith are generally very simple. As soon as a death occurs, family members will dress the body in regular, common clothing. Though burial is also accepted, the body is traditionally cremated, and during the cremation process, either monks or family members will take part in spiritual chanting.

Buddhist funeral services may take place before or after cremation or prior to burial. Attendees traditionally wear white, and the casket or cremains will be placed toward the front of the room. A monk or other member of the Buddhist community will deliver a sermon and lead attendees in prayer.
Cremated remains will either be kept by a family member or enshrined in a columbarium. Casketed remains will be buried.
Jewish funerals According to Jewish faith, once a person has passed, the body should be interred as quickly as possible. The body is washed and purified immediately through a process called “taharah,” and it is not left unattended until its burial.
A Jewish funeral service is often led by a rabbi. It consists of prayers, one or more eulogies (delivered by the rabbi or family members), and the reading of psalms.
Embalming, cosmetology, and cremation are generally not options in traditional Jewish end-of-life rituals. Instead, the body is wrapped in a sheet and prayer shawl and interred in a simple wooden box.
Muslim funerals Muslims also believe that a body should be buried as close to the time of death as possible. Cremation, embalming, and cosmetology are not options.
After a death, the body is washed several times, shrouded, and situated according to meticulous traditional practices. At the Muslim funeral ceremony, funeral prayers are recited by all in attendance. The body is then taken to a cemetery for interment.
Humanist funerals Humanist funerals are often chosen when the deceased did not practice a particular religion or if he or she was an atheist. Because historical traditions don’t exist to dictate the format of humanist funerals, specific arrangements are often left up to each individual or individual’s family.
The focus of a humanist funeral is generally on the life of the deceased, often in the form of a celebration of accomplishments and special memories. Humanist funerals may be led by a celebrant, a close friend or a family member.

Earth friendly life celebrations

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 18 Apr 2018 04:00:00 GMT

Earth Day is one of those Holidays that is not always celebrated. However, it’s easier than you think and what better way to celebrate the earth than being one with it and doing things that will nourish it? Below we listed activities that you can do alone or with others. All of the activities are kid friendly, too!

Plant a tree in your yard. April is the perfect time to start planting your garden outside. Many find that buying a tree that has already grown a little is easier to care for and grow. You can buy them from most hardware stores. Lastly, you’ll want to think about the type of tree that grows best in your area. For example, oranges and circus fruits grow very well in places like Florida and California, but not so much in places like Kansas.

Start an herb garden indoors. Herb gardens are the perfect way to have access to fresh herbs at any time. They are fairly low maintenance as they only require to be sat in front of a window with lots of sunlight and water.

In most places, flowers are blooming up left and right in late April. So take advantage and have a photoshoot. All of the bright colors and beautiful scenery will surely make your social media feed come to life.

Whichever way you chose to celebrate Earth Day do so in a way that will leave a positive impact on the earth. There’s only one earth, and we have to take care of is so it can sustain life for the years to come.

4 Common Funeral Planning Myths, Busted

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 30 Mar 2018 04:00:00 GMT

Funeral planning can be overwhelming to some people. While there are many do’s and don'ts when it comes to funeral planning, when you have the right information it is easy to make the best decisions for you and your family. We’ve cleared up some commonly held misconceptions regarding funeral planning that we hope will help guide you through the process.

Myth #1: Funeral planning is complicated - Depending on how in-depth you want to go, funeral planning can be a pretty simple process. You can be as detailed as you want, or as minimalistic as you would like. With our complimentary planning guide, we walk you through the process and give you a guideline on what needs to be accomplished.

Myth #2: Funeral planning is time consuming - People may assume that funeral planning needs to be extensive, but that is not necessarily the case. Simply writing down the details that you want your funeral to consist of does not need to take hours upon hours to complete. Our planning guide is simple, easy and allows you to plan your funeral on your own time, in your own way.

Myth #3: Funeral planning is for the elderly - This is not necessarily the case. Considering we never know when our time will come, it is smart to plan now rather than leaving it up to your loved ones. Planning your funeral at any age is a smart idea, not just for your sake but for the sake of your family and to give them peace of mind.

Myth #4: You have to pay a fortune for a quality service - We believe that you shouldn’t have to spend a lot to get the very best in cremation and funeral services. We also know that when you have lost a loved one, or are facing that difficult time, you want straightforward answers about how much everything is going to cost. We believe in being open and transparent with all of our charges, so you can select the services and products that are right for you.

Funeral planning doesn’t have to be complicated, and in fact, can be simple and even therapeutic as it is a time to express your final wishes and give your family peace of mind.

How yoga can help to heal you while grieving

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 26 Mar 2018 04:00:00 GMT

Many of us have experienced grief of some magnitude. Whether a relationship ended, or a death occurred, we all have our own ways we process and heal, perhaps some of them not so healthy for us. Yoga as a coping mechanism is therapeutic and offers a healthy release for your emotions during your grief journey. Yoga helps you to connect with your body and enhance strength and confidence within yourself. If you’re new to yoga, start with a beginner method and do what you’re comfortable with. You will be amazed at what your body can do, and how peaceful this practice can be.

Yoga provides an outlet- Join your local yoga studio for a few classes each week- in fact, many cities offer a yoga/grief workshop specifically for those who have experienced a loss. If a class setting isn’t your thing, use the internet to your advantage, as there are many yoga resources available at your fingertips. Rather than turning to self-destructive ways of coping, yoga is a healthy outlet for your pain and is beneficial for your health overall.

Yoga relieves stress- Grief is a stressful time for a person, as you are processing multiple emotions at once. In fact, yoga has been shown to relieve symptoms associated with anxiety and depression, as it is often used as a form of physical expression. The peaceful practice of yoga will help you to focus on strengthening your mind and body, allowing you to feel more connected with yourself and relieve stress. Start your day with a yoga sequence and leave your worries and stresses on the yoga mat.

Yoga is versatile- There are many different forms of yoga to try, including: Meditative, Bikram, Restorative and many more. Some forms of yoga are designed to relax the mind and body, while others are focused on strengthening the body. However, they are all meant to deepen your connection with yourself. You can adapt your yoga preference to your lifestyle, and you don’t need to be flexible to start. Do some research and discover what yoga practice is best for your current lifestyle needs.

Honoring your love following a death

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 05:00:00 GMT

Valentine’s Day can be difficult for those who have lost a loved one. Facing a day that’s supposed to be filled with love, often, inevitably turns into a day consumed with grief. “Grief is just love with no place to go.” –Jamie Anderson. At our funeral home, we believe that grief and love coincide. Remember, just because your loved one isn’t physically with you doesn’t mean that your love isn’t worthy of being celebrated. With that being said, we have gathered ways to honor your love following a loss.

Cook their favorite meal- Prepare their favorite meal just as they would like it. This incorporates a little bit of them into the evening, and honors the food they once enjoyed.

Pick their favorite flowers- Perhaps they loved red roses, or tulips, picking up their favorite flowers and keeping them in a vase around the house will be a sweet, sentimental testament to your loved one.

Have a movie night- If you have children, have a movie night filled with some of your loved one’s favorite movies and enjoy their favorite snack as well. This way you can share the love with those closest to you and take your mind off the potential sadness.

Visit their gravesite- If not too difficult, bring flowers or a letter to your loved one’s grave. Take a moment to sit with them and reflect on the time you two had together. It is okay to be sad, and it is also okay to remember the happy memories you had.

Listen to their favorite music - Maybe you two had a special song you enjoyed together, dedicating a song to them and listening to it is a nostalgic way to honor your loved one, and will have you thinking of them and the memories you shared together every time it comes on.

How to celebrate: Random Acts of Kindness Day

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 01 Feb 2018 05:00:00 GMT

Random acts of kindness bring light to any day. Whether you’re the giver of the receiver, they’ll surely make you much happier and feel better. So why not celebrate the day of Random Acts of Kindness full of kindness?! Here is a list of things you can do for free or for little money for others. But here’s the twist - find your birthday month in the first list and then find the day you were born on the second list!

Kindness is far more meaningful than treating others how they’d like to be treated. It’s also about self-love and being kind to yourself too. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup. Take a moment to be extra kind to yourself. Find your birth month in the list below and complete the task.

1. Treat yourself to your favorite food.

2. Have a spa night for yourself.

3. Take an hour or more to do your favorite hobby.

4. Name three things about yourself that you love.

5. Have a night to yourself to enjoy whatever you love.

6. Give yourself compassion.

7. Do something that you’ve always wanted to do.

8. Remind yourself of how great you are.

9. Stop every negative comment you say about yourself.

10. Dream about things you want for the future.

11. Get enough quality sleep and take a nap.

12. Start a happiness box with special notes or cards that lift you up. You can include inspirational quotes, photos, or anything that brings you joy.

Treating others with kindness will, in turn, will make you feel more satisfied and overall happier. So now here’s how you can be kind to others. Find your birthday from the list below.

1. Walk or interact with animals with a local animal shelter.

2. Give someone a compliment. Their reaction will be so worth it!

3. Pay for someone's order that’s behind you or in front of you.

4. Leave a dollar taped to the vending machine.

5. Send a loved one flowers and a special card.

6. Treat a friend to coffee.

7. Bake goodies for your local fire department.

8. Make an appreciation social media post for someone.

9. Donate items to a local hospital or shelter.

10. Surprise a neighbor with a plant.

11. Bring breakfast to the office for everyone.

12. Leave quarters at the laundromat.

13. Donate to a charity of your choice.

14. Give someone a handwritten card telling them how much you appreciate them.

15. Send a care package to someone in the military.

16. Go to your local elementary school and ask to pay off a student's lunch account that is overdue.

17. Shovel your neighbor's snow or rake their leaves.

18. Volunteer at a charity of your choice.

19. Donate your “read” books.

20. Smile at every person you see.

21. Send an encouraging email. A sweet and simple way to boost someone’s spirits is by sending good vibes to someone’s inbox.

22. Write positive sticky notes and leave them in places for people to find.

23. Let someone vent to you.

24. Ask and truly listen to how someone is doing.

25. Make a neighbor dinner.

26. Take a friend to see a movie they’ve been wanting to see.

27. Surprise your family with a visit.

28. Put extra money in the parking meter.

29. Give everyone you see a compliment and be genuine.

30. Pick up trash around town.

31. Plant a tree in an area that could use a little life.

5 Ways to Celebrate Life Every Day

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 05:00:00 GMT

Have you been so busy lately that you feel life is passing you by? We often get so caught up in life’s daily tasks that we forget to celebrate life’s achievements. Some may think they don’t possess the time to celebrate everything, but truth be told, celebrating life doesn’t need to be time consuming. Celebrating life can be as simple as pausing periodically throughout your day to positively reinforce yourself on doing something correctly or for trying your best. Taking the time to celebrate life allows us to live each day as fully as possible, and encourages us to not sweat the small stuff. We have collected some tips on small ways you can celebrate life every day.

Start each day with a grateful heart- Waking up each day being grateful for what you have and the life you lead is the best way to celebrate life and to start the day on the right foot. Take a few minutes to meditate or write down what you are grateful for, and allow this gratitude to carry on throughout your day.

Celebrate small achievements- Did you finally finish an important project? Celebrate that you put your all into it. Did you get the kids to school on time with their lunches packed? Celebrate how great of a parent you are! You don’t have to wait for a huge, outstanding moment to celebrate yourself. You are worthy of celebration in all the little things that you accomplish each day.

Do something you love each day- Take yourself for a walk, indulge in your favorite treat, take a bubble bath. Taking care of yourself is an awesome way to celebrate yourself, and when you’re taken care of you are better able to fully take care of others. You can’t pour from an empty cup!

Dress up for the day- When we feel our best, we tend to do our best. Wear your favorite dress or tie, put on your favorite shade of lipstick, do something to make yourself feel special and your mood for the day will instantly improve. Every day is a celebration, and when we start treating our life this way, it’s amazing how our outlook changes.

Compliment others- Giving someone else a compliment is a simple way to spread gratitude. Compliment your coworker’s hair or smile, but make it genuine. Compliments make others feel great about themselves, and in turn makes you feel great about yourself.

Keeping family traditions alive following a loss in the family

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 15 Nov 2017 05:00:00 GMT

After the loss of a loved one, family traditions can often be postponed due to grief and the uncertainty of facing these traditions with an absent loved one. At our funeral home, we believe in keeping family traditions alive to honor loved ones who have passed on. Although it is a difficult time, we have collected some tips on how to incorporate family traditions back into your family gatherings and to honor your loved ones while doing so.

Acknowledge the absence- Toast to your loved one or tell their favorite joke. Acknowledging the absence of your loved one will help to lighten the mood and instill a sense of togetherness in the room, which is likely what everyone needs at this time.

Be open to change- Family traditions may change following the loss of a loved one, maybe no one can cook quite like mom did, but that doesn’t mean your family needs to stop the tradition altogether. Have everyone bring one of mom’s favorite dishes for everyone to try, this way you’re honoring your loved one while keeping a family tradition alive.

Plan ahead- Prepare a new family tradition, or changes to an existing family tradition ahead of time. Communicate your plan with your loved ones and get them involved. This way your family can be prepared with the new “normal” of your family traditions. Being involved in family traditions can be therapeutic for family members to grieve as well as honor your loved one.

Share favorite memories- Sharing special memories of your loved one can bring everyone together and help to relieve the sadness of the first family gathering without them. Funny memories are great to share, and laughing together is good for everyone’s soul right now.

Honor their presence- While your loved one may not be physically there with you all, it is a profound gesture to honor them in some way. For example, during Christmas time, incorporate a small Christmas tree and have everyone decorate a personal ornament to put on it. This will help to make everyone feel your loved one’s presence with them during the holidays.

Donate to a charity- Did your loved one have a passion for animals? Make a new tradition to visit a local animal shelter, or make a donation in your loved one’s name.

We understand that traditions hold great value to families and continuing or starting new traditions can be a difficult task but we hope these ideas help make your healing process a little easier while honoring your loved one.

Hosting a funeral reception is easy

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 04:00:00 GMT

The day you say a final goodbye to a loved one can be very difficult. On top of the emotions you are experiencing, there are numerous details to be worked out with family and friends to get everyone to, from and through the events of the day. The last thing you want to do after the funeral is realize that everyone is starving and have to find a restaurant that can handle a large group at the last minute.

At a typical funeral, there would be a receiving line on the way out the door after the service, where you would exchange a few quick words with friends and family that you haven’t seen in years. After all the guests leave, you would round up the family and head to a restaurant, or go back to someone’s home.

But what if there was a way to spend more time with your guests, hearing their memories of your loved one, enjoying refreshments together and catching up?

You probably know that our staff is there to assist you in creating a beautiful gathering to honor your loved one. Did you know that we can also help you hold a reception before or after the service? We have relationships with many popular meeting places and caterers and can help you set up a gathering time that allows you to relax and enjoy spending time with your guests. Please check with our associates for scheduling and options.

How life is really like a box of chocolates

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 10 Oct 2017 04:00:00 GMT

“Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.” –Forrest Gump.

This classic movie has captured all our hearts, and it is likely that we can all relate to this movie in some way or another. This infamous quote from Forrest Gump has made us think of the ways life is truly like a box of chocolates, and how we don’t always know what we’re going to get, and that’s perfectly okay.

1. Life is made up of beautiful unpredictability. We may not know what each day holds, but we can be confident that each day will hold something amazing.

2. Not every kind of chocolate is our type of chocolate. Sometimes in life we encounter a situation that may not be pleasant, but we must move forward with a positive mindset through it all.

3. Each individual chocolate is unique. Much like life, each day has a unique gift to offer and we must embrace the beauty in the days that come.

4. Every chocolate is meant to be savored. Slow down and enjoy the beautiful experience that is life because each day is meant to be cherished and enjoyed to the absolute fullest.

5. Life is better when shared with someone. Chocolate and life are both best when you are surrounded by loved ones to enjoy all that life has to offer with companionship.

Forrest Gump was a sweet, wise man who cherished each day he had.

How will you cherish your day today? It’s never too late to start enjoying your box of chocolates.

Top five mistakes to avoid while funeral planning

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 13 Sep 2017 04:00:00 GMT

We plan for weddings, purchasing a home, growing our families and retirement but have you taken the time to consider the options for your funeral one day? It may seem like a morbid thought, and many do not anticipate their own funeral for many years to come, but that doesn’t mean it is too early to start considering your end-of-life arrangements.

When a death occurs, family members are faced with over 88 decisions that must be made within hours, during a very difficult, emotional time. Pre-planning your funeral offers peace of mind for you and your family and allows your loved ones to be stress free. However, there are mistakes you will want to avoid when beginning the planning process, and we have compiled them to make the process as simple as possible.

1. Waiting for an illness before pre-planning:

Many people associate funeral planning with an illness, but that should not be the case. Pre-planning a funeral prior to any diagnosis is the smart thing to do, and will ease the pressure on the family during a time when they need to be worry free.

2. Not being clear about your funeral wishes:

Meet with a funeral professional to communicate your funeral desires, whether that be cremation, burial, the option of a visitation, etc., there are many options to consider when pre-planning a funeral. This will ensure that, when the time comes, your family will receive all the details regarding your funeral and no last- minute decisions will need to be made.

3. Failure to ask questions:

This is an important decision, and you want to make sure that everything is communicated prior to, meaning that you should feel free to ask as many questions as you feel necessary to ensure that your wishes are met and everything is taken care of properly.

4. Not communicating with your family:

It is important to plan funeral arrangements with a funeral professional, but it is just as important to communicate with your family members as well to make sure they are aware of the plans you’re making, and that they know who to call when the time comes.

5. Allowing the price to take over:

It is smart to search for a reasonably-priced funeral. Preplanning is a way to make sure emotional overspending does not happen because you will have time to plan each detail of your funeral at a price you can afford. At Newcomer, we strive to offer the very best prices to our families without sacrificing quality.

Preplanning your funeral is financially beneficial for you and your family and also one of the most thoughtful and caring things you can do. Get started today .

Why vacations can help with grief

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 09 Aug 2017 04:00:00 GMT

“We travel, initially, to lose ourselves; and we travel, next to find ourselves.” – Pico Iyer

Traveling can provide an insightful perspective into your life, but when you're grieving, that perspective often widens into something much more.

The Cruise Vacation

As a big plus, there are cruise packages for every budget. You can book anything from a quick 3-day cruise to Mexico or the Caribbean, to a 14-day Alaskan or Mediterranean voyage.

The Therapeutic Vacation

The Physical Activity Vacation

Many people choose to grieve by engulfing themselves into rigorous physical activity. This is a great way to de-stress while improving your health and adding years to your life.

The Sight-Seeing Vacation

There are countless sights and landmarks to see. A trip to check out the Grand Canyon, Eiffel Tower, New York Skyscrapers, Swiss Alps, Great Wall of China, Pyramids of Africa and the list goes on. You’ll have great photo ops or just add to your life’s memory bank. See a list of national parks.

You can’t go wrong with any of these vacations. Comb through them to see which touch your heart and fill needs that will help your mental, physical and spiritual health.

Protection plans for the frequent traveler

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 01 Aug 2017 04:00:00 GMT

We are more mobile now than ever, traveling frequently and throughout the world. Are you prepared for an emergency away from home, such as an unexpected death? Most of us aren’t, and the emotional and financial aspects of such an incident can be devastating. A travel plan provides an extra measure of protection in the event of an untimely death.

What is a travel plan?

Designed to give peace of mind when a death takes place more than 100 miles from the legal residence, a travel plan takes care of all the travel details involved in bringing a loved one back home. With one call, they will be returned from anywhere in the world.

Why would you want a travel plan?

It’s difficult enough for a family to deal with the emotional and financial stress that the death of a loved one brings, but when the death occurs away from home, the loss is complicated by the need to bring them back. Most people don’t realize that the expense involved in transportation services can easily run from $1,500 to over $15,000. If a loved one dies in another country, the difficulty of arranging transportation can be very traumatic. This is all at a time when the family is already dealing with grief and distress. A travel plan is a way to ensure that your family will be shielded from any unexpected death care expenses during your travels.

How does the plan work?

The plan is simple and covers the complete cost of transportation services. You are given an identification card with instructions and if a death occurs, a traveling companion or survivor makes one phone call and the travel plan company coordinates all of the details, including:

How expensive is a travel plan?

There is a nominal, one-time fee for an individual plan. Coverage for additional persons, such as a spouse, child, relative or companion living at the same address, is at a slightly reduced rate per person. Once the plan is established, you will receive:

Who would need a travel protection plan?

If you travel around the country visiting family or travel internationally even just a few times a year, a travel protection plan is a good thing to consider. None of us like thinking about the potential hazards of travel, but it is good to be prepared ahead of time.

Another consideration is whether your family members are equipped to cover costs of transportation if an emergency occurs to you away from home. These transportation services can range between $1,500 to over $15,000. Any point within that range would be significant unexpected expense to most of us. If a loved one dies in another country, the difficulty of arranging transportation can be very traumatic. Your survivors may have to work with foreign medical and government agencies, funeral providers and transportation services. If there is a language barrier, it is even more difficult.

The single fee for a travel plan is small and well worth it when you consider the financial and emotional stress your family may face if a death occurs away from home. You can take comfort in knowing your wishes will be handled with care. We are available to explain all of the details to you; simply give us a call.

Top Five Grief Myths & Realities

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 29 Jun 2017 04:00:00 GMT

There are many myths associated with the grieving process, and it can be frustrating for those who are grieving to hear false information during such an emotional time. It is important to understand that the grieving process is different for each person, and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. In order to effectively process these grieving emotions, whether that is for ourselves, or perhaps to be a supportive friend for someone else, it is essential to have a proper understanding of the complex grieving process.

Myth: There are strictly five stages of grief.

Reality : The common understanding that there are five stages to the grieving process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, is often a misconception. There is no proper way to grieve, and it can be discouraging for those grieving to believe they need to abide by the five stages. Each person will grieve differently than the next, and that is perfectly acceptable.

M yth: Grief is a timetable.

Reality: Many people seem to believe that grief takes place within a specific time period, and then it should go away, but this is not the case. Grief is an ongoing process that leaves us with a void in our hearts, yet this feeling doesn’t just disappear, but is rather a continuous journey we are on throughout our lives.

Myth: Grief occurs solely after a death.

Reality: There are many occurrences in life that people grieve about, whether that be a miscarriage, divorce, the loss of a job, etc.; the list goes on. It is necessary to remember that grief can come to us in various ways, and is absolutely not limited to the death of loved one.

Myth: The effects of grief are just psychological.

Reality: When we experience a loss, we suffer emotionally, yes, but there are also physical effects of grief as well. Physical effects that include, but are not limited to: loss of appetite, fatigue, body pains, etc. Grief has the ability to affect our bodies more than just emotionally.

Myth: Life will eventually turn back to normal.

Reality: People tend to think that grief is simply a stage people must go through to eventually “get over” the person they lost. The truth is, grief never truly leaves us, and we just learn to live life differently than before.

When to seek professional help for grief

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 28 Jun 2017 16:34:00 GMT

Speaking with a therapist during a difficult time is often helpful and comforting, so nobody should shy away from the prospect if it sounds productive. Experts highly recommend seeking professional help if you might be experiencing either of the following.
Clinical depression Right after a loss, you will probably feel depressed. In fact, many of the most common symptoms of grief overlap with those of clinical depression. But there is a difference between grief and depression. Here are some signs that you might be experiencing clinical depression:

Your sadness does not subside over time
Your sadness is omnipresent, rather than coming in waves
You feel hopeless or even suicidal, as though life will never get back to normal
You’ve pulled further and further away from your friends and family
No grief-coping strategies seem to have worked for you

Complicated grief Complicated grief is defined by an inability to move on after a loss. We know that grieving is a process with an unfixed duration, but regular grief takes the griever on a journey toward healing. Somebody experiencing complicated grief will generally become fixated on his or her loss, resulting in prolonged and painful symptoms. If you find that over a long period of time, you haven’t found the ability to accept the loss and embark upon a normal life, you may be experiencing complicated grief.
If you identify with the descriptions of clinical depression or complicated grief, seek out the help of a mental health professional immediately.

Lessons from my Father: A Family Legacy of Care

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 16 Jun 2017 04:00:00 GMT

“Hard work is required to have any success in life.”

“Pay attention to the small details. They really do matter.”

“Take care of people.”

These are a few life lessons that have been passed down in the Newcomer family. As a fourth-generation funeral director, owner and president of Newcomer Family Service Group, Ren Newcomer has learned plenty of life lessons from his father who he describes as “a world-class people person.”

Ren started working part-time at his family's funeral home as soon as he was old enough to drive. He remembers, after school, he delivered caskets to the family funeral home, summer jobs working in the cemetery trimming headstones and doing lawn maintenance and working on weekends as a support staff.

After graduating from the University of Kansas, Ren joined his father in Topeka and went to work as a funeral director in 1975.

“This has been my life’s passion,” Ren said. “Creating an environment in our family business that puts the families that we’re helping first and investing in our facilities and our associates to continue to meet the needs of our families. This business is all about people.”

Ren’s children, Maggie and John, have followed in their father’s footsteps. Maggie is a licensed funeral director in Kansas City, and John is a manager in the Louisville, Kentucky area.

A lesson Maggie learned from her father: “Not to be afraid of failing, so long as you've done your absolute best,” she said.

“Our dad cares about the people he works with, and it shows,” John said. “We work in such a people-oriented business that you have to take care of colleagues and coworkers for them to take great care of families and visitors. It's all interconnected.”

Ren has made a point to continue to reinvent the family business to stay relevant in consumer’s eyes to provide memorable and meaningful memorials and celebrations.

“I look at it as an art form,” Ren said. “Continuing to paint the most beautiful painting in the world. Stroke by stroke, on the canvas and seeing the painting continuously improve.”

Mother’s Day without Mom

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 11 May 2017 04:00:00 GMT

Mother’s Day is commercialized to be a glorious time we shower the woman who brought us into this world with gifts to show our gratitude. A day to celebrate their sacrifices and unconditional love. Unfortunately, Mother’s Day can be a very tough day to get through if you have lost your mother.

So what can you do to make Mother’s Day less painful and a lot more joyful? Honoring your mother in a public way, despite her absence can help.

Share your feelings with others. Pass down stories about your mother to your children. Recreate her signature dishes. Celebrate this day even more than before, for both her and you. Celebrate her life, her light and your fondest memories of her.

Here are a few things to remember as Mother’s Day approaches.

Take time to yourself

Reflection time is important for us, especially during times that remind you the most of your mother. Write your reflections in a journal. Even purchase a Mother’s Day card and write a note to your mother. Read it aloud at her gravesite or to a photo.

Find a personal way to pay tribute your mother

Remember what made your mother special. Was she a fashionista, an adventurer or a book worm? On Mother’s Day pay tribute to your mother by doing something that you know would make her smile. Honor your mother by remembering the lessons she has taught you.

Time does not heal grief

This day will not get easier with time.

There will always be a big void on Mother’s Day. You will never “get over it,” but you can make adjustments to make the day easier on you.

Showing emotions and feeling grief is not a sign of weakness

Mother’s Day can be a day to remember your strength and the strength that your mother taught you. Your grief is not a weakness. It’s OK to cry. It’s OK to grieve. It shows how strong your love was for your mother.

Why should you think about prearranging a funeral?

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 12 Apr 2017 04:00:00 GMT

We each experience many milestones throughout life. That first birthday, first day of school, high school graduation day, and so many in between. Then there is the first day of the first job, and later, that long-awaited promotion. We plan ahead for each of these milestones, and also plan celebrations after they are achieved.

Time passes, and we build our families and celebrate the milestones in our children’s lives. In our later years come other milestones: retirement, finally taking up that hobby, enjoying our grandchildren. Careful planning can help us enjoy these years. However, there are other milestones toward the end of life as well. The death of our loved ones, and even our own eventual death, are events that none of us wants to experience. In some ways, planning ahead for these events can lessen some of the burden.

Our Milestone ^® Prearranged Funerals associates are here to help you plan ahead for funeral or cremation arrangements, for your own needs, or those of other family members. Please click the Preplanning link above to learn more.

More than a Funeral: A Beautiful Display of Love

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 05 Apr 2017 04:00:00 GMT

It can be challenging to plan a celebration of a loved one’s life. Families find themselves looking back at their loved one’s life and highlighting those things that made them special.

For a family in Nebraska, one décor choice made all the difference — even garnering national attention.

Creating a beautiful display of love, her children and grandchildren decided to drape all of the quilts that she had made over the backs of the pews at her memorial service.

How to pay for funeral expenses

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Sat, 28 Jan 2017 17:40:00 GMT

When you lose a loved one suddenly, funeral costs can be a large and unexpected expense. At our funeral home, we keep our prices low, accepting less than half the profit of most other funeral homes. But even our low prices can be a stretch for some families. Here are some ways to pay for funeral expenses.
If your loved one had life insurance, the policy can be assigned to our funeral home to pay for funeral costs. We will call the insurance company to make sure the policy is still in force, and then work with them on receiving payment for the cost of the funeral.
If the benefit from your loved one’s policy is greater than the funeral expenses, your family will receive a check for the difference. We will provide an itemized bill from our funeral home that clearly states all of our charges so there is no confusion. (Please note that excess insurance policy funds cannot be returned to the family if the deceased is on a public assistance program. Federal law requires that these funds be returned to the public assistance program.)
Check to see if your loved one had a funeral insurance policy. This is a policy designed specifically to cover funeral expenses, and is fully transferable to our funeral home, even if it was purchased through another provider.
We also accept cash, check and credit cards in payment for our services.
If none of these options are available to you, consider the following possibilities:
Benefits from employment, union membership or military service. Call your loved one’s employer to see if there are any death benefits. If they were a member of a union, there may be some benefits to help with funeral costs. Death benefits are available for honorably discharged military veterans. Visit the Veterans Affairs website for more information.
A one-time payment is available from the Social Security Administration to a surviving spouse or eligible child. Currently, this payment is set at $255. Your funeral director will notify the Social Security Administration of your loved one’s passing.
Public assistance through your county may also be available in some areas. We recommend calling your county treasurer’s office for more information, as programs vary by county. Please give us a call if you have any questions.

Family arrangement checklist

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Sat, 28 Jan 2017 17:39:00 GMT

We are committed to making sure that you receive the support you need during this difficult time. In preparation for your meeting with us, please review the following checklist of items to bring with you to the funeral home. Please plan to spend approximately two hours with your funeral director to allow us to best meet the needs of you and your family.
The first section is a simple checklist with the following section providing a more detailed explanation.
_____ Copy of any funeral or cremation pre-arrangements that have been made _____ Military discharge papers and service record (if applicable) _____ Cemetery property information (if applicable) _____ Clothing including undergarments _____ Photograph showing preferred hairstyle (for cosmetics and obituary) _____ Photographs for LifeStory Video (up to 40 photos) _____ Life Insurance paperwork _____ Vital Statistics information – Social security number, place of birth, etc. _____ Names and spellings of people to be included in the obituary _____ Method of Payment
Clothing including undergarments – To ensure the dignity of your loved one, please bring in modest, high neck, long sleeve, clothing including appropriate undergarments for the purposes of any viewing that will occur. Shoes and socks are optional but typically are included.
Photograph showing preferred hairstyle – We use this photograph, typically a recent photo, to provide guidance to the Funeral Director, cosmetician, or hairdresser when preparing your loved one for services. In addition to hairstyle, there may be questions regarding how you would like facial hair or cosmetics handled.
Photographs for LifeStory Video (up to 40) – Many families choose to play a LifeStory Video during visitations and before and after services. To ensure timely completion of your video, please select up to 40 photographs. If you’re unable to have the photographs ready at the time of your appointment, you may bring them in shortly thereafter, or we can share a link which allows you to upload photos directly.
Life insurance paperwork – Many families prefer to use existing insurance policies to pay for the funeral services selected. If you believe that this is even a small possibility, please bring in all insurance policies so that we can confirm value and begin the paperwork. An insurance policy processing company will process your paperwork for a nominal 3.5% fee.
Vital Statistic information – To complete all necessary paperwork please have the following information available:

Date of birth of the deceased
Place of birth (city and state)
Social security number of the deceased
Parents’ names (including mother’s maiden name)
Highest level of education completed
Marital status
Usual Occupation and Industry

Names of people to mention in the obituary – It is helpful to think of all the family and friends you would like mentioned in the obituary online or in the newspaper. Double-checking spelling will reduce errors in the published documents.
Method of payment – We are committed to serving all families when they experience a loss. We will work with you to create the best service possible without creating a financial burden. We offer several options for payment:

A funded pre-arranged funeral
Payment may be made in cash, personal check, bank check, money order, or most major credit cards.
We accept life insurance policies that can be assigned to the funeral home. Any policies that are contestable are not accepted. Policies must be verified by the funeral home prior to the scheduling of services or placement of an obituary. A 3.5% fee applies for the processing of Insurance documents.

We are honored that you have allowed us to serve you during this difficult time. Please feel free to call us with any questions or concerns that you may have.

Making It Through The New Year After Losing A Loved One

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 20 Jan 2017 05:00:00 GMT

Turkeys have been eaten, presents have been exchanged and champagne corks have been popped to ring in the New Year. For many people, the end of the holiday season brings a new resolve to make the new calendar year rich with life changes and prosperity.

But what if you’re one of many people who recently experienced a death that hit close to home?

The holiday cheer rings a little less vibrant when you’re dealing with grief. This can carry over, making it taxing to raise your energy in anticipation of New Year’s resolutions, goals and promises.

You can turn the death of a loved one into a journey that propels you into the New Year, fostering growth and nurturing you through your grieving process.

Let these tips below serve as a foundation for a prosperous New Year, so that you honor the memory of your loved one who passed and find the grace to heal.

Give it meaning. The human experience doesn’t always lend to understandings of why certain things happen. In these moments, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with creating your own meaning and growing from it.

For instance, if your loved one died due to a certain illness, you could use that lesson to drive you to embrace your own health and help others take care of their bodies. You can also find lessons in the way that your loved one lived. Perhaps they were active in their community, served in the armed forces or were diligent in perfecting their craft.

Taking the time to reflect on the way your loved one lived helps you to mentally acknowledge their death so you can physically let them go, while holding onto the lessons that can serve you and others as you move forward.

Embrace faith. Whether you attend church every Sunday, are non-religious, but believe in a higher power, or simply want to hold out hope for better days ahead, faith can work wonders during your grieving process. Experiencing a death can issue a blow that makes it hard to get out of bed or take care of daily duties.

These moments of despair make it necessary to surrender to the miracles that faith can work in your life. Medical studies have shown that faith in a power bigger than you can provide healing – even in people experiencing crippling depression and other mental disorders. Reaffirm your faith and use this power to help you through this year.

Focus on your mental health . Take this time to get the mental health assistance that you need. The best course of action to take is reaching out to professional grieving counselors who can see you regularly. The act of letting go and seeking help also lightens the burden, so that you don’t feel as though you’re alone with your grief.

Embracing meditation, prayer and affirmations can also help you to organize your thoughts, so that you find empowerment and renewal in your thought life.

Focus on your physical health . Take this time to strengthen your health, fitness and nutrition and it will provide an excellent grieving tool. You don’t have to become a bodybuilder or a fitness model – but a fit body leads to a fit mind and invigorated spirit. Getting physically active also keeps you out of the house and allows you to grieve while on the go, as opposed to being alone with your thoughts.

P rocess your feelings through creativity and reflection. The last thing you should ever try to do when grieving is forget your loved one who passed. Not only is this not possible -- it is not fruitful in the long run.

Instead, start a journal and begin regularly expressing the range of emotions that you are going through now that your loved one is no longer with you. Allow these journal entries to be as expansive and expressive as you would like. You might even consider writing letters to your departed, detailing how grateful you are to have known them.

Creating a photo album, video project or other presentation also lets you use your energy productively, while honoring their life and memory.

Visit their resting place. When a loved one is buried or memorialized at a site, bear in mind that this is just as much for you as it is for them. Going into the New Year, you can set regular days to visit, drop off fresh flowers, or simply reflect. Doing so with regularity continuously reinforces the reality that they are no longer here, which is a necessary part of grieving and creating a new sense of perspective.

Strengthen your relationships . Losing a loved one puts us in touch with our own mortality. Subconsciously, this realization is a big reason that so much sadness is involved. Take the time to grow closer to other family members and friends, honoring the fact that our time is limited, while also taking in love during this fragile time.

Putting these seven tips to use will help you make this New Year fruitful, as you cope with loss and thrive by creating your own new beginning.

Lessons I’ve Learned After Losing My Child

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 18 Nov 2016 05:00:00 GMT

By Jessica Moore

Grief is not easy, and it comes in waves. Sometimes those waves wash onto the shore high and sometimes low. What I have learned is with a little love, faith and hope you can get through grief together as a family.

Our Story

On June 26, 2012, we welcomed our second son, Easton Tyler Moore, to our family. We knew going into the delivery room, that Easton would require extra support. He had a major heart defect, spina bifida, and hydrocephalus. Easton fought and spent his first two months in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) at a local children’s hospital.

Some of those days we were told multiple times to brace ourselves for the worst as he would not survive. He proved everyone wrong and survived.

He fought long and hard to be able to come home finally. He was home for most of the year; we had a few short hospital visits but nothing major. Easton started to show signs of needing extra support again.

On October 9, 2013, we handed Easton to a surgeon to undergo his 11th surgery and 2nd open-heart procedure. The surgery was a success.

Fast forward to October 29, 2013, I was leaving work when I got a phone call from my husband. Something was terribly wrong, and Easton was not breathing. That night, our hearts were ripped from our chest. The words ring in my ears over and over, “I’m sorry ma’am there is nothing more we can do. You will need to tell us when you would like us to quit performing CPR.” With those words, my husband Chris had to look at a complete stranger, who had tried absolutely everything he knew how to save our son, to stop resuscitation efforts.

“The world stopped that night. We walked out of that hospital empty handed.”

We also tried very hard to explain to our three-year-old, that his little brother was not coming home anymore. The days after our loss, I was on complete autopilot. I went through the motions. Never once did we skip any event for our other child. We wanted to make things for him as normal as possible. We gathered up the pieces of our broken hearts, and we pushed through many days hurting and wishing for Easton to be back at home.

Life after loss

I remember a few things from the months after Easton died.

The one thing I remember the most was repeating to myself daily, “All you have to do today is survive it!”

This helped me; I had to survive this loss somehow. I needed to be whole for my other child. I walked around with a smile on my face, and when someone would ask me how I was, I would reply, “I’m fine.” Deep down inside I was not fine, and I was so tired of lying to everyone. That day I decided I would not allow his loss to go unnoticed. I would find a way every single day to honor his short but mighty life.

One of my favorite things I ever heard following the loss of my son, Easton was from a fellow bereaved mother. She said, “Jessica, losing them never gets easier. It just gets different.”

Her words could not be any true. I log on to my social media only to see memories pop up. Some days those memories make me smile, and other days they bring me to my knees. They make me happy, and they make me sad and sometimes they make me angry.

Continuing On: Honoring Easton

Some days the way I honor him is just to say his name, share a picture with my friends and smile when people remember him. Other days we do things bigger to remember and honor him.

To honor Easton we have a memorial lemonade stand every single year. The weekend of the Fourth of July Cameron gets his stand up and running and sales lemonade and baked goods all day. All the proceeds from the lemonade stand go back to a local children’s services charity that provides advocacy and support to people with developmental delays. With the proceeds from our first lemonade stand, we were able to purchase a Little Free Library for the charity’s playground. We were able to paint the library with a “Super E” symbol. We make sure to keep his memory alive. That is what helps us continue without him.

Always honor them, say their name and share awareness. You never will know who you might be inspiring. Fly high Easton Bunny!

9 DIY Projects to Remember Your Loved One

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 22 Sep 2016 04:00:00 GMT

A beautiful way to honor the memory of a loved one is to create something for yourself as a way to express and work through your grief. These ideas also work wonderfully as a meaningful keepsake memorial gift for someone you know who has recently lost a loved one.

"To be creative is to let little pieces of your heart go & place them into each project you make." - Pat Bravo

Creativity can help to heal your soul. Here are nine of our favorite DIY memorial craft projects to flex your creativity muscles.

1. DIY Photo Pendant

Carry your loved ones memory with you every day. String this DIY photo pendant on a necklace or bracelet.

2. Dress shirt pillow keepsake

A touching way to repurpose grandpa’s flannel shirt.

3. Memorial Wind Chime

Here’s an idea for a memorable and sentimental gift to showcase in the garden for years and years.

4. Family memorial rocks

A beautiful way to decorate your garden and create a sacred place to remember family members who are no longer with us.

5. Memory Jar

A wonderful way for a family to reflect back. You can keep a memory jar for each year. You can also write down special memories with a loved one who is no longer with you to share with generations to come.

6. Dried flowers

Here are three different DIY ideas to preserve and beautifully display funeral floral arrangements:

Dried Flowers In A Jar

Rose Heart Shadow Box

How To Preserve A Bouquet Of Flowers

7. Photo luminaries

Shine light on those we love with this easy DIY photo luminaries tutorial. This project is easy enough to get the kids involved.

8. Unique photo displays

Create a tribute to your loved one with these unique photo display ideas:

DIY Photoboard

Photo Frame Wreath

9. Rooted in love

Create a memorial garden of your loved one’s favorite flowers. Create a special plaque in their memory like this one here .

Memorial keepsakes are a priceless gift. Whether for a loved one or yourself, these simple crafts can offer comfort and condolences for anyone who is grieving.

6 ideas to take your family reunion from drab to fab

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 19 Aug 2016 04:00:00 GMT

A family reunion is a great way to bring your family together to celebrate and keep your families history alive, relive old memories, recognize accomplishments and new additions. Family reunions are a time when many joyful memories are made and laughs are shared at this once-a-year bash. To help you create a family reunion that people will remember for years to come. We rounded up seven ideas that will help you plan a reunion in the digital age, create family traditions and take creative family group photos.

1. Capture food memories

Create a family recipe book using favorite recipes from each. Collect the recipes in advance and put them into a document. You could use Google docs and share the working document so family members can add their recipes. Include food and family-related photos to give the book a little visual interest. Get the book printed and bound. It would be a good idea to ask family members to chip in for the printing, or take orders for the in advance to pay for it. The importance of recording and remembering these recipes can be enormous in creating a lasting legacy for the people we love.

2. Get social!

For many families, mom, dad, and even grandma are on Facebook. Why not take advantage of the time family spends on the social network by creating a family Facebook group. Technology has made it easier than ever for families to stay in touch long after the family reunion. After creating a group, upload photo albums and share documents in the group for the whole family to visit throughout the year.

Post information about next year’s reunion. When people see the photos of last years reunion, it will remind them how much fun they had, and it may influence their decision to attend the next one.

3. Family swap meet

We all have gently used items sitting around taking up space in our closets and kids closets. Why not have a family swap meet at your next reunion? Families can donate their kids' best-outgrown clothes, books, and toys at the Family Swap Meet. Who knows, your junk or clutter could be your cousins newest treasure!

4. Reunion Bingo

The quirky categories of this get-to-know-you game will prompt conversation and plain old silly fun. To play, print out our bingo cards below and give one to each family member.

See a free printable Family Reunion Bingo card here .

5. Break the ice with a joke!

“The only reason why I’m speaking right now is because Grandma bribed me with pie so I would say something nice.” Whether you’re writing a funny family reunion announcement letter or planning your welcome speech, here are some funny jokes to sprinkle in, followed by a few joke writing tips if you want to show off your own comedic talent.

6. 21st-Century Reunion Tools

There are so many free, online tools to help your next plan family reunion. Take a look at a few of these for inspiration:

7. Strike a pose!

Whether you plan on hiring a professional photographer or if a family member wants to take their stab at photography, be inspired by over 1,000 creative family reunion group photo ideas .

15 Unforgettable Quotes from Olympians

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 22 Jul 2016 04:00:00 GMT

With the 2016 Olympics underway in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, we have 15 unforgettable quotes from past Olympians. These quotes embody the determination, passion for life, self-discipline and these athletes have demonstrated to overcome life’s challenges to achieve their Olympic dreams.

“The Ability to conquer oneself is no doubt the most precious of all things sports.”
– Olga Korbut

“If you dream and you allow yourself to dream you can do anything.”
– Clara Hughes

“He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.”
– Muhammad Ali

“I don’t think you’re human if you don’t get nervous.”
– Sidney Crosby

“We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self- discipline, and effort.”
– Jesse Owens

“As simple as it sounds, we all just try to be the best person we can: By making the best choices, by making the most of the talents we’ve been given.”
– Mary Lou Retton

“The key is not the will to win. Everybody has that. It is the will to prepare to win that is important.”
– Bobby Knight

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
– Michael Jordan

“If you don’t have confidence, you’ll always find a way not to win.”
– Carl Lewis

“Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirit. We are all the same in this notion: The potential for greatness lives within each of us.”
– Wilma Rudolph, USA gold medalist in track and field

“If you fail to prepare, you’re prepared to fail.”
– Mark Spitz

“Never put an age limit on your dreams.”
– Dara Torres, USA gold medalist in swimming

“Nothing is impossible. With so many people saying it couldn’t be done, all it takes is an imagination.”
– Michael Phelps, USA gold medalist in swimming

“Failure I can live with. Not trying is what I can’t handle!”
– Sanya Richards-Ross, USA bronze medalist at 400 meters

“Each of us has a fire in our hearts for something. It’s our goal in life to find it and keep it lit.”
– Mary Lou Retton, winner of gold medal at 1984 Los Angeles Summer Olympic Games

7 Simple Ways to Celebrate Life This Summer

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 12 Jul 2016 04:00:00 GMT

The sun is shining, birds are chirping and flowers are in full bloom. Don't sit around this summer, get out and enjoy life. Here are a few ways to make the most out of your summer.

1. Start a new summer tradition.

Make summer different from the rest of the year by establishing summer traditions. Grill out on Saturday evenings, create a build-your-own ice cream sundae bar on Sundays, go for an evening swim once a week, take an early morning stroll once a week or have scheduled outdoor movie nights. No matter what tradition you decide, stick to it, make it fun and make memories with your family.

2. Head outdoors.

Have an afternoon tea, lemonade or mid-day snack.

Find a coffee shop with seating outside or a nearby park. If you can and it’s not too hot, lay a blanket out or hammock and take a nap while enjoying the warm rays.

3. Create a Butterfly Garden

Create a beautiful summer oasis in your backyard by creating a butterfly garden in your yard by choosing butterfly-friendly plants. Here’s a handy list of plants that attract butterflies.

4. Learn to bake a peach cobbler.

Nothing screams summer like fresh peaches. See an easy take on the classic southern dessert here .

5. Watch the sunset with a cold drink in your hand.

Ice cold lemonade plus a beautiful summer sunset equals a match made in summer heaven. There are so many variations of the refreshing classic drink, try a new recipe this summer with one of these homemade lemonade recipes .

6. Catch fireflies.

Fireflies move slowly and are easy to trap in a jar. Punch a few holes in the lid of a mason jar, add a pinch of grass and a piece of fruit for moisture. Admire your pretty night-lights till bedtime, then let them go.

7. Don't run on "full steam" all summer.

If you take on lots of responsibilities, give yourself a “summer break” by letting one of them go for the summer or at least part of the summer. You could consider taking a month off from one of your duties like a civic/community group or church group. Choose something that takes up a lot of your energy and replace that thing with spending more time with family or taking the time to do something relaxing for yourself.

6 Tips to Organize and Protect a Lifetime of Photos

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 23 Jun 2016 04:00:00 GMT

Are all of your photos from last year’s Thanksgiving dinner still sitting in the same desktop folder as last summer’s vacation photos? Do you have a box full of family photos waiting to be displayed in a photo album? It’s time to get organized! And there’s no better time than now to do it. While the task may seem daunting, we gathered a few top tips on how to organize those precious memories.

1. Don’t Get Overwhelmed

Organizing a lifetime of photos can be overwhelming. Start small and work your way through. Take it one step at a time. Your family will appreciate your efforts to keep your family memories alive…and organized!

2. Choose the Right Album/Photo Storage Box

3. Enlarge your Special Moments

Enlarge photos that put a smile on your face. Cherish those moments and make them the focal point of your album. If you plan to hang and frame them, try to place them on a wall that won't get the direct sunlight, which fades photos quickly. You can use blinds and draperies to control the light.

4. Not Every Photo has To Be The Same

When you get photographs printed, you may find that some photos are bigger than others. This will make your album look diverse and full of memories that have all made up pieces of your life.

5. Protect Your Photos

6. Digital Photo Storage/Organization

In our digital age, where so many moments are captured by the convenience of our handy smart phones, we can create an avalanche of photos and the task of organizing them can seem never ending. The best way to tackle and conquer is to create a system and follow it. Here are a few quick steps.

Download. Set aside a time each month to download photos from your camera and/or phone to your computer. Send the images directly into a photo management program like iPhoto, Windows Live Photo Gallery or Google’s Picasa.

Review. Review the photos you've downloaded on screen, deleting duplicate and poor-quality shots.

Create Folders. Organize your photos either chronologically or by them and then create named folders.

Back Up. Experts recommend using at least two of the following methods: an external drive, an online storage service or prints.

5 ways to brighten someone’s day

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 07 Jun 2016 04:00:00 GMT

Sometimes, we can focus so much of our energy to create positive feelings and energy in our own lives that we may forget to pass that positivity along to those around us. Take out some time out for the people we love.

Let’s brighten their lives! Here are five easy ways to do it.

1. Send a handwritten Thank You note

Many people underestimate the power of the hand-written thank you note. With all of the emails and social media messages we receive every day, sometimes a hand-written thank you note is one of the best ways to let people know you appreciate their efforts. Purchase a stack of nice Thank You notes to have handy anytime. Even if it’s late, send a note. Don’t feel embarrassed. It’s better to send a late thank you than none at all.

2. Deliver a homemade care package

Care packages can be made for anyone you care about and want to show a little extra love to. It could be a college student, a soldier who is deployed or a friend who is grieving or sick.

You can include gift cards, books, magazines, movies, candy, popcorn, lotion, bubble bath and more. Consider labeling each gift inside with a post-it note, explaining why you chose to include it in the package.

Here are a few care-package making tips:

3. Call up a relative or friend just to ask how they are.

Between emails, text messages, social media, work and home life many of us claim to be too busy to chat on the phone, although we have our phones attached to our hip all day. Take a moment to show someone you appreciate them or are thinking about them by picking up the phone to hear their voice.

4. Share a smile

A simple smile can go such a long way. Go ahead and flash those pearly whites to the next stranger you pass or the cashier at the grocery store. Smiling not only makes you feel better but it also can help the person receiving the smile. Go an extra mile if you can and give them a thoughtful compliment, while you’re at it.

5. Give away food

Whether it’s delivering a basket of seasonal fruits, veggies or herbs from your garden or baking your signature cookies, muffins, cakes or any dish. Food is a form of intimacy and shows you put time and thought into the gesture.

Bonus: Offer to run an errand

If someone you know is sick, having car issues or dealing with the loss of a loved one, they may need some help with errands. Offer to run their errands for them. You could also offer to take them somewhere. This doesn’t cost you much, except a little gas money and will certainly brighten someone’s day by lightening their load.

Apps to keep your memory sharp

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 12 May 2016 04:00:00 GMT

Your mind needs a workout. Just like any other muscle, your brain benefits from frequent use, and research shows keeping your brain active can help prevent memory loss, improve focus and increase overall cognitive function.

Sure, working The New York Times crossword puzzle over a cup of coffee is one way to keep your brain active, but smart phone technology lets you mix it up while you’re on the go. Next time you’re waiting in line at the grocery store, try one of these free apps to keep your memory at peak performance.

Lumosity

To start your workout regimen on this popular app, take the initial “fit test” to determine your strengths and potential weaknesses. You’ll be assigned a workout plan targeting specific cognitive skills like memory retention, attention to detail and more. The 50-plus games change every day, and users can rank their performance against other players. The app also tracks scores and provides feedback on personal progress.

Elevate

This app is designed to improve cognitive function in areas of processing speed, memory and focus as they relate to reading, speaking and writing. Elevate also requires a short initial quiz. Then, users are assigned an “Elevate Proficiency Quotient” that represents proficiency in each skill area. Daily training sessions include three personalized challenges, and a workout calendar helps track progress and maintain motivation.

Eidetic

“Eidetic,” a term used to describe the ability to remember images from memory, is an aptly named app designed to improve memory function. This super-simple product offers three multilevel brainteasers that users must solve within a five-second time limit. Memorize the placement of the tiles, follow the tile tracks in order, or match pairs of tiles. Up to 98 levels to master!

Happify

According to a popular study, positive thoughts have a positive effect on brain health. The study says people who have a greater tendency toward positive emotions are 60 percent less likely to experience “mild cognitive impairment.” In fact, findings show that positive wellbeing might be directly linked to healthier aging. The Happify app uses quizzes and activities to help users focus on the more positive aspects of life and reduce stress. Personalized “tracks” are designed to help conquer negative thoughts or defeat loneliness. A Happify daily post offers inspirational stories and words of encouragement, and a “serenity scene” gives a quick mental energy boost when you need it most.

Sudoku by Branium

This simple grid-based logic puzzle remains one of the most popular ways to stay sharp. There is a huge collection of online apps featuring Sudoku in endless variations. The Branium version features easy-to-learn instructions with hints and explanation as well as customizable grid styles and colors.

How Reading Can Lead to Better Health

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 28 Apr 2016 04:00:00 GMT

Your health is important. We’ve all heard that to keep your body at its best, you should pack your diet with fruits and green vegetables, get regular exercise and drink plenty of water. While diet and fitness are crucial - what if cracking a book could be the next important step toward maintaining your wellness?

Even if you wouldn’t describe yourself as a bookworm, getting lost in a good page-turner for just a few minutes each day can have a positive impact on your health and happiness. Let’s look at why reading should become part of your daily routine.

Reading reduces stress.

Reading relaxes you. Research shows that reading is one of the most effective ways to lower stress. A 2009 study by Sussex University found reading can reduce stress by up to 68 percent, proving even more effective than listening to music or taking a walk. No matter what you choose to read, becoming absorbed in the characters or plot releases tension in muscles and your heart.

Practitioners suggest that choosing self-help books may help ease mild to moderate depression. When reading about people facing situations similar to our own, we can connect, relate and apply suggestions and solutions to our own experiences.

Snuggling up with a book can help you sleep.

Creating a relaxing bedtime routine that includes reading can prepare your body for a better night’s rest. While reading on electronic devices is becoming increasingly popular, it’s best to do your wind-down ritual without a screen. Experts say the screen glow can interfere with the body’s natural rhythm, making it more difficult to fall asleep.

Reading is weight training for your brain.

Like any muscle, the brain requires regular exercise. Reading helps keep the brain sharp, improves cognitive function and memory and reduces mental decline. Regular readers may even be less likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease.

Where to find some great reads.

Finding the right titles has never been easier. If e-books are your preference, most local libraries have access to thousands of free downloadable titles. Book clubs are an excellent way to get involved with a community of readers. Visit your local library to find a club that matches your interests. Whether you’re searching for a new bestseller, want to revisit an old favorite or connect with other readers, these online resources can help:

What Should I Read Next? – Type in one of your favorite titles, and this site searches a huge database of reader favorites to help you decide what to read next.

Goodreads – Use this site to track and rate what you’ve read. Share your favorites with friends or use their suggestions to build your next reading list. This site is also helpful for following books in a series.

BookPage – Distributed free in print at your local library, the online edition also offers great author interviews, features and book reviews for readers of all ages.

So, go ahead. Get lost in a book. Explore your inner detective or discover ways to a better self. Make reading your next healthy habit.

Celebration of life ideas

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 07 Apr 2016 04:00:00 GMT

Most of us are quite familiar with the traditional funeral service. Chances are you’ve attended at least one before. Formal services tend to be quite similar in their formats – though any funeral home worth its salt will personalize one as much as requested – and while there’s certainly an allowance for joy in remembrance, they tend to be somewhat solemn events that focus on respect and reflection.

At our funeral home, we hold the traditional funeral service in high regard. We know that such gatherings are often the most appropriate and appreciated way to honor a lost loved one.

We’ve also noticed a different type of ceremony becoming more popular over time: the celebration of life. A celebration of life ceremony is the non-traditional cousin of the traditional funeral service. Held either in place of or after a memorial service, its purpose is to acknowledge the joy and light a passed loved one brought into the world. Guests have the opportunity to say goodbye by sharing positive stories, passing along memories, and, well, celebrating the person who passed away.

Celebrations often don’t incorporate the physical presence of the deceased in an urn or casket, and they typically aren’t held in funeral homes or religious buildings.

The one real rule for holding a celebration of life ceremony is that there are no rules. A decedent may have already specified for her family what type of celebration should take place. (My family, for example, knows that they should spend as little as possible on things like a rented facility or formal programs, but they should spare no expense when it comes to pizza, beer, and board games.) Family members who were close to the decedent will often have a good idea of how casual the celebration should be and which details make the most sense.

Keeping in mind that there are no requirements, here are some things to think about when planning a celebration of life:

Who? Consider who you’ll invite to help you celebrate. Some celebrations are very intimate, restricted to just immediate or close family. But a large celebration incorporating all the same people who would attend a traditional service is also an option.

Where? Once you have a rough idea of how many guests to expect, determine a location for the ceremony. Don’t be afraid to think outside the box. I once had a friend who celebrated the life of her lost spouse with a simple gathering of friends around a campfire. Celebrations of life can be held at a home, restaurant, park, banquet hall, or some other spot of particular significance. Just make sure whichever place you pick can hold the number of people who will likely attend.

How? What is the best way to honor and celebrate your loved one? Celebrations can incorporate an officiant, who will speak to the group about the life of the decedent and nudge the ceremony along. If the gathering will be more informal, an officiant and programs may not be necessary. Instead, you might consider designating a Family Member in Charge, who will be responsible for leading the group in telling stories about the departed.

Other great ideas for remembrance include picture boards or scrapbooks, a remembrance video, readings from the decedent’s favorite literature, the incorporation of the decedent’s favorite music, and a selection of crowd-pleasing food that honors the decedent’s tastes.

Truly, the options for celebrating the life of somebody you held dear are limitless.

A note on party (pre)planning: We talk about preplanning for the inevitable a lot in our industry. But we do understand that planning for death isn’t always the happiest of tasks. Here’s where we’re especially excited about celebrations of life:

Planning parties is fun. Picking out balloons, thinking about food, and finding all the details to make an event really special – these are things that have positive associations in American culture. (Heck, just take a look at how much excitement is generated by the wedding-planning industry.) Celebrations of life present an interesting opportunity to think about death arrangements in advance with the undertone of fun and joy. If you have a friend or relative who has been unwilling to discuss his future arrangements, talking to him about a celebration of life may spark a conversation that doesn’t overwhelm or intimidate him.

Have you attended a celebration of life ceremony before? What did you think? Send us your thoughts on Facebook , and we might include them in a future post or newsletter.

Memory displays

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 06 Apr 2016 16:24:00 GMT

A memory display is a comforting and uplifting way to share a real portrayal of your loved one’s life. It is an opportunity to display photographs and personal articles that provide friends and family with a glimpse into their life in a unique way.
The sky is the limit when creating a memory display. It can be as simple as a framed photo and a bouquet of their favorite flowers, or it can be totally customized to reflect their personality, hobbies and passions.
Many people opt for a few key items to represent their loved one’s interests – perhaps a fishing hat, baseball cleats, a team scarf, a favorite book or a golf ball – anything that will remind people of what was important to them. Guests are generally at a loss for something to say at a visitation or service, so the memory display also acts as a talking point. It’s an important time for sharing stories and memories and the display will help to get everyone started.

Following are some ideas to help you create a memorable display that tells your loved one’s story.

Framed photos with significant people, places or happenings in their life
Treasured keepsakes and mementos such as trophies, awards, collections, good luck charms, memorabilia
Hobbies: scrapbooking, quilting, sports, outdoors, traveling, music, art, animals, volunteering
Favorites: color, school, sporting team, animal, toy, game
Occupation: items that represent their career such as a paintbrush or artwork if they were a painter; a calculator if they were an accountant; a stethoscope if they were a nurse or doctor; a hammer if they worked in construction
Affiliations: military service, church, community organizations

Be as creative as you like, laying out the items in a pleasing way for guests to view at the visitation or memorial ceremony.
You can also create a memory board displaying items and unframed photos of the loved one with family and friends, enjoying their hobbies and doing the things they loved the most. This is a great way to showcase a variety of chapters of your loved one’s life.
The act of selecting items and arranging the display can be a great comfort to the family. It allows an opportunity to focus on the positive aspects of the loved one’s life and remember the joy they brought to those around them. It’s also something constructive to do at a time when it can be difficult to deal with everyday tasks.
It is best to place the display where guests have time to look at it. Typically, memory displays are found at visitations and memorial ceremonies.
A memory display will mean different things to different people – and that’s the point as there aren’t exact instructions on how to convey a lifetime of emotions, events and memories.

Memorial services after cremation

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 21 Mar 2016 16:28:00 GMT

Memorial services after cremation are becoming quite common, but you may never have been involved in planning one before. Here are some ideas to get you started.
Timing A memorial service can be held any point after cremation, since there is no time pressure of burying the body at a cemetery. Some families choose to have a service within a few days of the death, while others may wait a few weeks or even months. There are advantages to holding the service quickly. It allows family and friends to gather during the difficult time immediately following the loss to comfort and support one another. It can be strange to go right back to daily life after losing someone you love. A service doesn’t necessarily bring closure, but it is an important milestone along your journey, marking the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. On the other hand, having a service a few weeks or months after the death allows you time to plan a meaningful service without rushing through the details. You have more flexibility for selecting a venue and arranging travel schedules for out-of-town guests.
Location A memorial service may be held anywhere large enough to accommodate your guests. This might include a church, our funeral home, a banquet hall, restaurant, club or park. Make sure you keep weather in mind when considering an outdoor location.
Formality A memorial service can be as formal as you want it to be. The tone of a service tends to be set by the location, officiant, type of music played, religious elements, etc. A memorial service that includes a sharing time among the guests tends to be less formal in nature.
Officiant An officiant guides you and your guests through the various aspects of the service. This person could be a minister, celebrant or friend of the family. If you do not have a minister or anyone in mind, our staff can make a recommendation. An officiant should typically be given an honorarium by the family for their efforts.
Elements of a service

Here are some common elements of a memorial service:
Video tribute with family photos
Special music (live or recorded)
Remarks about the life of the deceased
A time of sharing memories by guests
Readings of poetry or religious texts
Prayers
Display of photos, awards, memorabilia
Handout with the order of service and obituary

Other ideas include:

Dove or butterfly release
Balloon release by guests
Catered or potluck meal
Candle lighting ceremony
Favors for guests (packet of seeds, ribbon to wear, or other keepsake)

The important thing to remember is that a memorial service is to celebrate and honor the life of your loved one, and allow you to feel the support of family, friends and the community in your time of loss.

Should I send flowers?

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 12 Feb 2016 05:00:00 GMT

Sending flowers is a traditional and beautiful way to pay tribute to someone’s life. While not mandatory, they are one way people express their love for the deceased and concern for the family.

Flowers convey warmth and caring, and provide a pleasant diversion from the nervous tension that may be present at a visitation or funeral service. Families are grieving, yet they feel they must mingle with well-wishers. Friends stopping in want to pay their respects, but are anxious about what to say. Either way, flowers can be a comforting topic of conversation. Their natural beauty represents growth, new life and movement forward.

Although there are no hard and fast rules about sending flowers, there are some guidelines that can help you decide what to do.

While sending flowers is traditional, the arrangement you provide does not need to feel stuffy or outdated. The type you send depends on where you are sending them and the nature of your relationship to the loved one and/or the family. Here are some of the different types:

You may send flowers on your own or get together with others for a larger, more elaborate arrangement. Co-workers, club members or groups of close friends may choose to do this.

Members of the immediate family can order any type of arrangement they like. These are typically placed closest to the casket during the visitation. A casket spray or wreath is generally from immediate family.

There are a wide range of options for extended family, including a standing spray. An informal arrangement works well because it can go home with the family or be taken to the cemetery.

The best options for close friends and business associates are standing sprays, wreaths, basket arrangements, bouquets in vases and live plants that can go home with the family.

Be sure to include a card with your first and last name and a simple and sincere message, such as “You’re in our thoughts,” or “With deepest sympathy”.

Flowers can be sent to the funeral home for the visitation or service, the location where the service will take place or to the family’s home. If you choose to send flowers to the funeral home or church, they should arrive prior to the start of the visitation or service.

Some people choose to send flowers to the family’s home a few weeks or even months after the funeral service when the initial chaos has passed. This is a nice gesture that reminds the family you are still thinking of them and their loss. A simple note could say, “We’re thinking of you and hope that these brighten your day”.

There are times when sending flowers is not appropriate. If the family has directly expressed not to receive them or has requested donations in lieu of flowers, it is best to follow their wishes.

Our five favorite obituaries

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 19 Jan 2016 05:00:00 GMT

You've undoubtedly read at least a few obituaries in the past. They follow a familiar format: the name of the deceased, details of their passing, stories about their life, a little information about their family, and some pertinent details about memorial or funeral services.

Every once in a while, though, somebody decides to break the mold. Typically written by themselves before their passing, the more creative obituaries -- sometimes humorous, sometimes touching or downright cranky -- strike a chord with us and often with internet readers at large. We love the idea of injecting a little ... ahem ... life into the last words published about us. We've been collecting some of our favorite obituaries of all time, and we'd like to share them with you.

Freddie: "The man. The myth. The legend"

After reading Freddie's hilarious, if not a little (a LOT) boastful obituary, we feel like we knew him. And we liked him. He had a way with women, he appreciated the finer things in life (candy, fishing, Jim Beam), and he clearly had a wicked sense of humor. Read Freddie's whole obituary at the link above. You won't believe how he died ... and neither do we.

A hundred lessons from "Pink" Mullaney

Mary "Pink" Mullaney's obituary is a long list of incredible lessons she taught the people who knew her. We learned the right way to walk a dog, which foods to pack in our pockets for church, and what to do with old pantyhose. Our favorite nugget of wisdom? "Put picky-eating children in the box at the bottom of the laundry chute, tell them they are hungry lions in a cage, and feed them veggies through the slats." Pink loved life, and we love Pink.

Walter George Bruhl, Jr. "is a dead person"

Walter George Bruhl, Jr. clearly didn’t take life – or death – too seriously. He wrote his own obituary, incorporating phrases such as “his spirit was released from its worn out shell” and “Walt was preceded in death by his tonsils and adenoids.” This is a hilarious, personal statement of a life well-enjoyed, and it ends with an uplifting message.

Nevena Ann Topic received “a sort of offer you can’t refuse”

Short and sweet, Nevena Ann Topic’s obituary shirks all seriousness and gloom. It’s a brief celebration, in which her death is referred to as a call to a really fantastic appointment. Her obituary is an insistence upon celebrating her life, even (especially) at the time of her death.

Marge Aitken Holcombe and her many thanks

Like some of our other favorites, this obituary was written by the deceased herself. We can imagine, while reading her words, that Marge was a charming person with a quick wit. But beyond her way with words, what we love about her self-written obituary is the way she used the opportunity to praise the people who touched her life. Obituaries written by others often mention friends and family members, but Marge’s obituary reads like a thoughtful, beautiful thank-you card.

After reading some of these tributes, we’re prepared (even excited!) to try to write our own. How about you?

Our favorite creative funeral ideas

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 10 Dec 2015 05:00:00 GMT

Funeral services are often rooted deeply in tradition, whether cultural or religious, and paying homage to the practices of those who came before us can be meaningful and even beautiful. But respecting tradition doesn’t have to mean ignoring creativity. After all, those we love are unique, with varied interests, stories and quirks. The funeral service you plan can certainly do justice to the individuality of the person who has passed. Here are some ideas we’re fond of:

1. Display photos

If you have access to some or many photos of the person who has passed, consider displaying them in an interesting way. Make a photo board or display framed photos throughout the funeral chapel. Better yet, ask your funeral director if he or she will help you put together a photo video to play before or during the service. (Your funeral director will be happy to help you with that.) Funeral attendees will love the opportunity to reflect on the life of somebody they cared about through touching moments caught on camera.

2. Fitting food

Food tends to be deeply rooted into who we are, whether we spend a lot of time in the kitchen or simply at the kitchen table. Why not incorporate those preferences and traditions into the day of the funeral? If your loved one had a “famous” recipe, consider enlisting a kitchen-savvy friend to make it and bring it to a location where attendees will be gathering after the service. If your loved one was more of a take-out fanatic, there’s no rule against serving pizza or tacos to hungry friends and family.

3. Music

Just as is the case with food, the music we love says a lot about who we are. If the deceased has a favorite artist or band, you can easily incorporate a song or two into the funeral ceremony.

4. Create a memorial

You and your friends and family may wish to create some sort of lasting monument to the person who has passed, and there are lots of great ideas for how to do just that. Planting memorial trees has become rather popular, and we also like the idea of having funeral attendees write messages on stones to be displayed in a garden or backyard. Memorial quilts incorporating the decedent’s old t-shirts or favorite colors and designs are an interesting idea. Gathering a few friends to compile a simple scrapbook could also be soothing and provide a cherished object for future reflection.

5. Share stories

Funeral ceremonies often contain eulogies and prayers, but many times it is the first-hand stories that resonate most with mourners. You might ask more than one speaker to stand up and tell a favorite story about your loved one. You could even keep the ceremony more free-form and invite anybody who would like to speak to come to the podium.

6. Host a favorite activity

Was your loved one an avid dominos player? Did he golf all the time? We all have important activities and hobbies, and many times, others will enjoy them, too. We like the idea of hosting an activity of some sort after or near the funeral service. Invite some or all of the attendees to play the decedent’s favorite game or read passages from her favorite book. This is a nice, positive way to feel closer to the person who has passed.

How to help a grieving friend

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 07 Dec 2015 05:00:00 GMT

If one of your close friends has ever experienced a major loss, you know that watching somebody you care about suffer is, in itself, a type of suffering. Understand that there’s no way to solve all of your friend’s woes during this time. You can, however, offer support. Here are some ways you can be there for somebody you care about when they’ve lost somebody close to them.

Listen and acknowledge their feelings

Simply offering to listen to whatever your friend needs or wants to talk about can be a major benefit in his or her grieving process. Your friend may want to tell stories about his lost loved one or the events that led up to their passing. He may also want to talk about how he’s feeling or dealing with the loss. One of the best things you can do is tell your friend that you’re available to listen whenever he needs to talk, and then really listen when that time comes. It can be tempting to interject with advice during conversations like these, but your friend is probably already overwhelmed. Just being there to listen for the time being may be more comforting.

Offer to help, and be specific

You’re a great friend for wanting to help, but saying something as vague as, “Let me know if you need anything,” is often less helpful than making a specific offer. After all, your grieving friend may be so overwhelmed that he doesn’t know exactly what he needs or how you can be most helpful. So consider making a suggestion. “I’m heading to the store, why don’t I pick up some groceries for you?” “The grass seems to be growing really fast right now. How about I mow your lawn for the next few weeks?” These seemingly small gestures will allow your friend to focus on other tasks and recovery.

What not to say to someone who is grieving

Sometimes when we’re trying to be comforting during a difficult time, we accidentally say something that isn’t productive to a mourner’s healing process. Here are some phrases that are probably best to avoid.

Listen, offer to do something specific to help, and be there for your friend. They will always remember your comforting presence.

Helping yourself heal from grief and loss

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 05:00:00 GMT

Just as no two people experience the exact same symptoms of grief, a successful healing process after a loss is unique to each individual. We’ve collected some ideas for being proactive during your grieving process.

Seek support

Feelings of loneliness are natural following a loss, and while making an effort to stand on your own two feet is certainly a noble goal, it’s OK (even healthy) to lean on others when you’re feeling low or overwhelmed. Interacting with friends and valued communities can provide an important reminder of all the positivity and love that still surrounds you.

Avoid the urge to isolate yourself, if possible, and reach out to friends and family members for company or assistance when you’re ready. Sometimes the people who love us don’t know what to say or how to help, so be prepared to be specific in telling them what you need.

Support groups can provide valuable opportunities to connect with others who are going through experiences similar to yours. One quick and easy method for finding a local grief support group is to visit the Grief Share website . A simple search for your location should provide some good options.

Self-care

Taking care of yourself is an essential element in the healing process. Keep these ideas in mind:

Remember that grieving takes time and that your experiences and emotions can reoccur. Be patient and allow yourself to heal at your own pace.

Where and when to seek help from a professional

Clinical depression

Right after a loss, you will probably feel depressed. In fact, many of the most common symptoms of grief overlap with those of clinical depression. But there is a difference between grief and depression. Here are some signs that you might be experiencing clinical depression:

Your sadness does not subside over time
Your sadness is omnipresent, rather than coming in waves
You feel hopeless or even suicidal, as though life will never get back to normal
You’ve pulled further and further away from your friends and family
No grief-coping strategies seem to have worked for you

Complicated grief

Complicated grief is defined by an inability to move on after a loss. We know that grieving is a process with an unfixed duration, but regular grief takes the griever on a journey toward healing. Somebody experiencing complicated grief will generally become fixated on his or her loss, resulting in prolonged and painful symptoms. If you find that over a long period of time, you haven’t found the ability to accept the loss and embark upon a normal life, you may be experiencing complicated grief. If you identify with the descriptions of clinical depression or complicated grief, seek out the help of a mental health professional immediately.

Managing survivor guilt

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 20 Nov 2015 05:00:00 GMT

When dealing with a great loss, individuals may experience a range of emotions. Sadness is an obvious and common one, but we may also have feelings of anger or even relief. When we feel that the loss of a loved one is unfair or we have witnessed a large tragedy, one of our most palpable emotions may be guilt -- the guilt of surviving while another has perished.

This reaction, generally referred to as “Survivor Guilt,” manifests in questions such as “Why them?” and “Why not me instead?” We may have trouble wrapping our heads around why a person was taken from us too soon and even more trouble understanding why we didn’t suffer the same fate.

It’s a very natural, very human reaction to tragedy. Our ability to empathize with the struggles of others often leads us to question why bad things happen to good people or why life doesn’t have more of a regard for fairness. The important thing to recognize is that, as is true with any feeling associated with grief, you can work through Survivor Guilt with time, the right tools, and sometimes a little bit of help.

If you’re experiencing strong feelings of guilt following a large tragedy or loss, consider looking into some of these strategies:

The Center for Loss and Life Transition is one of our favorite resources for strategies related to grief. Take a look at the website for additional tips to help get you through difficult times.

Should children attend funerals?

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 05:00:00 GMT

The death of a loved one can have a profound impact on a child, and should be handled carefully. For kids who have not yet had to experience funerals or the concept of death, these events can be frightening. There is no “right” age when it comes to allowing your child to attend the funeral or memorial service of a loved one. If you believe that attending would help them to grieve, then it is appropriate to bring them. Here are some tips for helping them through the experience:

Make sure that they will be able to sit respectfully

Many kids are not used to sitting still for long periods of time without a video game, phone or other toys to distract them. This is typically fine at a doctor’s office or even a church service, but may not be acceptable at all funeral services. If you do bring electronic toys, make sure that their volumes are turned off during the service.

Explain to them what to expect

Funerals are not easy for anyone to deal with, and can be especially stressful for young children who have never experienced them before. To ensure that your child is prepared to handle the experience, give them an idea about what will go on at the funeral. Explain that the occasion is a sad one, and that they may see the people they love crying. Note that this is normal, and that they are free to cry too if they are feeling sad.

Explain to the child how they will need to behave throughout the duration of the service. They will not be able to get up and take a break out in the hall with Mom or Dad if they start to get antsy. Make sure they are prepared to sit quietly for an extended period of time.

Talk with the child about death

For many kids, a funeral is their first experience with death and mortality. This can be unsettling and confusing. Try to explain the ideas and concepts involved simply, in a way that they can understand. The death of a loved one can be used as a way to talk about human biology or spiritual beliefs with your son or daughter, including what happens when you die. You can express your own personal beliefs on these matters, and ask your son or daughter what their thoughts are on the subject. While your child may not fully understand, it is good for them to gain exposure to and understand this part of life.

Be prepared to continue discussing the subject

Funerals can have a significant impact on children. Your child may want to continue talking about the funeral after it is over. If it is clear that they are struggling with the idea of death or the passing of a loved one, spend some time discussing the issues further. You may want to read children’s books on the subject, or take some time to answer lingering questions that they may have. When parents help children navigate this often confusing and scary situation, it makes it much more manageable.

My Gift of Grace: A game for fostering end-of-life discussions

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 01 Oct 2015 04:00:00 GMT

We’ve written before about how challenging it can be to broach the topic of death and end-of-life planning with friends and family members. Although we all know that eventually we’ll have to make arrangements for our own passing or for the passing of a loved one, thinking about those experiences before they come knocking may take us out of our comfort zones.

Recently, we learned about a resource for this very challenge that we think is pretty awesome. It’s called My Gift of Grace , and it turns end-of-life discussions into a game.

The game is designed by a group called The Action Mill, which specializes in making discussions about death more comfortable and commonplace. My Gift of Grace is a question-and-answer game that sparks discussion about topics related to both life and death. It comes with a deck of question cards, and it can be played with close friends, acquaintances, or even strangers.

If you’ve struggled in the past with fostering end-of-life discussions, this seems like the perfect tactic to try. The creators have even provided some advice for how to persuade others to play My Gift of Grace with you.

Check out the My Gift of Grace website to see a video of participants playing the game for the first time. Their reactions are really encouraging. Online, you’ll also find a page with some example questions and testimonials from medical professionals and regular Joes.

My Gift of Grace can be purchased online for $24.95. Sounds like a bargain to us!

Caring for the caregiver

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 24 Sep 2015 04:00:00 GMT

What would you do if your spouse, parent, loved one or close friend became chronically ill, disabled or otherwise unable to care for themselves? Statistically, any one of us may face this situation in the future. Long-term care facilities are available, but many people make the decision to care for their loved one at home, if medical needs can be safely accommodated.

According to recent studies , 65.7 million Americans provide care for a spouse, partner, friend or neighbor who is ill, disabled or aged. They shop for and prepare food, dispense medication, provide transportation and housekeeping services, and manage finances. Many perform personal care tasks like feeding, dressing, grooming, bathing, etc. They become experts in their loved one’s condition, and advocates for their needs.

Managing the daily life of another person, even, or perhaps especially, when it is someone who you love, can be very challenging on an emotional, physical and financial level. Sometimes it is difficult for even well-meaning friends or relatives to understand the challenges you face. A wonderful support community of non-professional caregivers can be found at online through the AARP.

Here you will find real people with the same struggles that you might be facing. Topics include ways to help someone who may not want help, transitioning a loved one to a care facility, recognizing and dealing with dementia symptoms, and practical advice for taking care of yourself when you give so much to others.

For more information about these topics or to learn more about your options, please give us a call today.

Six fascinating death rituals from around the globe

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 11 Sep 2015 04:00:00 GMT

While American funerals are often quite similar, different regions, cultures, and religions around the world approach death in varying, interesting ways. We’ve been reading about intriguing death rituals, both historic and modern, and we wanted to share some of our research with you. Have you heard of these before?

Famadihana: the turning of the bones

The Malagasy people in Madagascar take part in a death ritual called Famadihana, or the turning of the bones. In this ceremony, families exhume the bodies of their dead ancestors and re-clothe them in silk. They then participate in a lavish party, in which the family members dance to music with the exhumed bodies. Afterward, the bodies are buried once again. This practice, which takes place every few years, is considered an opportunity for the living to reconnect with the dead.

Buddha self-mummification

In a historic Japanese ritual, a group of Buddhist monks practiced what can only be considered a grueling process called self-mummification. The process was a long one: For years, monks would follow a strict diet that would rid them of body fat and toxify their remains, which decreased the odds of pests consuming their flesh after passing. In their final days, the dying monks sat in a tomb and waited for death. It’s thought that the process of self-mummification was an attempt at spiritual longevity after death.

Fantasy coffins

Leaving the physical world in a grandiose fashion is a sign of high status in Ghana, where residents are sometimes buried in fantasy coffins. These coffins – often tied to the decedent’s living profession – are nothing short of art. Coffins come in the form of everything from cars and airplanes to fish and turtles .

Memorial diamonds

Proof that death can, indeed, be beautiful: A handful of companies throughout the world will turn cremated ashes into lab-grown diamonds. The process involves procuring carbon from the remains and compressing it at very high temperatures to create a one-of-a-kind gem that can be displayed or worn as jewelry.

Tana Toraja funerals

In the Tana Toraja region of Indonesia, families save their money for some of the most elaborate funerals in the world. Throughout ceremonies that take place over the course of many days, families offer animals sacrifices as tributes to the deceased, and the horns of slaughtered buffalo are reserved as adornments for the family’s home. The entire ritual lasts 11 days, at which point the body is entombed in a cave, and a wooden effigy is positioned along the outside. This ritual is so important and expensive that families will often not have the means to perform it immediately after a death. In those cases, they will keep the decedent’s body in their own homes until they are prepared for the ceremonies, treating it as a living member of the family.

Tibetan sky burial

In one of the most unique death rituals in the world, Tibetan Buddhists offer the remains of their deceased to vultures. Because the ground in Tibet is so rocky, in-ground burial is difficult to achieve. Instead, many of the dead are traditionally cut into pieces and allowed to be eaten by scavengers. Tibetan Buddhists believe that this practice is an act of oneness with the world around them.

Humor and grief: a letter from me to you

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 04 Sep 2015 04:00:00 GMT

Today, I’d like to make a departure from the tone of our typical blog articles. Instead of writing about grief research or ways to lead a healthier life, I’d like to get a little bit personal.

First, an introduction: I’m Lindsey. I’ve been writing these blog posts for about a year now.

I came into this job several months ago, not from a history interacting with funerals, but from a history interacting with content. Having curated, written, and edited articles for several brands in the past, I was excited for the opportunity and challenge of attempting to connect with an online audience in this topic area that was so foreign to me.

Embarking on this new adventure, I determined that I would be open to trying new things ... things that seemed weird or unnatural, even. That’s what led me, after a couple of months on the job, to try posting humorous content on our Facebook page -- a move I made with some trepidation, considering that our industry is naturally so focused on soothing those who have experienced great loss.

It started back in March of this year with a comical cartoon I stumbled upon online. The illustration is of a group of mourners at a cemetery standing next to a square-shaped casket awaiting interment. The ground beside the casket has been dug up, but not in a square shape. Instead, the hole is circular. One of the mourners is saying, “Well, he never fit in, so this is how he wanted to be remembered.”

I posted the image on Facebook, aware that our audience might not be ready to accept a humorous message from our company. But, as I said earlier, I was determined to at least try.

What I discovered from posting that cartoon and several subsequent funny images -- a man on his deathbed requesting to be buried with an elephant bone to confuse future archaeologists, vegetables crying at an onion’s funeral, what happened when Picasso was a mortician for a day -- was that not only is our audience mostly OK with humor as it relates to death and grief, they actually seem to love it.

Since I began working with Newcomer, my five most successful Facebook posts have been funny ones. The best one so far? A cartoon featuring the regrettable aftermath of a corn cob’s cremation.

Now, I look forward to the day of the week, every week, when my humor posts go live for our audience to see. (That day of the week, by the way, is Thursday … in case you’re interested in following the future of these posts.) I’m excited each time somebody likes or shares one.

I’ve done some thinking about why humor, of all things, would perform well on a funeral home’s social media site. One reason is certainly because of the venue; if the funny videos and images in my news feed are any indication, Facebookers love humor. But I think there may be more to the success of those posts than their natural potential to go “viral.”

In this discussion, one particular story comes to mind: When I was much younger, my good friend’s mother passed away. She’d had a long battle with cancer, and though her death was not a surprise, that loss was huge for many. My friend, who had cared for and comforted his mother throughout the end of her life, was certainly mournful. But shortly after his mother’s passing, he started to crack jokes about it.

My reaction to his attempts at humor after such a huge loss was, at first, discomfort. Wasn’t it disrespectful to laugh? Didn’t laughing somehow diminish the gravity of the situation?

Over time, and having experienced several great losses of my own, I’ve come to understand that what my friend was doing made a lot of sense. It was healthy, even. At times when events in my life have been the most difficult, humor has been an indispensable comfort. Poking fun at myself for the circumstances surrounding a breakup, dissolving into fits of giggles when my stress has overwhelmed me, and even, somehow, finding a way to laugh about the way my grandpa wore his baseball caps while struggling with Alzheimer’s disease … these moments of joy that punctuated such palpable sadness helped me cope. They helped me see that something good could be on the other side of my circumstances.

Which brings me back to today, as I spend a few moments looking at my company’s Facebook data and notice, once again, that our most recent humorous post has far surpassed all other recent posts in popularity. I like to imagine that this one, along with the others, has reached at least one grieving person and allowed her to find a moment of joy. In reality, so much of our lives are outside of our control, but if we can find ways to laugh about what’s hard or what we don’t understand, I think we can probably conquer almost anything.

Thank you for laughing and for allowing me to laugh with you.

We’re always interested in hearing what you think about the content we post here and on Facebook. If you have ideas or suggestions, please reach out. You can send us a message over on Facebook .

Grief in the classroom and the Coalition to Support Grieving Students

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 27 Jul 2015 04:00:00 GMT

We all have experiences of loss and subsequent grief – even the youngest among us. While many of us collect tools and strategies for dealing with hardships as we age, the death of a friend, family member, teacher, or even pet can be extremely overwhelming for a child or young adult who has yet to experience a tragedy. The comfort of loved ones is essential for young people during times of loss, but what happens when a child returns to school?

Educators have been taught how to nurture the minds of their students, but the vast majority of them have never learned how to support a student experiencing grief – unfortunate, considering that in a school containing hundreds of students, at least a handful will be struggling emotionally at any given time.

Effective grief support often requires more than common sense or empathy – it requires training, tools, and advice from bereavement experts. How should a death be announced to a student’s classmates? How can a teacher tell when a child is grieving? What should a teacher say to a grieving student, and what type of guidance will be most helpful? How should slipping grades and other reactions be addressed?

The Coalition to Support Grieving Students has set out to answer these and other questions with a selection of free modules aimed at teaching educators why bereavement support in the classroom is necessary and how it should be handled. Modules are organized by topic area :

The Coalition was formed just two years ago after research showed that American educators were highly interested in helping their students during difficult times, but they lacked the resources and tools necessary to provide support. According to the Coalition:

“Schools are an ideal site at which to deliver care to grieving children: they are a safe and known setting for students, with a variety of trained staff available to address issues of grieving and death. The response of teachers and classmates to a student’s grief can either serve as an important source of support and stability during a difficult time, or as an additional hurdle to surmount.”

Because children may spend as much time with teachers and classmates during the week as they do with their own families, the resources provided by the Coalition are indispensable. To learn more, visit the Coalition to Support Grieving Students .